How to Be a Better Wife

[phoebe]

One way a wife can be better is by not thinking that she has a rule or govern over her husband in the way that he does with her. 

Are you married?

 

memphis is our resident polygamer.

[Hot Ice]

One way a wife can be better is by not thinking that she has a rule or govern over her husband in the way that he does with her. 

A wife has no desire to escape the rule/governance of a husband worth the pain.

That's always been very vague to me, considering; 1.   the definition of a "husband that is worth the pain/trouble" is never supplied when one uses that phrase; and 2.   The definition just changes with every wife, making me believe that the thinking behind that is anything but Biblical......am I mistaken?


If so, how?

[comfy]

Ok, Hot Ice, in *case* I got this right what you mean, you are asking if it is Biblical that there can be a husband who is a pain but worth the pain. Well, if the guy is an abuser, ornary, impossible, etc., I think of how staying with my mother so helped to test if I really was such a great Christian. I had a chance to learn how to love, by being with someone who could get the better of me, to expose my weakness and faking. But I don't think you mean is a guy worth being abused and dominated.

But I think you're asking if a man could be a Christian guy who is not irresponsible and abusive etc., and be a pain who is worth it. We have Ephesians 4:2 which says, "with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love,"

I notice that "with longsuffering" part (c: I'd say God knows *any* Christian will at times be really wrong, somehow; and then is when that "longsuffering" is needed. And there can be pain involved in that suffering long. But considering this is along with sharing with a really Christian guy who on the whole is growing and maturing in how Jesus has him loving his lady, the pain is worth it. And she can get stronger in dealing better and better with however he is wrong.

Then there's when the guy is really right, and it's showing her up, and he's correcting her, and I hate being proven wrong, she's thinking and stinking. But God uses us to correct each other; and when we are wrong and caught in the act and wrong spirit, we are in denial, more or less, and in pain of pity and hurt pride. And we do have, "Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:11) But that pain turns out to be a "Thanks, I needed that" kind of thingy, though with a stingy

[BAH-BLAH]

Comfy I think you are makin work outta work. Hot Ice's point is not complex at all, and a very good one.

I'd add to it not only does it differ from woman to woman, but with the same woman from day to day!

If you read 10 descriptions of , oh, call it, "how to be a good husband", or "what I want in my husband", or "what i cherish about my husband" from 10 women, they will be incredibly different where specific, and incredibly vague and overarching in most ways. Like "I want him to love me unconditionally".....which requires further definition into ACTIONS. and if you go into action they will differ.

Ask the same 10 women the question 6 months later, and the answers will differ again, because they are all about how the man makes her FEEL. Note....Thats fine, I have no problems with that. It makes sense and its true and honest.

but telling how they want to be made to FEEL isnt helpful. And the guy can think he is doing it, and it fall flat, next day, it works...because in the complex tumble of daily emotions it takes very different male behaviors to make her feel a certain way.

the problem comes when (and this aint rare) he is by objective measure "a good husband" but still deemed "not worth it" because it isnt making her FEEL a certain way. Then the rancor starts.

This is a relatively modern thing because in the past there wasnt time for this. Both did whatever they did to set up the next days warmth, shelter, food, had some time at evening for dinner, sleep, wake repeat, and they appreciated what WAS done by the other. Now we all expect all kinds of complicated things that are set ups for failure

[BobsRib]

I think anyone that you try to live with is going to be a pain sometimes! Just because I love my husband to pieced doesn't mean I don't see his flaws. He is human. The same thing goes for me. I am human(very) and not everyone would think it was worth the effort(pain) to deal with my flaws especially on a daily basis. But thank God we think it is totally "worth the pain". And sometimes it is more than the daily pain. Sometimes your spouse is going through a tough time that puts such stress on you that you don't think you can bear it. That's when we rely on God's love to see us through. The greater bond after such a crisis is the reward for remaining faithful and leaning on God.

[son of God]

"How To Be A Better Wife"

Well, to throw a monkey wrench into things......

As a saying goes in the construction industry...  "Men are just like linoleum: lay them well, and the wife can walk all over him without any problems arising."

For many this somewhat crude saying is very accurate.

