Author Topic: Can a 14 year old get married?  (Read 7928 times)

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Offline Miz Krystal

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Can a 14 year old get married?
« on: Thu Nov 17, 2011 - 07:32:11 »
My 14 year old daughter wants to marry her 21 year old boyfriend. I know she is young but she is very mature for her age and they are a real couple. They live together with me and sleep in the same bed. Her boyfriend has a job and buys things for her. Me and my daughter have a good relationship and I am involved in her life. My daughter is responsible and has been sexually active for nearly two years, she don't get pregnant.  Will they make an exception for my daughter to get married if I provide parental consent and tell them how mature she is?

Thank you for your advice.

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Can a 14 year old get married?
« on: Thu Nov 17, 2011 - 07:32:11 »

Offline Hehealedme

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #1 on: Thu Nov 17, 2011 - 08:08:52 »
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« Last Edit: Mon Dec 08, 2014 - 14:34:06 by Hehealedme »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #2 on: Thu Nov 17, 2011 - 08:38:25 »
If this post isnt a joke(as I suspect it is) then no, it isnt right or legal for a 14 years old to marry. Where I live in the uK it is illegal to marry till 16 and then only if both parents agree. She is still a child, and what was she doing have sex at 12!!! You say she is responsible, but from what you said neither you nor her are responsible. Isnt sex illegal with girls under 16 where you live? It is here. Her boyfriend could be arrested charged with child sexual abuse, and tried and put into jail and then be put in the sex offenders register..I have no idea why you allow a 21 year old man to live in your house and sleep with your child, and I also have no idea why you are posting this on a Christian forum when you know that for believers sex outside marriage is forbidden. If she were my daughter I would not give her permission to marry till she was 18, and even that is still too young in my opinion.

However I suspect that you are not the mother but the daughter, or that this post is a joke. I cant believe that it can be serious.
« Last Edit: Thu Nov 17, 2011 - 08:49:51 by chosenone »

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #2 on: Thu Nov 17, 2011 - 08:38:25 »

Offline Hehealedme

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #3 on: Thu Nov 17, 2011 - 08:52:39 »
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« Last Edit: Mon Dec 08, 2014 - 14:33:39 by Hehealedme »

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #3 on: Thu Nov 17, 2011 - 08:52:39 »

Offline Miz Krystal

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #4 on: Fri Nov 18, 2011 - 13:27:02 »
Thanks for your replies everyone, I think your all being very judgemental and I'd deeply hurt.

I can't believe a 14 year old girl getting married.

It's legal in some states.

 
A girl's body of that age isn't even finished forming yet.

If nature didn't intend for 14 year olds to have sex why is it possible for them to get pregnant? Clearly they are biologically ready to reproduce. As for the human body 'forming' this doesn't stop until the mid twenties.

Where I live in the uK it is illegal to marry till 16 and then only if both parents agree.

14 is only two years below 16, I doubt it it makes much difference. Also plenty of 'adults' get married and it ends up in divorce.

I have no idea why you allow a 21 year old man to live in your house and sleep with your child

My daughter is not a 'child', she is a young woman. As you are from the UK you will know that the age of criminal responsibly in your country is 10, this implies 'children' can understand the consequences of their actions. When 14 year olds stab each other are they 'children'? Should they have their bottoms smacked?

I think you should all keep in mind that the age of consent for sex is 14 in Germany, Austria, Portugal, Italy and Spain. Clearly these nations don't think 14 year olds are children. There is no reason why the age of consent should be 16/18 - it's completely arbitrary.

