MY HUSBAND CALLED ME UGLY

[HRoberson]

They're about the same, it appears.

Not exactly, but a (seemingly) willing ear can go a long way to quelling anxiety. Even if the ear is behind the bar.

[haveahope]

PnH - How are you? Haven't heard anything from you in a week or so.  U ok?  Please let us know if you can because we are praying for you and concerned as well. 
Thanks,
HAH

[pureNheart]

Hi have a hope.

Thanks for caring about me.

Someone had previously asked me that if God provided a way for me to leave, if I would do it?  Well, He has indeed provided a way for me.  Even though I've been threatened by my husband, I'm going to stop depositing all of my money into our joint checking account.  Little by little, I am beginning to clean up my credit.  And when that's done, I'll be able to purchase my own home.

He has told me that I will never be able to make it on my own and that when I leave, he will be able to do what he wants to do.  He says that I am a hinderance to him having a second job, (because he has to be concerned about me).  So, when I leave, he say that he won't have to worry about that.  He also wants a woman who will stay with him and work out their problems, together.  Lord knows I've tried.  But, I just can't take it anymore.  Whenever it gets to this point, he cries, pouts, throws temper tantrem, leaves for long periods of time, calls me 80 million times from work, brings home religious articles about marriage and makes all kinds of promises to do better.  But, it only lasts for a short while and then he's back to being his previous self.

[ex cathedra]

these people  more than likly can direct you to some one in your denomination that can help you and your husband  .

 they care they listen they help 1-800-422-7341
wels youth and family services.

 i think its a 24 hour help line

[yesult]

maybe you should collect all the religious articles he reads you and make them into a big, fat, solid, roll and when he's asleep one night, tie him up..........


ok, not really.

So glad you've been able to take the steps you have. Stay strong.

[chosenone]

Hi have a hope.

Thanks for caring about me.

Someone had previously asked me that if God provided a way for me to leave, if I would do it?  Well, He has indeed provided a way for me.  Even though I've been threatened by my husband, I'm going to stop depositing all of my money into our joint checking account.  Little by little, I am beginning to clean up my credit.  And when that's done, I'll be able to purchase my own home.

He has told me that I will never be able to make it on my own and that when I leave, he will be able to do what he wants to do.  He says that I am a hinderance to him having a second job, (because he has to be concerned about me).  So, when I leave, he say that he won't have to worry about that.  He also wants a woman who will stay with him and work out their problems, together.  Lord knows I've tried.  But, I just can't take it anymore.  Whenever it gets to this point, he cries, pouts, throws temper tantrem, leaves for long periods of time, calls me 80 million times from work, brings home religious articles about marriage and makes all kinds of promises to do better.  But, it only lasts for a short while and then he's back to being his previous self.

 Keep trusting in God and He will make a way for you (as it seems that He already is doing)
God Bless

[pureNheart]

What helps me to stay strong is that, I purchased a hand held tape recorder.  I knew that everytime we got into an argument, he would say cruel, evil, mean things to and about me.  So, I taped our last argument.  All I can say is, if this man is saved, I would hate to see him if he wasn't.  Now, everytime I feel that I'll give in to is charm and profuse apologies, I listen to the tape.  And when I do, it helps me to realize that he doesn't and never has loved me.

He has told me countless times that no good man would ever want me.  That may be true.  The way I feel right now, there's no man that I'd EVER want to be with either. 

I'm stepping out on faith and trusting God to take care of me cause He's is all that I have.

Thanks for caring about me.

[haveahope]

PNH- Bravo for you to have a plan!  For realizing that you don't have to listen to is verbal abuse and take it to heart.  You are STRONG - keep trusting the Lord for all things.  He will not let you down. 
 Question for you - Would it be possible for you to just move out and rent an apartment?  Instead of buying something?  Maybe if you just moved out one day your husband would agree to go to counseling or see someone who could help you two.  He sounds pretty unstable if he cries and promises to do better and drama drama drama.

  Maybe that is the sincere desire of his heart but he just doesn't have the tools to behave that way.  I'm not saying this for you to feel like he deserves your sympathy -- no way.  But if there is even a slim chance that this marriage can be repaired maybe this would wake him up.

 I'm so glad to hear from you.
 
