Prayers for Discernment

[Lee Freeman]

I wouldn't mind the occasional prayer from you guys regarding my attempts to find someone to spend the rest of my life with.

I'm 36, single and have no prospects at the present time. The girl I'd love to date (she's amazing and we have everything in common) doesn't think of me in that way-we've been friends for a long time and she gave me the "I think of you as a brother and I just wanna be friends" speech. I've debated telling her exactly how I feel, just layin' it all out there, but have convinced myself that it wouldn't do any good, and worried what if it didn't work out. I'd hate to risk our friendship if we dated and it didn't work out.

Lately I've seriously been wondering whether God's not telling me I'm supposed to be single-a proposition that honestly I'm having a hard time with. If it's not Alice I'm supposed to be with-and apparently it's not-I don't know who it is. If I'm supposed to be single why do I have this ache to find someone and start a family? I've been on a couple of on-line dating sites but haven't had much luck.

I could use some prayers to discern God's will and accept it whether that means being single or not. I'm trying to be content with my singleness but it's hard sometimes. I guess I'm really not trying hard enough.

If anyone has any advice, I'm definitely open to it.

Thanks guys.

Pax.

Lee.

[memmy]

Lee,

I am praying that you will be patient, since I believe God has the "perfect for you someone", "out there".

I understand how tough it may seem to you, but you are still young, as far as guys go. It isn't out of the question to find a much younger girl for you either, ya know?

Does your area have any church singles dances or mixers? Are there any Christian singles groups that may be off "your beaten path" that you may be able to get involved in?

Please don't get discouraged and give completely up on the idea, but at the same time try not to be so overly anxious either.

Sometimes us girls can be weird when it comes to you guys. As I have repeated before, my Dad always said that he "chased my Mom, until she caught him!"

I would check out social events that you could go to with a couple other guys (or better even yet, your gal friend, since sometimes girls check out guys with girls to see how they treat them) and kinda keep your eyes opened, (without being seen doing so, if you know what I mean).  :;):

I wish for you the best as I am sure you will make a terrific mate for some very lucky and very blessed female! She just hasn't found you yet!

Memmy  :D

[ConnieLard]

:amen: to all that Memmy said.  I'll keep you in my prayers, as well. :angel:

[janine]

I don't think the fact that you haven't yet found someone can be taken to be the Very Voice Of God Proclaiming That You Shall Be Eternally Single.

Developing some other female friends -- people who have some interests in common with you -- people who volunteer at the same soup kitchen, attend the same book discussion group, etc. --

And going to some events with a few of them and with Alice as well, will help polarize Alice a bit.  if she's well and truly happy to be "just friends", she'll probably enjoy meeting another woman friend or two through you.

OTOH, this may help her to realize that she's just a bit envious and jealous, and should re-assess you as potential date material!

Eh, yer a spring chicken still.  Spring cockerel.  Whatever.  :D   Don't sweat over it.

[Lee Freeman]

Hey, thanks for the good advice ladies. Other people have said similar things to me.

I'm trying not to put all my eggs in one basket, as they say, with Alice-we may never get together. But I have more in common with her than I ever have with anyone else. But just because we have lots in common and I WANT us to hook up doesn't mean we will.

Even though she turned me down the first time I asked her, I kinda wonder if she doesn't want me to chase her a bit. But I keep talking myself out of doing it, convincing myself that she's not interested or she'd do or say something. I tend to overanalyze stuff like this and wind up doing nothing. (It drives my brother nuts.) Of course, her wanting me to chase her could all just be in my mind. If she'd just come out and say yes or no in no uncertain terms it's be a lot easier. I don't s'pose that will happen though, will it?

Problem is, other than her, I don't really have a lot of other single female friends-at least my age, and I don't get to see Alice as often as I'd like to. It sounds like a cliche, but I don't know where to go to meet women, other than clubs, and I'm not really into that. Slim pickings at church unfortunately, or that's the first place I'd look.

I sent Alice a valentine disguised so as not to look like a valentine, just a card with a kitten on it since she's a cat person. If she got it she didn't mention it; the last time I sent her a card like that she mentioned it. Maybe I'm just mental.

I'm trying not to worry about the whole thing, though every few months my dad drops a hint about wanting grandchildren.

