I just don't feel right going myself, I don't know why, maybe because everyone else's spouses go, not sure, you're right if i don't then I give up the family gathering. No I'm not referring to her changing plans as sneaky, she has done a lot of things over the years where she knows how I, or my husband or children feel about something but then all of a sudden she will say something like, well I know you don't like this, or I know you don't want to do this BUT I did it anyways because I think you will like it. I mean there are lots of things she has done. Over the years when our kids were little we would tell our kids ok we are leaving now, well at that VERY moment all of a sudden after hours of being there, she would tell our kids, oh come here I want to show you something, oh do you want to go to the game room? or oh do you want more dessert? and she would do this where we couldn't always here and of course kids are going to say yea I want to go to the game room, or want more ice cream, they would disappear then find out when they were gone my mom would say, oh they wanted to go the game room ect. We had to talk to our kids eventually and say, when we say its time to go it's time to go, ask before you do anything grandma wants you to do. i know that's terrible but there is more. Don't get me wrong I love my parents but those are things I wouldn't do. It is harder for my husband because they probably had one family gathering his whole life which wasn't even really all their family, and it was when he was very young and doesn't remember, his parents never went to them, his dad didn't like to and his mom was from another country and had no family here anyways and had my husband a little later in life, he is an only child so it was the 3 of them really.
As I said he doesn't have anything against doing things with them he just feels trapped like he knows she knows she has full control over everything if that makes sense.