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Offline Want2bsure

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Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« on: October 19, 2007, 01:20:12 AM »
Although my boyfriend and I are not married, we have been living together for several years and have a small child.  We recently rededicated our lives to God - however, prior to this, I uncovered not one, not two, but a slew of different women he has been cheating with.  He has moved out - and when he left he said he didn't love me and just dealt with me for our child - however, now he's back and wants to work it out expects me to believe him and never ask or mention the past - is that even possible?  God can do wondrous things - how should we go forward?

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Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« on: October 19, 2007, 01:20:12 AM »

Offline Jon-Marc

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2007, 11:51:55 AM »
Personally, I don't consider it cheating since you're not married. However, I cannot trust anyone who does lie to me or cheat me in any way. Once they do it, their credibility goes down the toilet. My first wife had many men while we where married, and she even gave me genital herpes she picked up somewhere. I was never able to trust her again. She eventually told me, "I won't change." That was when I gave up all hope, and we separated. She even had the audacity to ask me after we were divorced if I would remarry her! I divorced her because of her adultery! Why would I want to go through that again?

There has to be trust in a marriage. Don't marry someone you don't (or can't) fully trust. You could end up regretting it. You can regret it even if you do trust them before marriage--as with my second wife. She constantly criticized EVERYTHING I said and did until I got tired of it, and we separated. I wasn't perfect like she was, and she couldn't handle it rofl. After we divorced, I found out she had been embezzling my money and putting it in an account for the time we separated. She apparently had it all planned out ahead of time. I NEVER cheated on her or my first wife. I've never belivved in that sort of behavior.

You can't change another person; only God can do that, but only if the person wants Him to do it. If he has been seeing other women while dating you, how can you know he won't continue doing so after you marry him? Of course, if your relationship with him has been mainly just a DATING relationship with no commitment, he is not obligated to be faithful to just you and can date others, and so can you. What, if any, commitment has been made by either of you? Are you engaged to be married, and he's still seeing other women? if so, run don't walk to the nearest exit.
« Last Edit: October 20, 2007, 12:01:26 PM by Jon-Marc »
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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2007, 11:51:55 AM »

Offline janine

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2007, 11:20:18 PM »
Why would you expect him to change?  Why would you make yourself and the child vulnerable to him by depending on him?
*You may not live in a glass house, but everyone has windows.*
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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2007, 11:20:18 PM »

Offline Serenity432001

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2007, 11:53:47 AM »
Although my boyfriend and I are not married, we have been living together for several years and have a small child.  We recently rededicated our lives to God - however, prior to this, I uncovered not one, not two, but a slew of different women he has been cheating with.  He has moved out - and when he left he said he didn't love me and just dealt with me for our child - however, now he's back and wants to work it out expects me to believe him and never ask or mention the past - is that even possible?  God can do wondrous things - how should we go forward?

Unless he's willing to look at his part and take the necessary steps to change and you are willing to look at your part and take the necessary steps to chage, it's very difficult to continue a relationship where trust has been broken at that level.  I would want to know why the change of heart.  IOW, why did he leave saying he didn't love you and then all of a sudden decide he did love you and wants you back.  I'd find out if he really is willing to go to any lengths and if he is those lengths would include you not trusting him until he becomes trustworthy once again and this could take a long, long time but it's a price he must pay because of his actions.  It's called consequences.  He can't expect you to just act as if nothing happens.  He does have to prove himself, imo.  If he's not willing to do that or be very open and imo, deserves no privacy for awhile anyway, then, I'd question the sincerity of it all. 
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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2007, 11:53:47 AM »

Offline janine

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2007, 06:45:12 PM »
And then there's the whole living-together-not-married thing.
*You may not live in a glass house, but everyone has windows.*
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"I'd have a suicide bombers' convention and they can all blow each other up." Keith Richards
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"Jesus did not barf all over the woman taken in adultery"---malik3000

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2007, 06:45:12 PM »



Offline courtgirl72

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2007, 08:20:54 PM »

And then there's the whole living-together-not-married thing.
And then there's the whole living-together-not-married thing.


I was thinking that also.  Sorry don't mean to sound harsh.  And I don't want to sound judgmental or overly critical, but there is no commitment when you are just living together.  And there for no real consequences for him to cheat.  Marraige is a wonderful thing.  Now I am not saying to marry this man but you need to learn from this, leave him and find someone who will treat you better.  But before you are able to do that you need to work on your self esteem and the only way to do that is through Christ.  I pray that things work out for you.  Take care.

