How much to tell?

[jjthewife]

I'm really glad to hear that you came through your divorce closer to God.

Honestly, my heart is fairly hard.  I struggle a lot with God.  Think about if Missy had lived after enduring a series of horrific events... what would you tell her?

[Thankfulldad]

I'm really glad to hear that you came through your divorce closer to God.

Honestly, my heart is fairly hard.  I struggle a lot with God.  Think about if Missy had lived after enduring a series of horrific events... what would you tell her?

That sin destroys...and I am so sorry that she had to endure the evil that is in the world.  I would tell her that God is love...and that a greater purpose is out there for her.  That God has a plan for her...and that she is greatly loved.  For her to forgive the evil that over took her.  God tells us not to be overcome by evil...but to over come evil with good.

Do you feel you are a survivor of a Missy ordeal in a way?

[BAH-BLAH]

That book goes WAY off Biblical truth.

Its a pretty good book, makes you FEEL good, but it doesnt represent the truth on forgiveness and reconciliation and all the things it tries to, in Biblical correct terms.

It is a very good book though

I agree it is a bit out there.  I am about 3/4 of the way through it.  I have been going slow, reading each chapter about 4-5 times.  The deep things seem to line up quite well with what I understand in the Bible.  I will know more when I finish the book!  Thanks for the heads up...I will comment more on it when I finish...

Actually it goes off in the last 1/4...its well after the experience in the cave (if that means anything to you yet)

Its a bit "universalist" for one thing

Another thing I disliked, and actually stopped reading and came back months later to finish, was the at times almost cartoonish dialog between Jesus, God and The Holy Spirit and Mack....it just read awkward and was too cutesy for me.

Someone told me that I needed to finish it despite that, so i did, and it was worth it. But its not for example a solid witnessing accessory as it is universalist. I dont know about you but i will use certain books to witness to certain people especially some old friends who are skeptics like i was once....they like to read so i give them Randy Alcors Deadline, and maybe Mere Christianity CS Lewis as ice breakers...i wouldnt use The Shack that way, though it is billed as useful for that.

[Thankfulldad]

Actually it goes off in the last 1/4...its well after the experience in the cave (if that means anything to you yet)

Its a bit "universalist" for one thing

Another thing I disliked, and actually stopped reading and came back months later to finish, was the at times almost cartoonish dialog between Jesus, God and The Holy Spirit and Mack....it just read awkward and was too cutesy for me.

Someone told me that I needed to finish it despite that, so i did, and it was worth it. But its not for example a solid witnessing accessory as it is universalist. I dont know about you but i will use certain books to witness to certain people especially some old friends who are skeptics like i was once....they like to read so i give them Randy Alcors Deadline, and maybe Mere Christianity CS Lewis as ice breakers...i wouldnt use The Shack that way, though it is billed as useful for that.

No, I have not got to the cave yet.  I try to find the good in the book, and make sure it lines up with scripture...the odd stuff I just brush off 

Do I know you from somewhere?

[jjthewife]

That sin destroys...and I am so sorry that she had to endure the evil that is in the world.  I would tell her that God is love...and that a greater purpose is out there for her.  That God has a plan for her...and that she is greatly loved.  For her to forgive the evil that over took her.  God tells us not to be overcome by evil...but to over come evil with good.

I'm afraid that she would initially be upset hearing that.  She was an innocent little girl and all she wanted was for someone, anyone... especially her dad, to hear her screams.

Do you feel you are a survivor of a Missy ordeal in a way?

Yes.  That's why I'm so afraid to tell my husband.

[janine]

There is no law that says you have to dredge up and disclose every single detail for the counselor.

One good thing about discussing this with your husband AND the counselor is this: the counselor can make sure you have someone else around to view your husband's reactions.  If Hubby has some sort of over-the-top reaction that does no one any good, and places blame on you, then the counselor can call him on it and tell him he needs to get a grip.

OTOH, if Hubby has a perfectly reasonable anger reaction, wishing he could punch the abuser in the face, feeling angry and sad that those hard horrible things happened to his wife -- well, that's about what is expected, and the counselor can help you understand that you will not melt and disappear in the presence of anger.

[chosenone]

It is understandable that your husband is angry at what happened to you. I would also be angry if someone I loved was hurt like that. Three members of my family were sexually abused by their father so I have seen first hand what it can do. However God has done amazing things in their lives, and two of them are now following God.

The two who are following God have both said that the beginning of their healing was when they were able to forgive their abuser.
have you managed to do that?it is so crucial and it will set you free.

[jjthewife]

That is why God says...not to be overcome by evil; but to overcome evil with good.  I am glad you came to this site...God willing folks here can provide you with comfort and love

So what happens when a child is overcome by evil?  I was.  So was Missy.  And it's a hard thing to shake when it is simply a part of who I am.

I am glad that I came to this site too.  Everyone has been very kind. :)

[jjthewife]

There is no law that says you have to dredge up and disclose every single detail for the counselor.

