Author Topic: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.  (Read 2106 times)

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joeyreyeslove

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My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« on: Thu Feb 06, 2020 - 14:04:57 »
Hello all,

How's every one out there doing? Last night my wife attacked me, pushed me several times, scratched my chest and bit the back of my neck. I've been married to my wife for over 3 years now, and we have been together for over 4 years. I noticed she had a serious anger problem, after we had our child. The cops came because she pushed me when I was holding our baby. She actually called them. She was mad because I was recording her. I did used to record her when she was going in to rages, because I felt I needed to protect myself. The reason I got a restraining order is because of her raging while she was holding my infant daughter, she would pace back and forth raging at the top of her lungs, slamming doors and saying inappropriate things. When my wife isn't angry, we have a great relationship. She get's angry now about twice a week. Not just angry, yelling and screaming in rage. About a year ago, she took our daughter who was over one years old at the time, to work and said she wasn't coming home this weekend. After all the abuse, I had to do something. I was scared she was going to take my child and run away. She said that she could just leave and I won't ever have to worry about seeing her or my daughter again, and I wouldn't have to pay child support. So I went to family court got an order for her to move out, and a temporary restraining order. She promised she would get help. She has been seeing a therapist for a while, but hasn't been going that much anymore. She used to go once a week and now it's not even once a month. We also were going to an awesome marriage therapist, a christian, marriage therapist who really did good work. We haven't been for a few month.

Back to the restraining order. I didn't show up to court so the restraining order got dropped. Because she promised to get professional help. Well now here we are a year later, I did see improvement when she was more active in going to therapy for controlling her anger. She actually was never physically abusive until recently. I told her, "what do you want me to do, call the cops?" She started the calling the cops, and I said, "Diane are you sure that you want to do this?" She kept dialing, so I called at the same time and got to them right before she did. She told the dispatcher that I was attacking her and that I was suicidal, and that I was drinking. None of this was true. The cops came and I told them my facts, and she told them her story. She tried to say, that I threw my body at her. What the hell is that? The only thing I did was grab my phone because she was trying to rip it out of my hands, because she thought that I was recording her.

She has raged throughout the marriage, and I tried to let her help herself, she did good for a minute, with obvious improvement. Now not so much. I know that most of you will say, divorce her. I've read on some of these posts before. It is true that about 70-80% of the time, everything is okay. My wife was diagnosed with schizophrenia once, and then bi-polar with something else now. In my mind her past life and what she has now always seemed like borderline personality disorder to me. She was in foster care when she was young. That is not an excuse for her, just the truth. I know she needs to get help. I am going to bail her out today. I am a christian, and I believe in miracles. I contacted the marriage therapist today, and she knows about this emergency and wants to help. Remember, when I said when we were going to her, that things were improving. I feel like we need to go every week now and so does the Marriage therapist. Most of you will say to just get a divorce. I believe she can get better, because i saw the improvements when she was active in her recovery. The only person she treats like this, is the closest one to her, and that person is her husband, (me). She has to get more serious help. I good thing is that she will be forced to got to a domestic violence class. Her work said that I was harassing her because i tried to call her on her cell phone a dozen times yesterday, and texted her a dozen times without a response. She usually responds, and I've been stressed out because when she get's angry she threatens divorce. Nothing i texted her was harassment at, It was all out of love. I know that there is stuff that I need to work on for myself, but hitting and emotionally abusing someone isn't an appropriate response for me texting and calling. Her deep seated anger comes from her child hood. And, I love her unconditionally. I hope someone has a positive experience to share with me that actually worked out for their marriage, that would be nice. Thank you all for trying to help, and for reading this.

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #1 on: Thu Feb 06, 2020 - 14:41:17 »
Hello all,

How's every one out there doing? Last night my wife attacked me, pushed me several times, scratched my chest and bit the back of my neck. I've been married to my wife for over 3 years now, and we have been together for over 4 years. I noticed she had a serious anger problem, after we had our child. The cops came because she pushed me when I was holding our baby. She actually called them. She was mad because I was recording her. I did used to record her when she was going in to rages, because I felt I needed to protect myself. The reason I got a restraining order is because of her raging while she was holding my infant daughter, she would pace back and forth raging at the top of her lungs, slamming doors and saying inappropriate things. When my wife isn't angry, we have a great relationship. She get's angry now about twice a week. Not just angry, yelling and screaming in rage. About a year ago, she took our daughter who was over one years old at the time, to work and said she wasn't coming home this weekend. After all the abuse, I had to do something. I was scared she was going to take my child and run away. She said that she could just leave and I won't ever have to worry about seeing her or my daughter again, and I wouldn't have to pay child support. So I went to family court got an order for her to move out, and a temporary restraining order. She promised she would get help. She has been seeing a therapist for a while, but hasn't been going that much anymore. She used to go once a week and now it's not even once a month. We also were going to an awesome marriage therapist, a christian, marriage therapist who really did good work. We haven't been for a few month.

