Author Topic: Help me help my wife  (Read 361 times)

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Offline Apetini

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Help me help my wife
« on: Fri Dec 28, 2018 - 18:08:45 »
Hey everyone!

I’ve been here a few times but I need solid biblical advice at this time. My wife and I have been married 7 years, together for almost 12! We’ve been through a lot together and have always worked things out, God has blessed us. I used to be highly jealous of any male companionship she had, I don’t walk in guilt but I am thankful God saved me from that.

Fast forward to recently, my wife has a male friend she talks to a few times a week on Snapchat, can’t stand that app but I can’t tell her what to do. I’ve told her I’m uncomfortable with her talking to this guy on Snapchat, although I often feel like I’m uncomfortable because of my own insecurities and she knows this. I don’t necessarily think she’s doing anything inherently wrong, I’ve seen the communication, but she assured me over and over that there is nothing to worry about, and I truly believe her.

My question is whether or not I should be concerned and how I should handle this. Should I simply remind her of the possibility of temptation and ask her to consider to stop talking to him and pray for her? Should I put my foot down? (In the past this has not been effective, but maybe I approached it wrong). Should I leave it alone and not say anything and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to her so she hears His voice and not my overshadowing history of jealousy? I think I’ve been so jealous for so long and did some hateful things, that she doesn’t take my counsel in that field seriously, so I understand where she’s coming from.

All I know is that it drives me crazy, not at what she’s doing now, but what it could turn into so easily. I want to handle this with spiritual maturity, but I don’t want to be so passive that she thinks I don’t care.

Another solution that came to mind while my thumbs are tirelessly slapping my phone screen is that I could possibly tell her how I feel, drop the “nagging” and pray that she makes the right decision, all while unconditionally loving her and not acting like she’s doing anything wrong.

I’m so confused, and I’m thankful for your advice!

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Help me help my wife
« on: Fri Dec 28, 2018 - 18:08:45 »

Offline RB

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Re: Help me help my wife
« Reply #1 on: Sat Dec 29, 2018 - 04:22:12 »
Fast forward to recently, my wife has a male friend she talks to a few times a week on Snapchat, can’t stand that app but I can’t tell her what to do. I’ve told her I’m uncomfortable with her talking to this guy on Snapchat, although I often feel like I’m uncomfortable because of my own insecurities and she knows this. I don’t necessarily think she’s doing anything inherently wrong, I’ve seen the communication, but she assured me over and over that there is nothing to worry about, and I truly believe her.
She should stop immediately. Facebook; Twitter; Snapchat, are all tools of the world to tempt good people to sin and we should flee temptation not play with it. God tells us to make NO PROVISION for the flesh to fulfill the lust thereof. A woman should spend time talking to her own husband, not another man, and vice-versa.   You should very firmly demand that it stops ASAP. She also has the right to say the same to you if you were talking to another woman of social media. Every man should keep his wife from temptation that she will not be able to resist~and evil men know perfectly how to seduce any woman much better than she can him. He can do it with WORDS, she uses her eyes and beauty, mainly her eyes. Read Proverbs for a lesson on temptations to avoid.
Quote from: Apetini on: Yesterday at 18:08:45
My question is whether or not I should be concerned
You better.
Quote from: Apetini on: Yesterday at 18:08:45
how I should handle this. Should I simply remind her of the possibility of temptation
It is NOT just a possibility, it IS a temptation for her to be totally avoided. When they are talking, they are not getting help from each other to be more spiritual (EVEN if they were the danger IS THERE STILL and maybe more deceitful than if they were not talking about spiritual things) but slowly working HIS WAY INTO HER LIFE!
Quote from: Apetini on: Yesterday at 18:08:45
how I should handle this
If you truly love her, then speak up now and tell her that you love her and do not want her to spend any time talking to another man, just as you do not spend your time chatting with another woman. There are MOTIVES as to why people talk~time is too precious to waste it on small talk over nothing.
Quote from: Apetini on: Yesterday at 18:08:45
Should I leave it alone and not say anything and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to her so she hears His voice and not my overshadowing history of jealousy?
Your past history of jealousy has not one thing to do with this, and you should speak up. God is jealous over his children flirting with the world and he warns of doing this and the judgment that will follow us if we flirt with the world. God HAS ALREADY spoken concerning this evil of flirting with temptation~ you have a responsibility to stop it while you can if it has not gone too far already.

