Author Topic: Need Advice  (Read 3923 times)

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Offline GodsPeace

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Need Advice
« on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 07:52:47 »
My wife has confessed to having conversations via cell phone and text.  She has admitted that it is wrong but, has not cut off ties. She is planning a trip to see him soon(work trip...wink-wink) she doesn't know that I am aware of her going to see him....how should I handle this?  I want to trust the God in her and allow her to fight this temptation on her own.  I also am thinking of serving her divorce papers upon her return if she does make the trip.   ::shrug::

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Need Advice
« on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 07:52:47 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #1 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 09:13:56 »
Gods peace I appologise for the posts from that mad man, I have deleted them now.

Offline MeMyself

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #2 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 09:15:05 »
Gods peace I appologise for the posts from that mad man, I have deleted them now.

 ::clappingoverhead::

Thank you!  ::amen!:: I hope he didn't run this poor man off!  ::frown::

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #2 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 09:15:05 »

Offline MeMyself

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #3 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 09:19:03 »
My wife has confessed to having conversations via cell phone and text.  She has admitted that it is wrong but, has not cut off ties. She is planning a trip to see him soon(work trip...wink-wink) she doesn't know that I am aware of her going to see him....how should I handle this?  I want to trust the God in her and allow her to fight this temptation on her own.  I also am thinking of serving her divorce papers upon her return if she does make the trip.   ::shrug::

You know?  I had originally said I had no advice...but thinking about it now...I would tell her I thought her going on her "work trip" sounds like so much fun that you are coming *with* her!!!   ::clappingoverhead::  Call her bluff is what I would do.  Im tough like that though.  ::blushing:: lol!

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #3 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 09:19:03 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #4 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 12:16:16 »
Good advise from memyself. Tell her you would like to come as you need a break! Would be very interesting to see her reaction!!You know that she is playing with fire, and risking being unfaithful. She needs some good strong godly boundaries with the opposite sex. Is she a Christian?

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #4 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 12:16:16 »



Offline chosenone

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #5 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 12:26:21 »
Gods peace I appologise for this mad man we get here sometimes who is full of bitterness and hatred, pride and arrogance.  Ignore anything he says and read what others say. He just tries to cause trouble because he is a sad sad person living a sad sad life.

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #5 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 12:26:21 »

Offline Deborah4God

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #6 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 14:29:11 »
what a tough situation! Are these very inappropriate interactions on her phone? Is she taking this work trip ONLY to see him or is it that it's a legitimate trip and he's also going to be there?

Either way I'd surely share my concerns with her.

Offline GodsPeace

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #7 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 15:37:52 »
I appreciate the feedback.  It's a made up work trip. 

I know we all will endure temptation and I myself have been able to turn away from it.  She is a Christian and has been distancing herself from God as of late.  I'm sure because of the conviction.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #8 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 16:34:46 »
People who are sinning in that way always distance themselves from God. She is having an emotional affair, and is headed for a physical one.She is also lying to you and deceiving you.
You can either challenge her on it and say that you know she is lying, or you can suggest that you go have decided to take time off work to go with her as you need a break, and see what she says, or you can let her go knowing that she will probably have a full affair.
When we are tempted in that way, God tells us to flee. Not to fight it, but flee. She is intending to flee towards this man.Do you honestly think she will go and see him and not do anything?She is walking into the fire.
You need to make a decision what to do before she goes. She also needs to stop any contact with this other man if she wants to save the marriage.

 I would not trust her. She is lying about going on a work trip to see another man. Therefore she has shown that she cant be trusted, unless she repents and changes her mind before she goes. How did she meet this guy?.

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #8 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 16:34:46 »

Offline MeMyself

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #9 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 18:14:48 »
I appreciate the feedback.  It's a made up work trip. 

I know we all will endure temptation and I myself have been able to turn away from it.  She is a Christian and has been distancing herself from God as of late.  I'm sure because of the conviction.

me too!  She is running from God because she KNOWS she is wrong.  ::frown:: Makes me so sad.

What have you decided to do?


