Is The Marriage Ceremony Sexist?

[yesult]

I think that the most obvious "sexist" part is the giving of the Bride away.  Why does her father give her away?  Does he own her? That makes me think of a time in our own country where women were considered property and could be traded around like so much cattle.  And I think very little of the ceremony has anything to do with the Bible.  In the Bible, I can't find a single aspect of the wedding ceremony that I have seen so many times (including my own) in the Bible.  Not a one.

I've always hated that too. Is she so feeble she can't even walk down the aisle herself without having to lean on a man? Is she a cow, that needs to be sold between owners? I could appreciate if it was seen as more of a protective role, but I don't see that as ever been the main reason behind it. More in history in terms of ownership. I find it belittling. (Although that's me, I know others do and happily see it differently which is fine. I have no issues with anyone else viewing it as a simple wedding tradition. I think part of it is in how you view it more then the actual thing itself.) I resent the treatment of women in the past that it seems to have sprung out of, not the left over ceremony which can be interpreted any way you like it today. (But I wouldn't want it for myself personally.)

I've disliked the traditional marriage ceremony myself and winch when I hear some of the promises they make to each other. Would they do that if they really thought God would hold them to it? Yet God says he does hold us to our word.

Interestingly enough, directly beneath Christs instructions on marriage and divorce, in the same sermon on the mount you get this:
 
Matt 5:33  "Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.'  
 But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne;  
 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King.  
 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black.  
 Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.  

So right under Jesus's own words on marriage and divorce he warns us against swearing oaths, saying it comes from the evil one.

Yet what do people do in the marriage ceremony? Swear a whole bunch of oaths to each other that God is going to hold them accountable for. (Unless they repent.)

  

(It's like going to a courtroom and being asked to swear on the bible   )

[chosenone]

wow some of you guys have real problems with the marriage ceremony don't you?I loved marrying my guy 4 years ago. It was brilliant. It was short and meaningful and we both meant every word.
Of course you can get married anywhere these days and say whatever you want. You can do a bungee jump or marry on top of a high mountain if you want. So really this women excuses just are NOT valid.

[BAH-BLAH]

This is one of the most ridiculous propositions Ive seen come out of the mind bend that is feminism.

Sheesh. Dig one layer deeper and this gets so screwed up its nonsense. Who THINKS up crap like this.

Next think you know a coffee mug is sexist because it RECEIVES the coffee and the pot INSERTS it...., best to brew it without recepticles.

[chosenone]

This is one of the most ridiculous propositions Ive seen come out of the mind bend that is feminism.

Sheesh. Dig one layer deeper and this gets so screwed up its nonsense. Who THINKS up crap like this.

Next think you know a coffee mug is sexist because it RECEIVES the coffee and the pot INSERTS it...., best to brew it without recepticles.

  100% agree, sheer utter madness. Who thinks up these things anyway?  I have come to the conclusion after being on this forum and another for about a year, that you poor guys in the USA have far more problems with feminism than we do over in the UK.

[son of God]

This is one of the most ridiculous propositions Ive seen come out of the mind bend that is feminism.

Sheesh. Dig one layer deeper and this gets so screwed up its nonsense. Who THINKS up crap like this.

Next think you know a coffee mug is sexist because it RECEIVES the coffee and the pot INSERTS it...., best to brew it without recepticles.

 

The coffee's pretty hot, too!

[Bocephus]

I think that the most obvious "sexist" part is the giving of the Bride away.  Why does her father give her away?  Does he own her? That makes me think of a time in our own country where women were considered property and could be traded around like so much cattle.  And I think very little of the ceremony has anything to do with the Bible.  In the Bible, I can't find a single aspect of the wedding ceremony that I have seen so many times (including my own) in the Bible.  Not a one.

I've always hated that too. Is she so feeble she can't even walk down the aisle herself without having to lean on a man? Is she a cow, that needs to be sold between owners? I could appreciate if it was seen as more of a protective role, but I don't see that as ever been the main reason behind it. More in history in terms of ownership. I find it belittling. (Although that's me, I know others do and happily see it differently which is fine. I have no issues with anyone else viewing it as a simple wedding tradition. I think part of it is in how you view it more then the actual thing itself.) I resent the treatment of women in the past that it seems to have sprung out of, not the left over ceremony which can be interpreted any way you like it today. (But I wouldn't want it for myself personally.)

I've disliked the traditional marriage ceremony myself and winch when I hear some of the promises they make to each other. Would they do that if they really thought God would hold them to it? Yet God says he does hold us to our word.

Interestingly enough, directly beneath Christs instructions on marriage and divorce, in the same sermon on the mount you get this:
 
Matt 5:33  "Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' 
 But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; 
 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 
 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 
 Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. 

So right under Jesus's own words on marriage and divorce he warns us against swearing oaths, saying it comes from the evil one.

