Author Topic: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument  (Read 1140 times)

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Offline Helen

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The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« on: Mon Jan 20, 2014 - 16:21:52 »
I don't know how many people will visit way down here on the bottom, but there is something I would like to share.  On July 4, 1991, about 10:30 at night, as I was falling asleep after a Fourth party we had held at our home, my husband told me, "There is something I want to say to you."  "Huh?  What?" (I'm already exhausted, half-asleep).  "I'm getting a room and leaving; I need to be alone with God."

I woke up rather quickly.  He was gone four days later.  To another woman.  He had been my high school sweetheart and we had been married 19 years at that point.  It ripped the family up something fierce.  For seven years I refused to be even friends with a man socially.  There was no way I wanted to even, by the remotest chance, cause any other woman a shadow of the pain I had been through. 

In 1998, a physicist from Australia asked me to review one of his papers.  At first I refused, and then I told him to send it along and I would look at it.  That autumn we got to be really good friends over the phone.  We shared the same faith, the same interest in science, and he could make me laugh until I hurt.  He prayed me through my daughter's rape and a son's arrest (not related).  By the end of the year I realized I loved this man, but there was no way I was going to be able to survive another betrayal.  And he was in Australia. 

Then, in February of 1999, a friend and co-author with him on a major physics paper was visiting the USA on a speaking tour.  Would I like to meet him?  Absolutely yes.  Trevor and I sat for six hours one Saturday in mid-February in a Denny's restaurant while I asked him about Barry and he, liking Barry and knowing Barry had fallen for me, was checking me out!  One of the things that helped swing me that day was the fact that Trevor told me that he had never known anyone who walked every moment in Christ's footsteps the way Barry did.  Later, he also said that if there were anyone he would like to be, it was Barry.

Given that knowledge of Barry's character, I thought I would post this poem he wrote somewhere around that time.  Barry and I have been married for 13 years now and as I have been going through old Word files in the past few days, getting things into folders, deleting old stuff, I ran across this.  This is not just to say, This is my husband, but to encourage anyone else who reads it to consider it as a goal for themselves, too.

The Blessing of Being God’s Instrument.

May God’s Blessings rest upon you,
     Oh our Christian Friend so dear;
May you know His Sacred Presence,
     Ever closer, still more near.
May you feel His arms enfolding,
     As you walk along His Way,
Him continually beholding,
     As His Spirit you obey.

Always knowing He’s sufficient
     As you kneel before His Throne;
Always grateful for His marvel
     That you’re now a Living Stone.
Always showing forth His Praises,
     As you walk within His Light,
And His fire within you blazes
     Like a beacon in the night.

Just abiding in the Rainbow
     Of His Promise every hour;
Just appropriating daily
     His transforming Grace and Power;
Just harmoniously yielded
     To His great Eternal Will;
All His might within you wielded,
     Though your being’s calm and still.

As you move on with the Master
     In the Path that lies ahead;
Becoming dead to earth’s enchantments,
     And alive to Him instead;
May you show His Love unfeigning;
     May you radiate His light,
So the world sees Jesus reigning
     Through the fast-approaching night.

Barry Setterfield.

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The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« on: Mon Jan 20, 2014 - 16:21:52 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #1 on: Mon Jan 20, 2014 - 16:32:37 »
That's a very moving and lovely poem Helen. ::smile::

God not only restores what we have had taken away, but he gives us back so much MORE than we had before, especially if we have acted with honestly and integrity. That has proved so in your case and in mine, with both of us in such godly and happy marriages after out past terrible losses and sufferings. He is good isn't he. He even brings people together from half way round the world as we both know, although my Aussie guy was already here in the UK.  ::smile::
« Last Edit: Mon Jan 20, 2014 - 16:40:25 by chosenone »

Offline Carey

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #2 on: Mon Jan 20, 2014 - 17:54:13 »
::smile::


Offline chosenone

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #3 on: Tue Jan 21, 2014 - 02:42:35 »
 ::bump::

Offline Quest4EverLife

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #4 on: Tue Feb 04, 2014 - 20:05:44 »
Greetings Helen,

Well you know I'm a guy and I have never been one much to watch soap operas on TV. But whatever I have watched it's
so discouraging to have to see all these people cheating on one another.
Even like in today's sitcoms like the Michael J. Fox show in one of the first episodes he is a married man and tries to pick up his neighbor.