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2007, 08:20:54 PM »

Offline Want2bsure

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2007, 12:36:55 AM »
We were in a committed relationship (or so I thought) and now since he knows I'm saved, and he's saved, he says this is what God has wanted all along.  He no longer lives with me and we are NOT having sex.   He's also now talking about marriage and wants to do so within a very short period of time.  He does seem genuine.  He says all the "other women" are in the past - I wonder if he knows that I know exactly how many "other women" there actually are!  Or rather were!  At any rate, I'm taking all of your advice - I'm running..............far, far away. 

Offline courtgirl72

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2007, 04:48:21 PM »
I know where  you are coming from though.  I was engaged about 6 years ago and found out 8 months before the wedding that he was cheating on me when he was arraigned on 2 counts of rape...he didn't rape her, but he did cheat on me..  I broke it off with him because I knew that if he is going to do it before the wedding what is a marraige certificate going to do to keep him from doing it again.  And now I am married to a wonderful man who I just celebrated our first anniversary with yesterday.  Just to think that if I would have married the other jerk, then I wouldn't have met the person God had picked out for me!   Things look rough now but God does have someone wonderful in mind for you and his timing is always perfect!!!

Offline jae

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2007, 01:17:24 PM »
Although my boyfriend and I are not married, we have been living together for several years and have a small child.  We recently rededicated our lives to God - however, prior to this, I uncovered not one, not two, but a slew of different women he has been cheating with. 
Quote



He has moved out - and when he left he said he didn't love me and just dealt with me for our child - however, now he's back and wants to work it out expects me to believe him and never ask or mention the past - is that even possible?  God can do wondrous things - how should we go forward?

the same happened between me and my girlfriend,,
we were living together and  me being a backslider,, i kept hearing gods voice, in various ways ,, and all he was asking was for me to come back to him..
i grew up in the church and before i was seperated/divorced back in 1999 i was going to church and reading my bible  and enjoying my life in the lord..

things happened in my divorce that , i just went astray,, 

me and my girlfriend have a beautiful 4 yr old son,, and we thank god everyday that he turned out to be healthy, he was a very high risk baby..

during this time i was out playing and doing what i wanted to do,, and i thought i would never get caught,, all the while ignoring gods voice.

my girlfriend found out everything,, and i thank god that she did,, i truly believe that god showed her these things to get me back on track with him,, my world and my life was shaken,, and now i thank him for never leaving me..


i also decided to move to my moms house.. and i said the same thing about not loving her,,  BUT this was prior to my rededication..
we r now back together.. and we are both growing in the lord.. and with her being a baby christian i have been there for her in her time of need, with her spiritual warfare.. our son has been doing increasingly well in school and my oldest son (from my marriage) has noticed a huge difference in my girlfriend,, we do plan on getting married soon, and cant wait to live our lives together in the lord.. we are going to church,, praying,, praising,, and reading our bibles..
i witness to people at work,, and she has let her light shine so bright that her coworkers have noticed a difference in her aswell..

god can do wonderous things,,  and he works in mysterious ways,,  his plan for us is one we can not understand,, but if we submit to his will then everything will fall into place .. 

we have left everything in gods hands.  i truly dont believe that he wants to break up our family, but whatever his will is for our future  then it shall be done.. 

trust in the lord, with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding..   

  it is amazing that noone on here has mentioned anything about you both being saved.. and that god will bless you with your family...

DONT RUN,, STAY,, PRAY,, SEEK THE LORD FOR ANSWERS, NOT  YOUR OWN ANSWERS.... YOU WILL GAIN TRUST AGAIN IN YOUR BOYFRIEND  AND U GUYS WILL BE HAPPY TOGETHER.. TRUST IN GOD

as far as sex goes.. we have our own , what we call "christian sex".. she brushes my hair,, while i massage her feet..  we are learning to love each other all over again..  and we have no problems with sex..  and for me that was my biggest issue before "not enough sex".. 
 now that we are both in the lord we have desires for each other, but our love for god is greater and to do is will is more important and we know that he will bless our union when we marry..

may god bless you 

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2007, 01:17:24 PM »

Offline janine

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2007, 01:45:40 PM »
On the other side of the coin -- can you be trusted?  Can I be trusted?  Is there any one of us that has never ever in our whole lives told any sort of a lie of any kind?

Someone who has sinned surely can be trusted in the future -- depending upon the circumstances.  Depending upon where that person is, in the salvation/repentance/rededication cycle. 

