[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Grace,
Face-to-face Christian family counseling is what you need;
And if, after not having been confronted by the congregation for his infidelity, he filed for divorce, didn't the elders know about that?
Was no one but you there to help you both work through them?
From what you're saying, they decided to turn a blind but slightly sympathetic eye to the whole thing until you fell into temptation with another relationship. For six months, they apparently did nothing to get your husband to resolve things with you, leaving you in emotional limbo.[/quote]
These bits & pieces I've been sharing all took place over 10 years ago. About 8 years ago I was living in Dallas, attending Skillman church. The Single's minister there was concerned by my inability to control my emotions during the sermon. I was fine during class, but sitting in the auditorium was a constant and painful reminder that I had been rejected by my husband because I was surrounded by couples and families and I could not stay focused on the sermon. Therefore, he requested that the church send me to Christian counseling. I spent 4 sessions with a Christian counselor that literally changed my life! Those sessions were the catalyst of the events to follow that would forever change how I perceive God. Like that article that spoke of Duty to Desire.
Well, since then, somehow I've lost my grip. I've slipped back into my old way of life... totally consumed by the cares of my family and the stress and trials of everyday life. Typically, I am quite good at warding off depression - having learned the warning signs so as to head it off well in advance of it taking this drastic a hold on me. This time, it's as though I have lost the will to fight. When I become as depressed as I am feeling now, all the negative issues of my past rear up to re-launch old attacks. Issues of which I have long healed seem to be able to re-open old scars. See, I refer to them as scars, not wounds, because they have previously healed.
I don't know why I'm feeling so overwhelmed and why past issues have come back to re-haunt me, but the fact of the matter is just that, they are past issues that for the past 5 - 6 years have not been issues to me, leaving me to feel I had at last been victorious over them once & for all! (sigh) Apparently not.
Yes, the elders knew he had filed. That is why they told me that I had been put away and was therefore not free to remarry - they chastised me for not filing on him so that we could have had a scriptural divorce. As it turned out, since I refused to divorce him, he filed on me so that he could marry her. The law requires a waiting period of 60 days after your divorce before you can marry another. They did not wait the allotted time.
We, my husband and I, were good friends with another couple there at that congregation. The man went to my husband and spoke with him. I was working the graveyard shift at a local convenient store. The friend came to the store visibly upset and begged me not to return home for my own safety. He literally feared for my life, believing that my husband would try to kill me if I were to return home. Well, I'm here, so that never happened, nor do I feel it was ever really a threat. I think my husband was emphasizing his feelings that our friend took too literally. Anyway, the point is, yes, he felt his decision a reasonable solution to problems we were having at the time. I'm not saying I'm faultless in that I did nothing to make him feel that way -- but I do hold to that he is still responsible for his own decisions. What I mean is, what ever failure on my part does not justify him in his deliberate decision to be involved in a sinful relationship. We both would have benefited greatly from Christian counseling back then.
The relationship I fell into began six months after the divorce was final. That fact does not make it any less sinful. However, he had already remarried and I had already been told I could never remarry... resolution was already out of the question by the time this relationship began. That relationship lasted nine months... just long enough to create some major problems that took me 6 years to recover from - he was a drug addicted, alcoholic, and violent con artist. By the time I managed to get him out of my life, I was over $10,000 in debt. Perhaps knowing this much about my experience can serve as a warning to others to do whatever it takes to avoid falling into such relationships!
But, honestly, I have some current issues taking place in my home that involve my daughter and her husband. The affects of what I am witnessing is that I am beginning to sink ever deeper into a depression - seeming to be lacking the will to fight this time. I really don't think my past issues are true issues at this point in time. I honestly feel that my past issues are regurgitating because the opportunity has presented itself, due to my current state of mind... my resistance is quite low. I apologize for becoming so emotional all over this board, and you are right, this is not the place to air such intense emotions. I apologize to you and to all who have read them. And I thank you for your compassionate response. Your understanding of the situation has helped me considerably - and it's helped me to recognize that I am allowing past issues to re-surface, actually distracting from the true issues.