Is The Marriage Ceremony Sexist?

[RED SHIFT1]

I recently had to play in a wedding and got asked this question...the more I thought about it, the more I think it is.  I have often wondered where the customs I have seen thru out my life at weddings came from.  I know a couple at church who are just living together.  They guy has told me that he wishes they were married, but she won't do it because she feels the whole thing is a sexist ceremony made up for men to exert control over women. 

What do you think?
 

[dallasapple]

I recently had to play in a wedding and got asked this question...the more I thought about it, the more I think it is.  I have often wondered where the customs I have seen thru out my life at weddings came from.  I know a couple at church who are just living together.  They guy has told me that he wishes they were married, but she won't do it because she feels the whole thing is a sexist ceremony made up for men to exert control over women.  

What do you think?
  

Yeah..

I think women who are not married do not have to pledge to "obey" a mortal man.I think women are less and less "willing" to enter into a promise to God that she will do what a mortal man tells her to regardless of her feelings and sometimes smarter "head".

And after all if the man is 'WILLING" TO LIVE WITH HER "  without that promise why would he want to marry her anyway and get her to swear to GOD that she will "obey" him?

Women arent children.

Love

Dallas

[chosenone]

I think she is sadly mistaken and that she is sinning badly by living with her boyfriend. I also think that if he is a christian, he neeeds to give her an ultimatum about marrying him or splitting up. By going along with her he is sinning badly.
She sounds very much like a woman who has problems with men in general, .which had made her like this.
It is a very strange attitude for any women to have.
 There is nothing in the ceremony that isn't Biblical, and they can always have their own words anyway so I think it is just an excuse on her part not to marry.

Their pastor needs to speak to them and challenge them if they are Christians in his church.If they wont stop living together after this,he may well ask them to leave which is actually biblical as well.

[chosenone]

I recently had to play in a wedding and got asked this question...the more I thought about it, the more I think it is.  I have often wondered where the customs I have seen thru out my life at weddings came from.  I know a couple at church who are just living together.  They guy has told me that he wishes they were married, but she won't do it because she feels the whole thing is a sexist ceremony made up for men to exert control over women. 

What do you think?
 

Yeah..

I think women who are not married do not have to pledge to "obey" a mortal man.I think women are less and less "willing" to enter into a promise to God that she will do what a mortal man tells her to regardless of her feelings and sometimes smarter "head".

And after all if the man is 'WILLING" TO LIVE WITH HER "  without that promise why would he want to marry her anyway and get her to swear to GOD that she will "obey" him?

Women arent children.

Love

Dallas

 no one has to have those words 'obey' in their marriage service if they dont want to.She can have whatever words she wants as long as they both agree.

[BondServant]

I recently had to play in a wedding and got asked this question...the more I thought about it, the more I think it is.  I have often wondered where the customs I have seen thru out my life at weddings came from.  I know a couple at church who are just living together.  They guy has told me that he wishes they were married, but she won't do it because she feels the whole thing is a sexist ceremony made up for men to exert control over women. 

What do you think?
 

No, the marraige ceremony is not sexist.  I think she is creating excuses to avoid marraige.  Who says they need a ceremony?  Fifteen minutes at townhall will do the trick.

In Christ,
KP

[RED SHIFT1]

I recently had to play in a wedding and got asked this question...the more I thought about it, the more I think it is.  I have often wondered where the customs I have seen thru out my life at weddings came from.  I know a couple at church who are just living together.  They guy has told me that he wishes they were married, but she won't do it because she feels the whole thing is a sexist ceremony made up for men to exert control over women. 

What do you think?
 

No, the marraige ceremony is not sexist.  I think she is creating excuses to avoid marraige.  Who says they need a ceremony?  Fifteen minutes at townhall will do the trick.

In Christ,
KP

I think that the most obvious "sexist" part is the giving of the Bride away.  Why does her father give her away?  Does he own her? That makes me think of a time in our own country where women were considered property and could be traded around like so much cattle.  And I think very little of the ceremony has anything to do with the Bible.  In the Bible, I can't find a single aspect of the wedding ceremony that I have seen so many times (including my own) in the Bible.  Not a one.




