I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK! BUT HE'S MARRIED!

[ConnieLard]

I don't feel betrayed.  I feel snookered.  Whether or not you set out to do it, that is what you did.  It's not a big thing to me because I only know you through this message board.  I only mentioned it so that you might avoid doing it in the future.

[4Christ]

Connie, it is not a big thing to me either.  And I did nothing.  "Snookered" is what you want to feel.  So go ahead.  When I first came on this forum I was in tremendous pain.  I started two threads which continue to grow, but I am no longer that hurting woman seeking answers.  I have found many.  There was no need to discuss that when I first started this thread.  I was not in a place to look at the "bigger" picture.  I was focused on a 25 year marriage gone and my agony in that.  I was angry with my ex and his new wife.  Would you expect yourself to be in a place where you can look at your "role" in the tragedy in the beginning when you are trying to cope with the pain?  I think not.

God is answering my questions.  I didn't tell everything here, not because I was trying to hide it, but that wasn't my purpose in posting.  I was seeking answers to why I hurt so bad?  If you can't get this, it's because you don't want to see.  And I really don't like this forum at all.  I am well known on another one.  And I'm known as someone who cares about others and I often am the one providing solace and comfort to my brothers and sisters there.

I came here to seek solace and comfort.  I have not found it yet.  Not here on CF.  This is not a very nice place.

[SammySmile]

4Him

I appreciate your difficulty.  However, I think it would be best if you reexamine your theology on this issue.  The truth, based on what you've said, is that you ran off with someone else's husband and married this man.  And you believe because of the "technicality" that the ex-wife was brutally murdered, you then became the bonified covenant wife in God's eyes.  So God's recognition of your marriage was dependent on the ex-wife's brutal murder. 

So murder creates marital covenants in God's eyes?

I believe you need to rethink your position on this issue.

[Serenity432001]

Good point sammysmile.   This has taken an interesting turn.   

[4Christ]

See what I mean.  You see "dirt" and you gleefully are ready to wallow in it.  Well I will not do it.

If you will read what I posted, I said OTHERS have told me this.  I don't believe it at all. 

Did you even read where I admitted that I lived in adultery the first 6 years of my marriage.  His wife was still living.  And I did not run off with anyone.  I joined up with him after his divorce.  I was still wrong because his wife was still living.  He was not free to remarry as long as she lived.  I was not to marry a divorced man.  This is because the Lord wants all doors left open for reconciliation of a husband and wife.  Someone else in the picture interferes with that.  I was an interference.  It is sin.  That I was ignorant in the sin did not lessen the consequences of that sin however.

His wife's death did "free" him to be married to me and released me from the sin of being married to a divorced man. 

Have you ever read the story of David and Bathsheba.  David was free to marry Bathsheba because her husband was dead due to his having had him murdered.  Had Uriah lived, David would have had to return her to her husband.

[4Christ]

And I really don't like this forum at all.  I am well known on another one.  And I'm known as someone who cares about others and I often am the one providing solace and comfort to my brothers and sisters there.

I came here to seek solace and comfort.  I have not found it yet.  Not here on CF.  This is not a very nice place.

4Christ,

I am sad to read this. Perhaps you might help us more in understanding this. I know my goal is to see this forum as a place for anyone to come and wrestle through their faith. Would you like to discuss this more off forum via PM?

JustAsIAm,

I'd be happy to discuss in PMs.  I have alot to say.  I know everyone in forums such as this are not christian.  I also know that many are "unseasoned" and may have not had as long a walk as me.  I am alert to those kinds of things.  But there are other things that ought not to be IMHO.  And it is just my opinion.  I may be the only person that feels like this is an unloving place.  No, I take that back.  Two people come over here to visit because I told them I was visiting here.  Neither of them liked it and haven't been back since.  They had the same perceptions as I do.

[janine]

You mean they have the same... marriage-related theology as you do?

Or do you mean that they expect a discussion board to be peopled by a bunch of Stepford-posters who all agree, or, when they disagree, they swallow honest heartfelt disagreement over matters of deep spiritual and emotional and eternal import, for the sake of a little go-along-get-along?

Good God help us.  In your world,  4Christ, how does iron ever get its bruising hard surface and bloodletting edge anywhere near other iron to be sharpened?!?

[Serenity432001]

See what I mean.  You see "dirt" and you gleefully are ready to wallow in it.  Well I will not do it.

If you will read what I posted, I said OTHERS have told me this.  I don't believe it at all. 

Did you even read where I admitted that I lived in adultery the first 6 years of my marriage.  His wife was still living.  And I did not run off with anyone.  I joined up with him after his divorce.  I was still wrong because his wife was still living.  He was not free to remarry as long as she lived.  I was not to marry a divorced man.  This is because the Lord wants all doors left open for reconciliation of a husband and wife.  Someone else in the picture interferes with that.  I was an interference.  It is sin.  That I was ignorant in the sin did not lessen the consequences of that sin however.

