Author Topic: spiritual head of the household  (Read 3108 times)

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Offline worldtraveler86

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spiritual head of the household
« on: November 29, 2011, 12:04:43 PM »
I was not sure where to post this thread- but it pertains to my marriage, so I decided to post it here.
I know not everyone has the same way of interpreting the bible, but I believe the Bible is clear that the man is the spiritual head of the household.
After getting married, my husband and I had many issues in our marriage. He moved out for a year, started, but quit multiple counselors, said he was only a Christian so that he could marry me, but then after meeting with my pastor, and eventually moving back home, said that he is a Christian, and he does believe in god. And went to church almost the whole time he was moved out and still goes.
With all that being said, he does meet with our pastor once a week in a mentor capacity. I know the pastor tell him things like not to curse me out, to apologize for wrong things he does, and to lead us in devotions. These things do not always work out, but one of the things it seems that he does not even try at is the prayer or bible reading.
I have asked my pastor about this, and he took the responsibility off of me (I used to try to get him to have devotions with me) saying that it is my husbands job and I don't need to nag him, or continually ask him, just to continue to pray for him and have my own personal devotions. Sometimes if I am really stressed, I will ask him to pray for me and he will pray with me right there on the spot, but that is once in a while. He has told me he does not pray and listed a few reasons.

My question is, is it wrong for me, if I want to try, to lead us in devotions/prayer/reading? I have a passion for the Lord and I just wish that he/we could connect on that level. We still have major marriage problems and he will not go to counseling.

Thanks.

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spiritual head of the household
« on: November 29, 2011, 12:04:43 PM »

Offline anx

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2011, 01:22:01 PM »
I think it would be fine to lead them if he is ok with participating. Don't force or nag him into it. If there are other reasons your pastor doesn't want you to, you should consider those as well.

Make it clear however that if he ever wants to take the lead that you want him to.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman being strong in faith to a husband weak in his. Show christ like love to this man. He sounds like he holds into non Christian issues. You probably have some of your own issues as well.

This will take a lot of time. It's great your husband goes to church with you. Be patient. I know how hard that is in a marriage.

The one suggestion I have is to be VERY respectful of your husband if he doesn't want to join or lead. Leadership means a respected position to a man. Do not take that away from him. Let him lead and be respected even if he is bad at it. If he can't lead, then fill in till he can.

Blessings

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2011, 01:22:01 PM »

Offline chosenone

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2011, 04:39:01 PM »

Many couples that I know pray together and many dont. Its not something that HAS to happen, and there isnt anything wrong with your husband just because he chooses not to. He sounds like a new believer, and for many praying out loud is not easy. 
Stop thinking that your husband has to do things the way that YOU think he should. He is his own man and God is working in Him in the way that is right for Him. You carry on spending time with God, and pray for your husband, but dont pressure him into anything. That isnt your job. Stop trying to be the Holy Spirit, and just love him respect him, and support him as he is, and where he is.

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2011, 04:39:01 PM »

Offline TJW

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2011, 10:43:33 AM »
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He is his own man and God is working in Him in the way that is right for Him.

Amen, and amen.  He's a personal Saviour, doing what is "right" for all of us.

My father was a tremendous "spiritual leader" in my home of childhood.  Although, he hated church and almost never went.  He never prayed or read the bible to his family in the 17 years that I lived in his home.

Yet, I can guarantee that there is no finer christian man in heaven today.  He was a strong leader by his example.  He preached to me every day of my life in the way that counted.  He was sacrificial, loving, kind, and not given to any vices.  He kept a job, even those he didn't like, because my mom and brother and I needed the money.  He taught us like the Apostle Paul said

"Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ."  1 Corinthians 11:1.

There's no doubt in my mind that my dad knew God and walked with Him.  He taught me and my brother how.

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2011, 10:43:33 AM »

Offline Janice

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2011, 07:38:26 AM »
I think there is a huge misunderstanding of what it means that a husband is "head" of his wife as Jesus us head of the church. A lot of people seem to think that means he should be a leader of spirituality. Unfortunately, that would require all men to have leadership qualities, and many do not. It would also require that a man be more spiritual and know more spiritual things than his wife. The truth is that in a lot of married couples, the wife has more knowledge and a deeper understanding of spiritual matters than her husband. Are they to pretend they do not have this understanding in order to appease their husband's ego? I don't think so.

Consider how Jesus is head of the church. He came to pay the penalty for our sin. He came to be our "paraclete". This is a Greek word that encompasses several different nuances in one word, including that of advocate, supporter, and helper, particularly in God's court. Jesus is the head of the church, but it is the Spirit that leads us into truth. Sometimes out husbands do not know the truth to lead us into it, and that is a heavy burden for any man. It is not a heavy burden for husbands to help, advocate and support their wives. The thing to remember, though, is that those things are in God's court. So what does it mean that Jesus is head of the church? He is spiritually responsible for us before God.

Part of headship is the idea of love - a man should love his wife like Jesus loves the church - that is, he needs to be gentle with her, consider her best interest before he considers his own, serve her, etc. I can provide scripture for these ideas if you like. Then there is always 1 Cor 1:4-8 regarding love as well. My point is that being a spiritual "head" in the home is not necessarily what the body of believers thinks it is, and it might be worth it to reconsider your expectations of your husband around how he is the head in your home.

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2011, 07:38:26 AM »



Offline Bitter Sweet

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2011, 08:47:22 AM »
That was beautifully stated Janice.