I say enough is enough. I wish we can have the good programs back again with moral couples.
I'm fascinated to know that your testimony is a true life story of a woman such as yourself who thought
she could never trust again. God looked upon your heart and brought the right person to you.

Helen I really like your post and I think it's even better then anything I ever seen like programs like Love Connection.

Anyone reading this just in case you don't know about the Love Connection program it aired back in the 80's or 90's I believe,

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #4 on: Tue Feb 04, 2014 - 20:05:44 »



Offline Helen

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #5 on: Wed Feb 05, 2014 - 00:48:05 »
Thanks, Quest.  I married a truly remarkable man.  Actually, I was scared to death to get married again.  Two days before the wedding I spent the entire afternoon hysterically, in tears, trying to talk him Out of the marriage!  I'll be forever grateful he listened to God and not me. 

Offline chosenone

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #6 on: Wed Feb 05, 2014 - 01:14:29 »
Greetings Helen,

Well you know I'm a guy and I have never been one much to watch soap operas on TV. But whatever I have watched it's
so discouraging to have to see all these people cheating on one another.
Even like in today's sitcoms like the Michael J. Fox show in one of the first episodes he is a married man and tries to pick up his neighbor.

I say enough is enough. I wish we can have the good programs back again with moral couples.
I'm fascinated to know that your testimony is a true life story of a woman such as yourself who thought
she could never trust again. God looked upon your heart and brought the right person to you.

Helen I really like your post and I think it's even better then anything I ever seen like programs like Love Connection.

Anyone reading this just in case you don't know about the Love Connection program it aired back in the 80's or 90's I believe,
 

It takes time to trust again, and many will makes statements like "I will never trust another man/woman as long as I live" and many don't, but when you think about it, that's madness to say that we think all men/women are like that one man/women who hurt us so badly. We will also be depriving ourselves of so much of the richness that life has by making such mad statements and decisions.
 
When I met my second husband 6 years later, I had such a fear of sudden loss. I had lost my own mum very suddenly when she killed herself, and then the devastation of finding out quite out of the blue that my first husband of 23 years had done some terrible things that meant I had to ask him to leave that same afternoon.
 For ages I had this fear that I was going to loose my now husband as well, but as time passed, my trust in him grew and that fear has dissipated. Of course we will all die at some point, and of course one will die before the other, but that something we will all face.

Offline Quest4EverLife

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #7 on: Wed Feb 05, 2014 - 03:24:48 »
 Hi Chosen. It’s sad after 23 years everything was all gone in just one day of time. That is a lot of investment time in one person.. . I’m glad you got the courage to go and meet someone new. Some people forget after Abraham in the Bible was with Sarah for many years. She had died and he married Keturah after her.

  As for myself I was in engaged back in 98 with a woman named Lynn. Her sixteen year old son had left home and she was forced to be evicted after having a quarrel with her next door neighbor. . Tabitha called the police for minor stuff to get Lynn in trouble for a final eviction. . So we got an apartment ten miles or so south.

Lynn was supposed to be on her medication. She had been out for a while. Her family was having some disputes with her saying let Lynn work out her own problems now. .. So one morning I woke up not to find any cereal bowls on the table and her purse by the bathroom door. I called in a missing report. The sheriff told me 3 days later Lynn had jumped from the overpass.  It was a terrible loss for me. Even at that time I kept asking God and why did you allow this? I was just upset at the time and God knew my hurt. .

A couple years had passed and I was on Christian dating online. I kept meeting one after the other from one relationship to the next one. . Finally after meeting a few of them and not working out I decided to give up on dating. I guess it was meant to be for me to not meet anyone permanently. I was always going to be with someone for one 2 or 3 years and everything would always end. . Months had passed and a friend from Chicago was coming to meet me and another friend for a weekend vacation visit. .

Bob was supposed to pick me up. We had missed one another somehow.  He could not find Dom at the airport. So Anna got on my messenger. I had never talked to her before. . We started talking that day and we have been talking ever since. . She was going through a divorce about the time we had met.  She did not feel she was going to have anywhere to go until she had met me. . . We met 2 years later in person . . . This year will be our ten year meeting online anniversary. We used to be 2000 miles away. I don’t believe I was meant to be with anyone else. . . She is also the most faithful I had been with. . She does not flirt or desire to be with other men as many women are these days flirting. So it is a blessing to be with someone I can trust. ::GodisGood::

Offline chosenone

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #8 on: Wed Feb 05, 2014 - 04:27:49 »
Hi Chosen. It’s sad after 23 years everything was all gone in just one day of time. That is a lot of investment time in one person.. . I’m glad you got the courage to go and meet someone new. Some people forget after Abraham in the Bible was with Sarah for many years. She had died and he married Keturah after her.