So there's the monkey wrench!

I'm looking forward to see how many noses get bent out of shape over that one!  

And for a second monkey wrench:

I've heard many wives state that they feel "used" by their husbands.  They seem quite ignorant on just how easily they can "use" their husband in it.  And in so doing, they would also avert much conflict.  And have much enjoyment.

But they just seem to focus on their own skewed slant, intent on missing out on so much for both themselves and their husbands.  Go figure.

[bemark]

Don't read those women mags and avoid all women who do

[Rachel]

"How To Be A Better Wife"

Well, to throw a monkey wrench into things......

As a saying goes in the construction industry...  "Men are just like linoleum: lay them well, and the wife can walk all over him without any problems arising."

For many this somewhat crude saying is very accurate.

So there's the monkey wrench!

I'm looking forward to see how many noses get bent out of shape over that one!  

To me that just says that as long as a man has frequent and satisfying sex he is willing to give his wife full latitude on anything else.  Nothing new there.

And for a second monkey wrench:

I've heard many wives state that they feel "used" by their husbands.  They seem quite ignorant on just how easily they can "use" their husband in it.  And in so doing, they would also avert much conflict.  And have much enjoyment.

But they just seem to focus on their own skewed slant, intent on missing out on so much for both themselves and their husbands.  Go figure.

I'm not really sure what you are trying to say here.  Whatever it is you are saying does sound very bitter.  I'm sorry that you feel like that.

[son of God]

"How To Be A Better Wife"

Well, to throw a monkey wrench into things......

As a saying goes in the construction industry...  "Men are just like linoleum: lay them well, and the wife can walk all over him without any problems arising."

For many this somewhat crude saying is very accurate.

So there's the monkey wrench!

I'm looking forward to see how many noses get bent out of shape over that one!  

To me that just says that as long as a man has frequent and satisfying sex he is willing to give his wife full latitude on anything else.  Nothing new there.

And for a second monkey wrench:

I've heard many wives state that they feel "used" by their husbands.  They seem quite ignorant on just how easily they can "use" their husband in it.  And in so doing, they would also avert much conflict.  And have much enjoyment.

But they just seem to focus on their own skewed slant, intent on missing out on so much for both themselves and their husbands.  Go figure.

I'm not really sure what you are trying to say here.  Whatever it is you are saying does sound very bitter.  I'm sorry that you feel like that.

Interesting reply.  Where do you get bitter from?  All I did was relay what is frequently seen.  Even on this forum on a few threads, the same statements have been made by others.  Relating fact isn't bitter. 

Go figure.  LOL

[HannahT]

Interesting reply.  Where do you get bitter from?  All I did was relay what is frequently seen.  Even on this forum on a few threads, the same statements have been made by others.  Relating fact isn't bitter.

Go figure.  LOL

Well you lost me to.  I didn't understand the second one either. 

[son of God]

Interesting reply.  Where do you get bitter from?  All I did was relay what is frequently seen.  Even on this forum on a few threads, the same statements have been made by others.  Relating fact isn't bitter.

Go figure.  LOL

Well you lost me to.  I didn't understand the second one either. 

If you're lost on the second one, you are blessed, so don't sweat it.

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Don't read those women mags and avoid all women who do.

bemark wins the thread!!!  Seriously, best advice in here so far.

Now me, I'm a pain.  I might be worth it, but I'm not sure.  That depends on you, mostly, probably.  I won't hit you, not that kind of pain.  But I promise to be totally hot and cold, except when I'm lukewarm.  And to say what I think always, even when it isn't consistent with what I said 5 minutes ago, or when I don't feel like talking.  And to forget "important" dates, but give you presents on non-occasions when you aren't expecting it.  I won't pick up the phone if I'm doing something else, but I'll call you back later, even if you don't leave a message.  And I'll be decisive about major decisions, and handle major problems, even while I'm indecisive about minutia, and ignore the little problems until they build up into bigger ones.

I'm interesting.  Not always in a good way!  Yay me!   

[BobsRib]

wycliffes You seem to have a very active sense of humor, so take this as humorous and not serious:                                     "A man's got to know his limitations"