I've never posted here before, but I feel that I need advice from fellow Christians that I don't know personally. Sorry it's long.
My husband and I have been married for 9 years and have 2 kids. He has a nice job with fairly flexible hours, but he travels on a regular basis. He goes on about 3 trips a month (sometimes more) that last usually last 2-3 days. He works closely with his partner, especially when they travel. The problem I have is that his partner is a woman. She's also married with kids. He's been her partner for the past 4 years. When they travel they share a rental car when their plane lands. Once at their main destination, they travel between cities and towns, often spending hours in the car together. Sometimes they drive to their main destination so they spend even more time in the car together. Because they share a rental car, they also eat every meal together.
Not long after he started working with her, I found out they had eaten a meal at a nicer restaurant. I wasn't happy (especially since I was at home with 2 young kids eating PB&Js for dinner!) and I asked that in the future he would only eat at fast food type restaurants so they would spend less time together over meals. He said he understood. A few months later he mentioned eating at a regular restaurant with her. I asked him why he was there instead of fast food and he said it was the only place close to their hotel. I wasn't happy, but understood it was the only option. So for the next few years, I was under the impression that they were eating fast food and only going to sit down/nicer restaurants when it was necessary. I was wrong. This past year I found out they have been eating at regular restaurants this whole time.
I thought I was overreacting so I didn't immediately say anything, but over the years I've also been jealous of the fact that he does so much traveling and I never go anywhere. I used to go on trips with him along with my older son, but ever since starting to work with his current partner, he has never invited us along. He also stopped taking me on dates. For years, he would only ask me out a couple of times a year. We went to marital counseling for awhile 2 years ago and the counselor told him he should take me out every week to every other week. We went out once. We went to counseling again a few times this past summer. That counselor also told him to take me out at least twice a month. Nothing. Both of our families live nearby so babysitters aren't a problem. Finally in December I just let it all out and told him I'm really hurt that he never takes me out and yet goes out with his partner several times a month for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
He has been understanding and talked to his partner and told her I wanted them to only eat at fast food places from now on. She said okay and she "didn't want to cause problems." I'm discouraged and distrustful because I feel that he knew this entire time I didn't want them spending so much time together over meals and he did anyway. Also, he wouldn't take me on dates (although he's improved since I talked to him in December) or ask me along on trips. There have been a few other unrelated instances that he's been deceitful and kept secrets from me, so that doesn't help.
I now have the password to his business credit card account so I can check to see what restaurants he's going to. I'm wondering if there's anything else I should do and if I even have a "right" to be this concerned. Am I overreacting? I'm afraid that now I'm the "bad guy" in his eyes and his partner's eyes and anyone else in the office she has told. What if this drives him farther from me and closer to her? Thanks for reading and responding!