I have betrayed my wife

[NewMan]

My wife and I have have been married for 9 years. I entered the marriage with a ready made family being a father to her 3 yr old who is now 13. In the 9 years we had 3 other children together. My wife became a good dedicated Christian almost form the beginning of our marriage. I resented this, the church she went to and the friends she made. We have our problems over these years with me being emotional & verbally abusive, playing emotional games and manipulative to get my way. She is a good woman and ways forgave me. I was not a tyrant over these years, but I believe I was a sick man. not to say she does not also have her self admitted flaws. In short, we both contributed to our problems. Five or so weeks ago she told me she wanted a separation. For the fist time, I saw the grief and pain I caused and the miserable life I was living. I instantly began to make changes in my life and a week or so ago, I asked God to come into my heart and help me lead a life according to his will. In doing this I confessed to an affair I had a year and half ago and an emotional affair she is currently having came to light. I am ready to lead a life according to God's will. I am ready to be a true father to our kids and a husband to my wife. However, do not believe, even though she forgives me and understand the reasons behind my affair, that she can continue to stay married to me. I on the other hand am ready to finally have the marriage we both wanted and dreamed of having. Any thoughts or ideas?

[lightshineon]

 Well I am glad the Lord has mercy and grace, and praying for a new restored relationship. Sometimes we do not know what we have until it is gone. marriage is so important to the Lord, the most important earthly relationship. We are one person, when married glued together.  I like all of Ephesians five the whole Ch. sums alot up, about how Christ feels about marriage, and how we should treat each other. Do not worry about her part, of destruction of this marriage, worry about pleasing God first, then it will come around.

[chosenone]

I hope that your marriage will survive this. God can and does turn things around, but it may well take a very long time for her to recover from the affair. An affair destroys the trust, and is the ultimate betrayal. I do know some mariages that have survived an affair, and some that havent. Some people can never get over that or trust again, and some can.
You may need to give her a lot of time to come to terms with it and to decide what she wants to do next.
If she makes the decision to make a go of it, maybe some good marriage counselling would help.

[Ben]

Pray for lots of patience because you are going to need it.  We guys usually don't see an affair as nearly the BIG deal it actually is, like our wives and the scriptures see it.

Ben

[chosenone]

Pray for lots of patience because you are going to need it.  We guys usually don't see an affair as nearly the BIG deal it actually is, like our wives and the scriptures see it.

Ben

 

Ben I think you may have a point. For me an affair is the BIGGEST deal and would probably end a marriage. Even if it didnt, I doubt I could trust again, but men in general seem to be able to trust again more easily.

[HannahT]

Sounds like you both could use some counseling - both individual and together.

Affairs - along with the emotional and verbal abuse - that is going to be a tough road for both of you.

Its not impossible, but it will take some time.  I wouldn't place any pressure on her, but allow her to have some space to think.  I'm sure you could use that as well!

I will pray for you all to have healing, and stay strong on that avenue towards possible reconciliation.