Physical Contact in Church

[boringoldguy]

I think we define boundaries in order to protect some of our members.

For example - some women, young and not-so-young, might feel intimidated if Church was an occassion where they had to be hugged by a lot of old men, and not always sure whether the affection was entirely "fraternal", if you get my drift.

In that case, having some clear boundaries should protect the woman from unwanted attention and should protect men who stay within those accepted boundaries from suspicion of improper conduct.

[winky]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Personally I find a kiss on the cheek much less intimitate then a warm embracing hug.[/quote]

Yeah, I'm with you on that. For some reason, I was picturing a lip-to-lip peck (which, to me, was more than a hug)! But I guess that's probably not what's meant by "holy kiss" in the Bible!

[Booty]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (boringoldguy @ Oct. 29 2003,5:10)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]I think we define boundaries in order to protect some of our members.

For example - some women, young and not-so-young, might feel intimidated if Church was an occassion where they had to be hugged by a lot of old men, and not always sure whether the affection was entirely "fraternal", if you get my drift.

In that case, having some clear boundaries should protect the woman from unwanted attention and should protect men who stay within those accepted boundaries from suspicion of improper conduct.[/quote]
I guess I am having a hard time imagining why we would protect from our brothers. But then I am something of an idealist.

[Richard]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]So I might enter for worship, shake Dennis' hand and kiss Ed.

I need to watch that.  I wonder if Dennis feels left out?[/quote]
janine,
I may not always want to dance, but sometimes it's nice to be asked anyway. ;)

Richard

[boringoldguy]

Booty,

It's just been my experience that women are sometimes self-conscious and men are sometimes boors.   Either of those can have unfortunate consequences.

[seekr]

I don't know...a little bit of hugging from the right person... ;) or a  :givingkiss: just might make my day.  :whistle:

seekr

[boringoldguy]

What if it's from the wrong person?

[janine]

I think, BOG, that the answer isn't more rules - it's not defining an outline of exactly what/how much is acceptable touching.  (I really doubt you're advocating a Holy Kiss Inspection Team, running around with a magnifying glass and a tape measure and a clipboard!)

It does take the people in the pews getting to know each other so we can "run interference".  I recall one conversation I had - having taken the brother's hand in mine, as for a two-handed handshake - where I explained that my daughter is not as comfortable as I am with the PDA's (physical displays of affection), and would he please only expect to shake her hand when they met?

I can't say how he felt about that inside - but ever since then, outwardly, he has always been the same warm sweet man to her, only from a couple feet farther away!  He and his wife seem to have a real soft spot for her and follow her college career with great interest.

I suppose others might have taken offense, if I'd dealt with them that way.

[Peggy J]

Janine,   that is right on.   You ran the "interference" for your daughter and no one was hurt.  I, too, think the way you do something makes all the difference in the world.   You did it in love for both him and your daughter.   I think when we know each other as we should, we are able to do this.

I am a person who is not offended with physical affection (hugs, hand clasping, etc. - nothing sexual) from my brothers and sisters, but I know some are.   But it seems you can read people who don't like this kind of attention, without them saying a word.  Sometimes just good ole common sense is all we need.    Lord help us!  May we not think our brothers always have an ulterior motive.

Peggy

[kmv]

Unfortunately, sometimes our brothers do have an inappropriate motive.

In Children's ministry, we have to set appropriate boundaries.  Not only to protect our children from sexual predators in the church(although this is a sacred trust, isn't it).  But also to protect our brothers from children who have previously been victimized, and as a result are unable to understand healthy adult/child interaction.

Booty, I think the situation you spoke of previously would show us exactly who we need to protect from our brothers.

[boringoldguy]

Kari makes a distressing, but very true, point.

[Arkstfan]

We tend to be a huggy church.

Maybe we ought to post a warning sign.

*CAUTION*
This congregation uses a praise team, power point, contemporary songs, dramas, claps, raises hands, weekly communion and hugs a lot.
*ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK*

[Woodman]

so then - how are we to interpret " this is my command - that you love one another ??!!






  :D

[admin]

It's not just "the brothers." At Family Dynamics we've found plenty of families whose mother has molested young boys.

Why is it that so many claim to hate generalities and stereotypes unless it's about men?



Anyway.

[boringoldguy]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (Woodman @ Oct. 30 2003,3:36)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]so then - how are we to interpret " this is my command - that you love one another ??!!






  :D[/quote]
It's hard to say;

I'd be happy to stay with a handshake for all but family.

Our community is bi-cultural, with gringos being a very distinct minority.    Mexicans are much more expressive than we are, and more tradiitonal Mexican men will often exchange an abrazo when they meet.   It's a beautiful and graceful gesture, somewhat formalized, but gringos usually look and feel silly when they try it.

Generally, I go with the flow.   I will return a hug, but I don't initiate them.