She knows about the other woman and even went as far as to say that if I become her bf she will kick her u know what. She seen us together one night while we were dancing and was apparently pretty upset. Found this out thru a mutal friend. I explained me and the other woman are just friends nothing more. And that if my wife feels that way all she has to do is pick up the phone and call me cause I'm still willing to work it out with her. Have yet to get that call.
Hey there Tom
I think another poster suggested to you earlier that you should try reading Dobson's Love must be tough book....it completely changed my thinking on relationships. I'm no expert but in all your posts, I can see a real flaw in how you deal with your wife....simply, you're too available. She will keep on doing this simply because she knows that she can and that no matter what she throws at you, you will always be there, always hoping for a reconciliation.
Dobson talks about this a lot and says it's totally the wrong approach - if you love someone and they continue to treat you like garbage, you do not continue to lay at their door, begging for mercy. You HAVE to set some boundaries and be tough and non-negotiable and you never, ever beg for a new chance, a fresh start, because all that does is create even less respect in the errant spouse's mind.
She won't change because you have not given her a reason to....she knows she can do whatever she likes, throw restraining orders around, blatantly sleep around....and all the while, you're still there, waiting to have her back on HER terms. I don't believe that is a Biblical or Godly way to approach this.
You need to get to a point where you put some boundaries in place and you pick up the pieces of your life and you give the appearrance of moving on, even if in your heart you still believe there is hope.
You tell her, I love you and I wanted this to work but it is clear it won't, so I am now getting on with my life and I am going to move forward into the future God has for me. If you feel it's the right thing to do, then initiate that divorce....and even though your heart is breaking, do not let her know that. You have already told her so many times that you want this to work and she keeps throwing it back in your face.....but the fact that she got upset when you were dancing with another woman, tells me all I need to know. She doesn't act as though she wants you, but she sure aint going to let anyone else have you too.
She cannot have it both ways....and if you want even the smallest chance of this EVER working out, then you have to practice loving toughness.
I can almost guarantee it....as soon as you start to move on and leave her behind....you will see something change. There are no guarantees of course....but there is a fundamental part of human nature that ALWAYS wants what it can't have. Honestly....it's some of the best advice I have ever been given.
I have seen this happen in some friends' marriage. They had been together for years and years and then she got in touch with her first boyfriend through Facebook and started an affair. Her husband found out and was devastated but would have done anything to have her back. He pleaded, begged, bought her flowers...even bought her a new car and get this, allowed her to stay with the boyfriend during the week and come home to him at weekends. He would have done anything....and wow, was she having her cake and eating it. What woman wouldn't want to be equally adored by two men like this...what garbage! He eventually realised what she was doing and after much prayer, decided to take the big risk of being tough. He told her she was no longer welcome home at weekends, and if she had chosen the boyfriend, she must go to him. He put boundaries in place, said she could see the kids whenever she wanted but she had to call first and not just turn up and let herself in whenever she felt like it. And then he gave the appearance of moving on with his life and he waited and he waited and he waited. And he despiared that it would ever work....but then one day, she came home. It wasn't the begging or the pleading that did it, but the boundaries. He said, 'Ok, you've made your choice....go for it. You can have him, sure, but you sure cannot have me TOO'. They are now fully reconciled.
Blessings to you!