How to Be a Better Wife

[landschooner]

Have sex with your husband often and on a regular basis. This is the main way that he RECEIVES love from you.

If your husband feels like he's starving sexually....that he is constantly rejected by you (even if you don't intend it as rejection) then all the other loving things that you do for him....making his meals, leaving him notes, getting his car washed....all these things will fall on deaf ears. In his mind he will think or at least feel, "That's sweet, but you don't desire me." "Thanks for the backrub, but really, I repulse you don't I?" "Thanks for the meal, but I can make my own dinner and that's NOT what I'm hungry for."

Sure, we need to work on that attitude. I sure do. But that's what its like just the same.

(Caveat: everyone is different. I don't speak for all men. I do however claim to speak for a majority of them.)

LS

[BAH-BLAH]

I agree with Hot Ice and there is something profound buried in there, again, like a broken record, is this notion that women are wounded....and thats the excuse (lacking a better word) for shortcomings. men, however, I guess are wounded, but what, wounded ourselves? We brought the wounds on US, and we foisted wounds on THEM?

im not talking about after a bitter and long acrimonious marriage etc, after much sinning one against the other...Im talking about the condition of a man and wife as they stand, before they had a chance to do so much wrong to one another

This un-Biblically takes any  responsibility off her....for sin even....and places HER sin on HIS back. because after all, we are talking about the overt actions that come FROM the woundedness right? And those actions are generally SIN. Sorry, but Your sin is YOURS, male or female.


Further, I cant as HI said find this Biblical loophole, or this emphasis on woundedness, rather I see emphasis on healing and healED. Pop psychology has crept into our midst and we find "wounds" why? Because we look for them assuming they are there.

Im not too hung up on that, wounds, there or not....its the behaviors that COME from the so called wounds that get this thing sideways. We are responsible for our own actions/reactions. The doctrine of the Biblical marriage model has grown like tentacles in so many directions its taken what are very simple admonishments and made an entire Christian psychological discipline out of them.

Washing the women, I just do not believe that is about healing, as much as sanctifying...as a spiritual leader, men lead her to holiness, thats my belief....Its a fine line but an important one. I cannot HEAL my wife no matter how I lead. Expressions like "love never fails" and "love heals all wounds" and such are funny ....funny strange, in that they are true and easy to agree to in the general. Then everyone walks away muttering agreement and goes back and all do VERY different things, having all agreed on what they should do. In other words they are vague enough to sooth ANYTHING. Its great to rally around those thinsg that are true. But people then get somehow stuck, and almost refuse to dig deeper into application, where HUGE differences of interpretation reside. Its great that for YOU, or anyone, "love never fails".....but when you use that as if its instructional, it doesnt mean the same thing to different people, so sort of avoiding the details( because when folks see thingss slightly differently) just by saying again and again "love never fails"   isnt as helpful as it may seem.

There are differing starting points to any relationship. The assumption that everyone marries carrying deep wounds and then the husband has to heal all that, kind of diminishes Gods power in my opinion. I see it almost as an Oprafication of Gods power.

Just me, on my lonely limb as usual

[Thankfulldad]

There are differing starting points to any relationship. The assumption that everyone marries carrying deep wounds and then the husband has to heal all that, kind of diminishes Gods power in my opinion. I see it almost as an Oprafication of Gods power.

Just me, on my lonely limb as usual

I agree...it is all God's power working through us; His Spirit...we can do nothing on our own.  Matter of fact...without Him, we are nothing...

[Thankfulldad]

I cannot HEAL my wife no matter how I lead. Expressions like "love never fails" and "love heals all wounds" and such are funny ....funny strange, in that they are true and easy to agree to in the general. Then everyone walks away muttering agreement and goes back and all do VERY different things, having all agreed on what they should do. In other words they are vague enough to sooth ANYTHING. Its great to rally around those thinsg that are true. But people then get somehow stuck, and almost refuse to dig deeper into application, where HUGE differences of interpretation reside. Its great that for YOU, or anyone, "love never fails".....but when you use that as if its instructional, it doesnt mean the same thing to different people, so sort of avoiding the details( because when folks see thingss slightly differently) just by saying again and again "love never fails"   isnt as helpful as it may seem.

Again, I agree; saying it (love never fails) does nothing...we are to love in action and truth.  And again, it is only God's power through us...that gives us this hope.  God never fails...is more accurate.

[Mere Nick]

Just me, on my lonely limb as usual

No, you see things clearly.

