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Offline rusty72

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Biblical Divorce
« on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 05:35:43 »
Is a husband justified in divorcing his wife for adultery when he himself has also been unfaithful?

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Biblical Divorce
« on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 05:35:43 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #1 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 09:14:24 »
Well I suppose that either can divorce the other. Who was unfaithful first?Are you both in agreement to divorce?

HRoberson

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #2 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 13:56:00 »
Using the word "justified" in this context is inappropriate. God ALLOWS us to separate from an unfaithful spouse, but that is not the preferred route. A spouse's OPTION to separate does not depend on that spouse's sinlessness.
« Last Edit: Sat Mar 26, 2011 - 16:28:58 by HRoberson »

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #2 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 13:56:00 »

Offline rusty72

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #3 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 16:46:16 »
Well I suppose that either can divorce the other. Who was unfaithful first?Are you both in agreement to divorce?
He was unfaithful first, several different women over a 2 year period.  I pretty much had given up on the marriage for a while and had a brief affair, which I sincerely regret.  He wanted the divorce, I didn't. It just feels like I was held accountable for breaking our vows, but he got off free.  I was willing to forgive him, but he blamed the entire divorce on me.
« Last Edit: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 17:05:56 by rusty72 »

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #3 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 16:46:16 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #4 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 17:08:11 »
Well I suppose that either can divorce the other. Who was unfaithful first?Are you both in agreement to divorce?
He was unfaithful first, several different women over a 2 year period.  I pretty much had given up on the marriage and had a brief affair, which I sincerely regret.  He wanted the divorce, I didn't.


 well if he wants the divorce, then he will need to do it, or are you actually divorced already? It would seem that he cheated first, and several times which must have badly affected you. In your place, after several affairs, I would have divorced him long ago, but if he then did it, there wasnt much you could have done. It would seem very unfair if he divorced you for your affair, when he had already cheated several times and you took him back.
My husbands former wife cheated and divorced him, even though he didnt want the marriage to end, but if one wants to end it, even if they are the guilty one, then the other spouse cant do much about it. 

 Try to be thankful that you are no longer with a man who has no morals, who lies, decieves, sleeps around and who cant be trusted. What sort of marriage is that?   

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #4 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 17:08:11 »



Offline rusty72

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #5 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 17:28:47 »
Well I suppose that either can divorce the other. Who was unfaithful first?Are you both in agreement to divorce?
He was unfaithful first, several different women over a 2 year period.  I pretty much had given up on the marriage and had a brief affair, which I sincerely regret.  He wanted the divorce, I didn't.


 well if he wants the divorce, then he will need to do it, or are you actually divorced already? It would seem that he cheated first, and several times which must have badly affected you. In your place, after several affairs, I would have divorced him long ago, but if he then did it, there wasnt much you could have done. It would seem very unfair if he divorced you for your affair, when he had already cheated several times and you took him back.
My husbands former wife cheated and divorced him, even though he didnt want the marriage to end, but if one wants to end it, even if they are the guilty one, then the other spouse cant do much about it. 

 Try to be thankful that you are no longer with a man who has no morals, who lies, decieves, sleeps around and who cant be trusted. What sort of marriage is that?   
We have been divorced for a year and a half.  We were married 37 years and have a beautiful family.  I felt like it was worth holding together after we spent our entire adult lives together.  I wish I could just move on but I can't.  I'm still heartbroken and don't think I will ever get over it.  Also, I live in a non-alimony state, got a relatively small settlement, and have no job.  I had not worked in about 5 years and at my age no one wants to hire me.  I am in dire financial straits while he still has his good job and does whatever he wants.  I cannot afford to go anywhere, do anything and can only afford the most basic necessities.

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #5 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 17:28:47 »

Seva

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #6 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 18:30:27 »
from a human standpoint the divorce sounds unfair and he was looking for an excuse to divorce you.

As chosenone said, there is not alot you can do about it if he does not want to hold the marriage together.

