Author Topic: How do you fix it?  (Read 6455 times)

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Offline Slow Hand

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #35 on: Tue Sep 15, 2015 - 11:53:44 »
Pray that God will reveal the truth to you.

I dont agree that God wanted you to stay with a violent woman. Did she beat the children as well? Did she beat those she worked with? if not then its clear that she was able to control herself but chose not to with you.


 

I have been in constant prayer over God revealing it to me, I just need to know the truth. She would rather not discuss any of my concerns and hopes I just forget about all of it.

No, she never acted out that way with anyone but me, that I know of. Since I started avoiding her during that time of the month the problem has pretty much been non existent. The last time she was physically abusive, I also threatened to call the police and until the other night, she was doing very good. It appears to be a very real issue among a small portion of women and once I figured out it only happened during that time of the month it has been a non issue. (ETA) She's always been a great mother and even a great wife, just not during that time of the month with me.

But as I mentioned, we have that part under control and it is not the reason I came on this forum, presumed infidelity is. My life has been going down the drain for the last 4 years because she became emotionally distant from me and stopped having sex with me. It has changed for the better, slowly, since I asked if she was having an affair though, about 4 months ago. We were very close to divorce and then I read the book 5 love languages and pressed her real hard to read it as well. She changed for the better after that, but I still have many unanswered questions. ???

She just replied and said she "Well I didn't have an affair, I wouldn't have taken it". I hope and pray she is telling the truth.  ::prayinghard::

Am I right about the Holy Communion in this regard? Did she take it unworthily if she hasn't told me the truth about an affair? What then, are the consequences if she did? She knows this is the whole reason I dropped it and told her I would believe her. ::help::


  To be honest those who are lying cheating and deceiving their spouse wouldnt have many qualms about taking communion. THey are lying to God as well and disobeying Him.

I belong to a British marriage and relationship forum and we get many there who either suspect or know their partners are cheating. The cheaters never come clean and admit their affair until they are confronted with physical evidence IE phone messages texts etc.They will lie and lie. Even when found out they will blame the other spouse and try and pass the guilt and blame. 

They are still working together so its possible its still going on(if it is an affair). How about you suggest that she looks for another similar job away from this man and see what her reaction is?
I would suggest that you go with your gut instinct, its usually right.

Tell me, if one of your children was married to an abusive person who beat them what would your advise be? The fact that she never took it out on anyone else shows that she had control, she chose to use you as her punching bag, and what sort of message did that send to your children ::eek::

Well, I don't have any sort of physical evidence, other than circumstantial that can be explained away and her behavior when I confront her. She got very defensive when I asked to look at her cell phone and even threw a tantrum, cried and locked herself in the room. While she was sleeping, I got her phone and went through it with a fine toothed comb but found nothing at all. She doesn't keep a password on it but always has it in her hand or very close by and I'm not allowed to see it. I was very relieved to have found nothing, but the gut instinct is what won't go away. Maybe she doesn't think she's having an affair because it's not physical, I don't really know. I have yet to discuss emotional affairs at length with her.

I've kept a very close eye on her personal email account and her cell phone records and as I said, have found nothing there. As far as I know, she has no social media accounts at all. The only thing I have are many the red flags she exhibited, but those aren't proof that she's had an affair, only that she is not happy in our relationship.

She is only gone from home to go to work and I look at her pay stubs and there isn't any time missing from those. So if she is having an affair, it's happening at work or on her lunch hour. I've never caught her texting or calling a number I can't confirm, as I have access to the phone records. I even went as far as sending in a pair of her underwear and they came back positive for semen. The lab tech put it at 3 days prior to those being worn and that's the last day we had sex, but I was wearing a condom. The lab tech said the only way to know if it was my semen is through a DNA test and that it could very well be my semen. No sperm was found so the DNA was a less than 40% chance of finding anything. I sent my wife a text and told her what I'd done and what the results were, she didn't respond the whole day and only did when I asked her that night. She wasn't upset that I had done that and asked me, who does that? I told her a concerned spouse. She even told me to go ahead and spend the money on a DNA test but that it would be a waste of money because they wouldn't find anything. She has always denied having an affair, but at the same time lies about little things not having to do with that. This gut instinct though, won't let me go, it eats at me, every. single. day. ::doh::

