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Offline 1000miles

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Abandonment
« on: March 29, 2012, 03:00:28 AM »
I thought I had married a Christian woman that feared God. But after only 9 months of marriage, she left me, without warning. She is now 1500 miles away with her family that wants to keep her there. I have been publicly disgraced on face book by her family. She also knew that I am financially dependent upon both of our incomes to pay the bills. She left with most of the money.
I do not know how I am to respond, I am hurt, betrayed, disgraced, by the woman that made vows to me. We had minor problems, but I do not believe the Bible gives any reason to abandon your marriage. I do not have any Christian friends to go to for advice, my parents are in their 70's and would not be able to handle the stress........anyone with advice???   To be honest, if she came back, I really do not know if I could be able to recover, she chose her family over her husband, so much for leaving and cleaving.....

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Abandonment
« on: March 29, 2012, 03:00:28 AM »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Abandonment
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2012, 03:32:55 AM »
Hi do you belong to a church? If so is there anyone there that you can go and talk to, maybe the pastor?

Its a truly horrible thing to happen and you do have to wonder why she married you if she was so unhappy.It could be that she has a very controlling family, and she does what they say, but has she given you any reason as to why she may have done this?Are you 100% sure that you don't know why she left?

If she refuses to come back, I cant see that you have any choice but to end it(or wait for her to end it), but for now don't rush into anything and pray and wait. She must know that she has no Biblical reason to end the marriage, and to be honest just to disappear like that so far away is a cowards way to deal with it rather than facing you, and talking about the problems face to face.
Have you tried communicating with her by phone or email?

By the way, now may be a good time to start getting to know other believers and making friends. Find a good church(if you haven't got one), join a midweek group and/or men's group.
In Him I live and move and have my being.

My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly."

It is by Grace we have been saved though Faith and not by works so that no one can boast.

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Re: Abandonment
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2012, 03:32:55 AM »

Offline anx

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Re: Abandonment
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2012, 07:46:38 AM »
As for how you should respond or if you could heal if she came back, do what is good and right not what is fair, what your emotions tell you to do, or payback.

What she did isn't right, but you still have the choice to do what's right and good.

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Re: Abandonment
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2012, 07:46:38 AM »

Offline johndoo

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Re: Abandonment
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2012, 11:34:07 AM »
I think you should find a christian therapist.
No matter what happens , this is going to be a struggle and you don't have a support system.
You are feeling very normal things that one would feel in a grief situation but it is even worse when it makes so little sense.
God bless you.
 

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Re: Abandonment
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2012, 11:34:07 AM »

Offline proverbs35

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Re: Abandonment
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2012, 01:02:14 PM »
Just because she left doesn't mean that she is not a God fearing woman. We all make mistakes, poor judgement decisions, etc. I have a hard time believing that she left without warning. Many times, the signs and red flags are there, we just fail to see them. You say that you only had minor problems. That's a matter of perspective. What might be minor to one person may be major to another person. Unfortunately, this happens frequently in relationships: parent - child relationships, friendships, working relationships, etc. It's not limited to marriage.

You mentioned leaving and cleaving.One commentary says this:

The Hebrew term 'cleave' means to 'glue' or to 'cling.' The man is the one God commands to 'cleave' to his wife. In other words, the man is to 'glue' himself to his wife.  God knew that the wife would need, more than the young man, to feel safe and secure. A young girl, leaving the safe confines of her parent's home and protection, must transfer her dependence from her parents, especially her father, to the man she is marrying. For her to do this, the girl needs to feel safe and secure in the knowledge that her husband will always have her best interest at heart. From a woman's point of view, being 'glued' to her husband means her husband will guard her, keep her safe from harm, and will protect her from situations that could be harmful for her. The husband is the Protector of the Home, his wife and children.
 
Being secure is important to a woman, but the deepest desire of every woman is to know, without doubt, that she holds first place in the heart of her husband, a place no other woman will hold. The apostle Paul teaches us in Ephesians 6 that the man is to love his wife as (or like) Christ loved the church... He died for Her. That is security of the highest level. And deep with in each woman there is the desire to be secure in the knowledge that her husband will without a doubt give her first place in his heart, and that he will love her until death do they part.

I'm guessing your wife might not have felt safe and secure. Her lack of feeling safe and secure could have been legit, and it could have been imagined. I don't know. More often than not, society (church and otherwise) portrays marriage to be this very romantic, happily ever after fairy tale. Marriage is not a fairy tale. It's perhaps the most difficult institution known to man. Many couples experience disillusionment after marriage because they began to realize that marriage is not the fairy tale they had expected, and reality sets in.

Pray continually. Ask God for direction, understanding, favor with your wife, and reconciliation. Like someone else suggested get involved in church and develop a support system. Christian support systems are very important throughout every stage of marriage and life. We need people who have been there and successfully done exactly what we are trying to accomplish.

Another thing you mentioned is your dependence upon your wife's income. God is your sole provider and not your wife. Perhaps, God is trying to develop and cultivate your dependence and trust upon him as go through this particular trial and tribulation. Many wives have had to learn this too. All too often, wives have been taught to depend upon their husbands to provide. Then, something will happen - sickness, unemployment, divorce - to upset that, and they find themselves depending solely upon God for the first time.

I pray that God restores your marriage and strengthens your faith and dependence on him and him alone.

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Re: Abandonment
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2012, 01:02:14 PM »