My wife is having multiple affairs and wants a divorce

[Sinead]

well every body here is an update for you.  First off my wife kidnapped my kids and left out of state with them to ca.  she has been forced back and we have court on monday for her being in contempt.  Not sure what the outcome will be but it pretty much is guarenteed to be in my favor. 

My wife and the guy she has left me for broke up a week before christmas.  then got back to gether the day before christmas.  appparently because he wanted to be with another woman.  then on NYE he broke it off with her yet again and went to be with this other woman.  he has been playing mind games with my wifes heart kind of like she had done with me. despite all of this she is still in love with him and still wants him back.  he is going to be deploying here soon to afganastan and its unlikely they are going to workl it out.

I havent spoken to my wife since the events of aug. 1st.  i removed all signs of her of my social networking sites and blocked her as well as her friends.  as far as i can tell from what i have been told she still deeply hates me.  blames me for her and the other man breaking up though i had nothing to do with it and only found out weeks after it had happened. 

the person i was kind of seeing is now no longer i the picture.  I ust never felt right about it and never wanted it to get serious anyways so i stopped hanging out with her before it got that far.  I still think of my wife often and lately have had some difficult nights but i have gotten thru them.  My wife is now pushing hard for the divorce.  and i am doing nothing to stop her.  im actually encouraging the progress.  we are going thru a hard custody fight right now for the children and that seems to be the biggest roadblock preventing us from ending this marriage now instead of later.  I still dont want it but i have no will left to continue to fight for something only i want.  I have left it all in gods hands now.  if we wrok this out it will be because of him not me.  i do still hope for her to come back though.  but at this point i doubt it.  she is to far gone and there is just to much stacked between us for it to ever happen.  I am going to wait and see how things play out first though and then go from there.
 
I ask that for those who care please continue to pray for us though. pray for a softening of her heart.  we need a miracle at this point for us to ever come back together and god is the only one who can fix this.

I feel for you and i will pray for you - but there is a verse in the bible that states if the unsaved wants to leave - you should let them leave.

[anx]

Your wife has put you through so much because of her sin.

Her relationship ended like most of those do. People who are willing to date married people and call it love end up changing their mind and not valuing or caring about long term relationships.

You will get a lot of custody after she kidnapped the kids you were asking for earlier.

It's sad to read that you are hurting so much. I hope after the divorce (unless a miracle happens on her heart) that you can find happiness. Perhaps there is a Godly woman in your future. Your wife has chosen her path. God is calling her back, but I doubt she cares at all for God at this point. God will not override her free will to continue her sin and lifestyle. Perhaps she will find God, but my guess is she will resent both you and God for a long time.

Blessings

Edit: to do what she did you have to fill your head with lies and justifications. Reconciliation with you and God would mean admitting she was wrong and getting rid of all those thoughts. It's a difficult thing.

[topman]

Tomcat,

Fist off - let me say thank you for your posts - which I read firstly last week and inspired me to start one of my own (Is it too late for God to save my wife and this marriage) - we do share similar stories similar to Hosea - -   other than death I do not know what else can be so damaging with what we are going through.  My wife and I separated after almost 2 years of marriage – in the time we were separated my wife had multiple affairs with a least 10 men and started a relationship with one of them in the end.  She kept these from me but they eventually surface as these things always do. I have tried countless times to save the marriage.  I made a decision last April that I would start proceedings Mar this year.
-   Lately I got hesitant if I was making the right decision – I applaud you for your faith – almost child-like faith which is true faith and the one required for such a nightmare we are going through.  I think sometimes we all get to that point where we have to accept reality.
-   Is it too late for God to save your our wives and our marriages – definitely as He is God – it is never too late – however it has to come from a place of ‘choice’ ‘free will’ – we have made that choice out of our God given free will to save our marriage to literally ‘go to hell’ to get our wives back – but they choose to continue the way they are. I have now left my wife in the hands of God – what we can do now is not use our emotion energy on them anymore but on building our foundations with God and our children.
I can no longer be emotionally invested in thinking of my wife and the hurt she has caused – this is no easy task – I literally with the help of the Holy Spirit have to kill my old self – I need to start anew – I need to separate mentally and spiritually from her – I need to remind myself of this every day. I would also suggest you attending maybe a separation and divorce course. I did late last year and I am going to do another by the end of the year – as soon as I know I have to start processing the Decree Absolute – it would be complete closure. And my hands are finally not shaking – I am not saying that will close everything and the pain will go away – but it will close that part of your life and you will have the spiritual release to start afresh.
In conclusion that is why it hurts so much – yes you did make a commitment and now that you see it through God’s eyes – it makes it harder to break that covenant – what ever decision you make its yours but from what I have been through I can advise fight that battle in your mind (do I make it work or not) – make a decision and stick to it – God’s will it will be the right one – I know I have made the right one.