Several times she has told me that I'm demon possessed and a couple of times told me "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus, get ye behind me satan." To which I replied, "that won't work because I'm not demon possessed, I'm a child of the living God, now let's talk and work this out." I even found where she's been googling mid life crisis in men and even bipolar symptoms in men. Maybe it really is just me, I hope and pray she hasn't been unfaithful.

I did make the connection the other day, that when I don't take my vitamins, especially magnesium, that I have major depression like symptoms. I had even contemplated suicide once, when I convinced myself she was cheating and drank too much. I now know that I should never drink like that when I'm in that emotional state as I've never felt that way in my life.

I will be patient in the Lord and just wait to see if anything else happens.

Quote
Tell me, if one of your children was married to an abusive person who beat them what would your advise be? The fact that she never took it out on anyone else shows that she had control, she chose to use you as her punching bag, and what sort of message did that send to your children ::eek:: 

Well, fortunately, none of our three children have been in that situation. Hypothetically speaking, I would confront the abuser and if it was a male, probably put a beating on them. I don't hide that I feel this way with either of my daughters and their SO. The one husband and the other boyfriend know how I feel about that. If it was my son's girfriend, then I would look into when it happens and if it was the same time as her period, I would suggest natural remedies to help with that as I have with my wife, because I now know that it works.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #35 on: Tue Sep 15, 2015 - 11:53:44 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #36 on: Tue Sep 15, 2015 - 12:08:33 »
The fact that she reacted so badly over her phone and wont let it out of her sight is a red flag. If she has nothing to hide why did she freak out like that? She would have deleted anything incriminating while locked in her room.  WHy does she never let it out of her site and not ever let you see it? I have no problems with my husband seeing my phone, nor him me.
 Does she text a lot?  Well it may well be an emotional affair, and they are very dangerous also and can lead to more. 

As for the semen its unlikely to be yours if you used a condom. Keep asking God for definatete confirmation. A friend of mine did that and she got it.

Offline Slow Hand

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #37 on: Tue Sep 15, 2015 - 12:18:54 »
The fact that she reacted so badly over her phone and wont let it out of her sight is a red flag. If she has nothing to hide why did she freak out like that? She would have deleted anything incriminating while locked in her room.  WHy does she never let it out of her site and not ever let you see it? I have no problems with my husband seeing my phone, nor him me.
 Does she text a lot?  Well it may well be an emotional affair, and they are very dangerous also and can lead to more. 

As for the semen its unlikely to be yours if you used a condom. Keep asking God for definatete confirmation. A friend of mine did that and she got it.

That's the same way I felt, but I also went through the phone records and was able to confirm every single phone number that came through in text or phone call. I did find a few texts where she was talking badly about me to one of my daughters, maybe it was that or a combination of things. That also was during that time of the month so I have attributed it to that. I really had an eye opening experience when I found out about PMDD, it really did explain a lot of her actions as they happened at the same time. She is not the same person at all while going through her period, it starts a few days before her period and from what I've researched and reading other stories, we are not alone in this.

The lab tech said the possibility of being my semen is very strong, unless I know without a doubt that the condom didn't leak or that I know for a fact that I didn't use it correctly. I've since found out that I have been using it incorrectly as I never left any space at the tip for the fluid to collect and it would leak out of the sides. Sorry for the TMI...... ::blushing::

As I said, the circumstantial evidence can be explained away, I need something more concrete that could not be explained away. Texts, emails or phone calls to certain phone numbers would have provided this, but so far I got nothing.