Back to the restraining order. I didn't show up to court so the restraining order got dropped. Because she promised to get professional help. Well now here we are a year later, I did see improvement when she was more active in going to therapy for controlling her anger. She actually was never physically abusive until recently. I told her, "what do you want me to do, call the cops?" She started the calling the cops, and I said, "Diane are you sure that you want to do this?" She kept dialing, so I called at the same time and got to them right before she did. She told the dispatcher that I was attacking her and that I was suicidal, and that I was drinking. None of this was true. The cops came and I told them my facts, and she told them her story. She tried to say, that I threw my body at her. What the hell is that? The only thing I did was grab my phone because she was trying to rip it out of my hands, because she thought that I was recording her.

She has raged throughout the marriage, and I tried to let her help herself, she did good for a minute, with obvious improvement. Now not so much. I know that most of you will say, divorce her. I've read on some of these posts before. It is true that about 70-80% of the time, everything is okay. My wife was diagnosed with schizophrenia once, and then bi-polar with something else now. In my mind her past life and what she has now always seemed like borderline personality disorder to me. She was in foster care when she was young. That is not an excuse for her, just the truth. I know she needs to get help. I am going to bail her out today. I am a christian, and I believe in miracles. I contacted the marriage therapist today, and she knows about this emergency and wants to help. Remember, when I said when we were going to her, that things were improving. I feel like we need to go every week now and so does the Marriage therapist. Most of you will say to just get a divorce. I believe she can get better, because i saw the improvements when she was active in her recovery. The only person she treats like this, is the closest one to her, and that person is her husband, (me). She has to get more serious help. I good thing is that she will be forced to got to a domestic violence class. Her work said that I was harassing her because i tried to call her on her cell phone a dozen times yesterday, and texted her a dozen times without a response. She usually responds, and I've been stressed out because when she get's angry she threatens divorce. Nothing i texted her was harassment at, It was all out of love. I know that there is stuff that I need to work on for myself, but hitting and emotionally abusing someone isn't an appropriate response for me texting and calling. Her deep seated anger comes from her child hood. And, I love her unconditionally. I hope someone has a positive experience to share with me that actually worked out for their marriage, that would be nice. Thank you all for trying to help, and for reading this.

You are putting your child in harms way.  Period.  And by bailing her out or dropping the restraining order, you are enabling her continued behavior.  That's not love.  At a minimum, let her face the consequences and separate until she can prove herself to be sane and loving.

Once again.

You are putting your child in harms way.

Offline chosenone

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #2 on: Thu Feb 06, 2020 - 22:54:27 »
I would suggest that you and the baby need to separate unless or until she has been to long term therapy and anger management.  I would not let a chid of mine be in the same house as someone who is emotionally and physically abusive. Keep a record of what she does and what happens and record her if needed. Demand that for the marriage to continue she must get the appropriate help. I honestly don't think that MC will help an abusive spouse.

Her pacing, screaming. slamming doors and ranting while holding a baby is so damaging for the child, you MUST protect the baby at all costs. She will be damaged for life if that carries on and as her father you are responsible for protecting her.   
« Last Edit: Thu Feb 13, 2020 - 04:18:59 by chosenone »

Offline Cobalt1959

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #3 on: Thu Feb 13, 2020 - 03:39:05 »
People who are physically abusive just get worse.  They don't get better.  You are putting your child in danger and you are putting yourself in danger.

When a partner is physically abusive, you end the relationship.  No If's, no And's, no but's.  I speak from experience.

Offline M Luther

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #4 on: Tue Mar 24, 2020 - 02:38:47 »
I'm not going to tell you to get a divorce.  Physical abuse is not a reason given in the Bible for divorce.  I'd sooner be a martyr than rationalize sin.  Look for other ways to deal with it.  Just beware any head-on attempt will not work.

She likely will eventually file for divorce, so you should prepare for that.  The sin will be her's not your's. 


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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #4 on: Tue Mar 24, 2020 - 02:38:47 »

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #5 on: Sat Apr 04, 2020 - 14:21:06 »
I'm not going to tell you to get a divorce.  Physical abuse is not a reason given in the Bible for divorce.  I'd sooner be a martyr than rationalize sin.  Look for other ways to deal with it.  Just beware any head-on attempt will not work.

