Breadwinning wives

[kimmie]

This is my first time starting a new topic, so here goes...

1.  For all you wives out there who have had to be the main if not THE breadwinner for your family, how did you handle it?  Did you want to be the breadwinner, or was there resentment in doing so?  How did you cope?

2.  For those wives who are transitioning or who have transitioned from being the breadwinner to being a housewife, how did you adjust?

3.  And let's not leave out husbands... what are some ways to encourage the husband in his manliness while the wife is out earning the money?  This is assuming that the husband is taking steps to have a career someday.

[Bocephus]

My wife is the breadwinner this year so I can finish my bachelor's in EE.  Its nice not working, or should I say working for pay.  I pay to work.

[Nelta]

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[kimmie]

:angry: I will let God be the judge of any married couple who is working hard to one day be able to fulfill their gender roles - given that they cannot do so at first.  He knows each and every circumstance, and they are not all the same for every struggling couple, whether they be young or old when married.  

I know of a married man who cannot work two jobs due to health issues.  And overworking affects the marriage relationship even more.  I'd rather see a couple, even though struggling to get their gender roles where they need to be, spend more time nurturing their marriage relationship rather than neglecting it.

[Bocephus]

Nelta, why are you always so negative?

[janine]

Lord God, please Sir, allow me to go back to my proper role... I don't wanna work outside the home...

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (JerryBrooke @ Nov. 23 2003,4:01)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Nelta, why are you always so negative?[/quote]
One might ask, rather, "why is she always so clueless?"

But since that wouldn't be appropriate, I won't.

- Bob

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (Nelta @ Nov. 23 2003,00:01)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]One way we go against the teachings of the scriptures is when we  decide to change the roles God has for the sexes.  Many women are working because they are encouraged to do so by their husbands.  Others because they are single moms and there is no income coming in. [Bob: I would guess that this is even Nelta's acknowledging the obvious].

As a older woman I try to do as I am commanded to do and that is to teach the young women to love their children.  Now no one has to teach a woman to emotional love her children (motherly love) unless she has squlched (?) that nurturing gift God gave her, but not all understand the agape (love) one is to have for her family.....children.  For a woman to go out into the work place and leave her children for someone else to raise (even if it is the husband) then she should rethink the agape type love...which includes valuing the souls of her children.

Many times women work for more material things.  Bad reason.  Others to put their husbands through school...bad reason.

If we did things the way God wants it done IMO we will not get married until the man can support his family... [/quote]
Nelta's fundamental problem is that she fails to acknowledge the difference between the first century and the twenty-first (it's a mistake frequently made, and by many):

"Be an example to the unbelievers around you

Another marriage theme in the Greek Bible reflects the fact that Christians lived as a dispersed, essentially powerless minority among a skeptical, sometimes hostile majority. Christians are exhorted to strive toward marriages that are ideal both from the standpoint of Christian teachings and the opinion of unbelieving world:

"Beloved, I urge you as aliens and exiles to abstain from the desires of the flesh that wage war against the soul. Conduct yourselves honorably among the Gentiles, so that, though they malign you as evildoers, they may see your honorable deeds and glorify God when he comes to judge." (NRSV)

This emphasis on "witness" meant that Christians were to submit even to authorities who were hostile or oppressive toward them (1 Peter 2:13-21) They were also to structure their families in accordance with Graeco-Roman norms, including a wife who submits to her husband, so that Christians would impress even unbelieving spouses with their socially acceptable conduct:

"Wives, in the same way, accept the authority of your husbands, so that, even if some of them do not obey the word, they may be won over without a word by their wives' conduct, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." (NRSV)

But while these "Tables of Duties" counselled Christians to adopt societal norms as much as possible, the writers modified the prevailing Graeco-Roman patriarchal structure by adding a duty for the husband to be considerate and respectful toward the wife:

"Husbands, in the same way, show consideration for your wives in your life together, paying honor to the woman as the weaker sex, since they too are also heirs of the gracious gift of life—so that nothing may hinder your prayers." (NRSV)

The covenant between equal partners envisioned by Genesis 2 remains even as Christians are urged to conform as much as possible to the prevailing culture for the sake of witness."

- http://www.therightchristians.org/BibleSay.htm#marriageold

The problem is, of course, that application of the first century solution to the twenty-first doesn't make sense absent some present day common sense. The first way to bridge that gap is first to look for the underlying principle being advanced and base contemporary application on the principle before attempting to resort to the original practice originally practiced. In other words, for all the complaining one may have about "women working outside the home", mothers and wives will continue to do so not just due to economic considerations (the primary one being avoiding poverty) but because it is acceptable in our culture to do so.

Nelta forgets that the slice of history in which women were expected to be June Cleaver and run around the kitchen in pearls and heels has only been true for a small segment of the population and only for a short period of time. Throughout history, women worked in and out of the house and will continue to do so regardless of the religious postering of some.

- Bob Brandon

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (kimmie @ Nov. 23 2003,3:29)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]:angry: I will let God be the judge of any married couple who is working hard to one day be able to fulfill their gender roles - given that they cannot do so at first.  He knows each and every circumstance, and they are not all the same for every struggling couple, whether they be young or old when married...[/quote]
Well put, Kimmie. Nelta, listen up.

- Bob

[winky]

Proverbs 31:10-31 seems to praise a woman/wife who works.

[boringoldguy]

The really important question isn't who goes to work but who raises the children.

In the days when most people either lived on farms or, if they lived in towns, worked in some kind of family-owned enterprise, this discussion would have seemed bizarre.    Everybody worked, and the kids were not just taken care of at home, they were a part of the economic unit that the family made up.    It made no sense to say that somebody worked "outside" the home, because the home was a productive enterprise.

That changed with the process of industrialization when, instead of working in their own farms and shops, people started marching off to factories and offices.    The "ideal" of women staying home and men going to work was a product of this new system of wage slavery;  if the women stayed home, there would be more jobs for the men.  (This was also the real motive behind mandatory eduction through 12th grade - to keep younger people out of the workforce a little bit longer.)

Nowadays, because more income is needed to allow families to buy the ever-increasing products of those factories, we encourage women to go to work and send the kids to day care.

All of this suits Wall Street, but I don't think it's good for anybody else.    I think it's really important to find some way to keep your kids out of day care and have them with the family.   If that means making less money and having less "stuff", then so be it.

[seekr]

Nelta, freedom in Christ, means freedom in Christ. There are no set ways of doing anything. We just follow and go forward with what He has put before us and if we are leaning into the Spirit, He will direct us. God may have one wife stay home and another may work. It is personal relationship.

seekr

[Nelta]

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[Nelta]

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[Bocephus]

It is not because you disagree with me Nelta.  It is because of all the way back to the Gospel Advocate Board, I remember that a good bulk of the messages I have seen you post to various boards are chock full of negativity and sarcasm.

I don't think I am the only one who sees you this way.