ETA:
I am still confused on why this man would give me dirty looks the two time I saw him while picking up my wife for lunch. She has never turned me down for lunch, even on short notice. Maybe they started flirting at work and I was able to catch on before it turned into anything more. She has stated many times that she's willing to make it work with me and that it would just take time because she was hurt over the accusations. I even searched for situations like this, where the wife would be accused while claiming innocence and many of the stories were very similar to what I've experienced and exhibited the behavior I've seen in my wife and even myself. That made me realize that even if she wasn't unfaithful, I may push her into it because of my doubting her or even cause her to leave me, so I've toned it down a lot.


ETA:
Now she never turns me down for sex, but I really wish it was more intimate. After reading the book, it was very intimate for three days and I was in heaven, but now it's back to non intimate sex. I hope she comes around because even though I'm getting sex, I long for the intimate sex. I long for foreplay and even cuddling, I used to think I was weird, but now I know it's a normal reaction for those with the love language of physical touch.
« Last Edit: Tue Sep 15, 2015 - 12:57:45 by Slow Hand »

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #37 on: Tue Sep 15, 2015 - 12:18:54 »

Offline Slow Hand

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #38 on: Tue Sep 15, 2015 - 12:27:29 »
Ugh, how do I keep doing this? I'm just trying to add more info to the post above.  ::doh:: ::frustrated::



I suppose she could have a social media account that I know nothing about and that's how they communicate on her phone. These are the things that go through my head, but I have zero proof of that. The phone records indicate that she rarely uses any data from our plan, I would think if that was the case she would be using a lot of data ::sick::

Please pray for me, I need to snap out of this now, it's been going on for almost 4 months and wastes so much of my time. I will continue to pray for definite confirmation as you suggested.  ::prayinghard::
« Last Edit: Tue Sep 15, 2015 - 13:07:48 by Slow Hand »

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #38 on: Tue Sep 15, 2015 - 12:27:29 »

Offline Slow Hand

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #39 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 00:54:36 »
So, still very confused about all of this. My heart and my gut tells me she cheated, I just can't get over this feeling.

I asked her tonight if she'd take a lie detector test and she responded with a hell no, I'd never take one. I told her I would take one as well and she still refused.

We've been getting along great, but what if she really did have an affair and it's still not over? How would I know it was over when all she does is deny it now?

I told her I'll be following through with the DNA test on Monday, and that if it came back positive with another man's DNA that I would tell everyone we know, including her family, coworkers and employer. I had told her this before, when I first got the results and it really made her upset that I would tell everyone. Things seemed to get better after I told her I wouldn't do the DNA testing, a lot better. It seemed to get almost back to normal, except for this darn gut feeling.  ::frustrated::

Am I wrong for what I just did? For telling her I'm going through with the DNA testing? It just seemed like she was guilty when I first told her that I had sent her underwear in for testing. She didn't respond all day or night until I pressed the issue. Then she seemed to get more upset over the fact that I would tell everyone than she did over me sending her underwear in for testing, I really expected her to get very angry with me for sending them in, but she didn't even say anything about that.

I spoke with my pastor a couple of days ago and told him most of this, he said to just pray about it and see if anything else came up. I have a hard time with that, I really want to know right now.

Advice, please, I'm lost right now.  ::cryingtears::

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #39 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 00:54:36 »



Offline Texas Conservative

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #40 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 07:06:54 »
So, still very confused about all of this. My heart and my gut tells me she cheated, I just can't get over this feeling.

I asked her tonight if she'd take a lie detector test and she responded with a hell no, I'd never take one. I told her I would take one as well and she still refused.

We've been getting along great, but what if she really did have an affair and it's still not over? How would I know it was over when all she does is deny it now?