Can you tell I have absolutely no clue about women? The fourth-century Trinitarian controversy I understand. Medieval scholasticism I understand. Women . . . not so much. To me, this IS rocket-science.

Thanks again for the good advice.

Pax.

Lee.

[Bocephus]

If you like Alice, be a little more plain about it.

And about understanding women, what man does?

Sometimes I wonder if women even understand themselves.

[Annie]

I don't understand alot of other women either. Maybe that's why I could get along better with men.

James and I met at church. We got along very well as friends. I had a boyfriend at the time, but got along much better with James. We spent time together at first preparing for a play we were in. Then we would just hang out with other girls that were my friends. We would talk about God and the bible. We still do.
After my other boyfriend and I broke up, I didn't want to date for a while. The more time I spent with James, the more I liked him. I just got where I wanted to spend my time with him talking or going out, which was a big deal for me because I didn't ever like to spend much time with anyone. That's how I knew we should be together.

The reason I'm telling you this is to show you that friendships can change. Also, I wouldn't get too stuck on age. My parents have been together for 33 years, and are 14 years apart. My dad was in his early thirties when he married my mom who was 21 at the time. I tease them and say that he was 14 when she was born, but they don't care.  :)

[WileyClarkson]

Lee,

I'm not match making  :D  or anything but I have two 27 years old (as of today) daughters who have been posting to Lee's realchristiansingles web site.  Maybe you ought to join.  They got into a real pointed exchange with a Baptist over there on I think Baptism and he kinda of ducked and ran. :laugh:

[zoonance]

No great words of advise.  I have noticed a trend in "older" people that their list of "what I want in my spouse" becomes a list that nobody can satisfy.  I do suspect that "I hope she can read my mind" would probably be unfruitful!  However, "I know what he wants of me" might be overwhelming too.  If I could offer any advise, be her friend.  A friend listens, cares deeply, wants the best for the other person, etc.  Perhaps the friendship will lead to romance, but it will at least lead to a deeper and more satisfying friendship.  Things don't work out because of misunderstood expectations.  Dating does not have to LOOK like dating!

[KatC]

Lee,

Look at it as a blessing that you have the chance to do what you can for Christ before you get bogged down with a wife and child/Children. I would suggest getting involved in a good singles ministry.  There are alot of single females out there, and I believe that church is the best place to find them.

Don't know if that helps any, but Just know you arent alone out there in the single world.  

Katc

Wiley is my father *points to previous post* Im one of his NOW 27 year old but will remain 21 FOREVER!!!!! hehehehehhe...

[Lee Freeman]

Lee,

Look at it as a blessing that you have the chance to do what you can for Christ before you get bogged down with a wife and child/Children. I would suggest getting involved in a good singles ministry.  There are alot of single females out there, and I believe that church is the best place to find them.

Don't know if that helps any, but Just know you arent alone out there in the single world.  

Katc

Wiley is my father *points to previous post* Im one of his NOW 27 year old but will remain 21 FOREVER!!!!! hehehehehhe...

Thanks Kat. I wish we HAD a good singles ministry at my church (we used to ten years ago, but all those people moved or got married so it kinda fell apart). But unfortunately, there aren't more than three or four single people my age at my church-and three of them are guys. The girl I'd like to date is Baptist-maybe I shhould check out Baptist singles programs.

I'm trying to chill and not worry about it. I do a fairly good job usually, but every now and then it gets tough; seeing someone really cute that I'd go out with, but they're with somebody else; flipping channels and seeing re-runs of shows like "Love Connection," "Elimidate" and "Blind Date." Stuff like that tends to bring a reminder of my single status up to the surface-that and my dad asking when he's gonna get grand kids. I suppose I just need to offer my singleness up to God.

Anyway, thanks for the advice.

Pax.[/color]

[ConnieLard]

Lee,

Since you brought up the Baptists, I'll just mention that when I was single, I found a really good group of singles at Woodmont Baptist in Florence.  Might be worth checking out.    :)

I met my present husband, Tom, at a singles activity at Shoals Church of Christ, but I don't think they have much going on now. I found it rather lonely being single and I was just going for fellowship and had no intention of dating or marrying again.  When Tom asked me out, I made that clear to him, and he said, Well, let's just do some things together as friends.  Before I knew it, I was hooked. So, you never know what can happen.  I do think you'll probably need to branch out, though.  As you said, there aren't many singles at our church, so I think you're going to need to go where you can meet some.

