Now, here's the problem.
The problem you
have created by not ruling your spirit, and overcoming your hidden unforgiveness toward your husband, and by loving yourself more than your husband.
You need to read 1st Corinthians 13
and take hold of the meaning of charity/love. I will add also, that you are failing in your understanding of the true definition of that sacred word: FORGIVENESS.
Have you ever asked God to forgive you? What would you think of God, if he after many years, could not get over you sinning against him?
Not very very much would you? God puts our sins into the sea of forgetfulness, as far as the east is from the west....does he not? When we tell someone we forgive them, this forgiveness includes two main elements, and they are these: We do not only not take revenge against those who have wrong us, but we also embrace them back into our bosom and fellowship with them, without ever mentioning
the wrong that they had done to us to separate our fellowship. This God does toward us everyday, so why cannot we do toward those our enemies, but especially toward those we profess to love!
You are creating your own problem, by not remembering how God forgive us.
My heart is actually feeling like its breaking today. I can't get the image of him touching her out of my mind. Him kissing her lips. Holding her hand... All of a sudden, I am hurting.
Well shame on you for having those feelings! You need to rise above those precious little feelings of yours. Again, think upon how God forgives US, and go and do likewise toward others.
The affair happened 17 years ago!
Oh PLEASE! Why are you diggin up those old feelings, and thinking upon them. I'm thankful you are not my god.
Why all of a sudden am I hurting so much?
one simple word: self love.... self pity
.....you are not thankful for God's forgiveness toward you! If so, then you would be more toward others, especially your husband.
I don't want him to know how hurt I was today because it's not fair to him to dredge it all back up.
You should be ashamed, and not want anyone to know how weak and sinful you are in not forgiven others.
What can I do to get it out of my head?
True forgiveness goes a long way, and loving others as you love yourself.
but I can't stop how I feel, can I?
What do you thinK? It's called ruling your spirit in the book of Proverbs. Yes, you can stop feeling the way you do, by start practicing forgiveness the way you desire God to forgive you.