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November 21, 2009, 01:00:03 AM
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chosenone
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« Reply #30 on: November 06, 2009, 05:50:42 PM »

Why do marriages have to be arranged by anyone except God (if we are Christians that is)? He is the only match maker I would ever want to use. We have to remember that the majority of arranged marriages are done by non Christian's.
What gives me as a parent the right to think that I know who will be best for my children? The choice is theirs with Gods leading. I pray about it, but that is where my input needs to end.
People are usually chosen for children because they have money or a 'good' family or prestige and many times the children have little say even if they really don't want to do it. There are many many pressures to conform in such families.
There are so many parents that cant even be good parents, so how they think they could chose the right marriage partner in beyond  me.


First let me be clear Im not raging in endoresement of arranged marriage BUT If I think this through I see a lot more merit in the process I described than in what you are.

 Sure as adults we should be free to make decsions...but give me a break if you are suggesting that because Im 21, 0r 25 I can make WISE decisions based on age. The amalgam of the years of experience of all those folks involved is HUGE. That both families deeply love the one from their side and want whats best is HUGE. I think there is a major benefit to bringing that generational wisdom AND built in heavy investment of those families into the marriage.

Why is it mutually exclusive anyway? Why can God not be involved in the arranged marriage? I mean, here in the west people get married after, even the conservative ones, a couple years of knowing each other, often the extended families NEVER meet, and are 1000's of miles apart, and we "FEEL" good with the person, pray, and decide to marry, never entertaining the fact that we are VERY prone to feelings overriding Holy Spirit nudges..it happens, why not in this area?

Finally, the Bible speaks clearly about wisdom gleaned from experience, wisdom in multiple counselors, it supports the tenets of the arranged marriage thing very strongly. If as dallas says the 2 know each other and have some input, bringing all that wisdom to bear is a HUGE benefit. Dont compare , say, Arabic countries and major oppression (or Afganistan..read "1000 Splendid Suns" to see how that works) to what I described in India.


Thats what I dont get.Why is it that if its arranged after many wise people who know and love both children and the children(I mean children not in a minor since) meet and agree to marry why you would assume that had nothing to do with God being involved?

And saying many arranged marriages are "terrible" is a moot point because so are many non arranged marriages.

And lets be honest here.When you say Gods leading you are referring to your feelings about the other person.God does not jump down and say.."this is the one"..you feel it.Why can not an arranged couple "feel" that they are right for each other just because they were initially "picked" by the families ?

And also Im with Blah Blah as well as Im not inisnuating everyone should be married this way.I just will not agree that under any circumstances its wrong or that God has no hand in it.

Love

Dallas




 You are assuming that all parents are 'wise' people with only their childrens happiness uppermost. That simply isnt true.
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« Reply #30 on: November 06, 2009, 05:50:42 PM »

 
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chosenone
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« Reply #31 on: November 06, 2009, 05:54:58 PM »

On the contrary. I knew from the start that my husband was the one God wanted me to marrry and God confirmed this within a week by giving me a specific word. My husband said he also knew straight away that I was Gods chocie for him.
My Son also said the same. he just knew inside that God was saying to him "she is the one for you son", and she is.
God has ways of telling us things and leading us the the one he has for us and doesnt need loads of family members to do it for him. We often mess things up by trying to do Gods work for him.
 

What Im saying is that someone who is in an arranged or potentially arranged marriage doesnt NOT ALSO just "know inside" that God had a hand in it.Or that it is Gods choice for them.

People meet in all kinds of ways..and its Gods doing.What you are saying is if the parents have any input(or arrange a meeting) it CAN NOT be from God.

I disagree.




 You are assuming that parents who arrange marriages are Christians who actually care what God says or even believe in the one True God.Most arranged marriages are not done by Christian families, they are uusually done in muslim or budist families \\\\(or whatever religion they belong to). In fact I have never heard of Christians doing this.
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« Reply #31 on: November 06, 2009, 05:54:58 PM »

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chosenone
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« Reply #32 on: November 06, 2009, 05:58:59 PM »

God may well have given you "a word".
I dont know

Ive seen a big ole ton a stuff go very very wrong based on God giving someone "a word".

Its always good after the fact that things work out to go back and see if yes, there was or wasnt a word...and again, maybe you DID have it, Im not saying it doesnt happen.

There are the fleeces we can put out to test it, I guess, and all sorts of Biblical vetting we can do. None of that has anything to say about the arranged marriages. Stating how YOURS worked doesnt speak to THEIRS


 The word was a verse from the Bible and it subsequently turned out to be spot on correct.

Ok I dont think that one person choosing another persons marriage partner is in anyway sensible kind or fair. So we will have to agree to differ. If we cannot trust out children to choose their future marriage partner than maybe we need to trust both them and God. more.
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