I told her I'll be following through with the DNA test on Monday, and that if it came back positive with another man's DNA that I would tell everyone we know, including her family, coworkers and employer. I had told her this before, when I first got the results and it really made her upset that I would tell everyone. Things seemed to get better after I told her I wouldn't do the DNA testing, a lot better. It seemed to get almost back to normal, except for this darn gut feeling.  ::frustrated::

Am I wrong for what I just did? For telling her I'm going through with the DNA testing? It just seemed like she was guilty when I first told her that I had sent her underwear in for testing. She didn't respond all day or night until I pressed the issue. Then she seemed to get more upset over the fact that I would tell everyone than she did over me sending her underwear in for testing, I really expected her to get very angry with me for sending them in, but she didn't even say anything about that.

I spoke with my pastor a couple of days ago and told him most of this, he said to just pray about it and see if anything else came up. I have a hard time with that, I really want to know right now.

Advice, please, I'm lost right now.  ::cryingtears::

First off, if you have suspicions do the DNA test.  BUT, stop broadcasting your suspicions.  Until you have solid evidence, you need to stop confronting your wife.

Telling someone your plans in this nature is foolhardy.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #40 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 07:06:54 »

Offline Slow Hand

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #41 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 07:35:46 »
So, still very confused about all of this. My heart and my gut tells me she cheated, I just can't get over this feeling.

I asked her tonight if she'd take a lie detector test and she responded with a hell no, I'd never take one. I told her I would take one as well and she still refused.

We've been getting along great, but what if she really did have an affair and it's still not over? How would I know it was over when all she does is deny it now?

I told her I'll be following through with the DNA test on Monday, and that if it came back positive with another man's DNA that I would tell everyone we know, including her family, coworkers and employer. I had told her this before, when I first got the results and it really made her upset that I would tell everyone. Things seemed to get better after I told her I wouldn't do the DNA testing, a lot better. It seemed to get almost back to normal, except for this darn gut feeling.  ::frustrated::

Am I wrong for what I just did? For telling her I'm going through with the DNA testing? It just seemed like she was guilty when I first told her that I had sent her underwear in for testing. She didn't respond all day or night until I pressed the issue. Then she seemed to get more upset over the fact that I would tell everyone than she did over me sending her underwear in for testing, I really expected her to get very angry with me for sending them in, but she didn't even say anything about that.

I spoke with my pastor a couple of days ago and told him most of this, he said to just pray about it and see if anything else came up. I have a hard time with that, I really want to know right now.

Advice, please, I'm lost right now.  ::cryingtears::

First off, if you have suspicions do the DNA test.  BUT, stop broadcasting your suspicions.  Until you have solid evidence, you need to stop confronting your wife.

Telling someone your plans in this nature is foolhardy.

Thanks for the reply.

The lab tech said there is a less than 40% chance that anything will come up with the DNA test, that's why I haven't done that yet. Will the DNA test be enough? Is that solid evidence? I really don't have anything else, no cell phone records showing phone calls or even texts, no emails, I got nothing else. She's never gone from home except for work either. It's mostly a gut feeling.  ???

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #42 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 07:55:15 »
Sit on your feeling.  Observe everything. Confronting your wife on suspicions makes things worse.  What if your gut feeling is wrong?

My marriage ended due to my ex wife starting another relationship.  I did confront her, but only after I had solid evidence.  She filed for divorce, and at that point I didn't communicate any more of my plans/thoughts.  I took actions or I shut up until I took action.

The next bit will be harsh: 

I know your heart is breaking, but your behavior to your wife comes across as emotional and needy. 

Offline Slow Hand

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #43 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 08:10:42 »
Sit on your feeling.  Observe everything. Confronting your wife on suspicions makes things worse.  What if your gut feeling is wrong?

My marriage ended due to my ex wife starting another relationship.  I did confront her, but only after I had solid evidence.  She filed for divorce, and at that point I didn't communicate any more of my plans/thoughts.  I took actions or I shut up until I took action.

The next bit will be harsh: 

I know your heart is breaking, but your behavior to your wife comes across as emotional and needy.

I know, I feel that way on and off about my gut feeling. The way she reacts to things is what makes my gut feeling even stronger. Then the way her coworker gave me dirty looks and she tried really hard to tell me it wasn't even him, that it was another guy. She couldn't explain why a different coworker would give me dirty looks and used this to say I was just imagining things.