[Hot Ice]

After reading a few good posts elsewhere, I've got something to add to this:

  Guard what influences you allow into your life, regarding your husband.

make sure those influences are GODLY, under the control of the Holy Spirit, concerned with Holiness, not just religion--and certainly not fleshly interests.

[comfy]

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16)

If we are still sinning, I'd say this can mean we still have what makes us *open* to Satan so he can get to us and get us to sin. So, what makes us open could be wounds, or something like this that needs to be "healed". And we *both* have what makes us still able to give in to the devil. So, I'd say the man needs to confess to and pray for his lady, and the lady needs to confess to and pray for her man; he is her "head" (Ephesians 5:23) to lead her by being the example of this, while she is his helpmate to help him do better in this, including encouraging him by joining him in this mutual confessing and spiritual character healing prayer.

James 5:16, to me, means we all are ordained by God to have such power to have mutual confession and mutual healing prayer; God commands this; so God is committed to make this work, by means of His own love's power to get us "healed" of whatever in our *character* that still can give in to sinning. And this healing, "of course" (I would say), involves sanctification; the power of God's own love flows through us (Romans 5:5) as living, loving "water by the word" (Ephesians 5:26); this is in His Holy Spirit (John 7:37-39); this flowing of God's own love through us cleanses and *cures* us so we become like this love that is sin-incapable. Because the living waters of God's love has God's own almighty immunity against sin, making us more and more like we have in 1 John 4:17, "as He is, so are we in this world." (in 1 John 4:17)

So, with my wife, I would want her to expect me to be her example of confessing, and of humbly trusting God and her that she prays for me to do better. I trust her to love and care for all people as ourselves, and not to just make some big deal out of me like I am so more and greater than anyone else After all, there are other Christians who are more mature than we are; so they are more like Jesus; so if we really appreciate Jesus, we will like these people more, because they are more like Jesus, than we are. And this humbling ourselves to appreciate more genuine people can keep us from dwelling on too much on each other with our overrating each other. Once we fool ourselves into overrating one another, then we can discover the real truth and be so much more disappointed and hurt, than if we had evaluated honestly, in the first place Instead, we can be busier with positive confessing and prayer, and being more involved with our good examples, instead of just being so much about each other and our inferior pursuits of trying to gratify our own selves and struggling and fighting for this, and stressing.

So, I need to become her example of having "the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (in 1 Peter 3:4) Be first about being pleasing to God, instead of how I want her to please me. And see if she is getting this with me. Make sure this is the intimacy that we are getting into, of God's own love with so better than I have been seeking

But what about practical things I might want? Trust God about what she does for me; let Him and her enjoy surprising me. Don't be so dictatorial about how she has to be, and what she has to do: "be content with such things as you have" (in Hebrews 13:5). She will grow as a Christian; I need to be open to discovering who she will become, and what she will be doing, then I keep finding how God surprises me with better than what I have been wanting; so why limit a Christian lady to what I can hope

"You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted by your own affections." (2 Corinthians 6:12)

[PatientMan]

Hi all.  I'm new to the forum and this is my first post.   Her are my thoughts about being a better wife.  A woman can be a better wife to her husband by being one with him.  I mean she should share a life together by talking with him, working with him, planning with him, having sex with him (not just physical intercourse), supporting him, comforting him, and just being with him.  She could be sensual, funny, and interesting for her husband (this helps to keep his eye from wandering).  The ideal marriage in my mind is a husband and wife who are together as one.  The wife's part would be to be with her husband to form the togetherness.

- PatientMan

[BobsRib]

It sounds dull but respecting your husband and holding him in high regard goes a long way in being a good wife. Also doing "good for him all the days of her life".He needs to knows he can always count on her to be on his side..... his loudest cheerleader, best friend and play mate.

Sorry I don't get the "wounded" stuff??

[Rachel]

One way a wife can be better is by not thinking that she has a rule or govern over her husband in the way that he does with her. 

Are you married?

[Rachel]

Not sure where it fits in but I was discussing both the male and female version of these threads and he just said 'being with you makes me want to be a better husband and a better man'. 

[janine]

I suspect one becomes a better wife if she becomes a better person, and a better Christian.

It also helps if she has a good husband. ;)

[janine]

One way a wife can be better is by not thinking that she has a rule or govern over her husband in the way that he does with her. 

A wife has no desire to escape the rule/governance of a husband worth the pain.

[Rachel]

I suspect one becomes a better wife if she becomes a better person, and a better Christian.

 

It also helps if she has a good husband. ;)

 

[BAH-BLAH]

We have waited(sic) for you Obi Won

The Circle is now complete