Author Topic: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??  (Read 7841 times)

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Offline Cally

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #35 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 00:28:59 »

Because God makes in clear in scripture when he has a problem with the conditions of a culture. IOW if God had a problem with what was done during what we call "Bible times," we would be reading about it. I can't see God criticizing marriage at a young age (and again, it makes logical sense since He designed us able to reproduce at those ages).

So based on that, my tentative conclusion is that modern culture stunts our natural rate of maturity.

I agree.  I've heard Mary was around 14 when she was engaged to Joseph and had Jesus?  And Joseph was a carpenter who was already financially set up to support Mary, so how old was he?  ... Okay, after an admittedly tiny bit of research (so don't take this as the truth), Joseph seems to have been around 50 - 55 years old. Modern civilization's reaction:  ::sick::

And we ARE stunted in our maturing in western society.  I remember feeling I was pressured by society into some sort of weird holding pattern, and that I had literally no role or purpose in life from ages 13-19.  I moved out at 19, so that is when my adulthood really began.  Until 13 I felt like a child, and from 13-19 I felt like a misfit with no purpose except that of waiting for adulthood.  Then, at 19, my life finally started making sense again.  (And THEN you start realizing how quickly humans age physically!  Thus: all those wasted teen years of great health and nothing to do with it! Makes me think marrying in early teens makes a lot more sense -- provided, of course, you weren't raised in a way that delayed your maturity as a person.)


  I dont beliebe that joseph was that old, and cant see where the proof for that is. A man of that age(old enough to be the girls grandfather) who had sex with a 14 year old is gross. I am so glad that we have got more civilized now.

Well, what age do you think he was, and why?  And what if he was that age -- are you going to yell "GROSS!", and start thinking he was a pervert just because different people with different customs did different things in different times?  Women marrying men of an older generation was standard practice back then, and still is quite common all over the world.  There is nothing intrinsically wrong with it.  Because a woman "could have been" his daughter simply by their age difference doesn't make a relationship unholy.  These things are purely cultural, not moral or immoral in themselves.  Our society thinks a man attracted to a woman young enough to be his daughter is gross, but I think it's natural.  Women generally prefer older men, and men generally prefer younger women.  That's not some random thing, it's by design.
 

Not his daughter but his granddaughter, and a child of 13 is just that, a child. Thankfully we are more civilised now, and recognise that a child needs to be more mature before they are ready for marriage and and children.I don't agree that women prefer older man, some may, but most marriages are between partners of a similar age. Some men want much younger women(or even children) but that's doesnt mean its right or healthy but is more their sexual desires working.

Whoa! Resurrected a year-old thread!

I repeat: why did God design human beings to have the ability to breed at the ages of 12 or 13 if it was a wrong thing to do to be married at that age?

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #35 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 00:28:59 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #36 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 03:20:41 »

Because God makes in clear in scripture when he has a problem with the conditions of a culture. IOW if God had a problem with what was done during what we call "Bible times," we would be reading about it. I can't see God criticizing marriage at a young age (and again, it makes logical sense since He designed us able to reproduce at those ages).

So based on that, my tentative conclusion is that modern culture stunts our natural rate of maturity.

I agree.  I've heard Mary was around 14 when she was engaged to Joseph and had Jesus?  And Joseph was a carpenter who was already financially set up to support Mary, so how old was he?  ... Okay, after an admittedly tiny bit of research (so don't take this as the truth), Joseph seems to have been around 50 - 55 years old. Modern civilization's reaction:  ::sick::

And we ARE stunted in our maturing in western society.  I remember feeling I was pressured by society into some sort of weird holding pattern, and that I had literally no role or purpose in life from ages 13-19.  I moved out at 19, so that is when my adulthood really began.  Until 13 I felt like a child, and from 13-19 I felt like a misfit with no purpose except that of waiting for adulthood.  Then, at 19, my life finally started making sense again.  (And THEN you start realizing how quickly humans age physically!  Thus: all those wasted teen years of great health and nothing to do with it! Makes me think marrying in early teens makes a lot more sense -- provided, of course, you weren't raised in a way that delayed your maturity as a person.)


  I dont beliebe that joseph was that old, and cant see where the proof for that is. A man of that age(old enough to be the girls grandfather) who had sex with a 14 year old is gross. I am so glad that we have got more civilized now.

Well, what age do you think he was, and why?  And what if he was that age -- are you going to yell "GROSS!", and start thinking he was a pervert just because different people with different customs did different things in different times?  Women marrying men of an older generation was standard practice back then, and still is quite common all over the world.  There is nothing intrinsically wrong with it.  Because a woman "could have been" his daughter simply by their age difference doesn't make a relationship unholy.  These things are purely cultural, not moral or immoral in themselves.  Our society thinks a man attracted to a woman young enough to be his daughter is gross, but I think it's natural.  Women generally prefer older men, and men generally prefer younger women.  That's not some random thing, it's by design.
 

