Author Topic: Can a 14 year old get married?  (Read 7117 times)

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Offline Miz Krystal

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Can a 14 year old get married?
« on: November 17, 2011, 06:32:11 AM »
My 14 year old daughter wants to marry her 21 year old boyfriend. I know she is young but she is very mature for her age and they are a real couple. They live together with me and sleep in the same bed. Her boyfriend has a job and buys things for her. Me and my daughter have a good relationship and I am involved in her life. My daughter is responsible and has been sexually active for nearly two years, she don't get pregnant.  Will they make an exception for my daughter to get married if I provide parental consent and tell them how mature she is?

Thank you for your advice.

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Can a 14 year old get married?
« on: November 17, 2011, 06:32:11 AM »

Offline Hehealedme

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2011, 07:08:52 AM »
I can't believe a 14 year old girl getting married. And I can't believe a mother encouraging her daughter of that young age getting married or even letting her have a steady boyfriend of 21 years old, and even less let them sleep together in your own home!...A girl's body of that age isn't even finished forming yet. Many changes will occur in the next few years. As for maturity, I can't believe a 14 year old girl being mature enough to have a husband and, Heaven forbid, maybe get pregnant at that tender age!...I hope and pray that you won't let that happen...it would be a grave mistake... ::eek::

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2011, 07:08:52 AM »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2011, 07:38:25 AM »
If this post isnt a joke(as I suspect it is) then no, it isnt right or legal for a 14 years old to marry. Where I live in the uK it is illegal to marry till 16 and then only if both parents agree. She is still a child, and what was she doing have sex at 12!!! You say she is responsible, but from what you said neither you nor her are responsible. Isnt sex illegal with girls under 16 where you live? It is here. Her boyfriend could be arrested charged with child sexual abuse, and tried and put into jail and then be put in the sex offenders register..I have no idea why you allow a 21 year old man to live in your house and sleep with your child, and I also have no idea why you are posting this on a Christian forum when you know that for believers sex outside marriage is forbidden. If she were my daughter I would not give her permission to marry till she was 18, and even that is still too young in my opinion.

However I suspect that you are not the mother but the daughter, or that this post is a joke. I cant believe that it can be serious.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2011, 07:49:51 AM by chosenone »
In Him I live and move and have my being.

My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly."

It is by Grace we have been saved though Faith and not by works so that no one can boast.

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2011, 07:38:25 AM »

Offline Hehealedme

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2011, 07:52:39 AM »
I agree with you Chosenone...


I have posted this article once. It may be a good idea to post it again...
This article was written by a 15 year old girl...now that is what I call a young girl with maturity!...



An article by Victoria Self

Looking For Love
by Victoria Self

When I look around at the teenagers today and how we live our lives, I cannot help but wonder what has happened to get us to this point?  I believe with all my heart that we teenagers act the way we do because we are hurting and we are trying to fill a void in our life.

Let us take dating for instance! The world has put in our mind that “love

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2011, 07:52:39 AM »

Offline Miz Krystal

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2011, 12:27:02 PM »
Thanks for your replies everyone, I think your all being very judgemental and I'd deeply hurt.

I can't believe a 14 year old girl getting married.

It's legal in some states.

 
A girl's body of that age isn't even finished forming yet.

If nature didn't intend for 14 year olds to have sex why is it possible for them to get pregnant? Clearly they are biologically ready to reproduce. As for the human body 'forming' this doesn't stop until the mid twenties.

Where I live in the uK it is illegal to marry till 16 and then only if both parents agree.

14 is only two years below 16, I doubt it it makes much difference. Also plenty of 'adults' get married and it ends up in divorce.

I have no idea why you allow a 21 year old man to live in your house and sleep with your child

My daughter is not a 'child', she is a young woman. As you are from the UK you will know that the age of criminal responsibly in your country is 10, this implies 'children' can understand the consequences of their actions. When 14 year olds stab each other are they 'children'? Should they have their bottoms smacked?

I think you should all keep in mind that the age of consent for sex is 14 in Germany, Austria, Portugal, Italy and Spain. Clearly these nations don't think 14 year olds are children. There is no reason why the age of consent should be 16/18 - it's completely arbitrary.