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #4 on: Fri Nov 18, 2011 - 13:27:02 »



Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #5 on: Fri Nov 18, 2011 - 21:35:33 »
yes there is a very good reason why the age of consent should be 16, and that is because children are not emotionally mature enough to make good decision or choices and need laws to protect them when Parents don't.
You are encouraging your daughter and this man to break the law in your home. He is committing child sexual abuse(in the UK he would be charged with rape) and you are enabling it. You are equally responsible and you would also be charged if found out. Why would a good mum want her daughter to be with a man who has no moral values, no integrity, who doesn't care about breaking the law and who sleeps with children? I cant think of a worse man that I would want with my daughters.Maybe he needs to find a grown woman of his own age instead of sleeping with a child. If they are wanting to marry already, then presumably they have been sleeping together since she was maybe 13 or even 12!!!!!!
Anyway the whole question is pointless because it is against the law, and rightly so in my opinion.I have never met a young person of even 18 who is emotionally ready for marriage. In fact most aren't ready till well into their 20's in my view.
She needs to enjoy her child hood get a good education and prepare herself for real life. You are supposed to set a good example and yet you are doing the opposite. I don't know if you are a christian(this is a Christian site) but Gd clearly says that sex is for marriage only and He also says that we need to obey the laws of our land. You also seem to have a very low opinion of marriage if you think "whats the worst that can happen, she can just get divorced" . Marriage is supposed to be a serious life long covenant relationship.
You need to ask him to leave, stop sleeping with your daughter until it is legal, and maybe if they still want to marry when she is 18 then to go ahead. Hopefully she will have come to her senses by then and will be adult enough to make good mature decisions. You say she is mature but her decisions and life style show a very great immaturity.
« Last Edit: Fri Nov 18, 2011 - 21:42:54 by chosenone »

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #5 on: Fri Nov 18, 2011 - 21:35:33 »

Offline NowFound

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #6 on: Mon Nov 21, 2011 - 10:54:19 »
I would say these posts are a farce as well.

The initial question was allegedly naive about whether a 14 year old could marry but a later response was filled with facts about ages of accountability in various countries doesn't add up.  In fact, the response itself said "It's legal in some states."

This outrageous question seems to be meant to stir up replies which could then be picked apart.

Miz Krystal - whoever you are and whatever your real reason for writing - know that several people will be praying for you.  Consider if you landed here because God wanted you to draw closer to Him. 

Jesus Christ was born, lived, and died for you.  Who else would do that for you but God? 

Offline DaveW

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #7 on: Mon Nov 21, 2011 - 11:38:25 »
OK - I am going a different way with this.

First off - NO ONE no matter if they are 12 or 112 should be sexually active with anyone if they are not married, PERIOD. It is strictly sinful.

That said, it is my opinion that God intended people to get married at that age, and in bible times that is what they did. It was common in first century Judea for the groom to be about 13 or 14 and his bride to be a year younger, with them being "arranged" by the parents at about age 5 or 6. The mishnah says that a marriage is binding if the [arranged] couple has had sex and have both reached the age of 9 years plus one day.

In My Opinion, there would be a lot less "sexual incompatability" if people were in a covenant sexual relationship (marriage) as they develop sexually.  They grow up together and complimentary.

It is our stupid society that retards young people from growing up, either in character and responsibility or emotionally/relationally. It is NOT God's plan that people in their 20s and 30s are STILL emotionally or financially dependant on mom and dad.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #8 on: Mon Nov 21, 2011 - 11:50:01 »
Cant agree with you Dave but you are entitled to your opinion. There is no way that children of 12 or 13 are ready for marriage, and THANK GOD that we dont have arranged marriages in the west. In countries where very young girls have children they are physically damaged and often have problems with their bladder control and severe leakage, and many need to have operations (if they can afford it or have the opportunity) after wards. Many are abandoned by their husbands when this happens and are destitute. I saw a programme about it the other day made in Pakistan, and it was very sad and tragic. At least let children physically and emotionally mature first. Let them be children for a few years.

I cant see that sexual compatability would be any different myself if a couple marries early or late.That is an area where the couple need to work and compromise and aim to please the other.

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #8 on: Mon Nov 21, 2011 - 11:50:01 »

Offline DaveW

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #9 on: Mon Nov 21, 2011 - 13:30:19 »
there were no reports of such occurances in first century Judea where early marriage was the norm.