[tomcatf14g]

w court was continued until the 30th.  i had to listen to my wife scream and yell all morning in the court house today.  the judge was very unhappy with her and made it clear that if my allegations prove to be true (which they are) she is facing jail time and will be losing custody of the children.  she has been ordered to obey the current rulings and if she does not comply she will be immidately incarcerated and i will get the chiildren automatically.  i dont want to see her in jail, and thats very likely where she is heading.  i hate to resort to this, its only gonna drive a deeper wedge between us but i have to fight for my children so i must remain tough. 

it was hard to be around her again. i havent seen or talked to her in months and i had to hide all my emotions.  i didnt once look at her, i walked past her as if she wasnt even there. i refused to acknowledge her presense which seemed to anger her even more.  though her and the guy she left me for are split up she was sure flaunting her big shinny engagment ring from him.  i just ignored it but i wont lie it hurt.  it hurt to be so close to her and not be able to say what i really feel. part of me wanted to reach out and hold her and part of me just wanted to slap her silly(not that i ever would do that, just felt like it)

being near her excite me and sickens me all at the same time if that makes any sense. i still hope for my marriage to somehow miraclously recover from all of this but every event only makes that possibility more and more impossible.

But i will keep praying, keep hoping, keep wishing, for the best but prepare for the worst.  i will fight this war and wait to see how it all plays out. for now she is still my wife, i still am in love with her, and i still only want her.  but until she makes the moves towards reconcilation i have to set those thoughts and feelings aside and fight as hard as i can to get my children.  they are better off with me then they are with her.  they need consistancy, stability and an abundent amount of love. things she is currently not cable of or even willing to provide at this point.

[topman]

Hi Tom - I pray for you and your family everyday - the thing is with family and very close friends sometimes we still feel lonely - I have learnt to rely on that one constant (I am trying not to even rely on myself anymore) - the one constant is God.

This is not your batte but His - just look back to how things were when you first started this blog and the good things He has done for you - you did not see it then but now you do.  We need to remember that.

The battle might not end and it might feel that there is no end in site - but He will still be there with us.

From what you are saying - it seems the kids will defintely be coming to you which is the best for them - its only God that can understand what's going on in your wife's head (I dont think she even knows) - as for the ring - her new relationship is fickle and not built on good foundations so will not last any storms - as for wanting to shake her (I relate) - you have seen the best of her before - you know she is selling her life short - she is worth more in Gold than what she has done to herself - only her can come to that realisation - its not our job - so unforutnately shaking - might feel good for awhile - but wont work and you would have a few officers tackling you within 2 secs.

Anyway - hang on my brother - we are not alone - and I understand - God bless

[mrhide]

Tomcat

Your priorities now are God, then you and your children. Don’t let your obsession with your wife interfere with those priorities. You have said many times that it is in God’s hands so now act accordingly. Also remember, God is not going to overrule your wife’s free will. God can but He won’t. Your children need you to make God and them your top priorities.

[chosenone]

Tomcat

Your priorities now are God, then you and your children. Don’t let your obsession with your wife interfere with those priorities. You have said many times that it is in God’s hands so now act accordingly. Also remember, God is not going to overrule your wife’s free will. God can but He won’t. Your children need you to make God and them your top priorities.

 

 Totally agree. The children need you and I am glad that it seems they will be with you permanently. I am sure that God was in that as well. They will be damaged to be with a mother like that.
Sometimes God just cant get through to a person and has to instead look after and protect the innocent ones.

[tomcatf14g]

So my anniversary is the day after tomorrow and I'm not doing to well. I'm overwhelmed right now with memories thoughts and feeling concerning my wife. I've been crying for the last few days and as the day gets closer it gets even harder. Everything I've done over the last few months to refocus my energy and my mind is not working. My heart is calling out for her. A call that will never be answered again. Everywhere I go. No matter what I do I find constant reminders of her and us. Prayer is not helping. I don't know how I'm going to get thru this but I must. I have to. Why is it still so hard for me. Why do I still love her so very much. I just wanna to call her. hear her voice once more. But I can't and I won't. But I cqnt continue like this. It's tearing me apart. Please pray for me. Pray for her. Pray for my children. Pray for my family. We need it now more than ever