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Offline incog

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why wife cheated and got pregnant
« on: December 07, 2011, 10:30:58 AM »
My wife and i have been married for 5 years , we have had a roller coaster relationship with many good times and many trying times. We love each other very much, i have been very unfaithful in the past and hurt my wife on many occasions, but in the last 5 months made a commitment to change and never be unfaithful again. (i am a born again christian) During my transformation my wife got angry and fed up and decided for us to separate, which i thought was strange seeing as though i was becoming a better husband. Long story short during our separation she had a fling that lasted 2 weeks, but she quickly realized that our marriage was worth much more so we got back together after a month and a half of separation.

We began marriage counseling at church which had been going really well, and 2 weeks in to the counseling and repairing of our marriage, we discovered that she is pregnant with the fling that she had. We have no children but have been trying in the last last 12 months to get pregnant. I am completely devastated and emotionally torn, i really love my wife and don't want to lose her.I know what she did is wrong and has a bigger impact but i have done much worse with more women i was just a little more careful...... I am willing to adopt the child as my own,as the bio dad wants an abortion; but i am not sure if i will be able to handle it down the road once the child is born and have a change of heart. Is it normal for me to want to stay with her?? Or is this a sign for me to leave her?? If anyone has been through a similar situation your feedback would be much appreciated.

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why wife cheated and got pregnant
« on: December 07, 2011, 10:30:58 AM »

Offline Supplanter

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2011, 10:52:35 AM »
I don't have a similar experience, but from a Godly perspective. If you have a heart to stay then stay. And yes, it would be hypocritical since you both cheated to leave after all this, though when a child comes into the picture that does make it more difficult.

However, that child will need a Daddy. I know it won't be easy, but if the biological father wants to kill him or her, then I think God may be saying that you are the man to be the Daddy. Since, the biological father is willing to sign away his rights (and I would get a lawyer and have that done ASAP), that will make the situation easier, because you can fully and always be the only Daddy that child knows.
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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2011, 10:52:35 AM »

Offline John T

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2011, 12:11:35 PM »
I am sorry to hear about your marital issues, and your struggles.

I am not a lawyer, but I think you need one. I say this because it MAY be possible to have your name on the birth certificate as father and that will end the issue. But you and your wife must be in agreement, and the putative father has no right to either demand an abortion or that the mother keep the baby. that is simply not his choice, but because he is seeking an abortion of the baby, that may alleviate the issue of paternal support he would need to pay  if the baby were to be delivered.

As to the reasons for unfaithfulness, I believe that you need to look in the mirror. Women as a general rule do not cheat unless they believe that the marriage is beyond repair, so in this counseling, you need to SACRIFICE yourself in order to woo her back. Look at Paul's instructions to husbands in Ephesians 5, and determine where YOU failed. If you lead her properly, she will follow, and willing do her part.

This may be hard to take, but considering the consequences of denial and blaming the other will cause long term chaos if both of you do not seek to put Good first, and seek to have Jesus glorified in the outworking of the situation.

We attack lies hoping others will see the truth; that is evidence of our particular love for all cultists, not our personal hatred of them.


    Oh, the things we believe when we refuse to look at facts!

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2011, 12:11:35 PM »

Offline epiphanius

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2011, 09:10:51 PM »
I am willing to adopt the child as my own ... but i am not sure if i will be able to handle it down the road once the child is born and have a change of heart.

Incog,

I don't have a similar experience either, but my heart was moved for the child who, as Supplanter noted, will need a Daddy.

If you are prepared to welcome this precious boy or girl, I don't think there's any danger of having a "change of heart." Once you have accepted the child into your life in true Christian love, you'll be able to tell when temptation comes along and be able to recognize it for just what it is--a temptation based on your own less-than-perfect forgiveness, and an opportunity to renew that forgiveness and allow your heart to be filled with the love of Christ.

Is it normal for me to want to stay with her?? Or is this a sign for me to leave her??


I think you answered this question yourself when you said:
I really love my wife and don't want to lose her. I know what she did is wrong and has a bigger impact, but i have done much worse ...


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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2011, 09:10:51 PM »

SunSpot

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2011, 09:18:31 AM »
We began marriage counseling at church which had been going really well, and 2 weeks in to the counseling and repairing of our marriage, we discovered that she is pregnant with the fling that she had. We have no children but have been trying in the last last 12 months to get pregnant. I am completely devastated and emotionally torn, i really love my wife and don't want to lose her.I know what she did is wrong and has a bigger impact but i have done much worse with more women i was just a little more careful...... I am willing to adopt the child as my own,as the bio dad wants an abortion; but i am not sure if i will be able to handle it down the road once the child is born and have a change of heart. Is it normal for me to want to stay with her?? Or is this a sign for me to leave her?? If anyone has been through a similar situation your feedback would be much appreciated.
[/quote]

You state what you did is far worse than what your wife did...only you didn't get anyone pregnant

Neither of you have a faithful heart it would seem and sounds like your wife just wanted revenge...which
is natural, but not Christian

You state you are a Christian and if I understand what you wrote, you believe you were a Christian while
you were cheating?