It's not that the guy can never be trusted again -- but it's not that you should go all Pollyanna and trust him completely because you have F-A-I-T-H, either.  "Wise as a serpent/gentle as a dove" and all that.

You have to weigh your entire situation.
*You may not live in a glass house, but everyone has windows.*
* I'm a fool for Christ.  Whose fool are you? *
"I'd have a suicide bombers' convention and they can all blow each other up." Keith Richards
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"Jesus did not barf all over the woman taken in adultery"---malik3000

Offline blessed with him

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #10 on: November 10, 2007, 07:25:23 PM »
Love must include TRUST and RELIABILITY.  I had to learn this the hard way.  My ex cheated on me before we were married.  He confessed and begged me to forgive him and promised it would never happen again.  He professed his love for me and God, seemed overwhelmingly remorseful.  We were married 5 years, the last one we spent separated.  I ended up finding out that he was cheating the whole time.  I have never felt so betrayed and hurt in my life.  Please, please, please turn to God for yourself and your child.  Let him go his way and you go yours.  If indeed he has repented and changed, great, but don't put yourself back into that situation.  He will learn nothing except that he can do it again and have no life altering consequences for his behavior.  If he has found God and is working on his walk then he will certainly understand that it would be terrifying for you to put yourself back out there with him.  Just ask yourself, have you ever treated anyone so badly?  If not then why?  Because we are either that type of person or not.  Be patient and let God bring someone your way.  Lord give her the strength to follow your will no matter what it may be, let her feel your love around her so she can feel the difference between real love and deception. And by the way, please help me with that also. Amen
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Offline Pokhara

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #11 on: November 15, 2007, 12:50:56 AM »
To answer the question Can ... ever be trusted?, we must first recognise that God can change anyone.  Many of us have read books about that, and some of us have even met people who have been changed.

Another point to recognise is that sex - like alcohol and drugs - can be addictive.  If someone cheats, then it might be because they just don't care about how the cheating will affect their partner.  On the other hand, they might actually be upset about it, but be unable to let go of their addiction to one night stands.  Such a person might be prepared to consider counselling, although I am not sure that counselling actually works.

Either way, infidelity dishonours God, and is wrong.
Faith without deeds is useless - James 2: 20

Offline Mac

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2007, 12:53:43 AM »
Although my boyfriend and I are not married, we have been living together for several years and have a small child.  We recently rededicated our lives to God - however, prior to this, I uncovered not one, not two, but a slew of different women he has been cheating with.  He has moved out - and when he left he said he didn't love me and just dealt with me for our child - however, now he's back and wants to work it out expects me to believe him and never ask or mention the past - is that even possible?  God can do wondrous things - how should we go forward?

want2besure,

I have been through this, but I was married...Indeed, it can work, but both have to be living for the Lord and allow his will to be done in your lives. My EX-wife (that tell's you how my story ended) did the same and worse...But she eventually came back wanting to be back together...That had more to do with money, security and stability than anything else....But as I prayed and turned it over to the Lord, I was very discerning of her constant lying and trashy behavior....

In the end I realized that even though the Lord would not want our family split apart, he would not force his will on her life....So I asked myself the question, What will happen if she falls out of God's will or is never in it, only acting? The answer was simple, we would end up where we were once again...So, I moved on...It hurt really bad because I loved her....But I had made a commitment to the Lord and was not going to let her compromise that (she would have). So, I left it up to the Lord.

Wouldn't you know, I met a wonderful, Godly woman at church...We began a relationship...Well, long story short, we are married and have been for almost 6 years....We have never had a fight...We have been blessed beyond all our expectations...What a wonderful thing God has given us...But the Ex-wife is still the same...She has been remarried and divorced....Had numerous adulterous affairs, etc...She is a wreck...We (wife and I) still pray for her every day..Well, my wife does every day..I really struggle with that at times....

So, do not give up....But leave it to the Lord... Be very perceptive as to what the Lord is saying to you...Do what you KNOW is right and what you KNOW would be in God's will for your life...Not what you want....You will mess it up if you do what you want, then expect God to clean up your mess....We all tend to do that...God Bless you!!! ::prayinghard::
Mac
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What Would Jesus Do?

Offline seekr

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Re: Cheaters and Liars - Can They Ever Be Trusted
« Reply #13 on: November 20, 2007, 01:32:04 PM »
Quite frankly it is never really about trusting a person, but trusting God with the person. It takes a real relationship with God to know. All have sinned....