She likely will eventually file for divorce, so you should prepare for that.  The sin will be her's not your's.

Looks like the op is no longer a member.

I have just one small comment. I agree that physical abuse is no reason to get a divorce.

Apparently God approves? Do not say he doesn't cause look at the abuses some Muslims do to their women and they believe that they believe in the same God as we do.

In any event though....

I had a girlfriend whose husband threw her down a flight of stairs when she was pregnant.

I had another girlfriend whose husband used her for a punching bag, just as soon as they said the I do's.
She had the prettiest colors on her body but defended him by lying and saying she was always falling off her horse cause you cannot hide them all.

I even have and aunt whose husband would hit her, and badly enough to split her lip.

It is quite common. This abuse thing.

So is it justice for what Eve did to Adam that God did not list this as a viable divorce reason?


Offline Cobalt1959

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #6 on: Wed Aug 31, 2022 - 18:26:46 »
Quote
Looks like the op is no longer a member.

I have just one small comment. I agree that physical abuse is no reason to get a divorce.

Apparently God approves? Do not say he doesn't cause look at the abuses some Muslims do to their women and they believe that they believe in the same God as we do.

In any event though....

I had a girlfriend whose husband threw her down a flight of stairs when she was pregnant.

I had another girlfriend whose husband used her for a punching bag, just as soon as they said the I do's.
She had the prettiest colors on her body but defended him by lying and saying she was always falling off her horse cause you cannot hide them all.

I even have and aunt whose husband would hit her, and badly enough to split her lip.

It is quite common. This abuse thing.

So is it justice for what Eve did to Adam that God did not list this as a viable divorce reason?

Something that most people never take into account.  Physical abuse breaks the marriage covenant just as much as adultery does.  When you beat your spouse, or abuse them repeatedly verbally, or you cheat on them, or abuse them in any way, you break your vows.  Period. You don't punch someone you love.  If you stab someone in the leg with a steak knife, you are definitely not loving someone as Paul tells us you should love your spouse.   

Offline DaveW

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #7 on: Thu Sep 01, 2022 - 09:12:47 »
Something that most people never take into account.  Physical abuse breaks the marriage covenant just as much as adultery does.  When you beat your spouse, or abuse them repeatedly verbally, or you cheat on them, or abuse them in any way, you break your vows.  Period. You don't punch someone you love.  If you stab someone in the leg with a steak knife, you are definitely not loving someone as Paul tells us you should love your spouse.   
While I wish I could agree with you, I am not sure biblically I can.  I see no provision for domestic or spousal abuse anywhere in scripture.

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #8 on: Thu Sep 01, 2022 - 09:55:29 »
Something that most people never take into account.  Physical abuse breaks the marriage covenant just as much as adultery does.  When you beat your spouse, or abuse them repeatedly verbally, or you cheat on them, or abuse them in any way, you break your vows.  Period. You don't punch someone you love.  If you stab someone in the leg with a steak knife, you are definitely not loving someone as Paul tells us you should love your spouse.   

Although for years, I would have disagreed with you on this - I wouldn't now.

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #8 on: Thu Sep 01, 2022 - 09:55:29 »

Offline Jean74

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #9 on: Thu Sep 01, 2022 - 18:43:25 »
Praying for you and your family. As hope that help is sought and also counseling. Really let God take care of it. So sorry. :(

Offline Cobalt1959

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #10 on: Fri Sep 02, 2022 - 01:32:35 »
Quote
While I wish I could agree with you, I am not sure biblically I can.  I see no provision for domestic or spousal abuse anywhere in scripture.

God's view of adultery goes way beyond sexual sin.  Throughout the OT God describes Israel's chasing after idols and false god's as adultery.  Adultery is unfaithfulness, of any kind.  It is not confined to sexual activity with someone other than your spouse.  If you thump on your wife, you are being unfaithful.  If you are blowing all your money at the casino, you are being unfaithful.  I am always amazed when I encounter someone who believes it is Christ-like to stay in an abusive relationship.  It is decidedly not.  Paul commands men to love their wives as Christ loves the church.  If you are using your spouse as a punching bag, you are definitely not loving them as Christ loves the church and I absolutely do not believe that God expects anyone to remain in a relationship where they are suffering physical harm.  And no one should be telling anyone else to remain in a relationship like that.

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Re: My wife went to jail last night for hitting me.
« Reply #11 on: Fri Sep 02, 2022 - 05:47:29 »
I am with you on that 100%, Cobalt.  And moreover, the one who has been abused and divorced has every right to remarry just like the one who divorced because their spouse was unfaithful sexually.
« Last Edit: Fri Sep 02, 2022 - 05:50:12 by 4WD »