Being a Prude is a Sexual Sin?

[lightshineon]

I'm pretty sure the Bible says the marriage bed is undefiled. I read this as meaning that married couples may and should enjoy sex.

 What if they cannot for medical reasons? sex is great, it is beautiful between  married couples, but, in a marriage a woman or men should not be forced to perform demeaning acts of a sexual nature that makes either one feel raped. If that is done, one or the other becomes frigid.

[landschooner]

I guess it depends on what you mean by "Being a Prude" If you mean Sexual Refusal, then yes, it is a sin. If it means simply not participating in certain specific acts, I think you would be hard pressed to consider that sin, though I would suggest to the one refusing certain acts, should examine what the Bible says about it. Just because you "feel" that it may be wrong, doesn't make it wrong. You may just be the victim of incorrect teaching.

That being said 1 Cor 7 makes it clear that witholding sex from your spouse is wrong.

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (ESV)

This does not mean that a spouse can say to the other "Have sex with me NOW or you are in sin!" This is a misuse of the text. We have MANY responsibilities in life that need to be met and balanced. Sex is one of these areas in marriage that needs to be made a high priority. Not the last thing that just might possibly once a month if all else goes right. Remember, without sex, Paul says it would be better if you stayed single.

Yes, there is more to marriage than just sex. There is sex, and love and friendship and commitment, but it is only sex that requires marriage. Without sex, it would be better to stay unmarried. - Not MY words but the Apostle Paul's words.

Paul says that you should marry so that you do not burn [with lust] Speaking in generalities here (not all of us are the same) but most men begin the feel very anxious and desirous of sex after about 72 hours. For me its 48 hours. (everyone varies but 72 hours is VERY common) How is it that some spouses (not all mind you - certainly not all) find it acceptable to rebuff their higher desire spouse's advances for weeks on end? How is that the Bible recommends marriage in this way:

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (ESV)

But yet, you think it fine for your spouse to "burn all the more" WITHIN marriage. Because it's THEIR problem? One that you don't share? Your spouse's desire for YOU is GOD designed. And YOU are God's provision for sating that desire. YOU are your spouse's only GOD BLESSED subject of that desire. A desire which they can not eradicate. Sure, they can try to stuff it, but they aren't called to do this by God. When married, you BOTH are called to satisfy each other sexually.

18 Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
Proverbs 5:18-19 (ESV)

Is Prudishness sin? No. But why not strive to be Generous Lover and STRIVE to bless your spouse sexually in any and every God Blessed way? Why Not?

Is Sexual refusal Sin? Absolutely. Once married, sex with your spouse is a duty and an obligation. But just as in giving, God loves a cheerful giver. Sure, we decide how much to give, but we are NOT allowed NOT to give. We must give and HE wants us to give cheerfully. Let's be cheerful Lovers as well.

LS
(about the infirm. Sexuality can take many forms. Even a paralyzed person can be sexual. God does not require what He has allowed to become impossible. I am speaking in this post of willful refusal. All of us decline eventually so it behooves us to use our "talents" that God gave us wisely and productively while we still can. Who of us knows if we will even be here tomorrow? Bless your spouse while you still can.)

[akeng]

Refusing certian acts if your spouse burns with passion for thoes acts can bring down a marriage.

I guess it depends on what you mean by "Being a Prude" If you mean Sexual Refusal, then yes, it is a sin. If it means simply not participating in certain specific acts, I think you would be hard pressed to consider that sin, though I would suggest to the one refusing certain acts, should examine what the Bible says about it. Just because you "feel" that it may be wrong, doesn't make it wrong. You may just be the victim of incorrect teaching.

That being said 1 Cor 7 makes it clear that witholding sex from your spouse is wrong.

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (ESV)

This does not mean that a spouse can say to the other "Have sex with me NOW or you are in sin!" This is a misuse of the text. We have MANY responsibilities in life that need to be met and balanced. Sex is one of these areas in marriage that needs to be made a high priority. Not the last thing that just might possibly once a month if all else goes right. Remember, without sex, Paul says it would be better if you stayed single.

Yes, there is more to marriage than just sex. There is sex, and love and friendship and commitment, but it is only sex that requires marriage. Without sex, it would be better to stay unmarried. - Not MY words but the Apostle Paul's words.

