The legal age for drinking is 18 years old...he IS breaking the law...and if the court forces her to live with me, she will surely run away!...she has a steady boyfriend where she lives now, they have been together for eight months. P***** told the court that she wants to go live with that guy...
I DO have a lawyer and on May21st I DID for the first time since I was able to speak for myself, mention to the judge everything that I mentionned to you here and other things as well...it is my understanding so far that my daughter seems to have used the same lawyer as he has...
I have given all the documents that prove that I don't have as much money as he pretends that I have...I should normally be able to have half of his military pension but he doesn't want me to have a single penny from it...I also have given my lawyer pictures that prove that he isn't as physically inabled as he pretends to be...I am hoping that he will show them to the judge...
At this time, I am waiting for the judge's decision...
This has been dragging on for two years!!!!!...I am sooooo sick of this!!!!!!!!!!...
I wrote this letter for the judge before I went to court in 2006 but I wasn't allowed to give it to the judge back then, because when we went to court it was only for the child support payments that I had to pay to him that was settled...very unfairly in my opinion since I wasn't able to say anything...
This is what I wrote back then:
Your Honor, for more than two years and a half P***** has demonstrated coldness towards me. It isn’t a coincidence that he was sleeping in the basement. Every reason seemed reasonnable for him to justify his actions; back pain, neck pain, knee pain, I move too much in the bed, I take too much room, I caugh too much due to cigarettes, he was concerned for his job, we didn’t go to bed at the same time, sexual intercourse had practically become a thing of past...and so on...
During that period, I felt totally neglected and ignored and this until the day of our separation. I tried to discuss our problems with P***** on several occasions but the right moment never seemed to come, I seemed to disturb him and irritate him with each attempt... there was great tension in the house and following one of our many arguments, I lit and smoked a cigarette. I acknowledge that it was an error on my part but you see Your Honor, P***** has also been smokiing for years and was constantly on my back for me to stop, and the result was that our daughter C******** also started to be on my back and this without complainning about P*****'s smoking... I was being hassled without cease day after day for more than two years and a half, this which did not help me to stop, and stressed me more, especially that he smoked in my face as much as he wanted...
It was approximately at this period that I also started to read and study the Bible by using the computer and going to Church, I still feel today an enormous wellbeing by going there. That seemed to irritate P***** very much, enough so that our daughter started to act in the same way towards me... P***** does not believe in the Bible, he does not believe that the Word of God was inspired by God Himself to men... he said it to me on several occasions these last few years, on the other hand, he told me that he was ready to swear on the Bible nevertheless, that he didn’t have any choice. He would probably swear on a Sears catalogue that it would make the same effect... How will you be able to know if P***** intends on saying the truth, Your Honor?... And since when it is badly seen for reading the Bible?... Certain people seem to believe that I am unable to understand the contents of it, but I say that I am able to, not entirely of course, but for quite several passages.
C******** at this moment is a rebellious child who seeks and wants freedom at all costs. She thus seeks to take the easiest door for wanting to go to live with her father. She wants nothing to do with discipline... It is true that I received a strict education from my parents and I thank them today for this gesture. I know that it was a gesture of love for me. I did perhaps not always agree with their decisions at the same age that C******** is at this moment, but I respected them and I listened to them.
I always tried to educate our daughter the best way that I could, the way in which I myself was educated. I know that I am far from being perfect, nobody is, after all, I can make mistakes sometimes, just like anybody else but I can say with confidence that I considere myself capable of assuming the guardianship of our minor daughter C******** . I consider that I have all the required qualities to take care of my daughter in order to assume her moral, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and physicals needs. All these points are important to live a life in harmony... I love my daughter with all my heart, Your Honor, and all I want is her wellbeing...
P***** seems to consider that it is all right for our daughter to drink wine or other alcoholic beverages on occasions but I am in disagreement Your Honor because providing alcohol to a minor is against the law. If they cannot buy some at the liquor store or supermarket, they shouldn’t be drinking at home either. I thus do not feel comfortable to give C******** permission to consume alcohol at her young age, it would be against my principles and my beliefs... I know on the other hand that C******** will want to live her own experiences. I believe to be able to help her go in the right direction.
C******** is also at the age where she wants to live her sexuality the way she wants to. The schools even provide the pill to the girls and the condoms for the boys. Unfortunately, these young people are not of age to fully understand the consequences of their actions, resulting that many girls find themselves pregnant. C******** needs to be guided to prevent that from happening to her, not only by providing her the pill or condoms which is far from being sufficient, but by having dialogues made with love and sincerity on a regular basis... Again this time, I believe being able enough to help her go in the right direction.
C******** also needs a good follow-up for her school performances. Last year she was prescribed Ritalin to help her in this direction. Unfortunately, C******** did not want to take them as prescribed which generated a fragrant school failure. She will have to remake her Sec III this year.