2 Tim 1:7 " For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind"

Cling to His Word and His promises! They will keep you from feeling crazyl.

Lovingly and prayerfully,
HAH

[chosenone]

What helps me to stay strong is that, I purchased a hand held tape recorder.  I knew that everytime we got into an argument, he would say cruel, evil, mean things to and about me.  So, I taped our last argument.  All I can say is, if this man is saved, I would hate to see him if he wasn't.  Now, everytime I feel that I'll give in to is charm and profuse apologies, I listen to the tape.  And when I do, it helps me to realize that he doesn't and never has loved me.

He has told me countless times that no good man would ever want me.  That may be true.  The way I feel right now, there's no man that I'd EVER want to be with either. 

I'm stepping out on faith and trusting God to take care of me cause He's is all that I have.

Thanks for caring about me.

  purenheart. he is only saying that becuase he is cruel and mean. Of course a good man would want you.There are godly men out there who would die before treating you as he does. (my husband being one of them)Please dont let him make you fear or hate all men.
God bless, you are doing well.

[yesult]

That's a wonderful strategy. The truth sets us free.

[pureNheart]

A few days ago, I saw a very dear church member of mine.  She looked 20 years younger.  I asked her what she was doing.  She told me that she only eats chicken, a lot of salads and exercises every day for at least an hour.

I have started to do what she does.  And let me tell you, it's working!  My husband is now following me around like a little puppy.  The more that I ignore him, the more he seens to want me.  I find that to be so strange.

To make matters more interesting, men are starting to notice me.  Last night, he told me that he doesn't like it that so many men at our church are greeting me.  Believe me, I do believe that Christian women should be extremely careful in how we interact with the opposite sex.  But, I am baffled and intrigued by so much attention.  It takes all power within me to keep from saying to him, "But, you told me that no good man would ever want me."

Guess what?  HE HAS AREED TO GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING WITH ME BECAUSE HE WANTS TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE!!!

[yesult]

And then if you get sick again - what happens? The cruelty returns.

Do you really want that?

I'm glad your husband has agreed to go to marriage counselling, but is that because he's scared he'll lose his now good looking wife and isn't likely to get that lucky again if she leaves?

If he doesn't love you when you're helpless and needing support and patience then his love is self serving. Marriage counselling can still be used as an excuse or a means to an end if someone has a wrong agenda.

If your marriage survives at your expense, you still lose.  Hope he's truly repentent and am so sorry to hear of your situation. Abuse is abuse.

My prayers are still with you.

[pureNheart]

I will never, ever forget how my husband treated me when I was unable to care for myself.  I know that I am commanded by our LORD to forgive him, but, that does not always mean that reconcilation will be the final outcome.

I'm not getting in shape in order to gain his attention or anyone else's.  I just want to be as physically fit as I can. 

Sadly, as far as I'm concerned, it will never be the same between us.  I don't believe that there is anything that he can do to make right all of the wrong that he has done to me.

Please continue to pray for me.

 

[canuck]

Glad to read you are doing better and that he is responding more favourably
now that you have begun to work out.

Stay with it because while exercise naturally improves one's appearance, your self-confidence gets a major lift as well -- something that evidently has hit rock bottom. The attention other men are giving you shows that you aren't repulsive and this has triggered some mild jealousy in your husband. He will likely be more careful in future as to how he speaks to you since he realizes that there are men aplenty who find you attractive.

Keep strong in the Lord. and let Him guide you through this marital conflict. Marriage counselling should be a great help. Avoid being drawn into any temptation to reciprocate the flirtation that might come your way.
Praying for you,

 canuck

[yesult]

Will do. The only clause in the bible for divorce and remarriage however is sexual sin. If your husband isn't guilty of it, you can't biblically divorce your husband. When God asks us to forgive, it has to be completely. However that doesn't mean we forget what that person is capable of and have to guard ourselves accordingly. That might mean moving out, or just being wary of dynamics and attitudes.

Reconciliation can be very difficult with a person who is unwilling to change. However that doesn't necessarily mean that we have the right before God to end the marriage. His laws are there to protect us (and others) from even greater hurt and marriage is a very serious thing in his eyes. God is for us, but we have to obey him to get all the help that he wants to give us.

(His son died for our freedom, but that comes on Gods terms, not our own.)

All the best with it.