Author Topic: My Marriage  (Read 3267 times)

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Offline Therssious

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My Marriage
« on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 07:58:47 »
I have sought help about my marriage with My Pastor, And other Christian friends.
And yet I still feel as if I'm Unable to get a clear picture on what to do!

I should start from the beginning and say a little bit about myself.
I have two beautiful kids that mean the world to me, other than the Lord they're My life!
I use to be a proud Husband. My wife whom I thought and bragged about was what kept me going thru a rough time in my Life, My company wasn't doing to great. My dad past suddenly on Sept. the 2nd 2010. I Thought i could make it through anything with some one like her beside me. I'm a strong and hardheaded man. I do what i know and believe is right, if i make a mistake I will do what i can to make fix it and i have no problem in seeing my own faults and apologizing for them.

Now onto my spiritual aspect, I'm a Dreamer I have had Dreams and visions from the Lord since i was young. they consist of anything from my personal life, to that of the state of the Church. dreams of demons, of hell! Dreams of The lord teaching me guiding me, giving me a word to speak, i've dreamed of heaven. I have seen Great beauty that my imagination can't describe, and i have seen horrible creatures and torture the likes i pray no man will have to endure!

So It was Christmas of 2010 When the Lord gave me a dream. In this dream i seen the hands of the Lord tilling the ground. He then placed a beautiful flower in this garden He had made.
Time past as the Lord worked and nurtured this flower, and I heard Him speak saying a good gardener does all he can to bring his creation not only to life, but to prosperity.
For the joy of the gardener is to watch his beautiful flowers grow and prosper.

then i saw another flower growing beside the lone flower.At first it was beautiful, it brought joy to the once lone flower. Then as quickly as the second flower came, it started to wither. Then it started to starve the first flower, stealing its food and water. until the first flower was getting weak and slowly dieing.
Then the weeds began to grow in the garden. and they to began to choke the first flower out.
Thats when I saw the hands of the lord reach in and pluck the second flower and all the weeds up by the root. Then He said to me would a good gardener leave such things in his garden to hurt his precious creation? then he said NO! he would pluck them up by the roots and cast them into a fire. and i saw him do just that!
then I was no longer in the garden but The voice of the Lord was with me and He said.
Your wife is hurting you, and unless she stops I will seperate Her from you.

A the end of january i found out my wife was having an affair. it had been going on since the first of november. She says she doesn't know why she did it, they guy just got out of prison and that he means nothing to her.

But i feel the sacred bond broken between us, I look at her not as my wife anymore but just another woman. i have no desire to make her happy or to even try
So i am here hoping for some sound godly advise. if i stay and make it work will it get better? or has the Lord put us assundered?

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My Marriage
« on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 07:58:47 »

Offline FollowHisGrace

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #1 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 08:23:42 »
My advice is to pray & continue to pray that God shows you His will in this.  You can try to work it through with your wife & it would seem to be what God would want, but her heart needs to be changed in this matter, as well.  She can be sorry & go through the motions of counseling but if her heart is not changed then it would probably be for naught.  If you were to try to work through this with your wife, then I think praying for her is key.  From your post I'm not certain if she is a Christian.  If not, pray for her salvation.  Christ works wonders in a person's life.  If she is a Christian, then pray for Him to guide her back to His path.

Whatever the case, I will be praying for you & the situation!

larry2

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #2 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 08:42:23 »

The Thing is that we all sin against God, while in sexual sin is we sin against our own body; in other words we can't blame anyone but ourselves. We read in James 1:14, "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed."

Can you forgive? I do believe if you have a spirit of discernment you will know the consequence of doing so; good or bad. Jesus certainly forgave the woman caught in the very act, and so we are not commanded to do otherwise. All the laws of marriage are good if we adhere to them, but well over fifty percent of even Christian marriages end in divorce now.

Things to consider is if you would be enabling her to further act in that way, what is the effect upon your children, and is she truly repentful or just sorry she was discovered? Is she an active member in church, and cherishes the things of God and wants to rebuild those things.

Many things to consider for sure, and then can you forgive her, and do you still love her as much as God does? Only with the eyes of God can you see these things clearly, and only He can change and repair broken hearts. These things certainly draw us closer to God when we're forced to cry out to Him.

God bless you brother to abide by that which God puts on your heart to do them. I'll be praying for you, your wife, and children in this trial of your faith in Jesus' name.

