Author Topic: should I forgive him after cheating? is it hard to went through divorce in Utah?  (Read 1173 times)

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Offline Margaritacoan

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I'm just broken, I don't know how to move forward. I've discovered that he was cheating with another for whole two month. We have a 8 y.o. daughter, so I decided to give it a try with a  family therapist. We were visiting him for a month but it doesn't seems to be working. I don't want to break family but living in unhappy marriage wont do any good for me or my kid. I just want to forget like i even met this person....Do you have any advice for going through divorce process?

Offline chosenone

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Hi there, I am so sorry for what you are going through, adultery just destroys the marriage covenant and destroys the trust.
Can I ask some questions?
Is he fully repentant? Has he come clean about all he did(as far as you know?). Has he agreed to be completely open with you with his phone etc?
Was the lady at work? If so has he agreed to look for another job? Has he agreed to set himself strong boundaies with women for the future? 
Most importantly, has he cut off all contact with the OW?

Offline chosenone

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OH and BTW forgiveness and reconciliation are 2 very different things.

Offline Margaritacoan

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We have daughter, and no matter what happens, he still gonna be her father. I know that even if i decided on divorce, we still must continue communicate on basic level, it's just that right now I'm sick of him. I don't believe that he repentant. He wasn't even honest until the point when I've found out about everything. I don't know if he cut all the contacts with the OWL, at least he said so. We living separatly for month, and things just stayed the same.

Offline chosenone

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Is she at his workplace? Are you living apart now?

Biblically you are allowed to end the marriage. If he isn't being repentant then its hard to see how it can work.

Offline Margaritacoan

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Thank you very much for support. What is the right way to do it? Is it against Bible if divorce will not be a mutual decision?

Offline chosenone

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Thank you very much for support. What is the right way to do it? Is it against Bible if divorce will not be a mutual decision?

If there has been adultery then the cheated on partner can end the marriage legally. Adultery effectively breaks the covenant anyway.
No you don't need his agreement.
Have you spoken to anyone at your church about this?

Offline Margaritacoan

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Not yet, only my family knows about divorce. It's kinda shame to tell people that your husband cheated on you. I'm currently looking for free legal aid, as it's turned out - it's very expensive for to file for divorce in Utah, so the best advice I was given - try to get done all papers by yourself. We have common friends with my husband - they don't even know yet that he cheated. There is so many problems, I can only rely on my mother at that moment.