I would not be surprised if there were problems with a much older man marrying  a teen or pre-teen. (they are  - um - bigger)

It worked for them for at least several centuries. The ages of marriage did not really start to rise in even Diaspora Jewish communities until the middle ages.

Offline Supplanter

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #10 on: Mon Nov 21, 2011 - 16:08:26 »
Actually it was the norm in the early 20th century for girls of 13-15 to marry men in their 20's onward. However, that doesn't mean that should be our standard today. Women also weren't expected to do anything but raise a family and take care of the home and help with farm work and couldn't vote.

Most betrothals of little girls are to men who much older than they should be and in Yemen, a culture geographically close to Israel and taking on some of the same traditions, these child brides are given to their spouses around 8 or 9 and even though these men in their 30's are suppose to wait until they have had their first period to have intercourse, 9 times out of ten they just rape them and everyone turns their heads.

Women for centuries have been barely one step above property. In such a culture, marriage and bearing children was a woman's salvation. So, without any other future to pursue, she was married as soon as they saw fit to achieve her duty to bear children.

Today, women in most of our cultures are not property and we have the ability to become educated and pursue other avenues besides becoming wives that are supported by husbands and bearing children as our saving grace. There is nothing wrong with being a wife and bearing children, it is a wonderful thing, but we also allowed to develop more fully intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually which is a very good thing because that creates a marriage of equals who can work together to more fully display what the image of Christ and his relationship to the church is. Understand, I am saying equal in respect to being equally acknowledged as human beings and in reference to Christ being acknowledged as co-heirs with him.

If we had not been raised up by him to become spotless before God and righteous just as he is then we could never as the church become his bride. So, if we are to display this sort of relationship in a marriage then we start with the premise that men and women are worthy of equal respect and are equally matched to work together and display the witness of Christ and His church.

Women have been raised up because God has raised them up when they were nothing more than a man's property. It is a big deal that women are no longer forced to marry in their early teens and that is why it is so regrettable that this young woman and her mother are not allowing her to fully become the woman God wishes her to be.

Without being established in Christ first and having a firm spiritual foundation, a marriage is already off to a rocky start. If this girl is has been having sex since the age of 12 then she barely knows who she is because she has had her identity intertwined with this grown man. If he knew Christ at all and genuinely loved her then he would be willing to wait for her to grow up and treat her properly as well as establish himself in Chrit so he could be a spiritual leader in the household.

Obviously, neither one of these children are self-sufficent and think their sign of adulthood and maturity is having sex. They don't have a clue what it is like to hold down a full-time job, pay bills, and deal with the relationship issues that can rock a marriage to the core. They haven't had opportunity to take care of themselves much less each other and more concerned with their "love" than making themselves into respectable independent mature adults.

No one living with their parents should get married. That one thing shows a lack of responsibility and maturity that no married person should own.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #11 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 04:41:00 »
Having bought up 2 girls as well as  a son, the thought of them being married off at 12 or 13 or 14 horrifies me. While some girls may be fairly physically mature in the early to mid teens, they are not emotionally mature enough to marry and neither are guys in their late teens or early 20's in my experience. I thank God that I live in a civilised country where we allow our children to be children and that we protect them with the law from being so sexually exploited.
How many of you dads here with daughters of that age(12-14 ish) would be happy with their daughters  having sex  with, or or getting married to, a 21 year old guy?  Not many I bet.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #12 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 04:50:33 »
there were no reports of such occurances in first century Judea where early marriage was the norm.

I would not be surprised if there were problems with a much older man marrying  a teen or pre-teen. (they are  - um - bigger)

It worked for them for at least several centuries. The ages of marriage did not really start to rise in even Diaspora Jewish communities until the middle ages.
 