His wife's death did "free" him to be married to me and released me from the sin of being married to a divorced man. 

Have you ever read the story of David and Bathsheba.  David was free to marry Bathsheba because her husband was dead due to his having had him murdered.  Had Uriah lived, David would have had to return her to her husband.

You misunderstood my interest, I think.  I'll admit that one of my character defects is I enjoy a good soap opera but it's not what you think in that I "delight" in your sin or whatever you want to call it.  I just found it very interesting that the information was left out in the beginning not because I think you are a bad person or even trying to consciously hide something from all of us but I would look at what I was trying to hide from myself and I'm not saying this to be unloving or judgemental at all but just speaking from experience.  I know when I was forced to really look at myself and see if their was something inside of me maybe guilt or shame that was preventing me from having an open honest look at the truth, then the times I can do that are extremely painful but very helpful in the spiritual growth process.     I do wish you well 4Christ and I see someone longing to please their Father and that's such a good thing.  When I can seek with an honest  open heart for God's will and not mine, I have no doubt that He will reveal it.

[ConnieLard]

Let me see if I've got this right.  When I express my honest feeling of having been snookered, you get all offended and histrionic.  No regrets for your part in it, no compassion for my feelings.  So, you're the only one who should be allowed feelings and compassion, 4C?

[4Christ]

You mean they have the same... marriage-related theology as you do?

Or do you mean that they expect a discussion board to be peopled by a bunch of Stepford-posters who all agree, or, when they disagree, they swallow honest heartfelt disagreement over matters of deep spiritual and emotional and eternal import, for the sake of a little go-along-get-along?

Good God help us.  In your world,  4Christ, how does iron ever get its bruising hard surface and bloodletting edge anywhere near other iron to be sharpened?!?

And you know very well that it is not disagreement that I have a problem with Janine.  It is the un-christlike manner in which these disagreements are posted that I have a problem with.  From the first day I posted you came on and posted like I was a villian of some kind.  Your words were hasty and full of contempt to a poster who was in so much pain it poured off the pages.  We've had words about it and I actually asked you not to post to me again.  Speak the truth Janine.  I am not a child that I can't know the difference.

[4Christ]

See what I mean.  You see "dirt" and you gleefully are ready to wallow in it.  Well I will not do it.

If you will read what I posted, I said OTHERS have told me this.  I don't believe it at all. 

Did you even read where I admitted that I lived in adultery the first 6 years of my marriage.  His wife was still living.  And I did not run off with anyone.  I joined up with him after his divorce.  I was still wrong because his wife was still living.  He was not free to remarry as long as she lived.  I was not to marry a divorced man.  This is because the Lord wants all doors left open for reconciliation of a husband and wife.  Someone else in the picture interferes with that.  I was an interference.  It is sin.  That I was ignorant in the sin did not lessen the consequences of that sin however.

His wife's death did "free" him to be married to me and released me from the sin of being married to a divorced man. 

Have you ever read the story of David and Bathsheba.  David was free to marry Bathsheba because her husband was dead due to his having had him murdered.  Had Uriah lived, David would have had to return her to her husband.

You misunderstood my interest, I think.  I'll admit that one of my character defects is I enjoy a good soap opera but it's not what you think in that I "delight" in your sin or whatever you want to call it.  I just found it very interesting that the information was left out in the beginning not because I think you are a bad person or even trying to consciously hide something from all of us but I would look at what I was trying to hide from myself and I'm not saying this to be unloving or judgemental at all but just speaking from experience.  I know when I was forced to really look at myself and see if their was something inside of me maybe guilt or shame that was preventing me from having an open honest look at the truth, then the times I can do that are extremely painful but very helpful in the spiritual growth process.     I do wish you well 4Christ and I see someone longing to please their Father and that's such a good thing.  When I can seek with an honest  open heart for God's will and not mine, I have no doubt that He will reveal it.

There is no way that I can prove to you that I posted with an intent to "hide" something.  But I can say this with truth...God knows the heart, and that information was not posted because it was not where I was at the time I started this thread.  This thread is going on 2 months old.  A lot has happened in my heart and spirit since this thread was posted.  Things are revealed as they are realized.  Don't presume that you know the motives or state of my heart when I posted.  Only Jesus (the Judge) can see the "heart" of a person and He knows I speak the truth.

[4Christ]

Let me see if I've got this right.  When I express my honest feeling of having been snookered, you get all offended and histrionic.  No regrets for your part in it, no compassion for my feelings.  So, you're the only one who should be allowed feelings and compassion, 4C?

