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Author Topic: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me  (Read 34305 times)

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Offline Shalina

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How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« on: May 06, 2007, 05:04:03 PM »
Hello everyone,

I come to you today a very broken and sad woman.  A year ago I went out with a friend and came home to find all my husband's things gone and a long letter saying he is filing for divorce.  Then two weeks after he left he got engaged to a woman he works with and to this day we are still married while he is planning his wedding.  He is going to file for divorce in August due to state law of being legally separated for a year.  We did have a lot of problems and I was trying to work on them but he cracked and decided to be with someone else.  I would have done anything to save my marriage if I knew what he was planning to leave.  I am still in shock that this all happened and knowing he is planning a wedding while still be married is too much to bear. 

I went to a DivorceCare support group and it did help but I am still so sad and heartbroken.  I do believe in the Lord Jesus and learned a lot more about him but I have not grasped the concept of "letting go" and "letting God".  I live alone and just started working after many years and I will barely be able to support myself.  He has been supporting me for a year and it will end soon.  I have a condition that I can't walk for long periods time without being in great pain but the biggest pain I have is in my heart.  I feel so lonely and it does not help that all my family and my best friend lives half hour away from me and no one comes out to see me I have to go out to see them.  I feel that everyone wants me to "get" over it and then they will talk to me.  How can you get "over" having a husband one minute and then him leaving and planning a life with someone else the next minute? 

I know this is a long post and I did not even say all I wanted to.  I have no one to talk to and want the pain to stop.  Thank you for listening.

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How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« on: May 06, 2007, 05:04:03 PM »

Offline seekr

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2007, 06:23:48 PM »
How sad for you. This is why God hates divorce. It was the "putting away" and not taking care of the other person. With all your pain, still try to hold on and trust God when it all looks bleak. I know it is an easy thing to say and a much harder thing to do, but God can use this for good. It just takes so long sometimes to see even a small part of the big picture. I am praying for you.

seekr

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2007, 06:23:48 PM »

Offline Petals

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2007, 07:59:59 PM »
Shalina,  I've been divorced, so I know how lonely and devastated you must feel.  When you're not feeling well physically, it makes matters even worse. 

Feel free to come here and "talk" if you have no where else to turn at the moment.  We can listen and offer support, but what you really need is to find a Pastor or someone in your area with whom you can share your feelings on a more personal level.  You need to sort things out and a counselor can help you work through the difficult circumstances you find yourself in right now. 

The road ahead for you may be a rocky one, but one thing I do know from experience is that the Lord is there with you.  It will take some time to heal your broken heart, but Jesus came to earth to bind up the brokenhearted, and He will do it for you.   Pour out your heart to Him, and He will help you.   Lean on Him, and He will not disappoint you.

I want to give you the same Bible verse that my daughter gave to me after my divorce.  It is found in Jeremiah 29:11.  For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. 

God has a plan for your life, Shalina, and even though you may not see it clearly now, it will unfold like a delicate flower and one day you'll see it's beauty. ::hug::

Blessings to you...
TrueBlue

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2007, 07:59:59 PM »

Offline Jaime

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2007, 08:00:31 PM »
I am praying for you Shalina.

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2007, 08:00:31 PM »

Offline Serenity432001

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2007, 08:12:23 PM »
Shalina,

 ::prayinghard::  I just echo what others have said.  Grasping the concept of letting go and letting God is never easy but He knows that and He is there for you sometimes long before we're ready to give Him our broken heart.  He can and will heal it and help you through the pain.  I know it might not seem like it now but with God all things are possible and there is life after divorce.    In my case, even better than I ever imagined.  I did have to have counseling to get through it and was very grateful for the help I received.  Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help.  Especially to God.  You will be in my daily prayers

Lisa P   

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2007, 08:12:23 PM »



Offline Shalina

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2007, 06:40:19 AM »
Thank you all for your support!  I keep wanting to either go back to when things were great with my husband or before I met him.  Or even the future when It does not hurt so bad.  When I started my job a few weeks ago and I was in orientation class there was this man in there I was attracted to.  He was nice in the class and I started to obsess about him.  I thank God I did nothing about it.  I found out later that he was hired to be a director of one of the departments right next to mine.  It made me realize just how wounded I really am.  I wanted to latch on real tight so I can forget about my husband.  I am so starving for love and affection and I know another man is not the answer but the Lord.  I just wish I could totally feel it in my heart.  I hate feeling this way.  Before I met my husband I was not looking for a man and did not have that desperate need to be with a man but now that has all changed.  I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up to it all being over so I can start a new life without pain.

Thank you all again for your support.  I knew this was the right forum to go to.

God bless!

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2007, 06:40:19 AM »

Offline zoonance

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2007, 07:15:09 AM »
My brother in law left my sister in a similar way a year ago and a 7 year old son besides.  It stinks.  What I would say to you today would not be what I would want to say to you a year or so from now.  It might not make any sense.  My sister is bitter and not much of a joy to be around.  Obviously, he isn't coming back, he married another woman, her dream is over. As her brother, all I really want to say is "get over it and move on" (with more flowery words I suspect)  If she doesn't she will be a sour, unattractive person.  That is what I would warn you about becoming.... if this was a year or so from now.