 In countries where very young girls get married and have children, death or injury in child birth of the mother or baby is very high. I am not sure how you know what went on then, and how many of these young girls were damaged internally, or died because of this. I am actually amazed that any man who has children(don't know if you do) could ever think this was OK.
Please leave little girls alone till they are old enough to emotionally and physically deal with sex and marriage and having children.  I get rather  concerned when anyone starts bringing up the facts of what happened in the time that Jesus came.  Just because it happened at that time in that country doesn't  make it right. Many awful things still go on to girls and women in many countries, that doesn't means that it is right. We are fortunately rather more civilised now in the west.
 In the UK where I live,we used to exploit and send tiny little boys up chimneys to clean them, doesn't mean that is was right or that we should do that today does it?

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #13 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 04:51:29 »

Having bought up 2 girls as well as  a son, the thought of them being married off at 12 or 13 or 14 horrifies me. While SOME girls may be fairly physically mature in their mid teens, they are not emotionally mature enough to marry and neither are guys in their late teens or early 20's in my experience. I thank God that I live in a civilised country where we allow our children to be children and that we protect them with the law from being so sexually exploited.
How many of you dads here with daughters of that age(12-14 ish) would be happy with their daughters  having sex  with, or or getting married to, a 21 year old guy?  Not many I bet.

Offline DaveW

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #14 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 06:16:53 »
Actually it was the norm in the early 20th century for girls of 13-15 to marry men in their 20's onward.
My mom had a best friend who was from the backwoods south (Ozarks) Her oldest daughter was a year older than me and when she turned 16 (1970) she got REALLLLYYYYY depressed.  I asked her why and she replied that where they came from to turn 16 and NOT be married made her an "old maid" and probably NEVER would get married.

That is not that long ago.

Offline DaveW

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #15 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 06:22:30 »
I get rather  concerned when anyone starts bringing up the facts of what happened in the time that Jesus came.  Just because it happened at that time in that country doesn't  make it right.
What makes it right is that it was going on while the bible was being written and NOTHING in God's word says anything against it.

What is wrong or right is what is wrong or right in God's eyes, not our own.  He has told us in His word what is wrong and right.

IMO it should be available for a 14 year old boy to hold down a full time career and have full adult requirements and responsibilities.

Biblically he is NOT a child.

Offline Hehealedme

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #16 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 09:07:11 »
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« Last Edit: Mon Dec 08, 2014 - 14:32:44 by Hehealedme »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #17 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 09:08:44 »
I get rather  concerned when anyone starts bringing up the facts of what happened in the time that Jesus came.  Just because it happened at that time in that country doesn't  make it right.
What makes it right is that it was going on while the bible was being written and NOTHING in God's word says anything against it.

What is wrong or right is what is wrong or right in God's eyes, not our own.  He has told us in His word what is wrong and right.

IMO it should be available for a 14 year old boy to hold down a full time career and have full adult requirements and responsibilities.

Biblically he is NOT a child.


 Biblically he is not an adult either. God does not say anything about set ages for things, but thank God we do have responsible people who set responsible ages for certian things in our society,and who want to protect children from exploitation, and rightly so.

 Do you have any children? If so how old are they?
« Last Edit: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 09:22:42 by chosenone »

Offline Hehealedme

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #18 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 09:17:53 »
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« Last Edit: Mon Dec 08, 2014 - 14:32:17 by Hehealedme »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #19 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 09:19:59 »
I get rather  concerned when anyone starts bringing up the facts of what happened in the time that Jesus came.  Just because it happened at that time in that country doesn't  make it right.
What makes it right is that it was going on while the bible was being written and NOTHING in God's word says anything against it.

What is wrong or right is what is wrong or right in God's eyes, not our own.  He has told us in His word what is wrong and right.

IMO it should be available for a 14 year old boy to hold down a full time career and have full adult requirements and responsibilities.

Biblically he is NOT a child.




Would you DaveW be willing to have 14 year old boys as policemen for your town, or 15 year old doctors, or 16 year old lawyers, or maybe teachers, or what about 14 year old firemen!??!...oh what else could there be...hmmm......why not elect a 14 year old president for the United States!...Can you imagine that??!??!!!...