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2011, 12:27:02 PM »



Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2011, 08:35:33 PM »
yes there is a very good reason why the age of consent should be 16, and that is because children are not emotionally mature enough to make good decision or choices and need laws to protect them when Parents don't.
You are encouraging your daughter and this man to break the law in your home. He is committing child sexual abuse(in the UK he would be charged with rape) and you are enabling it. You are equally responsible and you would also be charged if found out. Why would a good mum want her daughter to be with a man who has no moral values, no integrity, who doesn't care about breaking the law and who sleeps with children? I cant think of a worse man that I would want with my daughters.Maybe he needs to find a grown woman of his own age instead of sleeping with a child. If they are wanting to marry already, then presumably they have been sleeping together since she was maybe 13 or even 12!!!!!!
Anyway the whole question is pointless because it is against the law, and rightly so in my opinion.I have never met a young person of even 18 who is emotionally ready for marriage. In fact most aren't ready till well into their 20's in my view.
She needs to enjoy her child hood get a good education and prepare herself for real life. You are supposed to set a good example and yet you are doing the opposite. I don't know if you are a christian(this is a Christian site) but Gd clearly says that sex is for marriage only and He also says that we need to obey the laws of our land. You also seem to have a very low opinion of marriage if you think "whats the worst that can happen, she can just get divorced" . Marriage is supposed to be a serious life long covenant relationship.
You need to ask him to leave, stop sleeping with your daughter until it is legal, and maybe if they still want to marry when she is 18 then to go ahead. Hopefully she will have come to her senses by then and will be adult enough to make good mature decisions. You say she is mature but her decisions and life style show a very great immaturity.
« Last Edit: November 18, 2011, 08:42:54 PM by chosenone »
In Him I live and move and have my being.

My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly."

It is by Grace we have been saved though Faith and not by works so that no one can boast.

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2011, 08:35:33 PM »

Offline NowFound

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2011, 09:54:19 AM »
I would say these posts are a farce as well.

The initial question was allegedly naive about whether a 14 year old could marry but a later response was filled with facts about ages of accountability in various countries doesn't add up.  In fact, the response itself said "It's legal in some states."

This outrageous question seems to be meant to stir up replies which could then be picked apart.

Miz Krystal - whoever you are and whatever your real reason for writing - know that several people will be praying for you.  Consider if you landed here because God wanted you to draw closer to Him. 

Jesus Christ was born, lived, and died for you.  Who else would do that for you but God? 

Online DaveW

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2011, 10:38:25 AM »
OK - I am going a different way with this.

First off - NO ONE no matter if they are 12 or 112 should be sexually active with anyone if they are not married, PERIOD. It is strictly sinful.

That said, it is my opinion that God intended people to get married at that age, and in bible times that is what they did. It was common in first century Judea for the groom to be about 13 or 14 and his bride to be a year younger, with them being "arranged" by the parents at about age 5 or 6. The mishnah says that a marriage is binding if the [arranged] couple has had sex and have both reached the age of 9 years plus one day.

In My Opinion, there would be a lot less "sexual incompatability" if people were in a covenant sexual relationship (marriage) as they develop sexually.  They grow up together and complimentary.

It is our stupid society that retards young people from growing up, either in character and responsibility or emotionally/relationally. It is NOT God's plan that people in their 20s and 30s are STILL emotionally or financially dependant on mom and dad.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2011, 10:50:01 AM »
Cant agree with you Dave but you are entitled to your opinion. There is no way that children of 12 or 13 are ready for marriage, and THANK GOD that we dont have arranged marriages in the west. In countries where very young girls have children they are physically damaged and often have problems with their bladder control and severe leakage, and many need to have operations (if they can afford it or have the opportunity) after wards. Many are abandoned by their husbands when this happens and are destitute. I saw a programme about it the other day made in Pakistan, and it was very sad and tragic. At least let children physically and emotionally mature first. Let them be children for a few years.

I cant see that sexual compatability would be any different myself if a couple marries early or late.That is an area where the couple need to work and compromise and aim to please the other.
In Him I live and move and have my being.

My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly."

It is by Grace we have been saved though Faith and not by works so that no one can boast.

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2011, 10:50:01 AM »

Online DaveW

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #9 on: November 21, 2011, 12:30:19 PM »
there were no reports of such occurances in first century Judea where early marriage was the norm.

I would not be surprised if there were problems with a much older man marrying  a teen or pre-teen. (they are  - um - bigger)

It worked for them for at least several centuries. The ages of marriage did not really start to rise in even Diaspora Jewish communities until the middle ages.

Offline Supplanter

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #10 on: November 21, 2011, 03:08:26 PM »
Actually it was the norm in the early 20th century for girls of 13-15 to marry men in their 20's onward. However, that doesn't mean that should be our standard today. Women also weren't expected to do anything but raise a family and take care of the home and help with farm work and couldn't vote.

Most betrothals of little girls are to men who much older than they should be and in Yemen, a culture geographically close to Israel and taking on some of the same traditions, these child brides are given to their spouses around 8 or 9 and even though these men in their 30's are suppose to wait until they have had their first period to have intercourse, 9 times out of ten they just rape them and everyone turns their heads.

Women for centuries have been barely one step above property. In such a culture, marriage and bearing children was a woman's salvation. So, without any other future to pursue, she was married as soon as they saw fit to achieve her duty to bear children.