Not his daughter but his granddaughter, and a child of 13 is just that, a child. Thankfully we are more civilised now, and recognise that a child needs to be more mature before they are ready for marriage and and children.I don't agree that women prefer older man, some may, but most marriages are between partners of a similar age. Some men want much younger women(or even children) but that's doesnt mean its right or healthy but is more their sexual desires working.

Whoa! Resurrected a year-old thread!

I repeat: why did God design human beings to have the ability to breed at the ages of 12 or 13 if it was a wrong thing to do to be married at that age?
  I recently watched a programme about girls in Pakistan being married off at 12 or 13 and who were having babies. One hospital a female gynaecologist has started, is FULL of such girls whose poor little bodies have been totally damaged by having babies at this age and who are having to have repair operations done on them to repair their wombs and bladders  .No they aren't ready to have babies when they are children, despite having periods. One girl in my school started her periods at age 9!!! Still just a little girl. We in the more civilised western world would call adult men having sex with children pheodophilia.
« Last Edit: Sat May 25, 2013 - 06:49:30 by chosenone »

Offline JohnDB

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #37 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 05:30:19 »
Mary was older than 14 and Joseph probably wasn't an old carpenter. He was a construction worker but likely mid 30,s to early 40's. (The bride price for women was high & it would take a while to earn it if his father was MIA)
The bride price for a certified virgin daughter of Israel & of the Judah clan was very high. The negotiations may have been unmentioned but I'm sure they were intense.

Look again at the story of Ruth. Age disparities are mentioned there.

Joseph's mother is never mentioned. So he was over age 30 or she was deceased.  But Mary was looking forward to children like most women. (Moreso than women of today)

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #37 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 05:30:19 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #38 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 06:52:01 »
We aren't told what age either of them were, so its mere speculation. I heard a teaching on Mary once that said she could have been as old as 18 or 19.

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #38 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 06:52:01 »

Offline christlike77

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #39 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 16:57:44 »
Um i don't mean to be rude but no-one has actually addressed my post yesterday??

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #39 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 16:57:44 »



Offline chosenone

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #40 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 17:49:30 »
Its good that she has become a believer, because if she hadn't then you shouldn't have asked her to marry you. As for her parents, why not suggest that she writes them a letter if she cant tell them face to face? I think is unlikely they will disown her, after all its not as if they are muslims or something. I think its a bad idea for you to tell them, she needs to do that herself.
Pre marriage classes are a good idea, as is generally just getting to know each other more before you tie the knot. People change so much in their late teens and 20's.
You are both very young, so make sure you give yourselves lots of time after you leave uni to get jobs, so that you can afford somewhere to live. Jobs are hard to get at the moment, so give a few months for that at least, and more time for finding a home that you like.

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #40 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 17:49:30 »

Offline christlike77

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #41 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 18:11:44 »
A letter is an interesting idea.. I don't really know how that would go down... Disown was perhaps a harsh choice of word - it's more that she's worried they'll not want anything to do with her or that they won't talk to her or something equally isolating.

I'm in the fortunate position that I already have a job offer lined up for after I finish uni, but FW will need to find one and that may or may not take some time.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #42 on: Sat May 25, 2013 - 18:26:39 »
Just heard back from my theologian friend.  He said the Jewish virgin betrothal age for a woman was around 14-18, and that Joseph was a young man in his twenties or early thirties.


 Betrothal was before marriage of course, sometimes a while before.

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #43 on: Sun May 26, 2013 - 06:13:05 »
I would encourage both of you to finish school before getting married.  If you know she is the one, there is no harm in proposing, but it would be good if you set the date for after you both have graduated.

Just my  ::twocents:: so take it for what it's worth.   ::tippinghat::

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #43 on: Sun May 26, 2013 - 06:13:05 »

Offline TJW

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #44 on: Sun May 26, 2013 - 08:25:31 »
I want to reiterate something said here more than a year ago.

Quote
The desire/burden of provision changes a young man into an old one pretty quick. Plus on top of that you now have to not expect a perfect response from her for your provision.

I think it's a bad idea for people to marry when they have never lived on their own. 

As a young married man, I had limited ability to earn money.  I was young, fresh-out of school, no experience.  My salary wasn't too good.  And my bride expected that all those things her parents had (and took them 25 years to get) would be ours in a month.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #45 on: Sun May 26, 2013 - 08:41:02 »
I want to reiterate something said here more than a year ago.