Lets be logical here...12, 13,14, 15, 16 year olds, boys or girls, are all still considered as children themselves, not yet as responsible adults!...

Why would we want to rush kids into having to be adults anyway? .There is no hurry, and they need that time of fun, maturing and just being children. Being that we are getting older and older now before we die, what the great hurry? They will have many many years of more responsibilities. Let them enjoy their childhood. Why do some adults always want to rush children into being adults?I just don't get it and besides there aren't enough jobs for 16-18 year olds let alone 14 year olds in the UK. A good education is far more important than working for a bad wage
I married at 19 and had my first child at 21. FAR FAR too young I realise now, and I was a  mature teenager. Wish I had left it till I was late 20's like my children have. They are far more sensible than me. We change so much between 18 and 28, which is probably why so many teenage marriages end in divorce.
Most young men who I know who are in their 20's are just not emotionally mature enough for marriage, let alone a 14 year old girl.

Offline Josiah

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #20 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 09:24:33 »
[Presuming the opening post to be genuine - which I tend to doubt]


My 14 year old daughter wants to marry her 21 year old boyfriend.

This is called sexual molestation, sexual abuse and rape. And because we have a CLEAR case of adult/child here, it's at the very most serious level.

My advise to you is this:

RIGHT NOW, immediately, call child protective services and the police.  He is to be arrested and charged.   He will forever have a record and will do several years in jail.  THIS IS ESSENTIAL in order that he not abuse other children.

The reality that he's abused you too is a very serious issue.  You need to inform the police that you too have been abused by this man as he has manipulated you to give yield to him.   Confess this to them, ask them to take this man out of the house.  And get yourself some counseling (the courts may  mandate this).  

I'm sorry and profoundly sad that this monster has abused both you and especially your little girl.   He is sick.  He needs to be behind bars and little girls (and their moms) need to be protected from him.   Then, with counseling, I pray you and your daughter can be restored.


.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #21 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 09:26:25 »
How about a 14 year old judge!!!... ::frown::


 I do wonder what full time 'career' dave is thinking of for a 14 year old. Maybe down the mines or something, like in bad times past? Most kids have no idea at 13 or 14 what they want to do in their future anyway. They are far too young, and busy getting a good education.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #22 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 09:32:28 »
My 14 year old daughter wants to marry her 21 year old boyfriend.

This is called sexual molestation and rape.

My advise to you is this:

RIGHT NOW, immediately, call child protective services and the police.  He is to be arrested and charged.   He will forever have a record and will do several years in jail.  THIS IS ESSENTIAL in order that he not abuse other children.

The reality that he's abused you too is a very serious issue.  You need to inform the police that you too have been abused by this man as he has manipulated you to give yield to him.   Confess this to them, ask them to take this man out of the house.  And get yourself some counseling (the courts may  mandate this). 

I'm sorry and profoundly sad that this monster has abused both you and especially your little girl.   He is sick.  He needs to be behind bars and little girls (and their moms) need to be protected from him.   Then, with counseling, I pray you and your daughter can be restored.


.
 

Hurray another voice of reason.  ::nodding::
Touble is Josiah the mum is enabling it, and has allowed this sexual abuse to take place in her own home. She may well be held equally resoponsible.She should have protected her daughter 2 years ago when this all started, and should never have allowed him to move in. Cant believe any parent would allow this. I bet her dad wouldnt if he were around.

Offline Supplanter

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #23 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 09:47:11 »
John and I talked about this in detail last night. And discussed the reasons for young teen marriages of girls to older men in some cultures and basically came up with 3 reasons why this would be the case:

1) Shorter life expectancy
2) No other viable course for a woman to choose
3) The bride is considered part of a business transaction

 I don't think any of these are positive, and as I said in my earlier post , teenage girls marrying in the countries like the US and UK is a completely mockery of all the men and women that work to give them other opportunities and to allow them time to mature physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

Offline Josiah

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #24 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 10:02:01 »
My 14 year old daughter wants to marry her 21 year old boyfriend.

