Author Topic: Confessing to my spouse  (Read 5621 times)

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Offline littleoldme

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #35 on: Tue Jul 08, 2014 - 23:09:21 »
kc9403, If you & God have worked out this issue and you realised & repented your error. Move on. Don't place this burden of grief & regret on your wife as well. Let it die & don't do it again.

I agree.

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #35 on: Tue Jul 08, 2014 - 23:09:21 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #36 on: Wed Jul 09, 2014 - 03:58:16 »
kc9403, If you & God have worked out this issue and you realised & repented your error. Move on. Don't place this burden of grief & regret on your wife as well. Let it die & don't do it again.

I agree.
 

He confessed it to his wife, and things have got better since then.

Offline rmcbdd14

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #37 on: Wed Jan 07, 2015 - 11:56:42 »
KC9403,

I know you posted this awhile ago.  I tried to send you a private message, but wasn't able to because your message box is filled.  I was wondering how things were going in your marriage? Did you confess everything to your wife? My husband did a similar thing to me and won't confess.  It has been driving me crazy, because I have reason to believe things went too far at the strip club, but he won't admit to it.  Did you decide to tell your wife everything that happened? Also, what exactly happened during the lap dance? You described too much touching, however you didn't specify how far the touching went? You said it was a private dance. Does this mean alone in a room with the dancer?

I think it is always better to confess to your spouse and come clean. It will renew your marriage and you can heal.  Building a marriage on deception isn't good.  It will destroy your marriage.  My husband won't admit what happened at a strip club and it has taken an emotional toll on our marriage and my mental health.  I have developed depression, because he refuses to come clean. He wants to rug sweep what happened and continue to go on with our life. I can't do this, because knowing that he chooses to lie to me hurts me more than actually doing the deed. I believe that marriage should be built on honesty. Lying to your spouse destroys the spiritual vow in the marriage.  It allows the devil to come into a marriage and taint it.  Honesty is the way to go, even if it hurts your wife. I would want to know the truth. To me, it is a betrayal of the heart. It is a form of cheating in my eyes.  I should be allowed to know all the facts so I can make a decision on how to handle this situation.  Everyone makes mistakes. Forgiveness only comes when someone confesses and repents his sins.  Rug sweeping what happened makes things worse.   
« Last Edit: Mon Nov 30, 2015 - 12:44:58 by rmcbdd14 »

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #37 on: Wed Jan 07, 2015 - 11:56:42 »

Offline DaveW

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #38 on: Wed Jan 07, 2015 - 12:07:22 »
I know you posted this awhile ago. ... you didn't specify how far the touching went?

TMI!

Besides, I think "describing how far things went" in a lap dance is a violation of the rules. (sexually explicit)


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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #38 on: Wed Jan 07, 2015 - 12:07:22 »

Offline rmcbdd14

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #39 on: Wed Jan 07, 2015 - 13:01:23 »
I know you posted this awhile ago. ... you didn't specify how far the touching went?

TMI!

Besides, I think "describing how far things went" in a lap dance is a violation of the rules. (sexually explicit)

I totally agree with you on this one! I think going to a strip club is cheating on your spouse. I have been struggling with the pain of finding out my own husband has been going to strip clubs behind my back. 

The reason why I asked about describing what type of touching had occurred is because other things can happen during a lap dance.

Everything is bad.  However, I believe there are "more serious" types of touching.

« Last Edit: Mon Nov 30, 2015 - 12:47:10 by rmcbdd14 »

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #39 on: Wed Jan 07, 2015 - 13:01:23 »



Offline DaveW

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #40 on: Wed Jan 07, 2015 - 13:10:02 »
Yes - those details could/should be discussed between husband and wife (probably ONLY in the presence of the marriage counselor). 

It sounded like you were asking KC to share those details here on the forum.

BTW - the reason for the lap dance is the "happy ending;" if not during then shortly afterward. Often for both parties. So I would start from the assumption that it occured and work my way from there.

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #40 on: Wed Jan 07, 2015 - 13:10:02 »

Offline rmcbdd14

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #41 on: Fri Feb 06, 2015 - 12:17:03 »
kc9403-

I realize your post is old and you have left Christian Marriage Forum.  I sent you a private message but your inbox is full.  I hope you see this post.  I need to ask you a question.

Thank you!

Offline rmcbdd14

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #42 on: Mon Nov 30, 2015 - 12:13:40 »
kc9403-

You haven't posted in awhile. I noticed that you were on last week.  I have been following your thread and had a few questions to ask you. 

