I’ve been here a few times but I need solid biblical advice at this time. My wife and I have been married 7 years, together for almost 12! We’ve been through a lot together and have always worked things out, God has blessed us. I used to be highly jealous of any male companionship she had, I don’t walk in guilt but I am thankful God saved me from that.
Fast forward to recently, my wife has a male friend she talks to a few times a week on Snapchat, can’t stand that app but I can’t tell her what to do. I’ve told her I’m uncomfortable with her talking to this guy on Snapchat, although I often feel like I’m uncomfortable because of my own insecurities and she knows this. I don’t necessarily think she’s doing anything inherently wrong, I’ve seen the communication, but she assured me over and over that there is nothing to worry about, and I truly believe her.
My question is whether or not I should be concerned and how I should handle this. Should I simply remind her of the possibility of temptation and ask her to consider to stop talking to him and pray for her? Should I put my foot down? (In the past this has not been effective, but maybe I approached it wrong). Should I leave it alone and not say anything and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to her so she hears His voice and not my overshadowing history of jealousy? I think I’ve been so jealous for so long and did some hateful things, that she doesn’t take my counsel in that field seriously, so I understand where she’s coming from.
All I know is that it drives me crazy, not at what she’s doing now, but what it could turn into so easily. I want to handle this with spiritual maturity, but I don’t want to be so passive that she thinks I don’t care.
Another solution that came to mind while my thumbs are tirelessly slapping my phone screen is that I could possibly tell her how I feel, drop the “nagging” and pray that she makes the right decision, all while unconditionally loving her and not acting like she’s doing anything wrong.
I’m so confused, and I’m thankful for your advice!
I was going to stay out of this because I have never married and as such I cannot reference that between a man and his wife, however...
I have zero knowledge about snap chat. My experiences on Facebook have been non-descript as well as Twitter.
However, from time to time I have ventured into the pen pal end of things ( with men) and I can tell you from personal experience that usually.... not always
conversation can and will drift to innocuous references to sex.
A woman needs to be on her toes to rebuff this because if she even lends a sympathetic ear to some baser comment it will eventually move toward ... how can I say this... a suggestion of online fun.
NOT FROM ALL... but enough that I have learned how to protect myself, but if a more naive person were to fall into some unsavory character then I feel bad for her.
Should you speak to your wife.... Yes, but I would , if you were talking to me, appreciate your saying something like "Honey, I am very happy you make friends on snapchat, or wherever... but honestly I would like it more if you would make friends with other women.Would you do that for me?"
Or... tell her you want to be friends with her friends and tell her you want to also write to this man......
Now... as to the jealousy end of things....
That is an ugly, but understandable, animal that needs to be tamed.
Not saying you are like this but my cousins oldest soon got married quite a number of years ago. His wife was... and is still... very jealous.
At their wedding he was dancing with his first cousin who is literally old enough to be his mother and the new wife was staring daggers at her the whole time .
Unfortunately it seems that this marriage is going downhill ... He just signed up for an 11 month stint in the the National Gurad... going over seas... and will receive a pay cut because he has to give up his real job while he is gone. He is always trying to distance from her. That is not healthy or good for the marriage.
Anyway... Yes, be concerned. Yes, talk to her, But do it in a loving way and not demanding.