This is called sexual molestation and rape.

My advise to you is this:

RIGHT NOW, immediately, call child protective services and the police.  He is to be arrested and charged.   He will forever have a record and will do several years in jail.  THIS IS ESSENTIAL in order that he not abuse other children.

The reality that he's abused you too is a very serious issue.  You need to inform the police that you too have been abused by this man as he has manipulated you to give yield to him.   Confess this to them, ask them to take this man out of the house.  And get yourself some counseling (the courts may  mandate this).  

I'm sorry and profoundly sad that this monster has abused both you and especially your little girl.   He is sick.  He needs to be behind bars and little girls (and their moms) need to be protected from him.   Then, with counseling, I pray you and your daughter can be restored.


.
 

Hurray another voice of reason.  ::nodding::


Touble is Josiah the mum is enabling it, and has allowed this sexual abuse to take place in her own home. She may well be held equally resoponsible.She should have protected her daughter 2 years ago when this all started, and should never have allowed him to move in. Cant believe any parent would allow this. I bet her dad wouldnt if he were around.


Yes, and that thought powerfully hit me as I read the opening post (assuming it's real).  Yes, legally - she could be in considerable trouble.   BUT, if this is real, I think a solid case could be made that the mother TOO has been victimized here by this predator.  In any case, the longer this goes on, the worse it is for her too.  She NEEDS to call NOW - this minute.   Every day that goes on is worse for her daughter and for her - legally, emotionally, physically.  It needs to stop NOW.  Both his abuse and the mothers enabling of it.  IF this is real, I suspect the authorities will see how the mother too was abused.  She'll get mandated counseling, at least, but that's a good thing.  Her reporting it would be a solid step in saying she wants to be a good parent and is now taking the needed step in being so.






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Offline Swiss_Guard

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #25 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 11:23:52 »
I'm gabberflasted! Have you seriously been letting your 14 year old daughter sleep with a grown man!?

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #26 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 11:48:01 »
John and I talked about this in detail last night. And discussed the reasons for young teen marriages of girls to older men in some cultures and basically came up with 3 reasons why this would be the case:

1) Shorter life expectancy
2) No other viable course for a woman to choose
3) The bride is considered part of a business transaction

 I don't think any of these are positive, and as I said in my earlier post , teenage girls marrying in the countries like the US and UK is a completely mockery of all the men and women that work to give them other opportunities and to allow them time to mature physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.


 wise words supplanter. The shorter life expectancy is a big part of it I think, as is the view of women as property to be pushed around. After all, if you are only going to live till you are in your 40's, you dont have much time. Whatever the reasons as you say they are all negative and its really not necessary to marry at such a young age in most countries today when you are probably going to live to be 70 or 80 or so. Plenty of time for that later on.
How many 13 or 14 year olds could be the sort of parents that the child needs? Its hard enough being a good parent when you are in your 20's or 30's.They are still growing up and maturing themsleves.
« Last Edit: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 11:56:36 by chosenone »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #27 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 12:01:22 »
Josiah, do you really think that a parent in that position could be considered to be innocent of allowing this to take place? I just cant see it. What about a wife whose husband is sexually abusing the children, and she knows about it but does nothing? In my view she is just as guilty because by her silence she is enabling it. This mother is just as guilty in my opinion.

Offline Swiss_Guard

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #28 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 12:03:08 »
Quote
What makes it right is that it was going on while the bible was being written and NOTHING in God's word says anything against it.

Thist thread is so screwed up. We have a user telling us that a pedophile is abusing her kid, AND YOU'RE IMPLYING ITS OKAY?!
This is so freaking bizzare.

Offline DaveW

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #29 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 12:06:11 »
In most states what is going on there is considered statutory rape.

