Sorry I should have said, we are married, we have been married for almost 12 years. We didn't live together before we got married.
If I wasn't a Christian, I dont think I would be in this dilema. I feel it is wrong to walk away from this relationship, I take the promises I made seriously. I have thought about leaving but as a Christian I know I should not and to be honest I didn't really acknowledge we had problems within the marriage until just after our daughter came along. Another thing which makes me not want to disrupt anything is that we have adopted her, which makes it so more complicated. The post was long enough, maybe I should have added these details in the first post.
Before we married he always washed before he saw me etc, I have since found out that was just to impress me, his mother couldn't get him to wash either and she had three other children who are the opposite to him in the hygiene department.
He told me he was a Christian but I do doubt that he is, he doesn't seem to mind me going to church and reading my bible etc but doesn't want to join in himself, if anything if my house group ask him to join in a social it pushes him away further.
It boils down to, he will only do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it, for reasons which usually benefit himself.
Another example and these things are so petty, which annoys me. The other day dd was in the sand pit in the back yard, he came in from work and I had a friend popping round who cuts my hair, I asked him if he would watch her in the garden for ten mintues or so while she was there. He bluntly told me no, he wanted to watch sport on tv I would have to bring her inside. he had not seen her that morning as he had gone to work early.
Regarding the money we have separate accounts, I have suggested for years that we have a joint account but he refuses, the money I make from part time selling of cards barely is enough to buy nappies (diapers), not enough to buy anything with in the food department, yet he still wants his food treats that he had when I worked properly. I feel like a single mum at lot of the time.
He is defensive about anything I might bring up, he has never hit me, but I do feel threatened, he is out right now, and I feel happier when he is out the house, which is probably wrong of me to feel.
He gets angry if I do the housework when he is at home, so I squeeze it in around everything else when he is working, which is not easy when he has days off and holidays.
He flirts at lot and gets jealous if I so much as talk to a man who smiles at me and yes sometimes I look at real estate and wonder if dd and I can live alone without him, but I feel confused as a Christian I am not supposed to do that. I scoured the bible with references on emotioal or verbal abuse and I could not see anything, I thought the bible might guide me but I was more confused.
He charms the people at church and I don't know if I can trust anyone there enough to pour all this out to them. I did get as far as asking one lady if I could talk to her, but I have not followed it up because I guess I am scared.
We visit his mum and he is there playing on the floor with dd as though he does it every day and it hurts me so much. How can I say something to them about how he really is?
I thought it was normal to be treated like this for so long, if he gets in a mood he ignores me, the longest this has gone on for is 14 days. When dd came to live with us things just got worse and I realised then things were not normal, although in my subconcious I had known it for far longer, I made excuses thinking it was because we were waiting so long for the adoption.
I do pray, but sometimes I need to talk face to face with someone and I just don't know, what to do. There is no way he would go to counselling he refused after we had IVF etc and as I said in my previous post he refused some ealier with regard to the sexual issues my gynie problem had brought up. He comes on heavy with me, wants intercourse and I tell him time and time again not only does it hurt so that I cry during it pains me for a week afterwards. However he has not asked for that for a couple of months now.
Sorry, see now I have probably vented more than I was going to, but just typing it out helps me get it off my chest.