I am afraid to let my husband go out of town

[Susan2001]

Hello all;

I have been married for 10 years. No kids.  My husband before we got married used to drink heavily  and used drugs all his life.    He quit drinking/drugging  after he married me.    This past May of 2009 he fell off the wagon and drinked 15 beers in one night (i didnt know he was doing it, (he was drinking in the shed, not in the house)  but he was so drunk he couldn't hide it). I had to remove myself from the house.  HE HAS NOT DRINKED SINCE, and continues to say he is not going to drink anymore.  Of course I have trust issues now about that. To the best of my knowledge this is the only time, and hopefully the last time. But again, I have very big trust issues about this.   BEFORE HE FELL OFF THE WAGON, I TRUSTED HIM COMPLETLEY AND THOUGHT HE WAS SINCERE THAT DRINKING WASNT PART OF HIS LIFE ANYMORE.

My dilemma.  He is not working.  I work full time. His 1/2 of the bills are $550.00 month.  He applied for a job that he says may require him to go out of town  (where he grew up and drinked practically his life away , before he met me)  aprox. 4 hours away.   I am just so  very afraid if he goes out of town, he will definitely drink, because how can he get caught?  How would I find out?  If he is around other guys that drink.  I am thinking going out of town is too much of a tempation I wont be around to see.  He tells me he is not going to drink anymore, but he told me that before he fell of the wagon

I feel like I am being mean if I don't let him out of town, because of my fears of him drinking (while the cats away the mice will play).  Should I just let him go out of town, and just pray and pray and trust God that everything will be all right?  I dont want my husband to resent me if I dont allow to go out of town.  I just really think the tempatation will be great.   He has never been out of town during our marriage.

He is a non-believer, and I am a brand-new believer. He is going to church with me lately, but he isnt getting everything yet.  I am praying to God to help me with this decision and hopefully God will give me the answer.  I still want other people's opinion.  

God bless

[HRoberson]

I don't understand how you think you can keep him from going out of town. Perhaps that's the problem.

Why stop at the city limit sign? Why not restrict him to your neighborhood? To your street?

[mjrhealth]

Fear says. God I dont trust you, it is also a beacon to the enemy because he can use it against you. Lean on Jesus and allow Him to take away all your fears, this doesnt mean that things will necessarily go the way you wish, but it allows God the opportunity to do His work.

In His Love

[admin]

Controlling someone is a bad thing for many reasons. For starters, people resent control. It's insulting and frustrating. If you want someone to pull away from you, try to control them or "posses" them. You'll be less attractive if you try to control him or smother him. Try backing off and doing some things on your own.  You'll then have a good shot of pulling him back toward you a bit.

In golf, you have to hit down on the ball to make it go up. Many people fail to grasp this and never become good golfers because it seems the opposite of what they should do. They try to scoop up on the ball and hit it up in the air, but it doesn't work that way. It feels like you've got to control and pull him toward you to make this work. But what actually creates attraction is independence (to a degree) and pulling back a little. I'm not suggesting you play a game with him. I'm suggesting you be balanced and efficient in your interactions with him so that you don't keep pushing him away.

I hope it helps.

[candy]

I agree with admin and HR on this.  Think of how you would feel if he tried to tell you you couldn't do something.  You'd want to do it more just to get back at him.  Let him go and he may surprise you by not falling under the influence.  You can't control it anyway.  That's between him and God. 
just my opinion.
Candy

[BAH-BLAH]

Regardless what you decide, it might be a good idea to change the words you use. It would sound bad if he were saying it too, I don't like reading that anyone is trying to decide what to LET their spouse do, and asking "should I LET him/her".

Did he attempt to abuse you, or inappropriately touch you, when he was drunk in the shed? What exactly caused you to "remove yourtself from the house"? Generally when he drank was he a danger to you or others or himslef....like driving etc.? All this is to not say its ok to drink for someone who drinks way too much, but to get to , in addition to his health and character, what exactly more creates this reaction? yes, it is enough that he drinks too much, Im just looking for better understanding of the tone of your post.

I get the impression there may be some heavy control issues here and he may have drank in the shed for his misplaced attempt to find some respite. Im not endoresing his drinking at all. But your tone sent off klaxon bells ringing.

[sedux]

You're fear is obviously being fueled by his betrayal, and you're desire to "control" what he does may actually be your need to protect yourself from another act of betrayal since you don't trust his ability to refrain from it on his own.

It's easier said than done, but you're just going to have to trust in the Lord regardless of what happens.  Sometimes, the Lord puts us in certain situations because the things He wants to teach us or break out of our character may NEVER be accomplished if things were any other way.   Maybe this is one of those times.   Trust in the Lord, regardless of what you see and regardless of how you feel, for He is faithful and He will not leave you or forsake you. 

[mjrhealth]

Fear is a door which the enemy can use to do what he wants, fear means you dont trust God and also limits God to what He can do, Manipulation and control is witch craft, this is all from the enemy. Learn to give all things to God every day untill the burden has lifted then you will know that He has control. You cant change your husband, so let God do the work in you.

God bless

In His love

[Susan2001]

I told my husband I trusted him again, and I trust him because I trust God.   I have come along way from the hurt, betrayed person a few months ago.   My way of thinking has drastically changed. Just let God handle it.  God is our protector and he has our back.   

[Susan2001]

Could not have agreed with you more on this one. If it was for my husband's failure, I would not changed the way I think and act to please God.



It's easier said than done, but you're just going to have to trust in the Lord regardless of what happens.  Sometimes, the Lord puts us in certain situations because the things He wants to teach us or break out of our character may NEVER be accomplished if things were any other way.   Maybe this is one of those times. 

[mjrhealth]

Hi Susan, good to see. I will not say it is easy, but its a start. May God bless you and may you see Him glorifed in you life.

In His Love

[walker starr]

        If you love him let him go.  If he loves you he will come back.
         I don't think you would want himif he didn't love you enough to
         come back 
                          GOD Bless
                                       Walker