Should I lay low with everything? Even the DNA testing?

Everything is going well now, she's changed a lot in this short amount of time. I just can't seem to "sit" on this feeling, it's tearing me up inside.

What do you mean my behavior comes across as emotional or needy? I've stopped with the accusations for the most part, just have a hard time with some things, for example her coworker giving me dirty looks two different times and her trying to stick up for him. I told her I was going to introduce my self to him just to make sure there are no misunderstandings, she said I'm not allowed to go to her work anymore and I'm not allowed to go to the holiday party for her work either. What did I do wrong?

ETA:
The two times I've discussed the DNA test with her, it seems to hit a nerve. Last night she stopped talking when I mentioned the DNA testing, she wouldn't say anything anymore and ignored me for the rest of the night.
« Last Edit: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 08:17:33 by Slow Hand »

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #43 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 08:10:42 »

mommydi

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #44 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 12:55:16 »
Do you mind me asking a couple of questions? Have you ever cheated on her? Have you been tempted to cheat on her?

Offline Slow Hand

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #45 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 13:05:45 »
Do you mind me asking a couple of questions? Have you ever cheated on her? Have you been tempted to cheat on her?

No problem, ask any questions you deem necessary.

I have never cheated on my wife, had many opportunities but have never cheated, I never gave in, to the temptation. It's a choice I made long ago, to honor my wife and not cheat on her. My Dad cheated on my Mom and then left her for the OW, this was a long time ago.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #46 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 13:45:57 »
I would ignore you too.  Try to put yourself in her position.

If you aren't allowed at her work, at a minimum I am guessing she is talking about your marriage at work.

You two need counseling.


Offline Slow Hand

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #47 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 13:58:05 »
I would ignore you too.  Try to put yourself in her position.

If you aren't allowed at her work, at a minimum I am guessing she is talking about your marriage at work.

You two need counseling.
Yes, I've tried to put myself in her position, since then, I've toned it down a lot.


Sorry for the misunderstanding, it was only after I said I'd introduce myself to her boss that was giving me dirty looks that she said I wasn't allowed at her work or the party. He wasn't there the other day and she didn't  have a problem with me going in.

I started talking to my pastor alone, she flat out refuses any counciling, that's not an option right now.
« Last Edit: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 14:38:59 by Slow Hand »

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #48 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 14:03:02 »
I would ignore you too.  Try to put yourself in her position.

If you aren't allowed at her work, at a minimum I am guessing she is talking about your marriage at work.

You two need counseling.
Yes, I've tried to out myself in her position, since then, I've toned it down a lot.


Sorry for the misunderstanding, it was only after I said I'd introduce myself to her boss that was giving me dirty looks that she said I wasn't allowed at her work or the party. He wasn't there the other day and she didn't  have a problem with me going in.

I started talking to my pastor alone, she flat out refuses any counciling, that's not an option right now.

Refusing counseling is not a good sign.

mommydi

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #49 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 14:27:38 »
Is it possible that you're projecting the fear and doubts from your parents situation into your own marriage? From what you say, you've checked her personal emails, online activities, phone, etc, and found nothing. She goes straight to work and comes straight home. In other words, she's given you no proof that she's cheating, but you seem obsessed with the idea that she is. Now you're threatening to have her panties checked for DNA? No wonder she's getting a little cold in the bedroom.
The reason she's probably acting a little protective of her phone is she's probably confiding in a friend or relative about your numerous accusations. Sounds like you're about to lose your wife, but not to another man, but to your paranoia. Sorry, but that's how I see it. Get to a therapist ASAP.

Offline Slow Hand

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #50 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 14:43:50 »
I would ignore you too.  Try to put yourself in her position.

If you aren't allowed at her work, at a minimum I am guessing she is talking about your marriage at work.

You two need counseling.
Yes, I've tried to out myself in her position, since then, I've toned it down a lot.


