Author Topic: My marriage is failing  (Read 1327 times)

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Offline floyd11

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My marriage is failing
« on: Mon Apr 16, 2018 - 07:30:16 »
I recently got married and my marriage is already in shambles. True shambles. I feel hopeless. Last night my husband said he hated me. He's asked for a divorce multiple times. We've always had issues even before we were married but being so in love I thought we could get through it. When we first met he drank a lot and would put both of us in dangerous situations then get very mad at me for trying to stop him from making those decisions or from drinking. He has cut back a lot and I've expressed my gratitude and how proud I am for that but our situation has just gotten worse. He calls me every name he can think of and puts me down constantly. He says I'm ungrateful and don't give him what he needs. Sex has also been an issue in our relationship. We usually have sex once a day and I've told him that's more than enough for me but it's not enough for him. If i turn him down (regardless of wether or not we've had sex that day) he makes a big show of grabbing the phone and going to the bathroom to watch porn. Or he gets really mad and threatens to, or does, leave, yell, call me names, and break things. He says if I gave him more sex he wouldn't watch porn but I'm just not in the mood sometimes. I think I have a much lower libido then him and once a day is already a stretch for me. He accuses me of not being attracted to him because I don't initiate sex but I told him if we didn't have sex so often I would be more likely to initiate it. He accused me of cheating a couple times and firmly believed it. He still brings it up even though I didn't. He barely even stays the night at home anymore, usually going to his cousins. He says I don't meet his expectations of a wife. I have my problems too. I have a hard time forgiving him for some of the things he's done and I tend to bring them up when things get bad. I have this image I have of him being an alcoholic that I developed in the beginning of our relationship that I can't let go of which makes me get easily irritated when he has even one beer. I've started being just as verbally destructive has he is. This marriage is taking it's toll on both of us. I've started calling him names back and have even accused him of cheating. He gives me names of girls who would love to have sex with him so I'm paranoid every time he goes to work. He says he's done but we've barely even given marriage a chance. I feel like we're too deep in a never ending cycle of negativity to claw our way out and save the marriage. I want to but he doesn't and I don't know how to make it work. I haven't been a peach either throughout our marriage but I don't think I'm the monster he makes me out to be. I've also tried being calm during arguments and agreeing with him or even complimenting him (I saw it in a video on how to deal with bullies) and he accused me of patronizing him and got almost the angriest I've ever seen him. I've tried just being quiet and that makes him mad. I've tried temporarily walking away but he won't let me leave or he gets more mad. And I've gotten just as mad as him in arguments but that just seems to validate all the things he calls me and I don't like acting that way. I don't know what to do. He tells me if I would just hug him or touch him during an argument he would calm down and feel loved  but it's really hard for me to do that when he's calling me names and making me feel the way I do. I've also done that before and he pushes me away or tells me to get off of him. Then he'll bring it up in arguments constantly telling me he's told me how to fix it but I don't listen to him and I don't make him feel loved. I don't talk to anyone about it because I don't want them to think negatively of him and I don't want him to feel like I'm bashing him. I just feel very alone and I really want to work things out with him.
« Last Edit: Mon Apr 16, 2018 - 07:40:32 by floyd11 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: My marriage is failing
« Reply #1 on: Mon Apr 16, 2018 - 08:08:45 »
To be honest I cant understand why on earth you ever married him. He is abusive and a bully and angry and ungodly. It also sounds as if the marriage is more or less finished anyway if he is rarely there. Is it possible that he is cheating?

Are you both Christians because porn use is a no no and sex once a day should be more than enough.

You may need to accept that the marriage was never going to work and end it before you bring any poor children into the mess.

I am all for marriage, but sometimes when there is abuse and such terrible behaviour, I cant see any other option. Personally I would never stay with a  man who used porn, especially when he uses it as a threat.