While I understand and support the biblical-era responsibilities and age of marriage IN THEORY, we are to obey the laws of the land and this sounds like it is in violation. (a 21 yo male having sex with a 14 yo female)

It should be reported.

Offline DaveW

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #30 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 12:10:23 »
Its hard enough being a good parent when you are in your 20's or 30's.They are still growing up and maturing themsleves.
That is what I have a problem with - the idea that a 13 year old should still be maturing.  He should be able to have full time employment and support himself and others as well.

We prolong childhood and emotional maturity - basicly teaching that irresponsibility is OK.

Offline Josiah

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #31 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 12:24:27 »
Josiah, do you really think that a parent in that position could be considered to be innocent of allowing this to take place? I just cant see it. What about a wife whose husband is sexually abusing the children, and she knows about it but does nothing? In my view she is just as guilty because by her silence she is enabling it. This mother is just as guilty in my opinion.


Predators can be very good at their evil craft.

While it's impossible to know, she too may be a victim.  

In ANY case, with each passing day, she makes the situation worse for herself, too - legally, morally and physically.   She needs to begin to be a parent, pick up the phone, call the authorities.  It's the best thing she can do for herself, for her girl - and yes, for this predator.

That's MY perspective...


- Josiah





.
« Last Edit: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 13:19:44 by Josiah »

Offline Supplanter

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #32 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 12:42:08 »
Dave.

Sorry but I never met a 13 year old boy or girl that was physically fully mature at that age so why should we demand they be fully adults (in fact I've seen several who were so physically immature that they still looked like 8 or 9 year olds).

Now I do agree that by 13 years old, children should have a great level of self-sufficiency and the ability to make responsible decisions, but they are still learning and they are going to screw up at some point and that is why they still need parental guidance. They should be learning how to transition into complete independence at that point becoming somehat self-determinate, but they aren't quite there yet. Our culture and world today is much more complicated than in previous times. There is a lot more for an adult to navigate today than their ever has been. And those few extra years and it really is only a few (5 years is all until they are legally adults) provide a strong basis for them to go out and support themselves and a family in all sorts of ways.

I use to teach 8th grade which is the age group we are discussing and I can tell you that some could have made it in the adult world but most would have failed miserably and may yet even when they reach legal age because of how their parents have raised them to be simpering little spoiled brats. Others were eloquent with their speech and dedicated and intrinisically motivated and perfectly capable and because of that, they will have the time and opportunity to really build a strong foundation for their lives and go on to be well-adjusted adults, but they still had their moments where there was a lot for them to learn, a lifetime is not a foot race, it is a marathon.

If you train a child up apprrpriately then they will succeed, otherwise you have children who never grow up and psychologists trying to say adolescents doesn't end until 24. But also keep in mind that people grow at their own pace and culture rules on marriage age adapt to the society they are exposed to.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #33 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 13:57:00 »
Dave do you have any children?

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #34 on: Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 14:06:02 »
Its hard enough being a good parent when you are in your 20's or 30's.They are still growing up and maturing themsleves.
That is what I have a problem with - the idea that a 13 year old should still be maturing.  He should be able to have full time employment and support himself and others as well.

We prolong childhood and emotional maturity - basicly teaching that irresponsibility is OK.


 where would you suggest that a 13 year old get full time employment? There are no jobs for older teenagers as it is.
I love it that children can be children. I have worked a lot with children for many years,  as well as having 3  wonderful young adult children of my own, and 2 step sons. I hate it when people try to make children into little adults, and try to sexualise them when they are still young. It appalls me. Let them be what they are and not force them into adult roles when they are not adults.
I love it that I live in a country where children are not allowed to work till a certain age, and not allowed to marry till at least 16, and that they are protected from sexual predators. Or maybe we want our children to work 16 hours a day in sweat shops like they do in India and other countries? No thanks, I would never want to go back to Victorian times when kids were exploited and used and treated like objects.   It is our duty as adults to protect the young and the old.