Yet what do people do in the marriage ceremony? Swear a whole bunch of oaths to each other that God is going to hold them accountable for. (Unless they repent.)

 

(It's like going to a courtroom and being asked to swear on the bible   )

Call it a promise.  I have two daughters.  I will walk them down the aisle, and I am sure I will be in tears while doing so.

[Mac]

She will always be my daughter but she is now his wife. As posted earlier, my job of taking care of her is over.

Lets analyze these two sentences. The underlying language that you're using here is possessive. She belonged to you but now she belongs to him ("she is his"). I would argue that the paternalistic idea that it was your "job" to take care of her is different than the attitude you might have about a son on his wedding day. Its less common to hear someone say that "their son now belongs to his wife" and that "their job of taking care of him is now over." This is what you might say of a son when he becomes an adult and/or moves out, but it isn't something you'd hear at his wedding. The opposite is true for daughters--even when they move out they are under the wing of their father until they are married (or that is how it is idealized anyway). I'm not saying that these assumptions are evil but its silly to suggest that they do not exist and that they are not sexist.

My views are NOT sexist. She is my daughter. I do not own her. But I was given the responsibility from the Lord, to raise her and care for her.

If being a father makes me sexist, then I am sexist.

I guess it is possessive of me to call her "MY" daughter as well. Or to say, "That is my daughters teacher". I guess I own the teacher as well because the teacher belongs to my daughter.. Right?

And for the record, I will say the same thing about my son(s). Leave and cleave.

[haveahope]

Mac, Gary bravo for you both!!!  You sound like good, loving fathers.  God bless your families!!

 The marriage ceremony is a promise to love, honor, cherish..... add your own it doesn't really matter. 

I agree with chonenone, this girl is making stupid excuses because she has swallowed the 'feminist agenda' that is strongly anti-Bible, anti men, anti Christian and anti-smart. 

  Christianity was an influence on modern culture that 'freed' women not enslaved them.  They were thought of as 'property' - until Christianity came along and men were taught to love and cherish their wives, tenderly and protectively.  Anyone who reads Proverbs 31 sees the 'virtue' of a strong, hard working, wise, enterprising woman whose husband is loved and his heart is held in her trust.  This is the Bible kind of love, respect and commitment.  It is mutually beneficial to both the man and the woman.

HAH

   

[phoebe]

This is why the church has traditions it can't break from.  The people won't budge.  They LIKE their traditions, even though they make no sense, have no meaning.  Traditions make us feel comfortable.  Don't change a thing!  Such a traditional CoC mindset.

The meaning of a father walking a daughter down the aisle to "give her away" has been totally lost in our culture.  It's a good example of tradition for the sake of tradition.  It is a tradition connected to a dowry, which we don't do anymore.  In the past, the bride often had never even seen her husband-to-be, much less knew him.  These are the meanings behind "giving away".  Really, it's meaningless to us today.  Adult children entering into marriage don't need to be "given away". 

It used to be that the couple lived under the roof of the bride's family - for her protection - and the husband spent the first year with her - not working.  So many customs and traditions are both changed and carried over, with the meanings behind them totally lost.  Maybe we should bring that one back.  At least it has some practical aspects.

Vows are written by the marrying couple most of the time now, and rarely, rarely, rarely do we now hear the woman vow to "obey" her husband, except in the cases of an older couple wanting a "traditional" ceremony.

It isn't "sexist", it's just extravagantly expensive, meaningless, tradition.  We spend $10k on a wedding, and $0 on the marriage.  (A six week $100 run in premarriage counseling is a bit of a joke, unless it makes them run away as far and as fast as they can.  The real counseling comes after they've been living together and driving each other crazy for a few months or a few years.)  Our culture and our churches are so screwed up when it comes to weddings/marriage.

If my daughter chooses a big wedding and wants the walk down the aisle, I hope she chooses to walk it alone, which I think is symbolic in itself.  Her last moment to stand alone.  If she wants a parent, I hope she will consider having both her parents walk her down the aisle, as parenting her has been a partnership work since the day she was born. 

My prayer for her is that God will grant her a mate who will fully love and respect her, and she him.  And her wedding day will represent that future of mutuality.

[chosenone]

If my 2 daughters get married, my husband (their step dad for the last 4 years) will be proud as punch to walk them down the aisle. If they want me or their older brother to do that, then that is fine as well. In no way does it mean they anyone 'owns' them it just means that we love them.

This lady needs to choose whether to obey God or go HER way.This man needs to choose whether to obey God or his girlfriend.

[phoebe]

I recently had to play in a wedding and got asked this question...the more I thought about it, the more I think it is.  I have often wondered where the customs I have seen thru out my life at weddings came from.  I know a couple at church who are just living together.  They guy has told me that he wishes they were married, but she won't do it because she feels the whole thing is a sexist ceremony made up for men to exert control over women. 

What do you think?
 

