Marriage Problems

[ConnieLard]

Ken,

No advice here.  Just letting you know I'll be praying for you in this.  And I appreciate your honesty.  So many folks try to keep up a front when things are really bad;  that way, things just get worse.  Contrary to what it may look like on a Sunday morning at church, we Christians have to face all kinds of difficulties, including the kind you're going through right now.  God will bring you through this, one way or another, and He will work it for your good as you are called according to His purpose.  That's what He's promised and that's what He will do.  Just hang in there with Him and let Him do His work.  (I said I didn't have any advice, but I guess I kind of did. :blush: )

[s1n4m1n]

I haven't read the last few messages before writing this but...

though I've used keeping the house clean as an example, its really what I consider the laziness that's a real problem. You don't have to read to far in Proverbs toget an idea of what God thinks of laziness.

Of course, as I wrote originally, there are other issues as well.

Ken

[striving4]

Ken,
 My husband thinks that anyone who does not do hard manual labor , is lazy. This would include desk jobs ect... I find that definition insulting and it is very hard for me to understand this. If I work a pretty physically and mentally easy job, its lazy.

On the other hand. I am the neat freak. My husband is a pack rat. No matter how you define "lazy" some people see it as black and white, there are no grace areas.

For my marriage, I see myself in the presense of the almighty creator. Cannot the God of all the universe do right? People up to the year 1900 kept there marriages together without marriage counslers. And people in pagan countries keep their marriages together. Myself , I don't believe in marriage counselors per say,but do believe in talking with Godly mature believers who have kept their marriages together for decades. That help is usually free. And older couples usually love that your asking their expertize.

Taking God at his word and help from His Holy Spirit has been the key. Every marriage under goes trials. I'm thinking of you in prayer today..
Respectfully,
Lauren

[charlie]

True, they didn't have "marriage counselors" a hundred years ago.

But they also didn't have no-fault divorce. It's a big temptation when throwing in the towel becomes such an easy and common thing to do. We live in a different world.

[zoonance]

There is a great book out (can't remember the title or the author at the moment!) that speaks of pink and blue.  Men have blue hearing aids, look through blue glasses and speak through a blue megaphone.  Women have pink hearing aids, look through pink glasses and speak through a pink megaphone.  Example "I have nothing to wear."  means something different to pink and blue.  Blue: I have nothing to wear means he has NOTHING to wear! (not done laundry in weeks)  Pink: I have nothing to wear means "This dress doesn't match these shoes and I wore that last time and I am not in the mood for that and .... therefore.... and thus....!"    So, I have had to put a pair of pink hearing aids to understand my wife.  Over time, the lousy communication can lead to "who cares" and "why try"  I can testify that it is worth exchanging the pink and blue.  Caring enough to care leads to being caring.  Our responsibility as husbands is to protect and care for our wife.  We don't always do that so well do we?

[janine]

I'd love to see the wife join up & post here in this discussion.

'Course it's usually hard to get spouses on, mine hardly ever comes here.  Annie's a sweet exception. :D

I assume the wife is the source of the trash and litter and dirty clothes and so on?

That is, if you listed & categorized the items in a pile of stuff drifted beside the sofa, who would own the clothes?  Whose would be the shoes?  Who was reading that newspaper before it ended up crumpled there on the floor?  Whose is that Bible, that glass with a quarter inch of curdled milk in the bottom?

Just wondering.

[striving4]

True, they didn't have "marriage counselors" a hundred years ago.

But they also didn't have no-fault divorce. It's a big temptation when throwing in the towel becomes such an easy and common thing to do. We live in a different world.

No :hug: But they did have equal weights such as: , idolatry, and the demize of women, polygamy and illiteracy, poverty, and the lack of adequete healthcare. Many societies were death oriented societies...

Charlie,
Are you saying that it is harder for believers to stay married today in Gods eyes ?[/color]

[charlie]

Are you saying that it is harder for believers to stay married today in Gods eyes ?

I'm saying that in past years, you had the biblical mandate to marital faithfulness and longevity coupled with a very strong social expectation to the same. Today, that social expectation is greatly diminished.

Therefore, years ago, a couple in trouble might stay together because the bible says so, because they couldn't face their family and friends if they hung it up, or some combination. Today, their family and friends are much less expectant that they stick together. So today, people have only one reason to stick together where they used to have two.

Now I'll freely admit that there are no more extramarital affairs now than in years past. The only difference is that these days, people are more likely to dump their spouse and switch to their lover, whereas before, the affair stayed extramarital.[/color]

[Annie]

If you could see my glasses and hearing aid, it would be purple or red, not pink.  That color makes me cranky.

Ken, still praying for you guys.  Hang in there.

[s1n4m1n]

I assume the wife is the source of the trash and litter and dirty clothes and so on?

Actually to a very large degree, yes. I normally throw away the garbage I produce.

My wife does wash the dirty clothes, though most of the time its overflowing the hampers for a couple of weeks before she get to it and she does wash the dishes and prepares the infant's formula (she does a pretty good job of those). So I'm sorry for leaving the impression that she's a total bum!

It boils down to this, I've heard it said many times that "if a man doesn't provide for his family, he's worse then an infidel." Now if I decided to quit my job and sit around the house all day I'd be kicked out of the congregation of which I'm a member. What the correlation for a homemaker?

Listen guys I find dirty daipers laying on the floor when I come home from work. If that's acceptable to some, so be it, its not acceptable to me. Some people may have the impression that I want a perfectly spotless house, that's not true.[/color]

[s1n4m1n]

Maybe when you come home from work and see a mess, instead of picking it up silently, ask her if she'll pick up the dirty clothes while you pick up the garbage.  She may just need to be asked nicely to do it.

Good advice. Sometimes that works and sometime is doesn't.[/color]

[s1n4m1n]

For my marriage, I see myself in the presense of the almighty creator. Cannot the God of all the universe do right? People up to the year 1900 kept there marriages together without marriage counslers. And people in pagan countries keep their marriages together. Myself , I don't believe in marriage counselors per say,but do believe in talking with Godly mature believers who have kept their marriages together for decades. That help is usually free. And older couples usually love that your asking their expertize

I've kinda of thought along the same lines in the past. Its been often said in churches of Christ that the "local church" is fully equipped to handle the word of God. Well if some of the work of God is foster stable marriages, I'd have to say that the local church has fallen down on the job.

Ken[/color]

[ConnieLard]

It boils down to this, I've heard it said many times that "if a man doesn't provide for his family, he's worse then an infidel." Now if I decided to quit my job and sit around the house all day I'd be kicked out of the congregation of which I'm a member. What the correlation for a homemaker?

Listen guys I find dirty daipers laying on the floor when I come home from work. If that's acceptable to some, so be it, its not acceptable to me. Some people may have the impression that I want a perfectly spotless house, that's not true.

I think you are right to be upset, just as a wife would be right in being upset if her husband just quit his job and stopped meeting his responsibility to provide for his family.  When this kind of thing happens, it usually means the irresponsible partner is feeling totally overwhelmed or may even be clinically depressed.  It sounds like your wife needs help and needs it immediately.  You may need to conduct an "intervention" of sorts to get her to seek help, like you would for an out-of-control alcoholic or addict.[/color]

[Annie]

Does your wife know Proverbs 31?

[zoonance]

Good points sin4mIn.  I ask myself " What if the woman I married was an absolutely worthless human being?"  It certainly would make my responsibility as a husband much harder.  I can only say that your spiritual growth is worth it regardless of the circumstances.  A strong spiritual leader in the home can only "rub off"!  Sounds kind of cheap perhaps. But it is true. Mike