  As for myself I was in engaged back in 98 with a woman named Lynn. Her sixteen year old son had left home and she was forced to be evicted after having a quarrel with her next door neighbor. . Tabitha called the police for minor stuff to get Lynn in trouble for a final eviction. . So we got an apartment ten miles or so south.

Lynn was supposed to be on her medication. She had been out for a while. Her family was having some disputes with her saying let Lynn work out her own problems now. .. So one morning I woke up not to find any cereal bowls on the table and her purse by the bathroom door. I called in a missing report. The sheriff told me 3 days later Lynn had jumped from the overpass.  It was a terrible loss for me. Even at that time I kept asking God and why did you allow this? I was just upset at the time and God knew my hurt. .

A couple years had passed and I was on Christian dating online. I kept meeting one after the other from one relationship to the next one. . Finally after meeting a few of them and not working out I decided to give up on dating. I guess it was meant to be for me to not meet anyone permanently. I was always going to be with someone for one 2 or 3 years and everything would always end. . Months had passed and a friend from Chicago was coming to meet me and another friend for a weekend vacation visit. .

Bob was supposed to pick me up. We had missed one another somehow.  He could not find Dom at the airport. So Anna got on my messenger. I had never talked to her before. . We started talking that day and we have been talking ever since. . She was going through a divorce about the time we had met.  She did not feel she was going to have anywhere to go until she had met me. . . We met 2 years later in person . . . This year will be our ten year meeting online anniversary. We used to be 2000 miles away. I don’t believe I was meant to be with anyone else. . . She is also the most faithful I had been with. . She does not flirt or desire to be with other men as many women are these days flirting. So it is a blessing to be with someone I can trust. ::GodisGood::

 

Lovely story. and I am so happy that you found a good woman again. It sounds like the first lady was very troubled, and if we take on troubled people then we will not have an easy ride.
Strangely enough I never blamed God or got angry at God for my mothers suicide, nor my marriage ending. These things sadly happen in a world full of sickness and sin. They both devastated me totally, but I had my three children, and had to carry on for their sakes.

Offline Quest4EverLife

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #9 on: Wed Feb 05, 2014 - 13:27:10 »
 

Lovely story. and I am so happy that you found a good woman again. It sounds like the first lady was very troubled, and if we take on troubled people then we will not have an easy ride.
Strangely enough I never blamed God or got angry at God for my mothers suicide, nor my marriage ending. These things sadly happen in a world full of sickness and sin. They both devastated me totally, but I had my three children, and had to carry on for their sakes.

Well I think that's part of the reason why I was feeling the way I did. After Lynn was gone I was pretty much alone.
My sister lived 2 1/2 hrs away. It was a close call that I would almost have gotten thrown out of the apartment because my
1 income wouldn't pay the rent. So her brother and sister-in-law went to the HUD office to explain my situation.
So in place of her name they were able to extend it to my name which I know Lynn would have wanted.

You are right Lynn was a tough cookie to deal with sometimes. You can try to warn her not to do something and
she would do it anyway. Later she would apologize. That's why her family didn't want to deal with her.
However, I loved her because she had so much love and affection and relying on me to play the role of the man.
Wherever I went she wanted to go also. So imagine now the woman that was with me no longer in my sight.

I was still back in my 20's. The reason I was disappointed in God at the time because I said God you could have
sent a person to tell her not to jump. I didn't understand why God sisn't send anyone to save her.
After talking to a number of people I then had learned not to blame God.
It was her free choice to do this because I learned more reading in the Bible that God was saying to her heart
Lynn I love you and don't want you to do this. She refused to listened to the voice and that's why she jumped.
So now I know that it was God's intention to save her.

Offline Quest4EverLife

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #10 on: Wed Feb 05, 2014 - 19:51:04 »
Hi Helen I am sorry about my posting here. This was supposed to be about your testimony.
I wasn't intending to try to take over with my testimony. It's mostly when chosen starting sharing
her testimony also  I guess I thought I would just join in.

So now to put this subject back on track  ::backontopic:: Helen can you share something about your happy marriage?
Why is your marriage so successful? Would it be alright to ask some things that you and Barry have in common?