Paul says that you should marry so that you do not burn [with lust] Speaking in generalities here (not all of us are the same) but most men begin the feel very anxious and desirous of sex after about 72 hours. For me its 48 hours. (everyone varies but 72 hours is VERY common) How is it that some spouses (not all mind you - certainly not all) find it acceptable to rebuff their higher desire spouse's advances for weeks on end? How is that the Bible recommends marriage in this way:

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (ESV)

But yet, you think it fine for your spouse to "burn all the more" WITHIN marriage. Because it's THEIR problem? One that you don't share? Your spouse's desire for YOU is GOD designed. And YOU are God's provision for sating that desire. YOU are your spouse's only GOD BLESSED subject of that desire. A desire which they can not eradicate. Sure, they can try to stuff it, but they aren't called to do this by God. When married, you BOTH are called to satisfy each other sexually.

18 Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
Proverbs 5:18-19 (ESV)

Is Prudishness sin? No. But why not strive to be Generous Lover and STRIVE to bless your spouse sexually in any and every God Blessed way? Why Not?

Is Sexual refusal Sin? Absolutely. Once married, sex with your spouse is a duty and an obligation. But just as in giving, God loves a cheerful giver. Sure, we decide how much to give, but we are NOT allowed NOT to give. We must give and HE wants us to give cheerfully. Let's be cheerful Lovers as well.

LS
(about the infirm. Sexuality can take many forms. Even a paralyzed person can be sexual. God does not require what He has allowed to become impossible. I am speaking in this post of willful refusal. All of us decline eventually so it behooves us to use our "talents" that God gave us wisely and productively while we still can. Who of us knows if we will even be here tomorrow? Bless your spouse while you still can.)

[BAH-BLAH]

Hoping a poster faces genital mutilation ?

What a comment

Lorena Bobbit, thats unbelievable

Maybe I came to a bad place

[BAH-BLAH]

I guess it depends on what you mean by "Being a Prude" If you mean Sexual Refusal, then yes, it is a sin. If it means simply not participating in certain specific acts, I think you would be hard pressed to consider that sin, though I would suggest to the one refusing certain acts, should examine what the Bible says about it. Just because you "feel" that it may be wrong, doesn't make it wrong. You may just be the victim of incorrect teaching.

That being said 1 Cor 7 makes it clear that witholding sex from your spouse is wrong.

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (ESV)

This does not mean that a spouse can say to the other "Have sex with me NOW or you are in sin!" This is a misuse of the text. We have MANY responsibilities in life that need to be met and balanced. Sex is one of these areas in marriage that needs to be made a high priority. Not the last thing that just might possibly once a month if all else goes right. Remember, without sex, Paul says it would be better if you stayed single.

Yes, there is more to marriage than just sex. There is sex, and love and friendship and commitment, but it is only sex that requires marriage. Without sex, it would be better to stay unmarried. - Not MY words but the Apostle Paul's words.

Paul says that you should marry so that you do not burn [with lust] Speaking in generalities here (not all of us are the same) but most men begin the feel very anxious and desirous of sex after about 72 hours. For me its 48 hours. (everyone varies but 72 hours is VERY common) How is it that some spouses (not all mind you - certainly not all) find it acceptable to rebuff their higher desire spouse's advances for weeks on end? How is that the Bible recommends marriage in this way:

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (ESV)

But yet, you think it fine for your spouse to "burn all the more" WITHIN marriage. Because it's THEIR problem? One that you don't share? Your spouse's desire for YOU is GOD designed. And YOU are God's provision for sating that desire. YOU are your spouse's only GOD BLESSED subject of that desire. A desire which they can not eradicate. Sure, they can try to stuff it, but they aren't called to do this by God. When married, you BOTH are called to satisfy each other sexually.

18 Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
Proverbs 5:18-19 (ESV)

Is Prudishness sin? No. But why not strive to be Generous Lover and STRIVE to bless your spouse sexually in any and every God Blessed way? Why Not?

Is Sexual refusal Sin? Absolutely. Once married, sex with your spouse is a duty and an obligation. But just as in giving, God loves a cheerful giver. Sure, we decide how much to give, but we are NOT allowed NOT to give. We must give and HE wants us to give cheerfully. Let's be cheerful Lovers as well.

LS
(about the infirm. Sexuality can take many forms. Even a paralyzed person can be sexual. God does not require what He has allowed to become impossible. I am speaking in this post of willful refusal. All of us decline eventually so it behooves us to use our "talents" that God gave us wisely and productively while we still can. Who of us knows if we will even be here tomorrow? Bless your spouse while you still can.)