Sorry for the misunderstanding, it was only after I said I'd introduce myself to her boss that was giving me dirty looks that she said I wasn't allowed at her work or the party. He wasn't there the other day and she didn't  have a problem with me going in.

I started talking to my pastor alone, she flat out refuses any counciling, that's not an option right now.

Refusing counseling is not a good sign.

I agree, she doesn't even want to go to a married couples 2 day retreat.  ::cryingtears::

She couldn't even look me in the eye and tell me she loves me, it's been a rough 4 months, but now she's been a lot better. She lets me kiss her now, hold her hand and even cuddles sometimes, but I initiate all of it.

The only thing I'm paranoid about is if she did have an affair and is trying to hide it from me and isn't over the OM yet, her actions have been speaking much louder than her words. I don't want this coming back on me later down the road, I'd rather nip it in the bud.

Offline Slow Hand

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #51 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 14:52:56 »
Is it possible that you're projecting the fear and doubts from your parents situation into your own marriage? From what you say, you've checked her personal emails, online activities, phone, etc, and found nothing. She goes straight to work and comes straight home. In other words, she's given you no proof that she's cheating, but you seem obsessed with the idea that she is. Now you're threatening to have her panties checked for DNA? No wonder she's getting a little cold in the bedroom.
The reason she's probably acting a little protective of her phone is she's probably confiding in a friend or relative about your numerous accusations. Sounds like you're about to lose your wife, but not to another man, but to your paranoia. Sorry, but that's how I see it. Get to a therapist ASAP.

No, I don't believe that's it. I have already sent in those panties, they came back positive for semen, even though I use a condom all of the time. The lab tech said that a DNA test would be the only way I would know if it was mine or not.

Each time I've brought up the DNA test she gets very defensive and says even if it comes back positive for another man, it's a lie and I probably planted someone else's semen in her underwear. I expected her to say they wouldn't find any DNA but mine, but she argues as though it will come back positive for someone else. She never even got upset that I had her underwear tested. I expected her to really let me have it, but she never even mentioned it.

She used to show up almost a half hour early to work and leave a half hour later from work after I accused her. I asked her why she was showing up so early and staying so late and she stopped without addressing it with me. She also gets 1 hour lunch breaks and rarely talks to me for more than a minute for her lunch break. Several of those lunch breaks she asks where I'm working at, like if she needs to know where I am at that moment.  ???

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #52 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 14:58:25 »
The dirty looks from the boss could be her talking about the marriage at work.  If she is refusing counseling, it sounds like she is contemplating leaving, or has already decided.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #53 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 15:08:02 »
The dirty looks from the boss could be her talking about the marriage at work.  If she is refusing counseling, it sounds like she is contemplating leaving, or has already decided.

Like the old Eagles song - Already Gone.

When husbands refuse counseling, marriages can still go on. When a wife refuses counseling, it's usually over.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #54 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 15:16:19 »
Slow Hand, what's your plan? Are you going through with the DNA testing on her panties?

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #55 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 15:19:06 »
The dirty looks from the boss could be her talking about the marriage at work.  If she is refusing counseling, it sounds like she is contemplating leaving, or has already decided.

Like the old Eagles song - Already Gone.

When husbands refuse counseling, marriages can still go on. When a wife refuses counseling, it's usually over.

From my research, and unfortunate personal experience, a woman who has checked out of the marriage may still outwardly go through the motions for a time.

mommydi

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #56 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 15:40:42 »
The dirty looks from the boss could be her talking about the marriage at work.  If she is refusing counseling, it sounds like she is contemplating leaving, or has already decided.

Like the old Eagles song - Already Gone.

When husbands refuse counseling, marriages can still go on. When a wife refuses counseling, it's usually over.

From my research, and unfortunate personal experience, a woman who has checked out of the marriage may still outwardly go through the motions for a time.