Quote
The desire/burden of provision changes a young man into an old one pretty quick. Plus on top of that you now have to not expect a perfect response from her for your provision.

I think it's a bad idea for people to marry when they have never lived on their own. 

As a young married man, I had limited ability to earn money.  I was young, fresh-out of school, no experience.  My salary wasn't too good.  And my bride expected that all those things her parents had (and took them 25 years to get) would be ours in a month.

 

I agree with this. My kids all lived alone for some years before they married(not talking about being at college here), and it did them so much good. They learnt to be able to look after themselves, pay their own bills, manage their finances, do their washing and ironing and cooking, and they matured a lot in that time. Going from home to marriage isn't always wise.
 

Offline christlike77

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #46 on: Sun May 26, 2013 - 12:57:03 »
Just to clarify, we pretty much have the date set for August 2014, which would be a couple of months after we both graduate. I already have the luxury of a job offer with a reasonable starting salary, so that has encouraged us and provided reassurance to us both  ::smile::

We are well aware that we have no great experience of the outside world, compared to someone who lives on their own. However, we both have flat/house-shared (I am still), and as such we have experience of money management, paying bills, cooking washing etc. so it certainly wouldnt be entirely new! Our thinking was that we want to begin the next phase of our life - being thrown into the big wide world - together, and we'll only move back in with parents for as long as is necessary to sort out our own place for after our wedding! FW and I are realistic and know that it will take us time to get on our feet, but we want to learn and grow together.

Offline KaylanKonnor

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #47 on: Sun May 26, 2013 - 15:47:06 »
I'm 19 and have never been in a relationship.
I'm not sure why I am posting here either.

*runs away*

Offline chosenone

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #48 on: Sun May 26, 2013 - 16:59:29 »
I'm 19 and have never been in a relationship.
I'm not sure why I am posting here either.

*runs away*
 

Don't worry, 19 is still very very young. My 2 older children married at age 31 and 33. They both said that they wouldn't have wanted to marry much earlier than that. My two step sons aged 29 and 26 are both single and have no girlfriends. One has never had a serious girlfriend.
I married at age 19, far far too young, you have loads of time.   

Offline FireSword

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #49 on: Sun May 26, 2013 - 20:35:57 »
Just to clarify, we pretty much have the date set for August 2014, which would be a couple of months after we both graduate. I already have the luxury of a job offer with a reasonable starting salary, so that has encouraged us and provided reassurance to us both  ::smile::

We are well aware that we have no great experience of the outside world, compared to someone who lives on their own. However, we both have flat/house-shared (I am still), and as such we have experience of money management, paying bills, cooking washing etc. so it certainly wouldnt be entirely new! Our thinking was that we want to begin the next phase of our life - being thrown into the big wide world - together, and we'll only move back in with parents for as long as is necessary to sort out our own place for after our wedding! FW and I are realistic and know that it will take us time to get on our feet, but we want to learn and grow together.

If you can commit to that long, then it is a good idea. Life skills are better learned when there's two and as long as both of you are easy going should be a hoot. After learning all the skills I think relationships become more superficial and people look for things that are not important such as , income, job, status, but when two hopeless youngsters come together they are there to care for one another and willing if they have to sleep in a caravan/trailer, without divorcing.


Offline TJW

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #50 on: Mon May 27, 2013 - 09:19:37 »
The problems don't really come with the practical matters.  Where they come are the expectations, whether reasonable, or not.  Spend some time talking about this.
What do you expect your wife to be like?  What does she expect you to do?  What are the time frames?  Children?  Career transition?  Sex?  How much sex is "enough" for each of you?

Offline christlike77

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #51 on: Mon May 27, 2013 - 09:40:52 »
Very good point TJW regarding talking about expectations... I mean we have done already but it's a good thing to be aware of...

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #52 on: Mon May 27, 2013 - 22:00:24 »
in my opinion, its not too young to decide who to marry.  but too early to put pressure on yourself. better if you focus on livelihood and investment, so that when its time to marry, you can provide for your family.  remember that if you cant care for your family, you are worst than an unbeliever

Offline TJW

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #53 on: Tue May 28, 2013 - 06:21:54 »
Quote
if you cant care for your family, you are worst than an unbeliever

Although I think the earlier ideas in your post are good advice,

that's a radical misquote of the scripture, and of its entire context.

1 Timothy 5:3-8

 Honor widows who are really widows.  But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and[a] acceptable before God.  Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.  But she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives.  And these things command, that they may be blameless.  But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

This passage of Paul's letter deals with a situation in which people were not taking care of their "widows", and rather, letting the church support them.