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #2 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 08:42:23 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #3 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 09:23:48 »
Some whose spouses cheat can forgive and make a go of it, and some cant. My brother forgave his wives first 2 affairs but after the 3rd he called it as day. Some cannot trust again and cant bring themselves to have sex with that person again, and others seem to be able to do this. I would never tell anyone whose spouse has cheated that they must have them back, because I doubt that I could myself, but I do know several people who have done this.
You do seem to have had some input from God through that dream, and I also know a few people who God has actually led to divorce their spouses after cheating, but my advise is to wait longer, and ask God for clear direction and confirmation before you take that big step of ending the marriage. Only He knows if she will cheat again, or if that marriage can be saved, so listen and maybe ask one or two trusted guys form your church to pray with you about this.
I am so sorry for you pain, it is a horrible thing to have to go through. God bless

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #3 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 09:23:48 »

larry2

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #4 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 09:45:43 »

Maybe ask one or two trusted guys form your church to pray with you about this.
I am so sorry for you pain, it is a horrible thing to have to go through. God bless



This in my opinion would do much harm to your wife. It is no ones business what she has done, and undoubtedly make it very hard for to ever return to that church. When one is caught in sin we ought do our best to show the love of Shem and Japheth who hid the nakedness of their father Noah in Genesis 9:20-23.

Do remember that she is loved by God, and she is the mother of his children.

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #4 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 09:45:43 »



Offline Bernie 2

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #5 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 09:56:43 »
dear Therssious, I came here to this forum to talk a bit about my grieving as my better half went on to be with Jesus on Feb 10.  I see now that I was directed here for a better cause.  Your visions should not be swept aside.   Listen to them.  Brother, sometimes counseling can work, sometimes it can not. I fear that in this situation it will not.   My personal advice to you as one whose every move is led by God is for you to get out now.  Get out of the way of the fire and leave your belongings behind.  I will now say a prayer for you brother Therssious.  Is that a greek name?   love, Bernie

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #5 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 09:56:43 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #6 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 12:40:07 »

Maybe ask one or two trusted guys form your church to pray with you about this.
I am so sorry for you pain, it is a horrible thing to have to go through. God bless



This in my opinion would do much harm to your wife. It is no ones business what she has done, and undoubtedly make it very hard for to ever return to that church. When one is caught in sin we ought do our best to show the love of Shem and Japheth who hid the nakedness of their father Noah in Genesis 9:20-23.

Do remember that she is loved by God, and she is the mother of his children.
 

If they are men who can be trusted, then their godly advice may be invaluable as he seeks direction.

  However I just noticed that he has already been to his pastor and some good friends about his predicament. I do believe that it is right to seek godly counsel if you have such a big decision to make.

Therssious
What did your pastor and Christian friends advise you?
« Last Edit: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 12:57:51 by chosenone »

Offline Apothecary 4 Christ

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #7 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 13:15:15 »
Dear brother,

Sounds like you have made some wise choices in talking about this with your own Pastor, who knows you better than others would.

At the very least, I think your wife should be tested for HIV and other STD's.

Then you will have to prayerfully consider your Biblical options.

If she repents, forgive her.

As for remaining married, you obviously know and believe that her adultery is Biblical grounds for divorce.  This has to be one of the hardest decisions I can imagine making.  Prayer brother...prayer.

May the Lord give you wisdom, as He promises.

In Christ,

Jason

Offline Therssious

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #8 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 18:11:18 »
My Wife was raise Catholic, And I don't belong to a denomination. I'm just a plain and simple Full Gospel, Blood Bought Born again child of God. I won't tether myself to one nomination, Although I respect all Nominations I just feel that My calling drives me to be who I am.

So when we first go together She had no idea about spiritual gifts. So when I was explaining them to Her, She would have a hard time grasping the concept.
She was pregnant with our little Girl when She started to have problems.
She had an extreme case of Preeclampsia. I would lay hands on her womb and pray
And She even testifies today the pain would leave. it would always come back. I explained She needed to have faith and I later found out that it was my little girl who was recieving the healing.
at thirty weeks along they took my Wife to OSU Hospital and hooked up IV's and ran steroids for two weeks to help my little girl to grow and get stronger cause they was going to take her two months early. While my Wife laid in bed The lord game in to her room and sat on her bed. My wife couldn't understand it, But she said the feelings She felt can't be explained. And that She knew everything was going to be fine.

My wife wanted that relationship i have with The Lord and She wanted what she felt that day in Her room at the hospital. But she would never commit to it


So now we jump to when The Lord gave me My dream about her and her affair.
I spoke to Her what The lord had showed me and i begged her to please stop what ever she was doing to hurt our relationship.
When i told her that she looked as if a ghost walked into the room but she said nothing
So when I found out about the affair And i confronted her She said that she would pray all the time that god wouldn't let me find out and then admitted to even after praying she would continue seeing him.

