Evan, you have all the signs of a person looking at you through your own eyes. Romans Chapter Seven tells of the Apostle Paul observing himself and exclaiming "Oh wretched man that I am." But you see, God only sees us the new creation in Christ; to rid yourself of hopelessness you must see yourself as that pearl BetterSweet mentioned; God sold all He had to purchase you, and He isn't going to lose you.
Romans 7:15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
Romans 7:19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
Romans 7:25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.
Romans 8:1. There is therefore (Looking back at everything he just said) now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus.
Colossians 3:3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.
Dear brother, do not allow circumstance determine your standing in Christ; Paul suffered the following as just a part of what God allow him to go through. 2 Corinthians 11:25 Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep;
Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation (Manner of life) be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
Your worth is far above your fondest hope; Christ died for us when we were sinners without hope; Jesus is now Christ in us, the hope of glory. An old missionary come home from overseas after his years of work in the field ended up on the West Coast broke, a small suitcase with everything he owned, and just enough to sleep in a flophouse for the night. There was no one to greet him, and as he reflected on the circumstances Teddy Roosevelt just came off a cruise to be met by a large crowd, a marching band and all kinds of hoopla. The poor old saint thought God, I've given my life for You, I'm ill, broken, and tired; how is this that the president gets all this ceremony and I end up like this? Dear son, you ain't home yet. And Even, I just made up parts of this as I don't remember the full details, but many saints suffered things that the world was not worthy of; read through Hebrews Chapter Eleven. Even Elijah felt alone as he said in 1 Kings 19:10 And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts. . . and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.