Author Topic: Dilemma  (Read 1918 times)

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Offline BobVila

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Dilemma
« on: Fri Jun 22, 2018 - 17:49:31 »
I’ll try to keep this as short and general as possible and if being more specific is necessary I can provide details.

Bottom line is I don’t want to do this anymore. My wife and I got saved together and although we both cleaned or lives up and God made drastic changes and blessed us HEAVILY she has not changed internally. She’s a very negative person with a bad attitude towards everything. She hates fellowship, she hates serving, she’s not content or satisfied with the life we’ve been blessed with. She won’t let me lead and tells me I’m chauvinistic and want to control her because I try to help her and say she should head my advice when I show her scriptures. She’s always turning the tables around and pointing out all of my flaws whenever I try to help her, very defensive, extremely prideful and hasn’t changed in these areas in the slightest. We don’t talk about things, she just shuts down and tells me I ramble and just wants me to shut up. I’ve changed how I approach her a thousand different ways but she still says I’m the problem. I’ve been told she has no compassion for me, she doesn’t love all that comes with me, that she was young when she married me and now she’s “grown up”, she’s deleted me from fb, removed my last name from her fb, made her profile picture just herself.

And this is the bare minimum and as general as I can be and it all just weiiiighs me down so heavily. And I don’t understand how she can be a Christian woman and be the way that she is; she doesn’t bear any fruit of being born again. We did elementary together where I ran the lessons myself and she had to Do a five minute demonstration; she complained her way out of doing that. We run a youth group where I make the lesson from scratch and present the lesson, she just has to find a game, 9/10 she doesn’t find a game and still complains about having to do that, they asked her to help do PowerPoint; she’s done nothing but complain and ask to quit that. I want to walk and serve God and I want to walk this life with my wife but she just isn’t on the same page with me. There’s much much much more to say about it allbut the bottom line is being married to Her has been detrimental to my walk with God and my life in general. I don’t think she loves me, I don’t think she has God at the center of her life, And it just gets worse and worse. We’ve talked to pastors who have told her things, watched sermons that told her things, done devotionals that told her things; but she remains the same.

Why can’t I leave?surely this is not what God wants for me, “well you married her Craig now you’re stuck ha ha ha ha” that’s not God. God loves me and cares for me, He hates divorce, but surely He doesn’t want this for me. I’ve loved her unconditionally but it’s literally weighing me down more and more everyday. Advice?

Offline chosenone

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Re: Dilemma
« Reply #1 on: Fri Jun 22, 2018 - 19:00:14 »
As far as I can see you have no Biblical reason to end the marriage. How about you get some good long term Christian counselling together?

My advise is to stop trying to get her to be the same as you. Just do what God has called you to do and leave her to God. We are all different and we all change at different rates. She may be called do different types of things at some point, but leave that to God. Your responsibility is to love her and pray for her. Find appropriate verses in the Bible and pray them for her. Praying the word is very powerful, but its wont change things overnight.

God is pretty clear on divorce. You made promises to her, and she hasn't done anything to merit a divorce. Stop thinking about it. 

Also very importantly, don't look at other more 'spiritual' women and compare them to her. You don't know what they are like behind closed doors, and discontentment is deadly for a marriage.
« Last Edit: Fri Jun 22, 2018 - 19:02:46 by chosenone »

Offline BobVila

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Re: Dilemma
« Reply #2 on: Fri Jun 22, 2018 - 21:19:28 »
Yeah, but we’ve done counseling. I’ve been praying. I’ve been just loving her. And the only biblical grounds for divorce are adultrey or if an unbeliever wants to leave. No she hasn’t cheated, but she has caused me ALOT of pain that she never apologizes for. She’s cold and calloused. I don’t compare her to other women at all, I don’t even desire a different woman. But she does and has said a lot of things that consistently hurt me. I’ve cleaned the slate a few times. I’ve let go of all the hurt. But she continues to behave in the same manner.

My point of bringing up the hating fellowship and having a bad attitude towards serving is; I don’t think she ever actually gave her heart over to God. She cleaned the outside of the cup. I’d rather be with a proclaiming atheist than somebody who praises God with their lips but has a heart far from Him. It takes a lot to stay with her and continually walk in forgivenesses and I also feel like God has revealed a lot to me about her. I’m still here only because I’m obedient to God and the biblical views on divorce but if I had to be honest I’m posting this because I’m at the end of that rope.

Offline BobVila

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Re: Dilemma
« Reply #3 on: Sun Jun 24, 2018 - 16:49:03 »
Update; my wife told me today that she’s falling away from God. I tried to talk to her about it and just like always she gets mad at me. I told her if she feels like she’s falling away she should be doing something about it like talking to the pastors but she is not going to do that or anything about it. My suspicions about her were correct, her heart is far from God. What do I do?

Offline chosenone

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Re: Dilemma
« Reply #4 on: Sun Jul 08, 2018 - 14:57:59 »
Keep praying and believing for her.

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Re: Dilemma
« Reply #4 on: Sun Jul 08, 2018 - 14:57:59 »

Offline PiecebyPeace

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Re: Dilemma
« Reply #5 on: Sat Jul 14, 2018 - 08:33:25 »
My heart goes out to you. My husband and I seem unequally yolked as well. I feel that my relationship with Christ is on a much deeper level than his and this often creates a lot of friction. When I talk to him about it he accuses me of being self-righteous. Recently we got into a huge argument because I was listening to a conversation he was having with his business partner and it was much the same...panic, worry, frustration, etc. They both have expressed a desire to run a Christ-centered business but I haven't seen any evidence that either of them (at least my husband) is doing anything to move in that direction. I'm not saying everything will magically get better if they began moving in that direction but I do believe the Lord will provide them with peace and endurance to get through the tough times without panicking and stressing everyone out. Maybe I'm wrong.

I recently read a journal written by a Christian woman whom I have never met. It was a friendship journal passed on to me by my mother...it was passed onto her by another woman. I will pass it on as well. Anyways, she talked about her father and how she often questioned whether he was really saved because she could not see him bear any fruit. She wondered if God was really inside of him or not. It wasn't until he was an older man that she finally began to see the Lord emerge from him and she realized He'd been there all along but not all people bear fruit in the same way. She admitted that she kinda held that against him most of her life...judged him in a way because his faith was not like hers. I find myself in the same boat and praying to the Lord to help me figure out my place in my marriage.

I understand you are at the end of your rope and your marriage sounds toxic and I am so very sorry for both you and your wife. I encourage you to continually seek pastoral counseling even if just for yourself so you can figure out your place in this marriage as well. Your wife admitted she's far from God...maybe that's the first step on a very long road to healing. I can't say for sure, but I sure pray it is. And I also encourage you to read the Book of Job. We don't always know why we (or our loved ones) suffer...sometimes it's of our own doing but not always, as in the case of Job. Whatever the reason it's ALWAYS to help us learn to rely solely on the Lord. I think of Paul in 2 Corinthians 1, "8 We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. 9 In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead." To me the most important truth in that scripture is the last 4 words...who raises the dead. Since God can raise the dead, He can certainly help us through our troubles. We can't raise the dead, therefore, we are powerless to make changes in our life apart from Him.

I don't know if this helps in any way, but I pray you and your wife will find reconciliation...God's will be done and His glory be seen.

 

     
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