No Connie, I don't have any compassion for this.  It is a demonstration of unchrist-like love.  And I am not hysterical.   

[Serenity432001]

See what I mean.  You see "dirt" and you gleefully are ready to wallow in it.  Well I will not do it.

If you will read what I posted, I said OTHERS have told me this.  I don't believe it at all. 

Did you even read where I admitted that I lived in adultery the first 6 years of my marriage.  His wife was still living.  And I did not run off with anyone.  I joined up with him after his divorce.  I was still wrong because his wife was still living.  He was not free to remarry as long as she lived.  I was not to marry a divorced man.  This is because the Lord wants all doors left open for reconciliation of a husband and wife.  Someone else in the picture interferes with that.  I was an interference.  It is sin.  That I was ignorant in the sin did not lessen the consequences of that sin however.

His wife's death did "free" him to be married to me and released me from the sin of being married to a divorced man. 

Have you ever read the story of David and Bathsheba.  David was free to marry Bathsheba because her husband was dead due to his having had him murdered.  Had Uriah lived, David would have had to return her to her husband.

You misunderstood my interest, I think.  I'll admit that one of my character defects is I enjoy a good soap opera but it's not what you think in that I "delight" in your sin or whatever you want to call it.  I just found it very interesting that the information was left out in the beginning not because I think you are a bad person or even trying to consciously hide something from all of us but I would look at what I was trying to hide from myself and I'm not saying this to be unloving or judgemental at all but just speaking from experience.  I know when I was forced to really look at myself and see if their was something inside of me maybe guilt or shame that was preventing me from having an open honest look at the truth, then the times I can do that are extremely painful but very helpful in the spiritual growth process.     I do wish you well 4Christ and I see someone longing to please their Father and that's such a good thing.  When I can seek with an honest  open heart for God's will and not mine, I have no doubt that He will reveal it.

There is no way that I can prove to you that I posted with an intent to "hide" something.  But I can say this with truth...God knows the heart, and that information was not posted because it was not where I was at the time I started this thread.  This thread is going on 2 months old.  A lot has happened in my heart and spirit since this thread was posted.  Things are revealed as they are realized.  Don't presume that you know the motives or state of my heart when I posted.  Only Jesus (the Judge) can see the "heart" of a person and He knows I speak the truth.

WOW!  Did you even READ what I wrote?  I said you probably did NOT intentionally hide something.  I, in no way meant to judge or condemn, (I thought I made that obvious) I was just trying to share my own experience in a similar situation.   

In fact, the only motive I judged was that you had a loving desire to please the Father.  Was I wrong or unloving on assuming that?

[ConnieLard]

I still don't see how a simple expression of my feelings is an "demonstration of unChristlike love" (which, btw, doesn't make sense to me).  Yet, you are allowed to express your feelings in whatever way you want to and expect to have compassion shown toward you.  Can you not see that's a little skewed, maybe even narcissistic? 

If you don't listen openly to what others have to say about the way you have presented yourself, you will be missing out on an opportunity to grow and improve in the way you communicate.  God often uses the words of other people to teach us lessons we need to learn.  It's the "iron sharpening iron" thing that Janine mentioned.

Your other thread had something to do with confronting people, if I remember correctly.  Apparently you are very comfortable in the role of confronter, and not in the role of one being confronted.  That's okay, it's very human.  But still, something you might want to look at.

[4Christ]

I'll just say to all of you who responded to this thread.  Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for caring enough to respond.  Even if I did think some of the responses were "harder" than need be.

I've come to a place of acceptance that my marriage is over.  I've come to a place of acceptance and believe that what God says about divorce in Malachi 2 is what He still feels - HE hates it!  I will do my part as I feel led to encourage couples to stay together and work on their marriages; speak truth to those who get in the middle of a marriage as a third party, and preach the forgiveness and love of the Father towards those who have already sinned again Him.

I humbly apologize to any of you that I have offended in this thread.  Where I am wrong, I accept full responsibility for it.  Where I am right, I hope you will acknowledge and respect.  I went back and read through this thread and I was a different person when I first started this thread.  I am not in a wealth of pain and hurt, but I am on a "mission". LOL

I thought Kalen was especially kind, even when she told me truth.  Janine, I still think your bluntness comes out as harshness at times as well as yours Connie.  But you are still my sisters in Christ and I love you.  I hope you can love me as your sister as well, with all my faults.  LOL

I don't believe I will return.  I will stick with the forum where I am known and where I can receive either admonishment or encouragement in love.  It obviously started out bad here and again I apologize for my role in that.

Serenity, I misunderstood your post and I apologize.  I am thankful to the Lord for revealing all that is evil within me.  True healing is slow, but it is coming.