Great Post

All the interference about what if they are disabled and so forth is so badly over  used. If you are not disabled, then what a disabled situation would render has no bearing on you. What if one is out of town? You wait. I dont know about disabled. Im thankful thats not the case. But someone who is not disabled asking that seems like they are then taking the answer and trying to apply it across all marriages where the people are healthy.
The scriptures are just plain as day on this. There isnt wiggle room. This post above lays it out very well. No immediate demands, but, no long term refusal. its fine to say not today, not tonight, but also say, tomorrow or the next day or whatever and then honor the commitment. I assure you if you follow that simple rule there will be no sexual conflict or far less in your marriage.

[zoonance]

Hoping a poster faces genital mutilation ?

What a comment

Lorena Bobbit, thats unbelievable

Maybe I came to a bad place

Sometimes the fingers are faster than the mind.  We don't always misspeak!  There have actually been some very good discussions on the Forum concerning our double standards (in society anyway) when discussing genital mutilation in women versus men.

[BAH-BLAH]

Hoping a poster faces genital mutilation ?

What a comment

Lorena Bobbit, thats unbelievable

Maybe I came to a bad place

One poster said they hope another meets lorena bobbit. Thats not really opening a debate on genital mutilation


Sometimes the fingers are faster than the mind.  We don't always misspeak!  There have actually been some very good discussions on the Forum concerning our double standards (in society anyway) when discussing genital mutilation in women versus men.

[akeng]

This does not even make sense.  Anyways, prudishness is a form of defrauding your spouse and could be considered marital unfaithfulness

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rlz=1W1GGLL_en&defl=en&q=define:unfaithful&ei=TKlWSoeNHI-0sgOvvoz0AQ&sa=X&oi=glossary_definition&ct=title

not true to duty or obligation or promises; "an unfaithful lover".  I also believe this to be a grounds for divorce, why should someone stay with you if you make them unhappy.

Hoping a poster faces genital mutilation ?

What a comment

Lorena Bobbit, thats unbelievable

Maybe I came to a bad place

[FoC]

Just FYI - Being a prude in a marriage is sexual immorality.

Complete tripe.
My wife IS a prude and we get along fine sexually and in every other way.

 

Men are generally not very good multi taskers as we tend to focus on a single issue at a time, this is why men are good engineers, mechanics, welders etc.  You just simply have to turn the TV off and just talk.  Also if there are sexual issues in the marriage it will significantly reduce his ability to concentrate on you if you are the source of his frustration, try turning the TV off, giving him a ::EDITED WORDING:: and then start talking and see if things dont dramaticly improve.

Oh, I see.
So if their is a problem in the marriage it is automatically HER fault ?
Its not up to a loser husband to get his lazy arse off the couch, take his weekly bath and do something romantic for her so she WANTS to have sex with him sometime, right ?

The reason marriage gets bad is because first of all MEN seem to think that sex is more important than communication....ie the getting off his lazy butt and spending some time with her thing.
The second reason is that women think communication is more important than sex (sorry, its true in many cases ladies :) ).

You know the reasons why my marriage is 'perfect' for lack of a better word ?
Because *I* dont wait for my wife to rip me off the couch and give me a *********....*I* take the initiative and spend time with her and let her know that I WANT to spend that time with her.
The other reason is that my wife is entirely unlike my two selfish, self absorbed adulterous exwives.
She DOES know the importance of sex in a marriage...that its EQUALLY important to communication and consideration.

What I see in your post in the OP is simply putting all the responsibility on the wife to save the marriage.
If thats your attitude then you honestly shouldnt be married.
BOTH parties are equally responsible and it only takes ONE to screw it all up....ie sitting on the couch WAITING for HER to turn off the TV and give him sex makes it HIS fault as much as hers.

[FoC]

This does not even make sense.  Anyways, prudishness is a form of defrauding your spouse and could be considered marital unfaithfulness

And again MY wife IS a prude where sex is concerned.
I think you guys may want to find another word. 'prude' does not = 'frigid'.

prude
a person who is excessively modest or prim, esp. regarding sex [Old French prode femme respectable woman

The word simply means that she is excessively MODEST....it doesnt mean she isnt having sex with her husband.

My wife is VERY careful about the clothes she wears...modest to excess. And she isnt the type to flirt or allow sexual innuendo around anyone but her husband..
That makes her a GOOD wife...one that can be trusted.
Prudeness by the actual meaning of the word is to be HONORED in a fine woman, wife and mother.