One good thing about discussing this with your husband AND the counselor is this: the counselor can make sure you have someone else around to view your husband's reactions.  If Hubby has some sort of over-the-top reaction that does no one any good, and places blame on you, then the counselor can call him on it and tell him he needs to get a grip.

OTOH, if Hubby has a perfectly reasonable anger reaction, wishing he could punch the abuser in the face, feeling angry and sad that those hard horrible things happened to his wife -- well, that's about what is expected, and the counselor can help you understand that you will not melt and disappear in the presence of anger.

You are very right.  I won't be bringing up every detail.  I just can't.  And it would get pretty redundant afterwhile...

I am trying to talk to my husband about some of the "easier" things in my past and I'm saving the hard stuff for the counselor for the very reasons you mentioned.  I know my husband will be angry and most likely it will be at them; not me.  I was thinking about it last night and I think that the biggest reason that kind of anger is so uncomfortable for me is because I don't like seeing him get upset about things that happened to me.  It's just me... and I don't see a lot of value in being angry over me.  I'm not worth it; if that makes sense...

[jjthewife]

It is understandable that your husband is angry at what happened to you. I would also be angry if someone I loved was hurt like that. Three members of my family were sexually abused by their father so I have seen first hand what it can do. However God has done amazing things in their lives, and two of them are now following God.

The two who are following God have both said that the beginning of their healing was when they were able to forgive their abuser.
have you managed to do that?it is so crucial and it will set you free.

I'm so sorry your family has had to experience this.  It is good to hear that God has intervened. :)

Forgiveness is tough for me.  I don't really feel all that much towards the people who hurt me.  I'm numb... not angry... not hateful... I just "am".  I hold more sadness than anything else.  I don't know if you have read The Shack but "the great sadness" that the father refers to really resonates with me.  That's what this is for me; a terrible sadness just in my periphery, that weighs on me constantly.  I don't know if that is unforgiveness or not...

[BAH-BLAH]

Actually it goes off in the last 1/4...its well after the experience in the cave (if that means anything to you yet)

Its a bit "universalist" for one thing

Another thing I disliked, and actually stopped reading and came back months later to finish, was the at times almost cartoonish dialog between Jesus, God and The Holy Spirit and Mack....it just read awkward and was too cutesy for me.

Someone told me that I needed to finish it despite that, so i did, and it was worth it. But its not for example a solid witnessing accessory as it is universalist. I dont know about you but i will use certain books to witness to certain people especially some old friends who are skeptics like i was once....they like to read so i give them Randy Alcors Deadline, and maybe Mere Christianity CS Lewis as ice breakers...i wouldnt use The Shack that way, though it is billed as useful for that.

No, I have not got to the cave yet.  I try to find the good in the book, and make sure it lines up with scripture...the odd stuff I just brush off 

Do I know you from somewhere?

Probably if you are who I think you are. if you have a "Houston connection" recently, yep you know me and I know you and welcome over here.

[BAH-BLAH]

Probably if you are who I think you are. if you have a "Houston connection" recently, yep you know me and I know you and welcome over here.

Good to see you brother

If you were the one with the great biblical solid advice for that first date

I dont remember giving you that advice...sorry....Im one of the outcasts of late. DIC

[BAH-BLAH]

Probably if you are who I think you are. if you have a "Houston connection" recently, yep you know me and I know you and welcome over here.

Good to see you brother

If you were the one with the great biblical solid advice for that first date

I dont remember giving you that advice...sorry....Im one of the outcasts of late. DIC

Ive gone and done it now....the weapons are being polished, the ammo reloaded, the target reapplied to my back....Ive seen that we are being followed here, so I tried to burn some bridges...maybe it will buy me enough time to get to the next forum of safety.....

[jjthewife]

It will take effort on your part to allow God to chip away at the walls around your heart.  The toughest job for you right now will be to move in the direction of trusting God...and trusting that He is good.  Your abusers have put you into a darkness; by trusting in God, a light will slowly funnel into your heart.  It will not be instant...like I said before; baby steps toward the light of Christ and the freedom through His grace.

Here is probably the strongest emotion I feel... jealousy.  You know how in the book his wife calls God, "Papa"?  I can almost hear the jealousy in Mack's voice as he speaks about his wife's relationship with God.  I'm jealous.  I want that.  I want what I see others with when it comes to their relationship with God.  I'm always at an arm's length away.  When I picture God, I see one of my abuser's faces instead of what most people probably imagine God to look like.  I squint to look closer and then the face begins to mock, laugh and shame me.  I want to get closer but I always turn and run.  To me, that is the epitome of being overcome by evil.  I'm afraid it's just a part of who I am.

[chaz345]

On the original topic I can say that you can only be healed as fully as you discuss that happened. Less that full discussion of it will result in less than full healing. Obviously you don't need to immediatley dump every last little detail out there, but a full a disclosure as possible can only help the healing.   I suspect it's probably a matter of you feeling safe enough with your counselor though. I bet that as you start to disclose, and learn, by experience that you don't get hurt by disclosing, that you'll be more  able to share more.