That's very true. I've seen some go through counseling just for appearances, so he/she can say they tried. When it gets to the point of the woman refusing counseling, she's probably long checked out emotionally.

mommydi

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #57 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 16:00:53 »
This is so interesting about the infidelity testing through DNA. I guess there's a big market for it.
It's not cheap. http://www.dnatestingcentre.com/infidelity.htm 

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #58 on: Sun Sep 27, 2015 - 16:06:37 »


Each time I've brought up the DNA test she gets very defensive and says even if it comes back positive for another man, it's a lie and I probably planted someone else's semen in her underwear. I expected her to say they wouldn't find any DNA but mine, but she argues as though it will come back positive for someone else. She never even got upset that I had her underwear tested. I expected her to really let me have it, but she never even mentioned it.



Wait... First, you say she gets "defensive" and argues, and says it's a lie, each time you bring up the DNA testing on her underwear,  but then you say " She never even got upset that I had her underwear tested. I expected her to really let me have it, but she never even mentioned it." Which is it? Does she argue and say it's a lie or does she never even mention it?  ::pondering:: 

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #59 on: Mon Sep 28, 2015 - 09:10:53 »
The dirty looks from the boss could be her talking about the marriage at work.  If she is refusing counseling, it sounds like she is contemplating leaving, or has already decided.

Perhaps, I don't even know the guy.

She checked out years ago, just been going through the motions.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #60 on: Mon Sep 28, 2015 - 10:01:49 »
Slow Hand, what's your plan? Are you going through with the DNA testing on her panties?

I don't know yet, I'm still thinking about it. We had an argument this morning over this, she even missed work but said it's not because I threatened to do the test, even though that's all we've talked about so far.

Since there were no spermatozoa, there is less of a chance on the DNA being identified. It may end up being a waste of money, not sure I want to take that chance. I don't know what to do anymore.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #61 on: Mon Sep 28, 2015 - 10:09:04 »


Each time I've brought up the DNA test she gets very defensive and says even if it comes back positive for another man, it's a lie and I probably planted someone else's semen in her underwear. I expected her to say they wouldn't find any DNA but mine, but she argues as though it will come back positive for someone else. She never even got upset that I had her underwear tested. I expected her to really let me have it, but she never even mentioned it.



Wait... First, you say she gets "defensive" and argues, and says it's a lie, each time you bring up the DNA testing on her underwear,  but then you say " She never even got upset that I had her underwear tested. I expected her to really let me have it, but she never even mentioned it." Which is it? Does she argue and say it's a lie or does she never even mention it?  ::pondering::

Sorry for the confusion, I just expected her initial reaction to be one of much anger for sending her underwear in to get tested. She hasn't even addressed the fact I sent them in to be tested. She ignored me for 18 hours when I told her what i had done and then she only denied it was semen at first, that it was a stupid home test. Then I calmly explained it was not a home test but an actual lab and that this would hold up in a court of law.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #62 on: Mon Sep 28, 2015 - 10:11:00 »
I can't seem to access this forum on either of my computers anymore, only my phone. I hate typing on my phone, that's why I took so long to respond, sorry.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #63 on: Mon Sep 28, 2015 - 20:34:23 »
I can't seem to access this forum on either of my computers anymore, only my phone. I hate typing on my phone, that's why I took so long to respond, sorry.

I'm having the same problems. I think it's a site issue because I can access facebook, pinterest, twitter, and email without a problem, but half the time I can't access this site and when I do, and try to post, the screen times out and freezes.
Just post as you can.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #64 on: Mon Sep 28, 2015 - 20:37:39 »
Slow Hand, what's your plan? Are you going through with the DNA testing on her panties?

I don't know yet, I'm still thinking about it. We had an argument this morning over this, she even missed work but said it's not because I threatened to do the test, even though that's all we've talked about so far.