[poohgirl]

Sexual prude as in being sexually modest to the world in general then that is good.  If we are talking about a spouse rejecting the other sexually for an ongoing period of time for no good reason such as health concerns then that is not too good and the couple needs to communicate their needs to one another and work it out.  Both spouses need to have an open heart toward their spouse and their needs.

[landschooner]

Just FYI - Being a prude in a marriage is sexual immorality.

Complete tripe.
My wife IS a prude and we get along fine sexually and in every other way.

 

Men are generally not very good multi taskers as we tend to focus on a single issue at a time, this is why men are good engineers, mechanics, welders etc.  You just simply have to turn the TV off and just talk.  Also if there are sexual issues in the marriage it will significantly reduce his ability to concentrate on you if you are the source of his frustration, try turning the TV off, giving him a ::EDITED WORDING:: and then start talking and see if things dont dramaticly improve.

Oh, I see.
So if their is a problem in the marriage it is automatically HER fault ?
Its not up to a loser husband to get his lazy arse off the couch, take his weekly bath and do something romantic for her so she WANTS to have sex with him sometime, right ?

The reason marriage gets bad is because first of all MEN seem to think that sex is more important than communication....ie the getting off his lazy butt and spending some time with her thing.
The second reason is that women think communication is more important than sex (sorry, its true in many cases ladies :) ).

You know the reasons why my marriage is 'perfect' for lack of a better word ?
Because *I* dont wait for my wife to rip me off the couch and give me a *********....*I* take the initiative and spend time with her and let her know that I WANT to spend that time with her.
The other reason is that my wife is entirely unlike my two selfish, self absorbed adulterous exwives.
She DOES know the importance of sex in a marriage...that its EQUALLY important to communication and consideration.

What I see in your post in the OP is simply putting all the responsibility on the wife to save the marriage.
If thats your attitude then you honestly shouldnt be married.
BOTH parties are equally responsible and it only takes ONE to screw it all up....ie sitting on the couch WAITING for HER to turn off the TV and give him sex makes it HIS fault as much as hers.

Completely agree.

My sense (which could certainly be wrong) is that akeng is frustrated with a lack of variety. () I think this IS a problem that his wife should seek to satisfy in some way as long as that variety is biblical. Men are variety oriented. Many women are too but this is more typically a male trait. change. adventure etc. In any event, if his wife only allows sex one way each and every time for twenty years, it would behoove her to get more educated on what the bible says about it (or doesn't say ) and to work on being a more generous lover.  Does SHE want to have the same conversation over and over and over and over and over? Why not change the topic once in awhile? Or the position? Sex is communication. Sex is showing love. Sex is giving to your spouse and trying to please them and make THEM happy. Sex is receiving from your spouse what they have to give you.

Men need to love and romance their wives absolutely, but what wife doesn't want variety in romance? Same flower, same words, same song, same dance, same restaurant, same, same, same.

Sometimes it would be nice to make love in the living room as opposed to the same spot on the bed at the same hour of the day in the same position that has been done each time for the last 15 years. It doesn't mean that you don't LIKE that. Do you order the exact same thing from a menu each time?  Some do, but most don't. If you order something different, does that mean you don't like the USUAL meal? NO. You just want to try something else. People like variety. Variety is exciting to many people. Why not excite your mate? The Song of Solomon alludes to a lot of variety. Why not be generous and try to please your mate? Of course always within the bounds of scripture, but within those confines, there is a lot of freedom.

LS

[akeng]

Yes this is exactly what I was getting at and is what I think the intention of the OP as well, in a cultural context refering to sex vs a dictionary definition prudishness is usually in reference to a woman who will not perform X, Y, or Z in bed and thinks X, Y or Z is nasty or dirty.  This issue can cause divorce or horribly unhappy marriages.  It is not so much as variety but what it takes to really get your spouse off, some women can not get off from X and need Y as do some men, what if the husband what not willing to perform that, that is going to cause more conflict than just a lack of variety.  Churches often do not condone such divorces so this is where alot of conflict is generated.  The church believes that the sexual act must be mutually agreed upon which is not biblical, the bible says not to defraud your spouse regardless of what you agree with, so when divorce happens for this reason you usually get a break down in fellowship and alot of problems.  Everything should be done in a loving way but there should be clear progress and effort towards both spouses marital bliss, because frustration in this area will translate into every other area of your marriage, when one is not satisfied sexually they are usually on a much shorter fuse thats just how God designed most of us.

Just FYI - Being a prude in a marriage is sexual immorality.

Complete tripe.
My wife IS a prude and we get along fine sexually and in every other way.

