Author Topic: Is something wrong with me?  (Read 3395 times)

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Offline spurly

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Is something wrong with me?
« on: November 13, 2003, 07:18:13 AM »
Here's my problem.  I am 36 years old and have never really had any desire for a deep intimate relationship.  I have had three "serious" girlfriends, but nothing ever came of them.  It has now been almost 11 years since I even had a date.

I am very content living my life single.  I will probably end up as a "Grumpy Old Man" if I don't watch myself and let myself be controlled by God's love and grace.

But my question is this - is my lack of desire for a serious relationship a bad, ungodly thing.  I don't even notice women any more.  When others say, "Wasn't she good looking?", I say, "Who?"  

So what would you say?  Do I need counseling or not?  I had somebody tell me the other day that it just wasn't right, wasn't normal, for someone to want to be single their entire life.  Your opinions are appreciated.

Kevin

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« on: November 13, 2003, 07:18:13 AM »

Offline parson6

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« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2003, 07:32:12 AM »
I'm sure you know the Scriptures as well as I, both Jesus and Paul speak of the gift of singleness.  Is something wrong with you?  I don't think so.  Do you need counseling?  Probably not.

If you were swimming in uncontrolable lust, if you were obsessed with finding a bride, if you were caught in the homosexual maze, then I would suggest you address the problem.  As is, sit back, enjoy who God has created you to be, and serve Him with all your strength.

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« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2003, 07:32:12 AM »

Offline Son of a Preacher Man

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« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2003, 09:26:30 AM »
I'm gonna hafta agree with the prior post.  

I think you are a remarkable person in more ways than one.  If you are able to live single, then this is a gift to you.  I also say that if you are able to have a ministry while being single, you are blessed.  When folks used to push me towards getting married, I'd always toss out some of Paul's statements about marriage.  But my opportunities to minister were very virtually non-existant as a single guy in these parts.

Dating certainly isn't all its cracked up to be.  Most of the girls I dated over the years I just came to despise anyway.  Again, if you are content without dating--more power to you.

The only reason I could think of for you to seek counseling is if this is really about a "fear" of intimacy.  But it sounds like you are just a content person and I think you deeply committed to God, which leaves you with very little time for silly girls.  Nothing wrong with that.

I didn't get married until I was 33 years old.  The last girl I dated before my wife hasn't had a relationship for 5 years--she's a Christian, too. About the only thing that bugs her is that people are always trying to set her up on dates.

Two questions come to mind...

Do people try to set you up on dates?
How do people react to you as a single minister?

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]I had somebody tell me the other day that it just wasn't right, wasn't normal, for someone to want to be single their entire life.[/quote]

I've seen plenty of marriages that weren't right or normal.  Don't pay it too much mind.  That certainly isn't what some of the scriptures teach us.

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« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2003, 09:26:30 AM »

Offline winky

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« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2003, 10:36:23 AM »
Amen to all the above. Consider it a blessing, Kev! Many single folks are so miserable and obsessed with finding a mate that they aren't happy and sometimes aren't focused on Christ and ministering. I think you must be a perfect example of what Paul talked about with the gift of singleness! More time and energy to focus on your ministry and contentedness with your current situation is a good thing!

Wendy

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« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2003, 10:36:23 AM »

Offline spurly

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« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2003, 10:36:52 AM »
Nope.  No one tries to set me up on dates anymore.  They have basically given up on doing that a long time ago.

Most people react to me fine as a single minister.  I have a few people that question my sexuality, but other than that most people just me as a single guy who loves the Lord.

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« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2003, 10:36:52 AM »



Offline Son of a Preacher Man

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« Reply #5 on: November 13, 2003, 10:54:40 AM »
[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (spurly @ Nov. 13 2003,11:36)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--] I have a few people that question my sexuality[/quote]
That must be frustrating.

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« Reply #5 on: November 13, 2003, 10:54:40 AM »

Offline seekr

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« Reply #6 on: November 13, 2003, 11:48:08 AM »
Spurly

People love to pick others apart. The thing is with that, is the ones deciding something is wrong with you, means the problem is in them.

Do you feel you are where God has placed you? Do you go to Him with these same questions? If you know that you are serving Him then let others think what they will..."you, follow Him". Being hassled for where we are in Christ is a normal thing to have happen. Jesus was accused of all kinds of things. Consider yourself worthy if you are being persecuted.

seekr

Offline spurly

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« Reply #7 on: November 13, 2003, 03:46:46 PM »
[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (seekr @ Nov. 13 2003,12:48)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Spurly

People love to pick others apart. The thing is with that, is the ones deciding something is wrong with you, means the problem is in them.

Do you feel you are where God has placed you? Do you go to Him with these same questions? If you know that you are serving Him then let others think what they will..."you, follow Him". Being hassled for where we are in Christ is a normal thing to have happen. Jesus was accused of all kinds of things. Consider yourself worthy if you are being persecuted.

seekr[/quote]
I feel I'm right where God has placed me because I would not be a very good husband.  My time would be devoted too much to the youth ministry for it to work.  (I am very much a one track person).

Offline Bill

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« Reply #8 on: November 13, 2003, 05:08:21 PM »
I was wondering why you ask the question, Kevin?  You don't think you need counseling, do you?  Seems to me you have already talked with the Counseler that counts and He's put you on the right track.  Keep up the good work.

Bill

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« Reply #8 on: November 13, 2003, 05:08:21 PM »

Offline janine

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« Reply #9 on: November 13, 2003, 09:36:43 PM »
The only reason I can think of why you need to look into this matter is ...

:bowsmiley:  Wonderful person that you are, we want more like you.
Therefore you should procreate.  :baby:

 ;)

Offline spurly

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« Reply #10 on: November 14, 2003, 06:53:38 AM »
[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (janine @ Nov. 13 2003,10:36)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]The only reason I can think of why you need to look into this matter is ...

:bowsmiley:  Wonderful person that you are, we want more like you.
Therefore you should procreate.  :baby:

 ;)[/quote]
Thanks for the laugh, Janine - or is it Booty.  You look so much alike.

Offline Lee Freeman

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« Reply #11 on: November 14, 2003, 07:57:45 AM »
Kev, its a gifting from God, man! Modern society makes it sound as if its unnatural not be in a relationship, or not to want to be in a relationship.

Me, I don't know that I have that gift; I'm still looking for Ms. Right.  But you seem to have it. Use it and don't sweat what others think.

Pax.

Offline NLuquire

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« Reply #12 on: December 30, 2003, 07:05:39 PM »
[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (spurly @ Nov. 13 2003,08:18)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Here's my problem.  I am 36 years old and have never really had any desire for a deep intimate relationship.  I have had three "serious" girlfriends, but nothing ever came of them.  It has now been almost 11 years since I even had a date.

I am very content living my life single.  I will probably end up as a "Grumpy Old Man" if I don't watch myself and let myself be controlled by God's love and grace.

But my question is this - is my lack of desire for a serious relationship a bad, ungodly thing.  I don't even notice women any more.  When others say, "Wasn't she good looking?", I say, "Who?"  

So what would you say?  Do I need counseling or not?  I had somebody tell me the other day that it just wasn't right, wasn't normal, for someone to want to be single their entire life.  Your opinions are appreciated.

Kevin[/quote]
At the Biltmore COC in Asheville, neither our preacher or the youth minister are married.  Single isn't synonymous with strange.

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« Reply #13 on: February 22, 2004, 08:08:41 PM »
I agree!  It is perfectly fine to be single and happy.  Jesus was single and I don't think He needed counseling, do you?!