This is going to sound pretty stupid to most people, but I am seriously looking for some advice from anyone in the same circumstance, and of course some encouragement through the Word.
Quick history. I (husband) was raised in a Christian home, 4 kids, parents still married, brothers a pastor, brother-in-law is a pastor, dad is ordained. Dad and I are in business together now. Anyway, very good childhood, nothing to complain about, was raised correctly and hope I can be half the parent mine were. One thing I was taught and drilled into me was about sexual purity. I kissed my fair share of girls thru high school and college, but was saving everything else for marriage. I never said ‘I love you’ to anyone but my wife, and I took it serious.
My wife, raised in Christian him, 2 kids, parents still married, her sister and sister’s husband in ministry together. Very good childhood, except that she was the older sister, and (I am guessing) her parents made some mistakes with guarding her relationships. She started dating a guy in middle school, off and on thru high school and college. She would travel to visit him, stay in a hotel with him, travel on vacation with him (he was a couple years older, and in the military). All that to say, she did save actual intercourse for marriage, but all other sexual acts had been taking place since very early on in her relationship with this guy. The odd thing is that her sister never kissed a guy until her husband.
Anyway, on to the dilemma. We were married after college, and have been for the last 7 years. This is the ONE issue that really peeks its head frequently. Our intimacy is definitely lacking, and there are a lot of periods where I would rather not even think about being with her, considering the intricacies of how this affects the both of us. She has some guilt that plays out in weird ways, and specifically has affected the way sex is actually good for her. There are a lot of things that trickle a hundred different ways, and at the end of the day, it would be great to get over this in some form or fashion and not have to keep dealing with it.
This is a VERY condensed version, but I needed to get some feedback. I really don’t care to hear someone say to ‘get over it’… heard it for years, and this is affecting both me and my wife separately and together. I know it does not sound as complicated as other posts here, but would appreciate some constructive criticism.