To me, telling me to make Jesus my Husband and focus on Him is like rubbing salt in my wounds because it's just not enough. It's like telling a starving person to just focus on Jesus and they will be fine.
You have two very good analogies here.
I want you to understand something about "codependency". The term means that 2 people are BOTH dependent, one upon the other.
It is also important to understand that a person does not rid himself of "codependency". He rids himself of "dependency".
If I rub salt on my arm, there's no pain....... unless my arm is wounded in the first place. Right? Salt rubbed on intact skin doesn't cause pain.
And "just focus on Jesus" is one of those all-familiar "half-truths" which get christians in a lot of trouble and cause them a lot of grief. These "half-truths" are heard every Sunday (and Saturday) from pulpits, in sancuaries, and fellowship halls.
Actually, Jesus never said to "just focus" on Him. What He said was, to "seek ye FIRST the kingdom". The word "first" implies that there is a "second", not that there is "only". Neither does Jesus say that "you will be fine". What He says is, that "these things will be added unto you". That is, the "things" you need.
The key to getting rid of "dependency" is to put FIRST the things you NEED into Jesus' hands. Make Him FIRST. Trust that Jesus loves you enough to have told you the truth, when He promised "these things will be added unto you".
Then SECOND, understand that it isn't wrong to seek things we WANT from others, but we must do it in the correct manner. The way Jesus taught us:
Matthew 7:7 (KJV)
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
He did not say to "barter", or "bargain", or "make deals" with others to get what we want. "Codependency" results when two people "make a deal", in fact, this "deal" may be the entire basis upon which the relationship started, and continues. Attraction begins when the two people find a personality trait in the other which naturally inclines him/her to try to "supply" the NEED of the other.
Dependency ends in a person when he/she carefully, by deliberate thought and practice, divides "needs" from "wants", and places the "needs" with Jesus, and the "wants" with other people. Of course, nothing wrong about giving "wants" to Jesus, so long as we understand that with either Jesus or others, our "wants" may not be granted.
With "dependency" broken, there still may be application of "salt", but since we aren't wounded, there's no pain.