Today, women in most of our cultures are not property and we have the ability to become educated and pursue other avenues besides becoming wives that are supported by husbands and bearing children as our saving grace. There is nothing wrong with being a wife and bearing children, it is a wonderful thing, but we also allowed to develop more fully intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually which is a very good thing because that creates a marriage of equals who can work together to more fully display what the image of Christ and his relationship to the church is. Understand, I am saying equal in respect to being equally acknowledged as human beings and in reference to Christ being acknowledged as co-heirs with him.

If we had not been raised up by him to become spotless before God and righteous just as he is then we could never as the church become his bride. So, if we are to display this sort of relationship in a marriage then we start with the premise that men and women are worthy of equal respect and are equally matched to work together and display the witness of Christ and His church.

Women have been raised up because God has raised them up when they were nothing more than a man's property. It is a big deal that women are no longer forced to marry in their early teens and that is why it is so regrettable that this young woman and her mother are not allowing her to fully become the woman God wishes her to be.

Without being established in Christ first and having a firm spiritual foundation, a marriage is already off to a rocky start. If this girl is has been having sex since the age of 12 then she barely knows who she is because she has had her identity intertwined with this grown man. If he knew Christ at all and genuinely loved her then he would be willing to wait for her to grow up and treat her properly as well as establish himself in Chrit so he could be a spiritual leader in the household.

Obviously, neither one of these children are self-sufficent and think their sign of adulthood and maturity is having sex. They don't have a clue what it is like to hold down a full-time job, pay bills, and deal with the relationship issues that can rock a marriage to the core. They haven't had opportunity to take care of themselves much less each other and more concerned with their "love" than making themselves into respectable independent mature adults.

No one living with their parents should get married. That one thing shows a lack of responsibility and maturity that no married person should own.
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Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #11 on: November 22, 2011, 03:41:00 AM »
Having bought up 2 girls as well as  a son, the thought of them being married off at 12 or 13 or 14 horrifies me. While some girls may be fairly physically mature in the early to mid teens, they are not emotionally mature enough to marry and neither are guys in their late teens or early 20's in my experience. I thank God that I live in a civilised country where we allow our children to be children and that we protect them with the law from being so sexually exploited.
How many of you dads here with daughters of that age(12-14 ish) would be happy with their daughters  having sex  with, or or getting married to, a 21 year old guy?  Not many I bet.
In Him I live and move and have my being.

My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly."

It is by Grace we have been saved though Faith and not by works so that no one can boast.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #12 on: November 22, 2011, 03:50:33 AM »
there were no reports of such occurances in first century Judea where early marriage was the norm.

I would not be surprised if there were problems with a much older man marrying  a teen or pre-teen. (they are  - um - bigger)

It worked for them for at least several centuries. The ages of marriage did not really start to rise in even Diaspora Jewish communities until the middle ages.
 

 In countries where very young girls get married and have children, death or injury in child birth of the mother or baby is very high. I am not sure how you know what went on then, and how many of these young girls were damaged internally, or died because of this. I am actually amazed that any man who has children(don't know if you do) could ever think this was OK.
Please leave little girls alone till they are old enough to emotionally and physically deal with sex and marriage and having children.  I get rather  concerned when anyone starts bringing up the facts of what happened in the time that Jesus came.  Just because it happened at that time in that country doesn't  make it right. Many awful things still go on to girls and women in many countries, that doesn't means that it is right. We are fortunately rather more civilised now in the west.
 In the UK where I live,we used to exploit and send tiny little boys up chimneys to clean them, doesn't mean that is was right or that we should do that today does it?
In Him I live and move and have my being.

My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly."

It is by Grace we have been saved though Faith and not by works so that no one can boast.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #13 on: November 22, 2011, 03:51:29 AM »

Having bought up 2 girls as well as  a son, the thought of them being married off at 12 or 13 or 14 horrifies me. While SOME girls may be fairly physically mature in their mid teens, they are not emotionally mature enough to marry and neither are guys in their late teens or early 20's in my experience. I thank God that I live in a civilised country where we allow our children to be children and that we protect them with the law from being so sexually exploited.
How many of you dads here with daughters of that age(12-14 ish) would be happy with their daughters  having sex  with, or or getting married to, a 21 year old guy?  Not many I bet.
In Him I live and move and have my being.

My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly."

It is by Grace we have been saved though Faith and not by works so that no one can boast.

Online DaveW

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Re: Can a 14 year old get married?
« Reply #14 on: November 22, 2011, 05:16:53 AM »
Actually it was the norm in the early 20th century for girls of 13-15 to marry men in their 20's onward.
My mom had a best friend who was from the backwoods south (Ozarks) Her oldest daughter was a year older than me and when she turned 16 (1970) she got REALLLLYYYYY depressed.  I asked her why and she replied that where they came from to turn 16 and NOT be married made her an "old maid" and probably NEVER would get married.

That is not that long ago.