Hello?  You were a backslidden adulterer.  Are there any sins you have committed that God will not forgive
if you repent and ask for forgiveness?

Forgiveness for a Christian is not an option...Jesus said that in the manner we forgive our Heavenly Father
will forgive us....so, which sin can't you forgive?  It seems to me you appear to think that the pregnancy was
the real sin.  The child is innocent...neither you nor your wife are

You need counselling BAD.  Divorce is not the answer.  

You have the unbelievable nerve to ask if her pregnancy is a sign for you to leave her?  A sign from who?  

People who look for signs all the time wondering what they should do, break every law in the Bible including
the law of love.

I can tell you with forceful honestly that God has not given you a sign to leave her

You both need to repent and confess your sins...you need to meet with a Pastor and a woman present also
and come clean and ask forgiveness

Christians are not free to do whatever they want....people who call themselves Christian and do not repent
of their sin, forgive others and follow Christ are fooling themselves.

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2011, 09:18:31 AM »



Offline DaveW

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2011, 11:06:10 AM »
Quote
I am willing to adopt the child as my own,as the bio dad wants an abortion; but i am not sure if i will be able to handle it down the road once the child is born and have a change of heart. Is it normal for me to want to stay with her?? Or is this a sign for me to leave her?? If anyone has been through a similar situation your feedback would be much appreciated.
I have not personally been thru this but I know people who have.

I would not call your wanting to stay and adopt "normal," but I do think it is God.

You have both violated your marriage covenant but if you  both are willing to "stick it out" and build the marriage, you could end up with a very solid relationship and the tools to help others in the same situation.

God has nothing good to say of those who violate covenant, but a lot GOOD to say about those who are or become faithful.

I encourage you to stay together and work in out in HIM.

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2011, 11:06:10 AM »

Offline Vianca2

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2011, 08:23:27 AM »
How are you guys getting along?  Do you have a good relationship?

Offline TJW

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #7 on: December 17, 2011, 07:11:58 AM »
I have reared two children who were not mine biologically, and served as a foster dad to another for a year.  I also have a natural son.

I can tell you from my experience, there will be no "change of heart".  My love for those kids is equal.  I wouldn't give up any of them.

Offline Lavender

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #8 on: December 17, 2011, 07:49:01 AM »
I have reared two children who were not mine biologically, and served as a foster dad to another for a year.  I also have a natural son.

I can tell you from my experience, there will be no "change of heart".  My love for those kids is equal.  I wouldn't give up any of them.


TJW - What a wonderful, loving heart you have.  Thank you  for loving those children equally. I can imagine how good that must make them feel.   Manna to you. 
You teach others how to treat you by what you tolerate.

                                         <:))))><

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #8 on: December 17, 2011, 07:49:01 AM »

Offline incog

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #9 on: December 21, 2011, 07:44:14 PM »
Thank you for your wonderful feedback. I know i sinned very bad, but I have since repented and have been working on leading the way like a real husband. I have decided to stay with my wife and i will be raising my child like a true christian father. Collosians 3 has helped me realize my mistakes along with the book of Hosea.

My biggest hurdle was getting over the hurt that someone else was able to impregnate my wife so easily when i have been trying for years, but in the book of Hosea it clearly illustrates my situation, i thank God for the gift of life and all the many blessings he has given me, and the positive feedback you all have provided.

God bless!! ::smile::

Offline incog

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #10 on: December 21, 2011, 07:50:38 PM »
TJW

I appreciate that encouragement ::tippinghat::, at this point i believe the child is mine and don't see it any other way, i wish to provide all the love and support to that precious child, when he or she is born and no turning around, based on your comments i believe it will come very natural with no resentment, provided i have a warm and humble heart. You guys are awesome ::amen!:: 

Offline HRoberson

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2011, 11:26:30 PM »
There is one question: Who do you want to be today?

Just go with that.
Me, MC, MS, LMFT
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I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
We're not interested in Christ-like behavior here; we want to know what the rules are.
...to love mercy, act justly, and walk humbly with God
Sometimes you just have to let it go.

Offline bemark

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2011, 11:52:36 PM »
TJW

I appreciate that encouragement ::tippinghat::, at this point i believe the child is mine and don't see it any other way, i wish to provide all the love and support to that precious child, when he or she is born and no turning around, based on your comments i believe it will come very natural with no resentment, provided i have a warm and humble heart. You guys are awesome ::amen!:: 
You are awesome m8.Print this off and keep your words as a reminder to your commitment.Bless you and your new family.

Offline chosenone

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #13 on: December 22, 2011, 07:36:25 AM »
incog
You have made a fantastic decision. I am sure that you will never regret it. Every blessing to you and your family.
In Him I live and move and have my being.

My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly."

It is by Grace we have been saved though Faith and not by works so that no one can boast.

Offline Supplanter

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Re: why wife cheated and got pregnant
« Reply #14 on: December 22, 2011, 05:38:38 PM »
That is so awesome and bemark's suggestion to print your statements off is great.
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