P***** was neglected throughout his childhood by his biological mother and many other foster families. He then got to know for just a few years how it was to live a family life. P***** always hated his biological mother, he has told me on several occasions during our married life and it pains me to see the result of it today... he seems to have directed his hostility towards me for years...
(There is more to that letter but I never translated it in English. I only wrote it in French...)
I also wrote this poem a few weeks after I got out of the hospital in 2006. I gave it to my lawyer last week in hopes that he will show it to the judge...he told me that I will be able to show it to the judge the next time I get to talk in court.......I surely will!!!...You can count on it!!!...
The Ocean's Depth
Eventhough questions arise in my heart, I know I made the right choice...
How will I survive when everything around me has fallen apart?…
I want to hold on to the Truth and keep listening to Your voice...
But happiness seems so far of reach, sorrow has taken place in my heart...
Do not fear my child for you are not alone, I will never let you down...
''My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness''...
I know how the ocean seems so deep now and feel you are about to drown...
But do not despair my child, no lesson in life is meant to be meaningless...
I wish I knew all the answers my Lord, I would keep them in my heart and mind...
Confusion shadows my surroundings, why does prejudice prevail in this world?...
Getting to know You is so wonderful, but some say that I have since become blind...
Astrologers, fortune tellers and scientists as well, are only caught up in a twisted whirl...
I know you've been searching your whole life, chin up my child and reach for the skies...
Keep following Jesus' footsteps, He is my Son, the Truth and the Light for all mankind...
Faith is all you need to have, they too one day shall see with their own heart and eyes...
I am the Creator of the whole picture, the Truth is always there for every soul to find...
The mountain ahead seems so high and filled with enormous adversities, it is absurd...
We live in a world where everyone screams for free speach and ignoring what is real...
I know I shouldn't trust my own feelings, they are a poor reflection of Your Word...
But how comforting it is to know, that You love me and understand how I feel...
I will continue to grow in Your Word my Lord...You are immensely adored!...
''For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
'plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future' ''...Jeremiah 29:11
I translated the message that C******** sent me just before last Christmas...I also translated the last message that I sent her...I know that I was very harsh to C********...both my parents read it and they agreed with me for everything that I told her...they both saw for years how P***** used to treat both C******** and I...they also saw a big change in C********'s behavior in the last few years that we were still a family...
From C********:
I want to tell you that I have too big of a heart to not even wish you a nice christmas... so I am wishing you one...even if I know that in your heart you won't have that impression...I don't know if you are aware of this but every time we talk either on the phone or by computer...we fight...in fact I am the one that gets mad at you....
I will be honest with you...it will surely hurt you and I know that you are crying while reading my message because I know you very well...mother...I am under the impression that you do not understand what I am doing...I know that you are sick...I can tell I am not crazy...you have a problem and for that you should go see a psychologist because without being nasty...you need one...I too will see one but not for the same reasons..what I want you to understand is that us two, it is never possible to have a discussion without fighting...listen...I would like to have a mother with whom I can laugh but you never seem to be able to laugh......I have rarely seen you laugh out loud...as if you were having fun....so....anyways..th
at is one of the reason we don't get along....
so regardless of all that, I wanted to wish you a nice christmas anyways....[/b]
c******** xoxoxoxoxo
Now this was my response to her:
Dear C********
I am so glad that you finally admit that you are the one that gets mad at me all the time, and not I who gets mad at you...I have known that for a very long time, you are not telling me anything new...and now, as your mother, I am strongly advising you to do the right thing and apologize. Not only to me but also to your grand-parents, your oncles and your aunts from my side of the family that haven't done anything wrong to you for you to act this way towards them...
You think that you know me well my poor child, but I can tell you that you are making a big mistake about me, a huge one...you are convinced that I have cried countless tears pitying myself over my poor little self while reading your message, isn't that so?...well, I will tell you one thing. I might desappoint you but it hasn't happened, not one tear came out and I have no intention on wasting any more, it isn't worth it anymore...I have cried enough as it is...
Do you really think that I cry every day and that I have to swallow countless pills for the nerves so I can just get up in the morning and be able to fonction during the day?...and that I have to take another dozen pills to be able to sleep at night?...is this what you are imagining me of doing every day C********
...permit me to laugh!!!...
Think again sweetheart...do you think that my boss would trust me enough to give me the responsability of 10 people day after day if I was that sick in the head???...frankly, don't you think that you are exagerating a little!...
Before allowing yourself to make a diagnostic on my mental health C********, I strongly advise you to first acquire a little more maturity and perhaps getting a diploma in psychology for example and then we would talk about it again, once that you will have acquired more experience in life, okay?!... C********, it saddens me to say this, but you have become very rude with time... and that, that certainly does not come from me!... I have never educated you this way!...