She says She wants to work things out but her actions aren't doing what she says.

I feel as if I'm clinging to something that's not there. Like I said earlier I feel as if My wife is gone and in her place is a stranger.



Bernie, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm thankful that The Lord has called Her home to Him.
A lot of people can't explain or understand how I could weep but yet smile at my Dad's passing cause The Lord gave me comfort in showing me that he kept a promise He made to me many years ago concerning my dad.
Therssious is a nickname an old man gave me when i was young. I believe its Greek, He said it was a name for someone Who walk with the gods, I'm not greek  although my real name is Jason. The nickname just kinda stuck with me, to be honest i'm not really sure on the proper spelling of it, maybe its something i should look into


Thanks to everyone for your prayers and advise.

May The Lord watch over you always,  Jason

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #8 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 18:11:18 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #9 on: Sat Mar 26, 2011 - 03:43:25 »
jason what did your pastor and Christian friend advise you?  Is your wife totally repentant and willing to work on the marriage, and has the affair definatly stopped?

I do find it strange that she would think that Jesus would answer her prayer about you not findng out. As if He would answer a prayer like that!

Offline Therssious

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #10 on: Sat Mar 26, 2011 - 05:16:12 »
We both went to see the pastor and his Wife together. At first the pastor didn't really say anything He and His wife just ask if we thought we could work things out. And that if we felt that way everything had to come out in the open. well i'm still finding things out.

I took the pastors advise and ask her questions about it and why she done it.
At first she said it as because he made her feel pretty, so when i ask how he was able to do it and i wasn't she said cause he told her she was. But i daily told her she was pretty and beautiful. So when i told her that she changed her answer to i don't know why i did it.

The pastor and his wife told us that if its going to work out everything needs to come out, and we needed to pray for each other which i have done, but i feel as if she doesn't want that.

Last night i tried to have a talk with her about it and she would get upset when i would ask her a question and just turn it around on me, and try to make it seem like its my fault.

if i'm at work she will call or text me saying she is wanting to talk but when i get home that night she just can't open up to me

She will want to go to Church on Wednesday and Sunday mornings, But when the time comes to actually go She won't.
To be honest I would like for her to but at the same time i have so much shame with her that i don't want to be seen in public with her.
I hate that i feel that way but i can't help it. I never thought that about anyone before but she has Shamed me like no one has before.


Offline chosenone

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #11 on: Sat Mar 26, 2011 - 05:44:43 »
It is very painful being betrayed like this, and that is why God allows divorce for it. Could you both go back to the pastor and his wife and work on this again?. She does need to be totally open with you, and answer all your questions that you need to ask. She needs to do all that she can to rebuild the trust, and the only way to do that is for honestly and openess.  Would she go to some Christian marriage counselling with you? Does she want the marriage to carry on?Has the affair ended? 

The Bible does say that she who makes him ashamed is like rotteness to his bones, but remember this is all very recent and the wound is very raw at this time. I would give it time, and keep asking God to confirm what He wants you to do.

Offline Nathanael

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Re: My Marriage
« Reply #12 on: Sun Mar 27, 2011 - 05:34:28 »
Bless you Therssious, sorry indeed for your turmoil and hurt.

I think that advice here has been good, yes try to give it some time. Your feelings of estrangement from her may pass slowly. A marriage can survive adultery. But as chosenone has said, its not all of us that can recover and trust again after such betrayal. But humans are complex. Its doubtful that your wife just randomly went with someone for the sheer 'hell' of it... (literally)

I for one was unfaithful due to not just a sinful selfish heart (yes I had that surely) but also as a reaction and a fleeing from deep pain and confusion about what it is to be loved by your spouse and being considered attractive and wanted and valued by a woman. Viewing things in that context makes us see that adultery can be a symptom of the complex and painful life this world sometimes serves us. Not making excuses for her or myself... but perhaps she is able to genuinely repent and work whole heartedly to rebuild things with you.

God warned you that 'if' the second flower continues to harm the first he would get rid of it. Is it decided or is there yet time for the second flower to put roots into God and grow at your side? I do not know. You may not be able to re-connect with your wife ever..you may, with Gods help, be able to be closer to her than ever in the future. Perhaps a bit of time now will help you discover which it is. I do believe God wants all His flowers to be saved and specifically marriage to heal and blossom. But adultery has very deep affects and He does not hold you to remain with your wife if you cannot or she will not totally repent and change and be utterly true to you always in future.