I

[chosenone]

I recently had to play in a wedding and got asked this question...the more I thought about it, the more I think it is.  I have often wondered where the customs I have seen thru out my life at weddings came from.  I know a couple at church who are just living together.  They guy has told me that he wishes they were married, but she won't do it because she feels the whole thing is a sexist ceremony made up for men to exert control over women.  

What do you think?
  

No, the marraige ceremony is not sexist.  I think she is creating excuses to avoid marraige.  Who says they need a ceremony?  Fifteen minutes at townhall will do the trick.

In Christ,
KP

 Totaly agree. You dont have to get married in a church or have specific words. People write their own words a lot these days. if she wanted to marry this man then she would. I think this is a big red flag that he needs to be warned by. Does he really want to be with a woman who says she is a christian but wont get married and makes excuses as to why not?. wow I would be very cautious if I were him.
'I think there's trouble ahead' as the song goes.

[chosenone]

I recently had to play in a wedding and got asked this question...the more I thought about it, the more I think it is.  I have often wondered where the customs I have seen thru out my life at weddings came from.  I know a couple at church who are just living together.  They guy has told me that he wishes they were married, but she won't do it because she feels the whole thing is a sexist ceremony made up for men to exert control over women.  

What do you think?
  

No, the marraige ceremony is not sexist.  I think she is creating excuses to avoid marraige.  Who says they need a ceremony?  Fifteen minutes at townhall will do the trick.

In Christ,
KP

I think that the most obvious "sexist" part is the giving of the Bride away.  Why does her father give her away?  Does he own her? That makes me think of a time in our own country where women were considered property and could be traded around like so much cattle.  And I think very little of the ceremony has anything to do with the Bible.  In the Bible, I can't find a single aspect of the wedding ceremony that I have seen so many times (including my own) in the Bible.  Not a one.




I

 I think that the marriage ceremony is very Biblical.

In my first marriage 33 years ago my dad gave me away. I thought it was lovely, BUT no one HAS to do that if they think it is too sexist or whetever. 4 years ago I married again and my dad was dead and anyway it wouldnt have been appropriate for him to give me away as I was 48 lol so clearly we didnt have that part.
I loved getting married, and the words, I loved commiting myself to my husband and saying those words that are in no way sexist. As I have already said you can write all your own words any way so to use that as an excuse is very troubling especiallty for a women who goes to church. She is disobeying God and His clear teaching to wait till marriage for sex. She seems to have a rebellious spirit. He needs to watch out.She is putting HER twisted ideas of marriage before her obedience to God.

[Logismos]

The marriage ceremony comes down through history as a sort of property exchange between families--the female being one of the items of property that is changing ownership from a possession of the father to a possession of the new husband. The whole "who gives this bride..." question in a modern ceremony is one of the ancient carryovers from these ancient roots of economic exchange.

[Dayvd]

I recently had to play in a wedding and got asked this question...the more I thought about it, the more I think it is.  I have often wondered where the customs I have seen thru out my life at weddings came from.  I know a couple at church who are just living together.  They guy has told me that he wishes they were married, but she won't do it because she feels the whole thing is a sexist ceremony made up for men to exert control over women. 

What do you think?
 

I think the ceremony is sexist, but then aren't we dealing with the mingling of the sex's and it's kinda necessary.

[Mac]

I think that the most obvious "sexist" part is the giving of the Bride away.  Why does her father give her away?  Does he own her? That makes me think of a time in our own country where women were considered property and could be traded around like so much cattle.  And I think very little of the ceremony has anything to do with the Bible.  In the Bible, I can't find a single aspect of the wedding ceremony that I have seen so many times (including my own) in the Bible.  Not a one.

Rubbish. I have a daughter. I love her. And when she marries, I will give her away. It is a symbolism of my job of "Taking care of her and nurturing her" is coming to an end and I am passing that baton to my new son-in-law. Nothing more to it than that.