You tell me that you would like to have a mother with whom you are capable of laughing...you tell me ''have a mother''...and not ''see my mother''...there is a very big difference between the two there...we do not choose our parents, C********...but it really seems that you have chosen another mother, or rather no, you father has chosen another one for you to replace me!...do not wonder why I spent three weeks at the hospital!...what would you have done if you had been in my place?...you would have taken it with a huge smile in the middle of your face?...don't you think that it is a little normal that I cry or that we fight every time we talk!!!...really C********!...look at the reality in front of you!...
Have you at least taken the time to come visit me enough for the past year and a half that you have been gone to be able to tell me, without any proof whatsoever, since you haven't come to see me in person, that I cannot laugh out loud at all?!!!,,,and that I have never laughed in my life!?!!!...you should come and spend a few days with me where I work or even at my house, in the house where you grew up...you would then see that you are talking nonsense, you are saying things that mean absolutely nothing...
You told me that I was irritating you...well, I also have plenty of things that have irritated me and are still irritating me!...I have tried to tell you many times so far, and I will tell you again, maybe this time it will enter your head...I was extremelly unhappy with your father, for many years, that is very true. I was having a hard time to laugh and was having a hard time to keep a smile on my face. However, when I was far from him, I could easily laugh out loud!...I knew too well that your father didn't love me with love, it was so obvious!...everyone around us knew that your father didn't love me. My friends have always wondered how I was able to endure him, and I am not exagerating!...no, he didn't love me with love, but rather for his own little personnal comfort...I was his possession until one day, he had had enough of me and he got rid of me like he did with our dog!...
He liked too much to be served but without ever being satisfied...no matter what I did, he was never content. When he would come home, as soon as his foot was in the door, he used to go lie down in the basement, and naturally, he would always get up in a bad mood, and then, stay away from him hein, he always complained about all his imaginary little booboos... I know too well that now that he has left since more than a year and a half, he doesn'tt sleep any longer on his famous puffed up mattress. His girlfriend would surely not have accepted it!... Lets be logical here!...
You have a very short memory, C********. If you and I were speaking a little too loud while eating at the dinner table, he used to get mad at both you and I because he couldn't listen to his precious depressive news on tv. He used to put the volume of the tv to the maximum!...don't you remember that every time, he used to tell us to shut our mouths?...do you think that this was a good way of treating his wife and daughter!?!!!...
If there was something that I wanted to ask him or tell him whatever the reason was, he would get mad at me because I was disturbing him...as soon as I had pronounced his name, he was saying that I was annoying, without even knowing what I wanted to tell him. He never wanted to talk to me...that is not the role of a husband and father of a family!...
When I started smoking again following one of our namy discussions that would lead nowhere, (and I am not saying dispute, but rather discussion), he got on my back so that I would stop smoking, but him, he continued smoking in my face, he even did it during those five years, all the time that I had stopped!...I remember very well that I had never nagged him for him to stop, and he didn't care...you remember how you too got on my back as well?...it wasn't very nice of you!...at least, you have apologized for that...
I could go on and on C********...but what good will that do?...you wouldn't believe me!...Do you really think that it was pleasant to live with a man like that?!...
I should have left him years ago but I didn't want you to be separated from you father...something that he didn't mind doing by making you believe that I was the one being ''sick''...he did everything to make you turn against me, without you even acknowledging that he had manipulated you all that time...and you had the audacity to tell me that I had manipulated you!...it is more than time that you wake up C********...
At the residence where I work, I am very happy to be able to say that I have the reputation of always being in a good mood, that I smile very easily and that I am one who they can count on for every occasion...the residents are very attached to me, they love me very much, they tell me and I tell them also. And when I have a day off, the other employees are always being asked when I will be coming back to work...I am not making this up Catherine!...it is plainly the truth!...I even have pictures to prove it, if you ever want to see them, I will send them to you...
I am not the same person that you have known but you seem to believe that I still am...you don't even know me like you pretend C********, and you are not doing anything to know me better apart from saying that I am sick, otherwise you wouldn't be acting this way...oh but what's the use of trying to convince you!...every time that we talk on the phone or through msn, I go through every emotion possible because of the way you have of ignoring what I would want you to understand...which is absolutely normal after all!...you should talk to your psychologist about it when you decide to go and see one!......by the way, I have a very good phychologist, I talk to Him each and every day, if only you would want to know Him, He would change your life like He changed mine!...
I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...
mom...
The day that I ended up in the hospital in 2006, a very good Christian lady friend of mine that lives in the States was looking for me...she knew that something not normal had happened to me... She phoned at my house and he was the one that answered the phone...he told her that he will do everything he can to keep our daughter as far away from me...a year later, they both moved two hours and a half away from where I live with his girlfriend. They bought a house together...he has succeeded...
There is more to this but do you get the picture now?... Am I such a bad mom?
??...
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