Several weeks ago, my female cousin came into town and we decided to get a hotel room in a nearby city so that we could go out that night after I got off work. My husband was originally going to go with us, but due to some major depression issues, he decided not to come. The city can be dangerous at night, especially for 2 young women who both weigh about 110 lbs, so I asked a male, married co-worker who has 2 children to accompany us. He just moved to the area and wanted to explore the city. The biggest mistake I made was not telling my husband that I invited the married coworker. At the time, I knew he would be very upset and jealous that another man was coming, even if I told him it was for protection and that he is married. Of course, now, I see what an idiot I was! On top of that, my cousin and I both accidentally left our cell phones in our hotel room so I was unable to check in with my husband for about 5-6 hours.
My husband seems to think that none of those things could have happened without me cheating on him. I absolutely understand why he woud be angry and upset with me. I deserve that completely. But he is threatening to leave me because he thinks I cheated. I didn't even LOOK at another man that night, much less have any physical contact.
Maybe some men out there could help me put some things together. There have been a couple of times in our marriage when other men came onto me (tried to kiss me). My husband actually witnessed both of them. The first one, the guy would kiss me on the lips each time we said hello. My husband told me it upset him, so I put a stop to it by turning my head when we met up with that friend. The 2nd time was a guy who was sitting grabbed my hand and pulled me down to him to kiss me. It happened very quickly and I wasn't expecting it. I immediately pulled away and my husband heard me tell this man that I would never, ever hurt my friend (his wife) and I told him to stop. I feel like my husband has to know that if someone else comes onto ME, then how can it be my fault? He seems to think that because these other men came onto me, that means I cheated on him then as well. Does that make sense to anyone? Am I just being too closed minded?
I'm trying really hard to put myself in his shoes. I would be incredibly upset with him, just as he is with me and I know that that is a consequence of my stupid actions. My concern is that I don't feel like our marriage should be ended when there was no infidelity. I absolutely adore my husband and never, ever meant to hurt him intentionally. We've been together for over 8 years and we get along great (normally).
Any advice is greatly appreciated.