Speaking candidly as an older lady from my church did to me several years ago, so please don't be offended. At your age, you need to let it go, forgive him as quickly as possible or you're going to waste the remaining years being bitter. (i am speaking to myself as well. i've wasted 6 yrs of my life being bitter about an unfair divorce, i'm 47. it would have been better if i would have let it go, i could have been in a least a 4 year relationship by now, or at least futher along emotionally healed)

i do feel for you. divorce stinks. hang in there. God knows.

ex cathedra

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #7 on: Fri Mar 25, 2011 - 21:50:07 »
Is a husband justified in divorcing his wife for adultery when he himself has also been unfaithful?



what your really  asking is this ---- is a person who has been forgiven by Christ for all their mountains of sins against a holy and perfect and loving God

right in not forgivng their spouce for sining against another sinful creature?


did Jesus the perfect holy God divorce us for sining agaist him so many times we cant even begain to imagine the amout of sins agaist him

no he died so that his forgiving  blood could wash us clean .


no there is no justification for sin ful humans divorcing other sinful humans . The only reason God Grants divorce for sexual  unfaithfulness  is do to our hard hearts
so that we dont end marriages through poision or knives or other such weapons .

Gods hates divorce and he always will but he also knows how evil we are.   

Offline Nathanael

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #8 on: Sun Mar 27, 2011 - 05:09:34 »
I am so sorry for what you have gone through rusty ! My heart aches to hear of your distress. It is not at all fair what your husband did, but I do not know the full story and you have to accept it. Don't try to win him back. Force yourself to move on. I know that is immensely hard. I too am divorced, I was unfaithful - part of a huge emotional breakdown due to unresolved issues in the marriage but no excuse - and was deeply repentant and willing to do anything to restore the marriage, but my wife was not willing. I was extremely unwell and ended up in a mental health ward due to the shame and pain.

At that time I could not imagine EVER recovering. But 18 months later I am slowly doing better. Its still heart rippingly painful sometimes, but I can see faint light at the end of the tunnel. I too am in deep financial stress, with zero equity, debts of thousands, no job at present, no property...the list goes on. But I do believe I have a future. So do you through Jesus. Hang in there. Cry out to God to see you through. He will put people around you to help you forward. I will pray for you too !

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #8 on: Sun Mar 27, 2011 - 05:09:34 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #9 on: Sun Mar 27, 2011 - 07:33:23 »
rusty
You are no longer married, no matter whether your husband was justified in divorcing you or not. What difference will it make to either of you if we all said he didnt have a 'right?' The marriage is over and he has moved on and you need to as well. You will need to rely on God to be your husband now, and to provide for you. Not easy I know, I lived in debt for 6 years till I met my second husband, but God does promise to provide for all of our needs.

My husband and I are both divorced, through what our spouses did. No it isnt fair, but God can and does restore lives and give fresh starts and new beginnings. I was on my own for 6 years as a single mum, it was very hard, but if you live in regret and bitterness the only one you will hurt is yourself. You do need to forgive, and allow God to heal you and give you a new life. He has a good future for you if you trust Him and lean on Him. I am happier now than I ever was, and so is my husband, but it took many years, and its all Gods work.
« Last Edit: Sun Mar 27, 2011 - 07:47:47 by chosenone »

Offline rusty72

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #10 on: Sun Mar 27, 2011 - 14:41:22 »
I would love to move on and find a new relationship but my financial situation does not allow for it.  I am incredibly lonely, but it's impossible to find someone who would be interested in a woman who is so broke that she can't dress decently, maintain her hair like it should be etc.  I pray my heart out, but I can't find a job after all this time.  I am not young and I am so afraid that this is the way my life is going to be forever.

Offline rusty72

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #11 on: Sun Mar 27, 2011 - 14:47:45 »
rusty
You are no longer married, no matter whether your husband was justified in divorcing you or not. What difference will it make to either of you if we all said he didnt have a 'right?' The marriage is over and he has moved on and you need to as well. You will need to rely on God to be your husband now, and to provide for you. Not easy I know, I lived in debt for 6 years till I met my second husband, but God does promise to provide for all of our needs.

My husband and I are both divorced, through what our spouses did. No it isnt fair, but God can and does restore lives and give fresh starts and new beginnings. I was on my own for 6 years as a single mum, it was very hard, but if you live in regret and bitterness the only one you will hurt is yourself. You do need to forgive, and allow God to heal you and give you a new life. He has a good future for you if you trust Him and lean on Him. I am happier now than I ever was, and so is my husband, but it took many years, and its all Gods work.

