If you initiated divorce, did you have a peace from God about it?

[hopeforfuture]

My husband and I have been separated for some time now. Although there has been forgiveness from both sides, we both have nothing left for the marriage. Right now the only peace I feel is when I contemplate divorce. The marriage is very opressive to me and has really made it difficult to be free in Christ and focus on serving Him. There is always that distraction of not feeling loved and fearing for my safety. I want to be free from the opression of it so I can focus on God, serve Him and live a peaceful life. I know He doesn't promise happy lives but He desires us to live in peace.

Does God actually give a person a peace about divorce in this broken world?

[chosenone]

Hi
Why did the marriage break up, was there adultery?
In answer to your question, I had to initiate divorce because of the terrible things that I found out about my husband, and even two church leaders who I spoke to said that I had no choice, so eventually when I was emotionally strong enough 2 years after we had to seperate, I did divorce Him. I knew God was with me, and I had complete peace about it then, and still have many years later.I have now been remarried for 6 years this year and have complete peace about that as well.
Have you discussed this with your pastor, or any mature Christians in your church?

[hopeforfuture]

Hi chosenone. Thanks for sharing a bit. He has been abusive our whole marriage (why I don't feel safe) and I cheated on him a year ago. So we couldn't be in a worse spot really. I am just trying to figure out if I feel peace about divorce because it's what I desire or if I feel peace because God is releasing me from opression. We both have forgiven each other but neither of us trust the other for obvious reasons. And I think we both have nothing left for each other. It's all business and parenting our kids.

I've just had mixed opinions from people when it comes to peace being given from God when it comes to filing for divorce. Many believe God does give that peace to some people because He sees the big picture and knows if one or both people might never change. Others believe God would never "tell" someone to get a divorce.

[chosenone]

I do think that there are times when God does lead a person to divorce, such as in marriages where there has been severe abuse and/or adultery.Its impossible to say if this is the case with you or not. Does your husband want a divorce?

[Carwhisperer]

I am a big believer in reconciliation where possible. I have been separated from my wife of 18 years for 2 years. I initiated separation and divorce, then committed adultery. No physical abuse. Of course she played some role in our problems but it was so small that it was almost insignificant. She has been open to the concept of reconciliation but has been more or less paralyzed. We have discussed how some people seem to be able to just walk away and we cannot. Neither of us can bear the thought of being apart forever but she feels that she cannot trust me yet.

So my question to you would be: Do you think you can live without him? What about your children? Children of broken homes have statistically more difficult lives. When you marry you become joined. The longer you are joined the more difficult to separate, in general.

[Apothecary 4 Christ]

Does God actually give a person a peace about divorce in this broken world?

Dear hopeforfuture,

I am so sorry for your pain and the sorrow that you have described related to your marriage.

The fact that you feel uneasy and lack peace about the divorce is actually, I believe, a good sign.  Sister, God hates divorce.  Even when it is allowed for reasons of sin, it is still a horrible thing to have to endure.  There is usually enough sin to go around in a divorce, and it should drive us all to our knees to seek Christ's forgiveness and grace. 

What you really need, I believe, is not "peace" about a divorce.  But rather the peace that only comes when you submit yourself in obedience to the Lord, no matter how difficult that obedience may seem.  Proverbs 28:1 says that the "righteous are as bold as a lion."  That is a bold peace.  Read through Psalm 119 and see how the Psalmist has joy, confidence, peace and courage.  Over and over it is only because "I have kept your statutes."  As you look to God, in His Word, for guidance and direction, you will find it.  And that is the only way to true peace.  "You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You." (Isaiah 26:3)

You sound as though you have given up hope for your marriage.  You say there is nothing left.  Maybe this is so.  Maybe you have sought the help of marriage counseling and the advice of other Godly mature believers.  But I do believe God can change people.  I believe you can rebuild trust even where sin has smashed it to pieces. 

I would never ever tell a woman to stay in a relationship where there is not safety.  Your sin does not make his sin go away.  Personally I can't tell you what "obedience" will look like in your specific case. 

But more important than anything is you commitment to walk in bold obedience to Christ no matter what.  If that is your priority, then you can have peace and confidence that He is with you. 

Blessings sister,

Jason
 

[lonegreywolf20]

Does God actually give a person a peace about divorce in this broken world?

Dear hopeforfuture,

I am so sorry for your pain and the sorrow that you have described related to your marriage.