Since there were no spermatozoa, there is less of a chance on the DNA being identified. It may end up being a waste of money, not sure I want to take that chance. I don't know what to do anymore.
From what I read online, it sounds very expensive to get the complete infidelity DNA workup. If you can afford it, it might not be so bad to try, though. This is going to eat at you until you find out about that DNA. If you go through with it, and if it turns out to be yours, then please put this behind you and try to rebuild what you have with her. (if it's not too late)

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #65 on: Tue Sep 29, 2015 - 14:43:51 »
Slow Hand, what's your plan? Are you going through with the DNA testing on her panties?

I don't know yet, I'm still thinking about it. We had an argument this morning over this, she even missed work but said it's not because I threatened to do the test, even though that's all we've talked about so far.

Since there were no spermatozoa, there is less of a chance on the DNA being identified. It may end up being a waste of money, not sure I want to take that chance. I don't know what to do anymore.
From what I read online, it sounds very expensive to get the complete infidelity DNA workup. If you can afford it, it might not be so bad to try, though. This is going to eat at you until you find out about that DNA. If you go through with it, and if it turns out to be yours, then please put this behind you and try to rebuild what you have with her. (if it's not too late)

Today she has asked me 3 times already if I've gotten the results yet, she seems concerned. She's still mad at me too. If she hasn't been unfaithful, I know we can work it out. If she has been unfaithful, I'm not so sure I want to work it out, I'll likely file for a divorce.

I've decided to proceed with the DNA test and let the chips fall where they may, pray for us.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #66 on: Tue Sep 29, 2015 - 16:44:21 »


Today she has asked me 3 times already if I've gotten the results yet, she seems concerned. She's still mad at me too. If she hasn't been unfaithful, I know we can work it out. If she has been unfaithful, I'm not so sure I want to work it out, I'll likely file for a divorce.

I've decided to proceed with the DNA test and let the chips fall where they may, pray for us.
I have no doubt she's concerned and mad. Taking her underwear to test for another man's DNA is a very, very big deal. If she's guilty, she knows the results will probably signal the death knell of her marriage. OTOH, if she's innocent, your false accusations and actions, such as taking her underwear, is a total betrayal. Who knows if she can forgive and move on, though.
How long will it take to run the infidelity DNA test?



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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #67 on: Tue Sep 29, 2015 - 17:34:12 »


Today she has asked me 3 times already if I've gotten the results yet, she seems concerned. She's still mad at me too. If she hasn't been unfaithful, I know we can work it out. If she has been unfaithful, I'm not so sure I want to work it out, I'll likely file for a divorce.

I've decided to proceed with the DNA test and let the chips fall where they may, pray for us.
I have no doubt she's concerned and mad. Taking her underwear to test for another man's DNA is a very, very big deal. If she's guilty, she knows the results will probably signal the death knell of her marriage. OTOH, if she's innocent, your false accusations and actions, such as taking her underwear, is a total betrayal. Who knows if she can forgive and move on, though.
How long will it take to run the infidelity DNA test?

Well, she's never been upset about me sending in her underwear. She got upset when I told her I would tell everyone we knew that she had an affair if the DNA test showed someone else, very, very upset. I ended up backing down and apologized and told her I wouldn't do the DNA test and things dramatically improved. That was over a month ago.

I spoke to the lab tech today and she said it would take 10 to 20 days to get the results. She also said that even though it's possible that it is mine, it's not very probable as there were no sperm and feels we are dealing with someone who has had a vasectomy.

She does tell me that I need to stop with the accusations and that I'm pushing her away. She has never been upset that I sent her underwear in but got very defensive about it, saying, I planted someone else's semen in her underwear and I got ripped off.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #68 on: Tue Sep 29, 2015 - 20:21:32 »
If you do it, do it.  Don't leave a financial trace.  Don't talk to her about it......until you have any evidence.

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Re: How do you fix it?
« Reply #69 on: Tue Sep 29, 2015 - 20:40:22 »
If you do it, do it.  Don't leave a financial trace.  Don't talk to her about it......until you have any evidence.

He sure doesn't play his cards close to the vest.  ::lookaround::

 

     
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