This is excellent advice. My head know it's true, but my heart still aches.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #12 on: Sun Mar 27, 2011 - 16:11:13 »
rusty
You are no longer married, no matter whether your husband was justified in divorcing you or not. What difference will it make to either of you if we all said he didnt have a 'right?' The marriage is over and he has moved on and you need to as well. You will need to rely on God to be your husband now, and to provide for you. Not easy I know, I lived in debt for 6 years till I met my second husband, but God does promise to provide for all of our needs.

My husband and I are both divorced, through what our spouses did. No it isnt fair, but God can and does restore lives and give fresh starts and new beginnings. I was on my own for 6 years as a single mum, it was very hard, but if you live in regret and bitterness the only one you will hurt is yourself. You do need to forgive, and allow God to heal you and give you a new life. He has a good future for you if you trust Him and lean on Him. I am happier now than I ever was, and so is my husband, but it took many years, and its all Gods work.

This is excellent advice. My head know it's true, but my heart still aches.
   

It will do rusty, its still early days for you yet. It was 4 years before I felt ready for another relationship and I also was in debt and didnt have enough money for new clothes or getting hair done or even running a car. My husband when we met was still interested in me, even though I had no money, three children(2 teenagers and a 21 year old), and not much else. It takes time and you need to heal more. 35 years is a long time. My marriage was for for 25 years and that still took so long to get over.

I agree that it does seem very unfair and wrong that he divorced you after you had forgiven him for his affairs, but that is between him and God, and he will have to account for that one day.

Do you have a good supportive church who maybe can help you out financially or emotionally?Maybe some good Christian friends who can support you? Do your children live nearby, and are they supportive?

Offline Nathanael

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #13 on: Sun Mar 27, 2011 - 17:06:50 »
Make the most of what you can do..you dont need lots of money to look nice and presentable, and the right guy will not care much about what you lack materially. Allow time to slowly heal and gain strength to move on, and when its right you can seek a loving husband. There are single men your age, its relative, to a 25 yr old I would be classed as ancient and too late to find love at 45..but that is not the case.

I met someone very special through online christian dating recently. It took effort but wow its been worth all the letter writing and putting my heart out there and taking risk. She had guys offering her great comfort and prosperity, but she saw something she connected with in my heart and gladly chose me rather than the guys with the lovely houses and cars and money in the bank. If God can do it for a train-wreck like me He can do it for you too. :-) Its a huge trial that you are enduring. Cling to God and get among sincere and caring christian friends as much as you can.

Offline lonegreywolf20

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #14 on: Sun Mar 27, 2011 - 17:10:22 »
I would love to move on and find a new relationship but my financial situation does not allow for it.  I am incredibly lonely, but it's impossible to find someone who would be interested in a woman who is so broke that she can't dress decently, maintain her hair like it should be etc.  I pray my heart out, but I can't find a job after all this time.  I am not young and I am so afraid that this is the way my life is going to be forever.


While I'm the opposite sex and wasn't divorced (just had a 10 year relationship end) I can relate to the above. Also, for a man to have nothing is seen as worse I believe. I was a stay-at-home father for 5 1/2 years when the relationship ended. I had no money, no car, and only the clothes on my back and a few articles of clothing when I moved back in with my parents at age 34. I"m 1200 miles away from my kids and even though was living with family, I felt very much alone.

My mom bought me clothes, allowed me to use a car, but I was still unable to find a job. Through a mutual friend I was introduced to my wife. She wasn't worried that I didn't have a job, didn't own a house or that I even lived with my mom when she met me. She liked me for me, not what I could provide for her (although that has changed since we got married and rightly so). I wasn't a Christian then, but she was and I believe that even though I wasn't a born again believer, God was still looking out for me. He provided me a place to stay, clothes on my back and transportation through my mom. He provided me with a wife and my loneliness is gone.

My relationship had ended in August 2008, but I met my wife in May 2009 and we were married January 2010.

Things do work out, even for someone like me because God loves all His children and wants nothing but the best for them. Keep looking towards Him and He'll provide what you need.


Offline Nathanael

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Re: Biblical Divorce
« Reply #15 on: Mon Mar 28, 2011 - 17:04:37 »
Thats wonderful Lonegrey...God is the Lord of restoration and resurrection ! wow praise you Lord  ::disco::

 

     
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