Offline fenton

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #10 on: Sat Mar 03, 2012 - 18:34:17 »
20 yrs ago i caught my wife talking on the phone outside the back door, i ask her who she was talking to and she said no one and hung up real fast i took the phone and hit redial etc.  but nothing, the next day i called the phone company and asked them , bla bla bla cause any phone call from my house was long distance. well she was using a calling card so they didnt show up.

needless to say i eventually got it out of her, we talked and talked we worked things out and are still married  29yrs now.

she is a christain, we both had drifted away from God back then. it took alot of prayer and i am still working on my trust issue.

prayers for my brother.

Offline GodsPeace

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #11 on: Sun Mar 04, 2012 - 14:00:34 »
Yes, she is a Christian

Offline GodsPeace

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #12 on: Sun Mar 04, 2012 - 14:02:52 »
She says it's a legit trip but, she doesn't know that I know he lives in this state.

Offline GodsPeace

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #13 on: Sun Mar 04, 2012 - 14:05:54 »
I appreciate that testimony...I pray my wife and I will enjoy the same fruit.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #14 on: Sun Mar 04, 2012 - 14:14:01 »
She says it's a legit trip but, she doesn't know that I know he lives in this state.
  How does she know a man that far away? Have you suggested going with her?

Offline GodsPeace

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #15 on: Sun Mar 04, 2012 - 14:29:43 »
From college and FaceBook....of course....I am hearing more and more of how FB is ruining marriages

Offline Thankfulldad

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #16 on: Sun Mar 04, 2012 - 14:52:51 »
From college and FaceBook....of course....I am hearing more and more of how FB is ruining marriages

Brother...I am not sure of your state of mind right now; I know how frustrating this can be. 

However, we are to love our wife as Christ loved His church; so...what is love?

1Corinthians 13:4-7...Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Now that is a mouth full; given your circumstances...love always protects, and does not delight in evil, and is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. 

God calls husbands to protect their wife; from evil...from sin...from (in this case) another man!

With patience, humility, kindness...yet with conviction, protection, hope and faith...approach her, tell her you love her, want to protect her...and spill the beans with all you know.  Truth will always set us free...

If you let this go...you are simply allowing a trap in which she will be caught, convicted and sentenced to a divorce...is that what you want?
« Last Edit: Sun Mar 04, 2012 - 15:01:11 by Thankfulldad »

Offline GodsPeace

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #17 on: Sun Mar 04, 2012 - 15:10:25 »
That's great feedback Thankfuldad!  You are right about my state of mind and I am being a bit prideful as I have know problem with getting the attention of women, I have lost focus on understanding the full spectrum of protecting my wife...you have really given me something to think about...I appreciate the love!! 


Offline MeMyself

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #18 on: Sun Mar 04, 2012 - 15:44:39 »
I agree with Thankful...I thought she knew you knew this stuff already.

Confess to her that you know...and that you want to go with her to be the way of escape God provides for her in the face of possible temptation to see the other man.


Offline rickwallace21

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #19 on: Sat Mar 10, 2012 - 12:40:50 »
This is never an easy situation. I will move in reverse in responding. First and foremost, do not make any rash decisions; decisions driven by the pain and anger you may be feeling right now. Even with infidelity being in the picture, divorce is a major step and truly has to be the last resort.

As for as how to deal with your wife planning to take this trip. You drive out darkness with light and the Bible says that the truth is life (light). You must gather enough evidence of this trip to the point that your wife cannot refute it and force her to face the truth of her infidelity. I use the word infidelity because the deception involved constitutes infidelity.

Your wife has to be willing to acknowledge the extent of her actions and accept them for what they are; a violation of her marital vows. She then must be willing to work on rectifying the situation, beginning with cutting all ties with this person.

I pray that this helps

happypromises

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #20 on: Sun Mar 11, 2012 - 18:47:02 »
Hi Godspeace
I think there may be more to this story than you have mentioned so far?  It seems strange that you would just let her go and then say you will serve her divorce papers, upon her return.    Do you want to be with her still?  Is this something she has done before?   If you want to be with her, then please don't play games - confront her and tell her you know and give her a choice.  If she wants to save your marriage, she needs to cut off all ties and commit to you - or she chooses him, but she cannot have both.   

But it's real important that you don't play games with this one.  In a sense (I don't mean this harshly) coming on here and telling us about it, without confronting her, is a little sneaky too - not on the same level of what she is doing, but it is not healthy or wise.   

Pray for wisdom and guidance...but I honestly don't think you should sit by idly while the trip happens. 
Prayer for you! 

 

     
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