To answer your original question, yes, I think the early marriages and whatever semblance of ceremonies they created were fully sexist and designed to have total control over the women/wives.  Women were seen and treated as mere property.  It was a legal arrangement involving property and legal heirs.  Marriages and ceremonies have passed through much time and many cultures, barely resembling what was.  While we have certainly come a long way and changed a lot since then, we still have some distance of change to go before we return to the marriage relationship as designed by God.

I didn't think you were asking us to make a judgment call on their living arrangements, but rather state our opinions on the ceremonies as re:sexism.  Many see it the way this young woman does, hence, the changes in the vows from tradition.  She may be using that as an excuse, but if this young man were wise he would present her with vows that are absent of the control that she fears.

Even feminists get married.

[BAH-BLAH]

This is one of the most ridiculous propositions Ive seen come out of the mind bend that is feminism.

Sheesh. Dig one layer deeper and this gets so screwed up its nonsense. Who THINKS up crap like this.

Next think you know a coffee mug is sexist because it RECEIVES the coffee and the pot INSERTS it...., best to brew it without recepticles.

  100% agree, sheer utter madness. Who thinks up these things anyway?  I have come to the conclusion after being on this forum and another for about a year, that you poor guys in the USA have far more problems with feminism than we do over in the UK.

M'dear...you are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO right.

Ooooops called you my dear.....presenting cheek for slapping......well, go on now, slap me

[chosenone]

This is one of the most ridiculous propositions Ive seen come out of the mind bend that is feminism.

Sheesh. Dig one layer deeper and this gets so screwed up its nonsense. Who THINKS up crap like this.

Next think you know a coffee mug is sexist because it RECEIVES the coffee and the pot INSERTS it...., best to brew it without recepticles.

  100% agree, sheer utter madness. Who thinks up these things anyway?  I have come to the conclusion after being on this forum and another for about a year, that you poor guys in the USA have far more problems with feminism than we do over in the UK.

M'dear...you are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO right.

Ooooops called you my dear.....presenting cheek for slapping......well, go on now, slap me

  Dont worry Bah-Blah, I am not a feminist believe me. (actually I dont know any myself, but there are plenty around thats for sure).

[BAH-BLAH]

This is why the church has traditions it can't break from.  The people won't budge.  They LIKE their traditions, even though they make no sense, have no meaning.  Traditions make us feel comfortable.  Don't change a thing!  Such a traditional CoC mindset.

The meaning of a father walking a daughter down the aisle to "give her away" has been totally lost in our culture.  It's a good example of tradition for the sake of tradition.  It is a tradition connected to a dowry, which we don't do anymore.  In the past, the bride often had never even seen her husband-to-be, much less knew him.  These are the meanings behind "giving away".  Really, it's meaningless to us today.  Adult children entering into marriage don't need to be "given away".  

It used to be that the couple lived under the roof of the bride's family - for her protection - and the husband spent the first year with her - not working.  So many customs and traditions are both changed and carried over, with the meanings behind them totally lost.  Maybe we should bring that one back.  At least it has some practical aspects.

Vows are written by the marrying couple most of the time now, and rarely, rarely, rarely do we now hear the woman vow to "obey" her husband, except in the cases of an older couple wanting a "traditional" ceremony.

It isn't "sexist", it's just extravagantly expensive, meaningless, tradition.  We spend $10k on a wedding, and $0 on the marriage.  (A six week $100 run in premarriage counseling is a bit of a joke, unless it makes them run away as far and as fast as they can.  The real counseling comes after they've been living together and driving each other crazy for a few months or a few years.)  Our culture and our churches are so screwed up when it comes to weddings/marriage.

If my daughter chooses a big wedding and wants the walk down the aisle, I hope she chooses to walk it alone, which I think is symbolic in itself.  Her last moment to stand alone.  If she wants a parent, I hope she will consider having both her parents walk her down the aisle, as parenting her has been a partnership work since the day she was born.  

My prayer for her is that God will grant her a mate who will fully love and respect her, and she him.  And her wedding day will represent that future of mutuality.

Oh good grief...the whole village ought to walk it with her!

If it MEANS nothing (which it most certainly doesnt mean anything oppressive regardless its origin...its a special moment for dad and daughter and you want to dilute even that) then why be so bent up over it? Why demand she be alone or with both? What is the world is the issue really?

Wow.

Feminists have righted all the legal wrongs and are painfully BORED when they get into crap like this

[chosenone]

I do think that some women in the world bend over backwards to make sure that no man ever will have any sort of say in their  lives, marriages, relationships etc etc.I think it is truly sad when it has got to this situation where a woman wont even get married (despite the fact that she is a Christian living in sin) just because of her warped views of men.

Boy do I FEEL for her husband if they ever do get married. He is probably in for a very rocky ride.I hope he likes having a woman boss him around because she is certanly calling all the shots at the moment.

 I loved it when my dad gave me away at 19. He was so proud bless him.
I hate stuff like this, it actually makes me cringe.