Offline Helen

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Re: The Blessing of Being God's Instrument
« Reply #11 on: Thu Feb 06, 2014 - 10:28:54 »
You weren't off topic!  I was just sharing something I had found that my husband wrote that I thought might be an encouragement to others.

Our marriage is happy because we had both been in such horrid conditions before and so neither of us takes the other for granted.  Barry had remained unmarried as he, after his father died, was the sole caretaker of an epileptic sister and his mother had had a major heart attack that left her bedridden.  On my side, I had been married for 20 years to the father of my children when he walked out on us to be with another woman in 1991.  He had had a series of affairs through the years I didn't know about and in order to justify them to himself had run me down constantly.  It wasn't until later I realized no one can MAKE another person happy, no matter what they do.  Happiness is the individual's choice of how to react (short of tragedies).  After the older children had grown and gone, I had two left, both adopted, who were 14.  One was Chris, who had had encephalitis at 3 and had become profoundly retarded as a result. 

I was working as a science editor, helping authors get articles ready to submit to peer-reviewed journals.  Mostly I was dealing with biology and genetics, but a friend of mine, who was a physicist at Stanford Research Institute, was also a friend with an astrophysicist in Australia and told him he should meet me.  I had been seven years a single mom at that point and was not at all interested in marriage again.  The pain had been too great. 

I had read some of Barry's early work regarding the speed of light in the early 80's and had been impressed.  But when he asked me to review a manuscript, I turned him down.  I knew NOTHING about his field!  He persisted, telling me he wanted to know if it was lay-friendly.  I told him to email it to me as a Word file and I would look at it. 

That autumn of 1998, we became good friends over the phone.  The work on the paper was done via emails, but he would call more and more frequently as we began to enjoy each other's company more.  I figured that with 14,000 miles between us, I was quite safe from involvement. 

To cut to the chase, we were married two years later.  Barry got a bride that was defensive, scared, and unsure of herself.  I got a husband who was a firm and committed Christian who loved me and, in 15 years, has never once criticized me for anything.  At first, if I made a mistake or did something wrong, I would literally cringe and wait for him to get angry.  That was the pattern I had known for so long.  It never happened.  Gradually I became a human being again.

He healed several of the children emotionally.  My oldest son and daughter were afraid to get married because of what they had seen me go through. AB (After Barry), they both got married and are parents now.  He totally accepted my retarded son, Chris, and is the one who often changes his diapers (Chris is 29 now), does his laundry, feeds him, takes him on rides.

Barry is the reason this marriage works.  I've tried to give him the home he never had in the meantime.  Australia is so short on water that I designed walk-through gardens for our place here, with two water features.  He loves it.  From his den window he can look out on a rose garden. 

We are both older now.  I will be 66 in a few weeks and he will be 72 in mid-April.  His health is not good, so every day with him is a treasure.

Here is something important:  Barry knows the Holy Spirit in him and the Holy Spirit in me will always agree -- same Holy Spirit!  So when we have a problem we can see our way out of, or a difference of opinion about something important, we pray together.  Barry prays and I stay very quiet in my heart.  We have learned that, often, God will pop a thought into my head that neither of us had considered before, which is the perfect solution.  The first time it happened, I was rather shocked.  Now we both know God is always here and His way is so much better than anything we could imagine or plan ourselves.  We have learned to ask for wisdom and guidance individually and in concert constantly.

In addition, we have Barry's wacky sense of humor.  We won't discuss it, but he can leave me weak from laughter.  And laughter can heal so many rotten days. 

Barry  cares about me.  Deeply, sincerely, constantly.  If I am crashed out reading a book in the big easy chair he will say, "Is there anything I can get you?"  Often I have my tea and snack with me, but if not, he will get them.  He teaches astronomy at a local school.  "On my way home, is there anything you need?" 

Love is not an emotion, although plenty come along for the ride.  Love is a choice, a commitment you make to care for someone else as much as, or more than, you care for yourself.  I am loved.  And so is he.  He is my 'angel husband.'  I don't know more than about four people in the world who don't actually like him.  They don't always agree with his physics or his conclusions, but, personally, he is well-liked by almost everyone who has ever met him.  I wake up in the morning and see him sleeping there and often wonder why, of all the women in the world, I was the one who got to be his wife.
« Last Edit: Thu Feb 06, 2014 - 10:31:37 by Helen »

 

     
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