The fact that you feel uneasy and lack peace about the divorce is actually, I believe, a good sign.  Sister, God hates divorce.  Even when it is allowed for reasons of sin, it is still a horrible thing to have to endure.  There is usually enough sin to go around in a divorce, and it should drive us all to our knees to seek Christ's forgiveness and grace. 

What you really need, I believe, is not "peace" about a divorce.  But rather the peace that only comes when you submit yourself in obedience to the Lord, no matter how difficult that obedience may seem.  Proverbs 28:1 says that the "righteous are as bold as a lion."  That is a bold peace.  Read through Psalm 119 and see how the Psalmist has joy, confidence, peace and courage.  Over and over it is only because "I have kept your statutes."  As you look to God, in His Word, for guidance and direction, you will find it.  And that is the only way to true peace.  "You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You." (Isaiah 26:3)

You sound as though you have given up hope for your marriage.  You say there is nothing left.  Maybe this is so.  Maybe you have sought the help of marriage counseling and the advice of other Godly mature believers.  But I do believe God can change people.  I believe you can rebuild trust even where sin has smashed it to pieces. 

I would never ever tell a woman to stay in a relationship where there is not safety.  Your sin does not make his sin go away.  Personally I can't tell you what "obedience" will look like in your specific case. 

But more important than anything is you commitment to walk in bold obedience to Christ no matter what.  If that is your priority, then you can have peace and confidence that He is with you. 

Blessings sister,

Jason
 

Actually, if I have read it correctly she states that the only peace that she gets is when she contemplates divorce.

[hopeforfuture]

Chosenone-he has not verbalized it but shows signs of wanting it to be over.

Carwhisperer-i definitely can picture and even desire life to be without him as a partner. Too much hurt and damage has been done on both our parts.Realistically I know certain things would be hard on my own like finances and parenting but I believe if it's God's direction for me He'll take care of me and the kids.Thanks for your personal story too.

[hopeforfuture]

Thank you Jason. I actually do have a peace about divorce. My main issue is that I don't trust my judgement. It's hard to determine if the peace is from the Lord or my own desires.

[Nathanael]

A marriage can be healed and made better than ever. But it would need both of you to have a deep work of the Holy Spirit, and be submitted to letting God restore you both and keep you bonded together. Adultery and physical abuse are marriage killers and God would not abandon you for divorcing for such things. I dont think He even abandons those christians who divorce for more superficial reasons. But peace is another matter. I believe that is tied into our emotions.

Even divorcing for justifiable reasons does not equal definate peace. Its down to each individuals emotional make-up as well as spiritual aspects. I have no peace because of what my kids went through as a result of divorce even though I know in my head it was far from all my fault. I still feel tortured and lose alot of sleep. It takes years and years for some, weeks and months for others, to find peace. I suspect many divorced people - justified causes or not - carry wounds all the way to heaven and only lose them finally in Jesus' embrace there.

[Carwhisperer]

A marriage can be healed and made better than ever. But it would need both of you to have a deep work of  I suspect many divorced people - justified causes or not - carry wounds all the way to heaven and only lose them finally in Jesus' embrace there.

I think you are right Nathanael. During most of the last 2 years there has been hope for reconciliation. But the process is extremely difficult. Sometimes I want to give up. Three times I did give up because it was so hard and the prospects looked dim. During those times I couldn't eat, couldn't pray, etc. It seemed clear to me that God wanted me to seek reconciliation. You say you have peace when you contemplate divorce, the opposite is true for me. I wonder if you actually take steps in that direction if you will still have peace? I felt terrible when I filled out the divorce papers. Maybe when you get to that point you will no longer have peace? Just a thought.

[chosenone]

Christs princess. The word 'pornea' that Jesus uses for the exception for divorce isnt actually just adultery, but any kind of sexual sin. This could include repeaded porn use, and from what I remember this is the case with this ladies husband. The word for adultery alone is a different one.
I know a Christian lady who God clearly led to divorce her husband for his repeated porn use, especially as he used to look at it with his small children playing round his feet while she was out.

[Seva]

We all see things through different perspectives. Unless we are trained counselors all we can give you is our experiences.

I believe you should get all of the christian advice you can from christ centered people who believe in  the sanctity of marriage and who know you and your mate. If they say it's hopeless than it probably is. If you fear getting this advice because you don't want their opinion, then you are probably the one in the wrong.

My ex was convinced i was evil even though others could not see what she saw. I admitted my mistakes and was totally open to counselling. It did not matter, she was dead set against reconciling. To this day she is running from God.