Offline James A. Wyly

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2007, 07:30:19 AM »
Hello Shalina,

Let me suggest two things:  if one is available to you, join a divorce support group.  It will give you someone to talk to and with whom you can ventilate.  Moreover, good ones (support groups) can offer suggestions of how to get on with your life.  But two footnotes: resolve that you will only be there for a limited time---say 6 months.  Further, under no circumstances become involved with anyone you meet in that group.  Understand you are emotionally very vulnerable and guard against it. 

My second suggestion is see a Doctor--a psychiatrist if one is available.  You sound depressed and, if you are, he can prescribe something that may help.

Jim W.

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2007, 08:26:14 AM »
I am hurting with you, Shalina.  My prayers of healing go out for you.

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2007, 08:26:14 AM »

Offline Petals

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #9 on: May 07, 2007, 08:51:29 AM »
Shalina,  Do you have children?  If so, what are their ages? 

My biggest regret is that during the time of my divorce, I could not see past my own pain to that of my children.  I was hurting so badly that I hardly considered that my children were suffering, too.  If you have children, they, too, should receive counseling to work through their pain.  Most of all, they need to know that they are not the cause of the break-up. 

Offline Shalina

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #10 on: May 07, 2007, 09:14:09 AM »
I have no children.  I did have a stepdaughter that I miss so much and she is so confused.  He does not want me to see her because of her confusion.  He introduced his new wife to be to her right after he left me and wonders why she is confused.  She is a 8 year old special needs child.  I miss her so much and I was in her life from age 1-7.  She lives with her mother mostly and her and I became friends along the way but she kept calling me and telling me everything my husband and his new love are doing and it had to stop.  I really want to move on and when I am out in the world I am not a bitter person and try to spread love around like Jesus wants us to.  It is just when I come home I let my true feelings out. 


HRoberson

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #11 on: May 07, 2007, 12:25:46 PM »
Hello everyone,

I come to you today a very broken and sad woman.  A year ago I went out with a friend and came home to find all my husband's things gone and a long letter saying he is filing for divorce.  Then two weeks after he left he got engaged to a woman he works with and to this day we are still married while he is planning his wedding.  He is going to file for divorce in August due to state law of being legally separated for a year.  We did have a lot of problems and I was trying to work on them but he cracked and decided to be with someone else.  I would have done anything to save my marriage if I knew what he was planning to leave.  I am still in shock that this all happened and knowing he is planning a wedding while still be married is too much to bear. 

I went to a DivorceCare support group and it did help but I am still so sad and heartbroken.  I do believe in the Lord Jesus and learned a lot more about him but I have not grasped the concept of "letting go" and "letting God".  I live alone and just started working after many years and I will barely be able to support myself.  He has been supporting me for a year and it will end soon.  I have a condition that I can't walk for long periods time without being in great pain but the biggest pain I have is in my heart.  I feel so lonely and it does not help that all my family and my best friend lives half hour away from me and no one comes out to see me I have to go out to see them.  I feel that everyone wants me to "get" over it and then they will talk to me.  How can you get "over" having a husband one minute and then him leaving and planning a life with someone else the next minute? 

I know this is a long post and I did not even say all I wanted to.  I have no one to talk to and want the pain to stop.  Thank you for listening.
1. Find a Christian counselor (someone licensed, that knows the Christian faith).
2. Find a lawyer.

Having said that, remember that your value is not in being married, not in not being divorced, not in having done everything right. Your value is in you, simply because you are made in the image of God.

Separation from friends and family is often hard, but make sure that you aren't creating self-filfilling prophecies. If you are consistently down when around friends, they may well not feel comfortable around you. When you are around them, talk about them and their lives, not yours.

How many sessions of the DivorceCare group did you attend? It seems as though you need to continue in that group - or a similar one. Find one person that can understand your situation and use them as your confidant - and limit your discussion of your situation to regular times. This person may not be in the DivorceCare group. If it is one of your friends, you will want to spend more time talking about them and their lives than yours.

Get involved in the community. Volunteer, start a garden, take a class. Get out of the house and develop ways of dealing with stress and shifting your situation out from in front of your mind.

You are not going to stop your husband from doing what he is doing, so do some work on accepting that you cannot control him - but his actions do not reflect on you or your value. There are some things in life we cannot control, but we do not need to let them control us.

Offline 4Christ

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #12 on: May 13, 2007, 10:31:24 AM »
Shalina,

I read your posts with tears in my eyes and heart because dear sister; I do understand what you feeling and how broken you are.  Only someone who has gone through such a thing can truly understand the devastation of it.

I am lifting you up in prayer before our Lord, asking Him to provide you with faith and direction regarding your marriage.  When we are in the midst of these situations, I don't feel that we can think things through objectively as we are too emotionally involved.

Are you and your husband both believers in the Lord Jesus Christ?  If not, your first step is to know that Jesus is waiting on you to give your life and everything in it to Him and allow Him to be your Lord and save you now and forever. 

Again, I am praying and look forward to being a support for you here in the forums.   Sis 4C

Offline lila

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2007, 11:39:35 AM »
Hello,
I will be praying for you so much.
God will be your Husband during this time.
Pray for a spiritual family that will comfort your broken heart.
Sometimes our own families let us down because they don't or won't understand.
God is our best friend.
I pray Gods will on your new Life .

Offline smikkelson

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Re: How to deal with the heartbreak of my husband leaving me
« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2007, 06:08:53 PM »
I can relate, as my husband has recently moved out and refuses to return.  I have never felt so lonely...my family is about 14 hours away!  I just want you to know that I am praying for God to give you the strength to take this devistation day by day and to be able to edure the road ahead.   ::prayinghard::