Please send me a private message. Thank you.

rmcbdd14

Offline Cgmiller89

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #43 on: Mon Mar 21, 2016 - 00:46:27 »
Curious to see if KC ever confessed to his wife. Had a very similar situation myself and first confessed to my wife that I had a porn addiction. At that time I didn't confess the whole truth of all the certain things I thought of while masturbating caused by the porn and the constant lusting (thinking of her and her family members... bad stuff). And how the guilt of it all started up my OCD/ instrusive thoughts. Which reverted back to the very first time I read the bible and started getting intrusive thoughts.

Point is I convinced myself for two years I would be selfish to tell her the rest of what I was really wanting to confess. Like that other poster said, dumping my sins on her to relieve myself so she can take them on for me. It kept me going for two long hard years even though deep down I knew God was telling me to tell her the entire time. I started running from the idea. Never willing to hear the other side of it.

I finally broke down and couldn't go any longer once I knew the point of the matter was no longer that I needed to confess to my wife the sins I had committed in the past, I needed to confess the fact that I was deeply disturbed and constantly struggling with hiding this things from the person I wanted to be entirely close to. (this needs to be understood by anyone saying not to admit sins like this to your spouse). It was about communicating with her the fact that I'm struggling with it so bad it was consuming a major part of my mental life. If you're feeling that guilty about it, and you can't over it, that's your holy spirit pretty much telling you its the right thing to do. I always knew that was the right answer. You can't continue to hide something like that from your wife if you ever want to have a serious and close relationship. And I mean confessing it because it's destroying your relationship and your ability to be close to her fully. Nothing feels better than crucifying your old self to your wife. Your accountability God given partner. You are to hold and carry each other through your lives.

 It sucks once you tell her, but if she is a godly woman, she will forgive (this is a big test and a powerful one for her) and the relationship with thrive like you never experienced in your entire life.

It also opens up room for her to confess anything she needed to as well. Which can make you feel a bit better when you realize we all have deep secrets we keep. But in a marriage I think this is our most opportune time to bear each other's sins and help our joint walks as Jesus' Disciples.

Maybe this is all happened for you already. I can only pray. God Bless!

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #43 on: Mon Mar 21, 2016 - 00:46:27 »

Offline rmcbdd14

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Re: Confessing to my spouse
« Reply #44 on: Tue Apr 05, 2016 - 08:31:52 »
It is obvious that kc9403 lied about his entire thread. If you carefully re-read his posts they conflict with each other. First he said he is only 30 years old and that he can't remember the last time he has ever been to a strip club. Really? I think I would remember each time I went to a strip club if I was only 30 years old. It was only the past 10 years that he was allowed to go into a strip club (21 or older allowed into a strip club). How could he forget the last time he went? I think you would remember your friend's bachelor party considering it was just a "few" years ago. Then if you continue to read his posts... he then said that he has been in far too many strip clubs in the past recent years that he no longer has any business going in them because he is married. I thought he couldn't remember the last time he went to a strip club? Now he says he has been to several in the last few years.  I think he would remember this. He is lying.

In addition, kc9403 conflicts his story with his timeline of events. If you look at the calendar....all this stuff happened in just a few days... And conveniently his wife is also traveling for work. How would she know how much money he spent of the vacation if he hasn't even talked to her yet?  How likely is it for a Pastor to come to your home in a matter of hours for individual counseling when you arrive  home from traveling from work? I doubt he even called a Pastor.

I doubt kc9403 even confessed to his wife. I think he just came on this forum to relieve the guilt that he was feeling.

If I was his wife, I would want to know.  Spouses should never hide stuff from each other. Honesty is always the best policy. And for those of you who don't know what a "private dance" is... it is a "private" lap dance alone in a private room with a dancer (one-on-one) and yes touching does go on and the dancer is naked. There is physical contact that is sexual. The private rooms cost a lot of money ($200 +).  There is a minimum of 3 lap dances purchased. Most of the time it is more than 3 lap dances. So, kc9403 was ALONE with the naked stripper for at least 30 minutes. If this isn't cheating than I don't know what you call it.

I would definitely want to know if I was his wife, because I wouldn't want to be married to a man that disrespected me in this way and risked our marriage just to see another woman woman naked and feel her breasts. This is cheating plain and simple. kc9403 has minimized what he has done, he has lied to his wife, and he has rug swept his sin.  I feel sorry for his wife.

Isn't it funny that kc9403 hasn't been back to answer any of his posts in the past 2 years?

I wish people didn't come to these type of forums and lie, because it hurts other people who are reading these posts and trying to support each other.


 

     
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