 

Men are generally not very good multi taskers as we tend to focus on a single issue at a time, this is why men are good engineers, mechanics, welders etc.  You just simply have to turn the TV off and just talk.  Also if there are sexual issues in the marriage it will significantly reduce his ability to concentrate on you if you are the source of his frustration, try turning the TV off, giving him a ::EDITED WORDING:: and then start talking and see if things dont dramaticly improve.

Oh, I see.
So if their is a problem in the marriage it is automatically HER fault ?
Its not up to a loser husband to get his lazy arse off the couch, take his weekly bath and do something romantic for her so she WANTS to have sex with him sometime, right ?

The reason marriage gets bad is because first of all MEN seem to think that sex is more important than communication....ie the getting off his lazy butt and spending some time with her thing.
The second reason is that women think communication is more important than sex (sorry, its true in many cases ladies :) ).

You know the reasons why my marriage is 'perfect' for lack of a better word ?
Because *I* dont wait for my wife to rip me off the couch and give me a *********....*I* take the initiative and spend time with her and let her know that I WANT to spend that time with her.
The other reason is that my wife is entirely unlike my two selfish, self absorbed adulterous exwives.
She DOES know the importance of sex in a marriage...that its EQUALLY important to communication and consideration.

What I see in your post in the OP is simply putting all the responsibility on the wife to save the marriage.
If thats your attitude then you honestly shouldnt be married.
BOTH parties are equally responsible and it only takes ONE to screw it all up....ie sitting on the couch WAITING for HER to turn off the TV and give him sex makes it HIS fault as much as hers.

Completely agree.

My sense (which could certainly be wrong) is that akeng is frustrated with a lack of variety. () I think this IS a problem that his wife should seek to satisfy in some way as long as that variety is biblical. Men are variety oriented. Many women are too but this is more typically a male trait. change. adventure etc. In any event, if his wife only allows sex one way each and every time for twenty years, it would behoove her to get more educated on what the bible says about it (or doesn't say ) and to work on being a more generous lover.  Does SHE want to have the same conversation over and over and over and over and over? Why not change the topic once in awhile? Or the position? Sex is communication. Sex is showing love. Sex is giving to your spouse and trying to please them and make THEM happy. Sex is receiving from your spouse what they have to give you.

Men need to love and romance their wives absolutely, but what wife doesn't want variety in romance? Same flower, same words, same song, same dance, same restaurant, same, same, same.

Sometimes it would be nice to make love in the living room as opposed to the same spot on the bed at the same hour of the day in the same position that has been done each time for the last 15 years. It doesn't mean that you don't LIKE that. Do you order the exact same thing from a menu each time?  Some do, but most don't. If you order something different, does that mean you don't like the USUAL meal? NO. You just want to try something else. People like variety. Variety is exciting to many people. Why not excite your mate? The Song of Solomon alludes to a lot of variety. Why not be generous and try to please your mate? Of course always within the bounds of scripture, but within those confines, there is a lot of freedom.

LS

[poohgirl]

Men need to love and romance their wives absolutely, but what wife doesn't want variety in romance? Same flower, same words, same song, same dance, same restaurant, same, same, same.

Are there really men out there that romance their wives like that with all kinds of variety or even romance them at all?

[poohgirl]

Yes this is exactly what I was getting at and is what I think the intention of the OP as well, in a cultural context refering to sex vs a dictionary definition prudishness is usually in reference to a woman who will not perform X, Y, or Z in bed and thinks X, Y or Z is nasty or dirty.  This issue can cause divorce or horribly unhappy marriages.  It is not so much as variety but what it takes to really get your spouse off, some women can not get off from X and need Y as do some men, what if the husband what not willing to perform that, that is going to cause more conflict than just a lack of variety.  Churches often do not condone such divorces so this is where alot of conflict is generated.  The church believes that the sexual act must be mutually agreed upon which is not biblical, the bible says not to defraud your spouse regardless of what you agree with, so when divorce happens for this reason you usually get a break down in fellowship and alot of problems.  Everything should be done in a loving way but there should be clear progress and effort towards both spouses marital bliss, because frustration in this area will translate into every other area of your marriage, when one is not satisfied sexually they are usually on a much shorter fuse thats just how God designed most of us.

It's not that the church itself doesn't condone divorce over it, but God himself does not condone or permit divorce over not having enough sexual variety in a marriage.
Nothing wrong with pleasing one another or sharing some variety, but it should be by consent and not by force.