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Author Topic: Christian/Non-Believer Relationships  (Read 12473 times)

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Offline keri425

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« on: December 27, 2005, 05:12:26 PM »
I've been dating a guy for about 2 months.  Everything was going great, I think I was beginning to like him, he seemed to be "religious", but one day we started talking about it in more detail.  He believed in God, but not in Jesus, even though he believed that Jesus existed.  He felt that we are here to just make ourselves happy, and we just make up our own rules and live by them.  (wouldn't that be ideal....)

For me, that doesn't seem to be enough.  I'm at a point in my life, where i'm dating to find someone to spend the rest of my life with.  It seems like a no brainer that the relationship has to stop because we are not on the same page with our religious views.  I believe in Jesus, and would think that I need a believer in order to help me through the good and bad times in my life.  It's just hard because in the guys that I've dated, and a lot of friends, it doesn't seem to be a priority to anyone, and they wind up telling  me that I should be more accepting to people?  It's so frustrating because the majority of people, at least that I've met, seem to think it's ok to accept all people's views and agree that it's ok for them to have them, and I should just understand that?

What are your opinions on this?  Did I do the right thing?

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« on: December 27, 2005, 05:12:26 PM »

Offline Bon Voyage

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« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2005, 06:40:23 AM »
I am not from a Church of Christ background and my wife was, and there were many times of struggle because of the differences between what I was taught growing up and what she was.  I think you are doing the right thing in ending the relationship.

You would have many difficulties in a relationship like that, and the bible does say that we should not be unequally yoked.

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« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2005, 06:40:23 AM »

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« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2005, 07:52:35 AM »
Yes, absolutely.  Even if you are strong enough to not be pulled a way from what's really important, you'll be fighting it all the time.  And then there's the matter of any children.

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« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2005, 07:52:35 AM »

Offline Jimbob

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« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2005, 10:03:55 AM »
I agree.  We've got several friends that say they didn't have the foresight (or believed they'd be the true exception and make it work) to make the decision you did.  They'd tell you that you did the right thing.
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« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2005, 10:03:55 AM »

kalen

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« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2005, 01:50:55 PM »
Quote
... they wind up telling  me that I should be more accepting to people?  It's so frustrating because the majority of people, at least that I've met, seem to think it's ok to accept all people's views and agree that it's ok for them to have them, and I should just understand that...
Being tolerant of others' views is one thing -- a necessity in life, really.  We have to be tolerant otherwise we'd literally be cramming our beliefs down the throats of others, which is totally uncool (think the "holy wars" from your history classes).  Christ gave us the choice whether or not to accept him, and some people don't.  We have to be tolerant of that.

Now having a spouse that isn't in the ring (so to speak) with your faith and your beliefs is really, really dumb, imo.  Unless you're a very strong person (and I mean REALLY strong) you're going to need that "oneness" with a sibling in Christ.  Marriage is a partnership, and most people can't sucessfully be partnered with someone who's not on the same page.  In short, don't go getting yourself unequally yoked to someone who can't pull his/her own weight in the marriage.  That has nothing to do with tolerance but everything to do with choosing a mate that can and will step up to the plate with you in life.

My advice?  Pray for this person to come into your life, and then leave it to God to do the choosing.  It's that simple.  If He's got a spouse for you, He'll give that person to you as His gift when the timing (HIS timing) is right.

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« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2005, 01:50:55 PM »



Offline keri425

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« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2005, 07:10:03 PM »
I understand about being tolerant of others views. It's definately a necessity otherwise you will never get along with anyone.  It's just that so many people that I come across are ok with saying "religion is just not that important to me".  I totally don't understand how you could say that and be ok with that.  I mean, how could where you spend eternity not be important to you???? It drives me crazy to think about that!

The more I think about it, the more I know it would be impossible for the relationship to work.  It just really is hard because you get emotionally invovled.  And actually, the more I think about it, the less I think we really had in common because having that same view on religion is really the basis for everything.

I'm interested to see if anyone had or has and unequally yoked relationship or marriage, and how it worked, if it did, and was or is it really satisfying?

I think what I learned from this is that before I let myself get emotionally involved, which is hard to stop sometimes, I should really take the time to get to know the most important things about the other person first.

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« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2005, 07:10:03 PM »

Offline janine

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« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2005, 08:48:28 PM »
My husband and I were not on the same page, religiously speaking, when we married.

I committed to Christ and he returned to Christ with a renewed commitment, a couple years into the marriage -- just in time to lose our second little daughter to drowning.

What you want to bet we'd never have made it through that and almost to our 25th anniversary, if I'd not come to an understanding with God, and if hubby hadn't grown and learned and renewed his clinging to God?

See, if things had progressed farther, and if you were writing to tell us now about your non-religious fiance or your non-Christian new husband --

We'd be telling you a lot of supportive stuff.  We'd be helping you to make the best of it by reminding you of Scriptures about wives converting husbands, wives respecting husbands --

Because, IMO, it's almost impossible for a woman to love a man she cannot respect --

And it would not be the end of the world if your marriage was not God's perfect ideal one with two redeemed Christian spouses.  Things can work out for mismatched people.  

