Author Topic: A poem I wrote.. feedback welcome  (Read 549 times)

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Offline Joshua David

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A poem I wrote.. feedback welcome
« on: Mon Dec 16, 2013 - 11:52:59 »
I am....
I am a Son, a Brother, an Uncle and a Nephew
I am a Husband and a Father, a Coworker and a Friend
I am a Teacher and a Student, a Neighbor and a Stranger
I am a Provider and a Receiver, a Thinker and a Dreamer

I am a Creation of God, and a New Creation.
I am Redeemed by the blood, I am made Perfect in His Sight
I am an Adopted Son of God, and Co-Heir with Christ
I am God's Peculiar Treasure, and a Prince of the Universe.

I am a Sinner, and I am Saved
I am Loved by God, and I am Humbled by that Love
I am God's Servant and his Friend
I am Citizen of this Country, and an Ambassador of Heaven

But most of all I am Homesick for my Eternal Home.

Joshua David

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A poem I wrote.. feedback welcome
« on: Mon Dec 16, 2013 - 11:52:59 »

Offline dotterofzion

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Re: A poem I wrote.. feedback welcome
« Reply #1 on: Tue Dec 17, 2013 - 00:05:52 »
Nice peom, but I think you should make an adjustment to the verse
"I am a sinner and I am saved"
My first thought was "is he saved because he is a sinner?"
I suggest it should be " I am a Sinner but I am saved" or "Though I am a Sinner I am saved"(however I noticed this would not ryhme) so you can use my first suggestion.

Offline Joshua David

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Re: A poem I wrote.. feedback welcome
« Reply #2 on: Tue Dec 17, 2013 - 09:38:19 »
dotterofzion,

Thank you for your feedback.  I do understand your suggestion.  Let me explain a little bit of why I chose the words I did.  The first stanza is how the world sees me.  The second stanza is how God sees me.  This is the central part of the poem, because it is the most important.  That is how I can say I am made perfect in his sight.  Perfect means blameless, spotless, without stain or wrinkle.  But the third stanza is how I see myself, and I know that I struggle with my sin nature.  I fall short, and miss the mark all the time.  And because I know that I fall short, and I struggle, when I see one of my brothers or sisters struggle with their sin nature, I try to remember that they struggle just like I still do.  I try to reach out to them with love, compassion, and understanding, instead of judgment and legalism, and even then, sometimes I don't succeed. 

It is a reminder for me that I am not perfect yet.  And because I fall short of perfection, it is easier for me to be sympathetic when others fall short of perfection as well, whether they be unbelievers, or brother and sisters in Christ.

Joshua David