Look, you can inject what you want to into something. I think it is wrong to label a wedding ceremony as sexist though. I am not giving my daughter away. She will always be my daughter but she is now his wife. As posted earlier, my job of taking care of her is over. Or at least, should be. That is what it means to me. And I really could care less what someone else tries to make out of it. Or add to it. It is all about the heart.

Maybe in a foreign land it could be true. Women are treated as less than equal. Not here. My daughter isn't "beneath" anyone. I have taught her well. And I will expect my SIL to do right by her or he will have me to deal with.

No.... I do not own her. But I love her.. I expect her future husband to do the same.

[son of God]

God is sexist.  So what's the big deal!   

[chosenone]

The more I read the original post the more concerned for  this couple I get.Her attitudes are so ungoldy and wrorng.She clearly needs to read ephesians and other passages that speak of the wife and husbands role, or maybe she has and that is why she doesnt want to get married.lol
It may actually be better if she doesnt marry this man if she isnt prepared to committ to being a godly wife.,if she wont even committ to her man in the wedding ceremony, then how is she gong to be the godly wife that God askes her to be?

He needs to be a man and stand up to her and make sure HE isnt sinning becuase of HER worng attitudes. He reminds me a bit of Adam as in "well SHE did it Lord, it wasnt my fault"He is just as wrong as her for allowing this to continue.If he is a godly man, then he needs to tell her what is right and if she doesnt like it then she can always leave.
Presumably she never wants to marry him so they may well end up living togather for years. Her whole attitude is so weird that It blows my mind.Where is she putting God in all of this and what HE wants?.He seems not to figure anywhere in her thinking. Its all what 'I' want and what 'I' think, no mention of what her boyfreind wants and what God actually tells us is right. Very selfish.There is absolutely NO WAY that I would want my son to marry a woman with those attitudes. BIG red flags waving.

[Logismos]

She will always be my daughter but she is now his wife. As posted earlier, my job of taking care of her is over.

Lets analyze these two sentences. The underlying language that you're using here is possessive. She belonged to you but now she belongs to him ("she is his"). I would argue that the paternalistic idea that it was your "job" to take care of her is different than the attitude you might have about a son on his wedding day. Its less common to hear someone say that "their son now belongs to his wife" and that "their job of taking care of him is now over." This is what you might say of a son when he becomes an adult and/or moves out, but it isn't something you'd hear at his wedding. The opposite is true for daughters--even when they move out they are under the wing of their father until they are married (or that is how it is idealized anyway). I'm not saying that these assumptions are evil but its silly to suggest that they do not exist and that they are not sexist.

[kensington]

I recently had to play in a wedding and got asked this question...the more I thought about it, the more I think it is.  I have often wondered where the customs I have seen thru out my life at weddings came from.  I know a couple at church who are just living together.  They guy has told me that he wishes they were married, but she won't do it because she feels the whole thing is a sexist ceremony made up for men to exert control over women. 

What do you think?
 

No, the marraige ceremony is not sexist.  I think she is creating excuses to avoid marraige.  Who says they need a ceremony?  Fifteen minutes at townhall will do the trick.

In Christ,
KP

I think that the most obvious "sexist" part is the giving of the Bride away.  Why does her father give her away?  Does he own her? That makes me think of a time in our own country where women were considered property and could be traded around like so much cattle.  And I think very little of the ceremony has anything to do with the Bible.  In the Bible, I can't find a single aspect of the wedding ceremony that I have seen so many times (including my own) in the Bible.  Not a one.

I

Here is how I see that part...  The child is born into the care and protection of the Father..  and when the time comes he brings her to her husband and gives off that awesome responsibility of caring for her, protecting her, honoring her, and providing for her to the man she loves and is going to marry.   Trusting him to be all things to her in her life he is called to be.  It's a symbol of the past and what was, but the meaning today is much much different.   It's not sexist,  it's love.