Background: In just over 2 weeks I will have been married 4 years. It has been something of a bumpy journey: I was young (just shy of 20) and I do not believe we knew what we were getting ourselves into. We were in love, ran away and eloped. The biggest problem has been that we had different expectations; he is an immigrant and expected a relationship like that of his parents, very traditional, his mother is the keeper of the home 100%. I had always thought of marriage as a partnership, especially considering that I have been in nursing school and worked 40+ hours per week most of our marriage. Despite my nearly impossible schedule, he constantly insulted my housekeeping and that I did not cook for him often enough. I have been forced to be the bread winner for most of our marriage, I do not resent him for that, after taking a year off to focus on school, he had two jobs over the summer, one now as he is finishing up school in a few weeks and will have the same earning potential as myself.
I was so excited to learn that I was pregnant this past spring with our first. It was a rough pregnancy from the beginning; fatigue and nausea were worse than I ever imagined. Although he and my doctor's nurse thought I was just being paranoid I insisted something was off. After a few early tests and then an ultrasound it became clear- IT's TWINS! We were really excited; I felt so blessed, though a bit anxious. He seems so happy about it and very other sentence from him is 'my children', 'my babies'. Over the summer I felt him being a bit more distant, but he was busy with two jobs and school (that is what I told myself). Plus our lack of physical intamacy due to the pregnancy made it seem worse. I once came across a paper in the pocket of his work clothes, it was a nursing license verification for a woman. Being that my husband works in the field of nursing I did not think anything of it. I asked him if it was important he said no so I threw it away. Now several months later, I just got a call from a young woman who goes by the same name as that which was on that paper. She asked if I would be available tomorrow as she thought we should talk...my heart skipped a beat, I asked about what and she would not say, said she was going to work and would call me tomorrow. I cannot imagine other than infedelity I cannot imagine why this woman would want to speak with me??? My head is spinning. In hopes she would not back out or change her mind, she sounded timid on the phone, I texted her saying that 'I think I may know who you are and if I am right I am not mad at you, but think we should talk'. I am devastated and cannot stop crying already, even though nothing has been confirmed. My husband is 2 hours away at school, he stays there 3 days a week and commutes back to be with me and work over the weekend. We moved back so that I could be closer to work and my family(I commuted every week for a year, while I finished school). I am 8 months pregnant with twin girls and know I do not need this stress. I just need prayers, If this is anything like I suspect I do not know how I am going to have the strength to get through this. I am not perfect and we all have our failings as people, but how can he claim to love me, yet abandon me when I am at my most vulnerable. I feel so betrayed and broken.
So she called me this morning... she apologized and said he claimed we had been long seperated, that they met at work the job he had over the summer and she causally invited him and another co-worker to have breakfast, the other person declined. They started hanging out, going to the gym together and it turned into a relationship. There was one day that he told me he was going to a friend's after work who lives a ways from our home and fell a sleep. By early afternoon I was franctic calling him, but no answer. I was scared something bad had happened as that is unlike him. I used the online system of our phone company to see who he had spoken to last as I do not have most of his friend's numbers and texted the last few people he had talked to in hopes of finding out where he was. They were not together that day but she saved that texts as his explaination for why someone was looking for him seemed odd to her. She is from the same nation of origin as my husband. She mentioned him to a friend, who apparently knows us or knows of me and was warned he was a married man. That is when she called that number and asked for me, guessing it had been me who texted a few months ago. She said that eventually their relationship did become physical. She seemed genuinely hurt by his actions and wanted to confirm what she had been told was true, as she felt guilt and shame carrying on with a man who had a wife at home. She said they have not seen each other in a couple of months and every time she calls he claims to be busy with school stuff and he said he was exclusively living in the small town where he attends school and does not come to the city, which he does weekly. She said she planned on breaking all ties and wished me well and hoped we could sort out our marriage and thanked me for not being angry at her.
Currently I have family in town and do not want to embarass myself or him, biting my tongue and pretending everything is ok is going to be tough but it is just one more day, plus it gives me time to pray and think. I just feel like he abandoned us when I needed him the most, pregnant feeling sick and lonely. But I am angry as well. I do not even know where to begin.