Offline p.progress

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #54 on: Mon Jun 03, 2013 - 20:09:11 »



Cally reflective, insightful and yet practical comments:
Quote
If modern culture weren't so sick, you'd be ready at 14 like in the olden days.

But like everyone said, there are the practical issues to consider about having careers realized--let me tell you, I advise making a really good, practical plan for that now rather than later.

chosenone judgingly retorts to Cally:
Quote
Quote from: Cally on April 30, 2012, 03:35:17 PM
Quote
If modern culture weren't so sick, you'd be ready at 14 like in the olden days.

But like everyone said, there are the practical issues to consider about having careers realized--let me tell you, I advise making a really good, practical plan for that now rather than later.

Quote
Cally I think its rather sick to marry a 14 year old girl myself!



My comment:

Sick? Perhaps it would appear to be at least unwise to do so (to take a 14 yr old for one's wife) with respect to virtually every 14 year old female in America and most other nations and societies to be sure. But it is not 'sick' when and where the individuals are as mature and prepared for adult life as many were in times past.

Love and wisdom would dictate when and with whom this sort of arrangement is wholesome and would be a blessing to all concerned.

Personal opinions need to be checked with scripture; not subject to conditioning via the present evil and backwards worlds way of thinking and doing things, chosenone.

« Last Edit: Mon Jun 03, 2013 - 20:12:17 by p.progress »

Offline Cally

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #55 on: Mon Jun 03, 2013 - 20:21:19 »


My comment:

Sick? Perhaps it would appear to be at least unwise to do so (to take a 14 yr old for one's wife) with respect to virtually every 14 year old female in America and most other nations and societies to be sure. But it is not 'sick' when and where the individuals are as mature and prepared for adult life as many were in times past.

Love and wisdom would dictate when and with whom this sort of arrangement is wholesome and would be a blessing to all concerned.

Personal opinions need to be checked with scripture; not subject to conditioning via the present evil and backwards worlds way of thinking and doing things, chosenone.


I think that today's culture clearly artificially stunts any natural maturity, especially on account of school systems doing everything possible to crush young people's individuality and identity. Otherwise I think people could be married at around that age.

Offline christlike77

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #56 on: Sat Jun 11, 2016 - 17:28:43 »
Well, I thought you guys might appreciate an update!

DW and I married on 23rd August 2014 and things are going well! Nearly two years later and it's clear God wanted us to be together all along :)

I just wanted to thank all of you for all of your comments, advice and support at a time which was very difficult for the both of us.

Marriage has certainly been an eye-opener, but my goodness it can be so fun, and so rewarding...

No kids yet ;)  ::giggle::

Offline new14

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #57 on: Fri Jun 17, 2016 - 05:04:40 »
If modern culture weren't so sick, you'd be ready at 14 like in the olden days.

But like everyone said, there are the practical issues to consider about having careers realized--let me tell you, I advise making a really good, practical plan for that now rather than later.

I agree with Cally in this. In the older times, kids had to grow up and mature and get married at such a young age! Back then you were either a child or an adult. There was no such thing as adolescence and 'teenager' phase.

Since being married myself at the age of 22 and my hubby at 23, I am incline to say get married young if you want! My hubby and I have grown so much and matured a lot more compared to others around us who is our age or older. We see it kind of childish to delay responsibilities. Its not age and years that matures a person, its the responsibility. Even in the beginning Adam was given the responsibility of taking care of the animals and the garden, then his wife! If you have the means to provide for her then get married! Even if it's not the 'career' you'd like God will bless your marriage and provide for your needs!

Paul even said if you can't control your sexual urge, get yourself a wife. Even better, enjoy your young wife! We honestly think waiting is the secular view of enjoying and testing the waters before you settle, which only causes heart aches. And we have seen it, and I had gone through it with my own long term commitments with other guys, which I find pointless now and unnecessary.

We've been married for over a year and finances were difficult at times, but God continues to show His goodness to us by his provision and blessings. But we wouldn't have change anything except the fact that we should have gotten married sooner. (We had been good friends for 4 years, then got married after a year of being together).

Offline new14

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Re: Is 19 too young to know who I want to marry??
« Reply #58 on: Fri Jun 17, 2016 - 05:34:02 »
Well, I thought you guys might appreciate an update!

DW and I married on 23rd August 2014 and things are going well! Nearly two years later and it's clear God wanted us to be together all along :)

I just wanted to thank all of you for all of your comments, advice and support at a time which was very difficult for the both of us.

Marriage has certainly been an eye-opener, but my goodness it can be so fun, and so rewarding...

No kids yet ;)  ::giggle::

Oh congratulations! I didn't realize until i read up! Haha! Proud that you made the choice!! :D

 

     
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