Question for you....Do you spend much time talking, touching, flirting and praising your wife? If not, then maybe it's your fault that she's seeking it elsewhere, just a thought, even though it does not make her wrong right but she's human. Many men put their wives in a situation that makes her a very easy target for evil seduces looking for women starving for ATTENTION. Women need to know that their man loves them and desires only them and seek to please only them. If they do not find it at home, then some go looking for this.

Ginger Rella

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Re: Help me help my wife
« Reply #2 on: Sat Dec 29, 2018 - 07:44:32 »
Hey everyone!

I’ve been here a few times but I need solid biblical advice at this time. My wife and I have been married 7 years, together for almost 12! We’ve been through a lot together and have always worked things out, God has blessed us. I used to be highly jealous of any male companionship she had, I don’t walk in guilt but I am thankful God saved me from that.

Fast forward to recently, my wife has a male friend she talks to a few times a week on Snapchat, can’t stand that app but I can’t tell her what to do. I’ve told her I’m uncomfortable with her talking to this guy on Snapchat, although I often feel like I’m uncomfortable because of my own insecurities and she knows this. I don’t necessarily think she’s doing anything inherently wrong, I’ve seen the communication, but she assured me over and over that there is nothing to worry about, and I truly believe her.

My question is whether or not I should be concerned and how I should handle this. Should I simply remind her of the possibility of temptation and ask her to consider to stop talking to him and pray for her? Should I put my foot down? (In the past this has not been effective, but maybe I approached it wrong). Should I leave it alone and not say anything and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to her so she hears His voice and not my overshadowing history of jealousy? I think I’ve been so jealous for so long and did some hateful things, that she doesn’t take my counsel in that field seriously, so I understand where she’s coming from.

All I know is that it drives me crazy, not at what she’s doing now, but what it could turn into so easily. I want to handle this with spiritual maturity, but I don’t want to be so passive that she thinks I don’t care.

Another solution that came to mind while my thumbs are tirelessly slapping my phone screen is that I could possibly tell her how I feel, drop the “nagging” and pray that she makes the right decision, all while unconditionally loving her and not acting like she’s doing anything wrong.

I’m so confused, and I’m thankful for your advice!

I was going to stay out of this because I have never married and as such I cannot reference that between a man and his wife, however...

I have zero knowledge about snap chat. My experiences on Facebook have been non-descript as well as Twitter.

However, from time to time I have ventured into the pen pal end of things ( with men) and I can tell you from personal experience  that usually.... not always....
conversation can and will drift to innocuous references to sex.

A woman needs to be on her toes to rebuff this because if she even lends a sympathetic ear to some baser comment it will eventually move toward ... how can I say this... a suggestion of online fun.

NOT FROM ALL... but enough that  I have learned how to protect myself, but if a more naive person were to fall into some unsavory character then I feel bad for her.

Should you speak to your wife.... Yes, but I would , if you were talking to me, appreciate your saying something like "Honey, I am very happy you make friends on snapchat, or wherever... but honestly I would like it more if you would make friends with other women.Would you do that for me?"

Or... tell her you want to be friends with her friends and tell her you want to also write to this man......

Now... as to the jealousy end of things....

That is an ugly, but understandable, animal that needs to be tamed.

Not saying you are like this but my cousins oldest soon got married quite a number of years ago. His wife was... and is still... very jealous.

At their wedding he was dancing with his first cousin who is literally old enough to be his mother and the new wife was staring daggers at her the whole time .

Unfortunately it seems that this marriage is going downhill ... He just signed up for an 11 month stint in the the National Gurad... going over seas... and will receive a pay cut because he has to give up his real job while he is gone. He is always trying to distance from her. That is not healthy or good for the marriage.

Anyway... Yes, be concerned. Yes, talk to her, But do it in a loving way and not demanding.


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Re: Help me help my wife
« Reply #2 on: Sat Dec 29, 2018 - 07:44:32 »