passionate-less, sex-less christian marriage....

[chosenone]

well,

Interesting development last night.

Things have been ok for the last week or so, she has admitted she needs to focus more on her marriage, etc.. all good things. Well last night we were talking, both in a good mood, she was looking particularly attractive in her nightshirt, kids were in bed early, so I made a lighthearted suggestion towards the bedroom. Guess that was a mistake..as soon as I made mention of going to our bedroom, she made that "ughhh/sigh" sound that she does so well, so I came back with a response of "gee, I feel so loved" (the mood was still kind of playful and lighthearted until I said that, then it went bad. As soon as I said that she said "see, thats the problem, you think sex IS love, you shouldnt feel less loved just because we dont have sex" I replied "no, I know sex is not love, but it is an expression of love within a marriage". She replied, "sex and love are two different things, (heres the shocker..) she then said "sex and love have absolutely nothing to do with each other" "Just because I dont want to have sex doesnt mean I love you less"

WOW..

So in other words, she thinks sex is a fleshly desire, and that love has nothing to do with it, even in marriage.

She has NO idea that the constant rejection is what makes me feel less loved.

Am I wrong or is that a ridiculous statement for her to make??

This is very sad. I am so sorry that it hasnt changed as yet. She obviously hasnt a clue that for a man, sex is part of love and that as His princess says for man a big way of showing his love is by having sex with the woman he loves. Many women seem to feel this way, that their husband are 'only after one thing' and that is so sad. Men need to have sex with their wives to be able to connect with them emotionally ( I read that somewhere!)
Would she read any of these marriage books that explain how vital and important sex is for  a man and a marriage?maybe then she would understand more.
it sounds as if you have to walk on eggshells with her trying not to say or do anything that makes her annoyed or reject you even more. I do agree that something needs to be done for you both. Maybe she has some sort of sexual hangup that a counsellor could help with?
Will keep on praying that something will change.

Yes, I've read and heard from more than one source that men cannot fully connect with their wives emotionally if they're not having sex with them, that is absolutely true.  I've seen it.  Sex is, by far and away, the biggest thing a man wants/needs from his wife.  Wives need to understand this and go with it.  Personally, I don't understand why so many wives have this problem.  I just don't get it.  When my husband turns to me in bed, I think that's a good thing!  I'm GLAD he is attracted to me, glad he wants only me, glad he pours all his affections and attentions on to me.  I would never, ever reject that. 

You by far are the most awesome woman that I have heard. If more women were like you I would be heterosexual over night. Women could learn from you. Go forth and teach your sister sheep!

The unloved one
There are many women out there who love their husbands and want to please them and make them happy. You  need to look for them in a different place than those you have been looking maybe?

[chosenone]

Quote from: 806jjbz 
 

So in other words, she thinks sex is a fleshly desire, and that love has nothing to do with it, even in marriage.

She has NO idea that the constant rejection is what makes me feel less loved.

Am I wrong or is that a ridiculous statement for her to make??

Please notice and understand 806jjbz, that I am not directing these words at you personally, it was a problem that my husband and I had...

It becomes a problem when a person wants to have sex with their spouse but what about the rest of the time when that person shows no love no care and no affection whatsoever to their spouse?...that was our problem during the remaining of that time!...what made me feel less loved by him was the fact that for the remaining time he acted as though he wanted nothing to do with me!...no kind words, no loving no caring acts towards me whatsoever!...was I being too self-centered or too demanding of him?...I honestly don't think so...at least a little ''I love you'' once in a while would have been nice, but noooooo, I was too much of a nag for him!...wearing a ring on a finger doesn't mean that we become their possession but that is what I had become for him, his possession!...I have always been there for him no matter what but what about him?...his actions towards me proves that he didn't love me at all!...but still, I remained and prayed that one day he would appreciate me for what I was worth...I loved him, I really did and I wanted to spend the rest of my days with him but he finally ran off with another woman ...his problems followed him where he went I am sure!...it is now his loss, not mine!...

hehealedme

In your case it was the husband that was selfish, in this case it is the wife. She thinks that she can love her huaband and not have sex or any other physical  affection towards him. She cant. if she really loved him she wouldn't treat him the way she does.

[Hehealedme]

hehealedme

In your case it was the husband that was selfish, in this case it is the wife. She thinks that she can love her husband and not have sex or any other physical  affection towards him. She cant. if she really loved him she wouldn't treat him the way she does.

Well after years of this treatment, I didn't feel like having sex with my husband anymore...so in a way, I think that yes, I had become selfish but I couldn't help myself...you know what I mean?...anyone has any idea how hard it is for a wife to have sex with her husband that doesn't even love her back? ? ?...

The last few years we were together, we lived as though we were brother and sister instead of husband and wife...I never cheated on him, never, it never even crossed my mind to go that low...but he did by running away with another woman...and he convinced our daughter that what he was doing was fine!...

[chosenone]

hehealedme

In your case it was the husband that was selfish, in this case it is the wife. She thinks that she can love her husband and not have sex or any other physical  affection towards him. She cant. if she really loved him she wouldn't treat him the way she does.

Well after years of this treatment, I didn't feel like having sex with my husband anymore...so in a way, I think that yes, I had become selfish but I couldn't help myself...you know what I mean?...anyone has any idea how hard it is to have sex with your husband that doesn't even love you back? ? ?...

I am sure that it is very hard hehealedme, but in this mans case she isnt being selfish because he doesnt love or or hasnt treated her well, but she is being sefish anyway DESPITE all that he does for her.

[Hehealedme]

Yes, I know...that is the reason why I wrote:

Please notice and understand 806jjbz, that I am not directing these words at you personally, it was a problem that my husband and I had...