It's just so blasted hard.  It's not God's ideal best wish for you.  Finding a man you can bear the yoke lightly with, that's God's ideal best wish for you, if and when you marry.

Keep a-lookin', sugar.  Praise God you were able to break it off without major damage to your heart and mind and spirit.
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Offline Marzipan

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« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2005, 08:57:35 PM »
I think the main reason some people are able to say that religion is not important to them is because they are in denial of the consequences. People don't like thinking about hell, and repentance, and 'giving up' things to serve the true God. They don't want it to be true, so they deny truth and avoid facing facts by saying that religion just isn't that important to them.
May I say that I am so glad to hear that you have faced the facts and decided that following Christ is worth every step!
I would agree that you did the right thing. I know emotions make it messy.
I was in a serious relationship with a really great guy who held certain beliefs that I began to question as I studied the Bible more and grew closer to God. He and I both began to realize that we were'nt on the same page, and for a long time I think we both knew that it could never work unless one of us changed what we believed, and neither of us were willing. We broke up after being together for a year, and it was the most painful 'letting go' I have ever had to deal with. But I know now that is was the right thing to do, even when it was the last thing I wanted to do.
There is something to be said for tolerance, but also for standards... I would never judge anyone who chose to be in a relationship with an unbeliever, but I do think it makes for a much smoother path.
Also, you don't have to be shoving theology down someone's throat to witness to them. By our example we teach more than we know, and friends, family, coworkers, etc. can all be affected by Christ's teachings through us if we are living as we ought. I hardly think you could be accused of being intolerant by simply "being the change you want to see in the world".
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thes. 5:16-18

Offline keri425

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« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2005, 12:03:20 AM »
It's just so hard to think about people not wanting to deal with the consequences.  Friends and especially that guy that I just had to break it off with.  I mean, when will they learn, will it be too late.  It's just so frustrating to hear their justification of their choices because they are just taking the easy way out.  The response I get from them is that I am being judgemental why can't you just be ok with others having different views then your own? How can anyone be ok with the fact that someone else you possibly care about is  ruining their existence?

This guy that I dated felt that everyone lives by their own rules and you should do that in order to make yourself happy, basically what he feels that life is all about.  I thought about that and yeah, it's real easy to think that in the moment, but it's like a cop out because everything then just becomes ok.  He doesn't believe in heaven or hell and thinks that we are all just going to wind up in the same place together after we die.  

I told him that I believe that we are here on earth to make a decision that will ultimately choose how we will spend eternity.  He said that he could never live that way.  Well, is that because it's a little harder, a little more restricting, and someone is telling you that you could possibly be wrong with how you are living your life? People don't like to be told that they are wrong.

And the thing is, he grew up in a Catholic family and went to a Catholic school.  I assumed he was Catholic from the beginning, and he even thought he was until I explained it to him that he is not even Christian, which is all I was really wanted.  Was it the Catholic school that turned him away from Christianity, life experience, ??

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« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2005, 12:03:20 AM »

Offline Barry

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« Reply #9 on: December 31, 2005, 06:44:39 AM »
When you became a Christian you made a commitment that Jesus would be your first love. If you go into a relationship with someone that does not share that commitment there will be major problems.

As a minister, I deal with this all the time. We have many in our congregation who married non-believers and then regretted it. Some of the spouses (non-Christian ones) become extremely jealous of Christ, the church, etc... because they do not share the same commitment and/or values. And you know what, it is completely undertandable. In some ways, I am more sympathetic to the non-Christian in this situation because they have gotten "surprised" with an additional "spouse" (Christ) when they were only expecting one.

Barry

Offline zoonance

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« Reply #10 on: December 31, 2005, 09:33:02 AM »
There is no question that one should not form a union based on disunity.  It is sad and difficult when two believers, two disciples, two christians (only used once in scripture?) experience difference of opinions, sometimes sharply.  But imagine putting your faith in opposites, aiming for different goals, etc.

Offline Cliftyman

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« Reply #11 on: January 03, 2006, 11:58:24 AM »
a believer marrying an unbeliever is what the bible refers to as being "unequally yoked", I'm pretty sure.
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Barry H. Manners

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« Reply #12 on: January 07, 2006, 11:48:11 PM »
I do not think it is wise for people who hold different religious beliefs to get married.  It  causes too much room for conflict.

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« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2006, 12:07:43 AM »
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I do not think it is wise for people of different beliefs about religion to get married.  It just causes too much room for conflict.
I would agree, and suggest some passages to support this view.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

-2 Corinthians 6:14-15


Before getting married, I would seriously consider what you truly have in common; and what your motives are.

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« Reply #14 on: January 08, 2006, 12:35:50 AM »
Quote
Quote
I do not think it is wise for people of different beliefs about religion to get married.  It just causes too much room for conflict.
I would agree, and suggest some passages to support this view.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

-2 Corinthians 6:14-15


Before getting married, I would seriously consider what you truly have in common; and what your motives are.[/color]
I would also add that politics can be very divisive as well.