[Lee Freeman]

Lee,

Since you brought up the Baptists, I'll just mention that when I was single, I found a really good group of singles at Woodmont Baptist in Florence.  Might be worth checking out.    :)

I met my present husband, Tom, at a singles activity at Shoals Church of Christ, but I don't think they have much going on now. I found it rather lonely being single and I was just going for fellowship and had no intention of dating or marrying again.  When Tom asked me out, I made that clear to him, and he said, Well, let's just do some things together as friends.  Before I knew it, I was hooked. So, you never know what can happen.  I do think you'll probably need to branch out, though.  As you said, there aren't many singles at our church, so I think you're going to need to go where you can meet some.

Connie, I actually dated a girl from Woodmont-Emily was the last girl I dated.  

Pax.[/color]

[Serenity432001]

Lee said:

I'm 36, single and have no prospects at the present time. The girl I'd love to date (she's amazing and we have everything in common) doesn't think of me in that way-we've been friends for a long time and she gave me the "I think of you as a brother and I just wanna be friends" speech. I've debated telling her exactly how I feel, just layin' it all out there, but have convinced myself that it wouldn't do any good, and worried what if it didn't work out. I'd hate to risk our friendship if we dated and it didn't work out.

Lee, This is almost exactly what I said to Kenny and we were friends for several months.  I also was worried that if it didn't work out I would lose a good friend but I finally decided that it was worth the risk.  In fact, I remember him saying it was worth the risk to him because he felt like we would gain so much more.  Finally, though after several months he did come to me and say he had fallen in love with me and I had a choice to make and at first I wasn't sure but then I thought about all the stuff I had told him since we were "just friends" and how I had just been real and the fact that he still fell in love with me was really quite great.   Anyway, the rest as we say is history!  I'm very glad that I took the risk and that he had the guts to just be honest with me.  I wish you well and feel any girl would be very lucky!!   I'll be praying that God will place who He feels is Ms. Right in your life!![/color]

[Lee Freeman]

Lee said:

I'm 36, single and have no prospects at the present time. The girl I'd love to date (she's amazing and we have everything in common) doesn't think of me in that way-we've been friends for a long time and she gave me the "I think of you as a brother and I just wanna be friends" speech. I've debated telling her exactly how I feel, just layin' it all out there, but have convinced myself that it wouldn't do any good, and worried what if it didn't work out. I'd hate to risk our friendship if we dated and it didn't work out.

Lee, This is almost exactly what I said to Kenny and we were friends for several months.  I also was worried that if it didn't work out I would lose a good friend but I finally decided that it was worth the risk.  In fact, I remember him saying it was worth the risk to him because he felt like we would gain so much more.  Finally, though after several months he did come to me and say he had fallen in love with me and I had a choice to make and at first I wasn't sure but then I thought about all the stuff I had told him since we were "just friends" and how I had just been real and the fact that he still fell in love with me was really quite great.   Anyway, the rest as we say is history!  I'm very glad that I took the risk and that he had the guts to just be honest with me.  I wish you well and feel any girl would be very lucky!!   I'll be praying that God will place who He feels is Ms. Right in your life!![/color]

Thanks, Lisa. I appreciate your sharing that. That's excatly how it happened with Gordon and Cheryl Valentine-Bob and Roseanne Valentine's next-to-oldest-son and his wife.

Who knows? Maybe God is trying to tell me to take a risk and go after Alice? I've been wondering that for a while now, but have always convinced myself that it'll never happen-that if she were at all interested she wouldn't have said she only wanted to be friends. My brother thinks she just said that and really didn't mean it. I honestly thought she was beginning to have feelings for me, or be attracted to me-so I asked her out. Maybe that scared her off and she reacted by saying she only wants to be friends?

I can't say I'm in love with her (at least not yet), but I'm definitely attracted to her. I think maybe I should just be her friend and not push it, which I tend to do. That and overanalyze it. I also think that maybe I've grown afraid to take a risk and go for it.

Anyway, thanks for the advice-everyone seems to be saying the same thing. When my brother even says that and I start thinking he just MIGHT be right-that's scary!  :D

Pax.