[Deleted comments to keep thread on topic]
« Last Edit: December 05, 2011, 08:50:37 AM by Supplanter »

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2011, 08:47:22 AM »

Offline chosenone

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2011, 11:07:19 AM »
I think there is a huge misunderstanding of what it means that a husband is "head" of his wife as Jesus us head of the church. A lot of people seem to think that means he should be a leader of spirituality. Unfortunately, that would require all men to have leadership qualities, and many do not. It would also require that a man be more spiritual and know more spiritual things than his wife. The truth is that in a lot of married couples, the wife has more knowledge and a deeper understanding of spiritual matters than her husband. Are they to pretend they do not have this understanding in order to appease their husband's ego? I don't think so.

Consider how Jesus is head of the church. He came to pay the penalty for our sin. He came to be our "paraclete". This is a Greek word that encompasses several different nuances in one word, including that of advocate, supporter, and helper, particularly in God's court. Jesus is the head of the church, but it is the Spirit that leads us into truth. Sometimes out husbands do not know the truth to lead us into it, and that is a heavy burden for any man. It is not a heavy burden for husbands to help, advocate and support their wives. The thing to remember, though, is that those things are in God's court. So what does it mean that Jesus is head of the church? He is spiritually responsible for us before God.

Part of headship is the idea of love - a man should love his wife like Jesus loves the church - that is, he needs to be gentle with her, consider her best interest before he considers his own, serve her, etc. I can provide scripture for these ideas if you like. Then there is always 1 Cor 1:4-8 regarding love as well. My point is that being a spiritual "head" in the home is not necessarily what the body of believers thinks it is, and it might be worth it to reconsider your expectations of your husband around how he is the head in your home.


 As wives we too have a big responsibility to allow our husbands to be the head (in the right way) though. God told me a few years ago, not long after I married my husband, that many wives squash their husbands into a tiny corner, and wont allow them to be the man who God wants them to be, partly because she doesn't think they are doing it 'right' or he isn't doing it as 'she' wants him to. Some women can be very controlling and in the end the some husbands just give up and stop trying.
We both have our God given part to play, and whether the wife is more 'spiritual' or not, there are times when she needs to withdraw and allow Him to be the Christian man and the husband that God wants him to be. Most men will not force themselves forward but will do this if and when their wives make that space for him to grow and develop spiritually.

Offline Janice

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2011, 10:36:08 PM »
Quote
As wives we too have a big responsibility to allow our husbands to be the head (in the right way) though. God told me a few years ago, not long after I married my husband, that many wives squash their husbands into a tiny corner, and wont allow them to be the man who God wants them to be, partly because she doesn't think they are doing it 'right' or he isn't doing it as 'she' wants him to. Some women can be very controlling and in the end the some husbands just give up and stop trying.
We both have our God given part to play, and whether the wife is more 'spiritual' or not, there are times when she needs to withdraw and allow Him to be the Christian man and the husband that God wants him to be. Most men will not force themselves forward but will do this if and when their wives make that space for him to grow and develop spiritually.

Absolutely, we do have a role to play as well. We need to respect our husbands, and part of that is also yielding to his best interest. And sometimes his best interest requires that we back off and give him room to grow. It is all part of the mutual love/respect/sacrifice/submission concept. We each have our role, and in all honesty, they are not much different.

Offline JohnDB

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #8 on: December 04, 2011, 01:42:38 PM »
Being a Spiritual Leader or head of a home isn't going to look the same in my home as it does in my parent's home...but it might.

I know for a fact that my home doesn't look like many other people's homes.

But if you ask Supplanter there is no doubt that I am the spiritual leader in my home. I ain't a boss...but I do lead...and she follows willingly.

That doesn't mean that we always agree...and there are times she was sure that I was wrong but she did it anyway...and for that she is an awesome wife.

What leadership means isn't that I am better at everything that others in my household can do. (Meaning that I might not be able to lead a bible study or prayer) But that the systematic worship of God in my home is a mandatory thing...not an elective one. 

Sooo...

How things in your home work out for the glory of God is something that your household needs to work out. I can't do it for you nor can any one else.

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #8 on: December 04, 2011, 01:42:38 PM »

Offline FireSword

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #9 on: December 04, 2011, 01:46:36 PM »
I was not sure where to post this thread- but it pertains to my marriage, so I decided to post it here.
I know not everyone has the same way of interpreting the bible, but I believe the Bible is clear that the man is the spiritual head of the household.
After getting married, my husband and I had many issues in our marriage. He moved out for a year, started, but quit multiple counselors, said he was only a Christian so that he could marry me, but then after meeting with my pastor, and eventually moving back home, said that he is a Christian, and he does believe in god. And went to church almost the whole time he was moved out and still goes.
With all that being said, he does meet with our pastor once a week in a mentor capacity. I know the pastor tell him things like not to curse me out, to apologize for wrong things he does, and to lead us in devotions. These things do not always work out, but one of the things it seems that he does not even try at is the prayer or bible reading.
I have asked my pastor about this, and he took the responsibility off of me (I used to try to get him to have devotions with me) saying that it is my husbands job and I don't need to nag him, or continually ask him, just to continue to pray for him and have my own personal devotions. Sometimes if I am really stressed, I will ask him to pray for me and he will pray with me right there on the spot, but that is once in a while. He has told me he does not pray and listed a few reasons.

My question is, is it wrong for me, if I want to try, to lead us in devotions/prayer/reading? I have a passion for the Lord and I just wish that he/we could connect on that level. We still have major marriage problems and he will not go to counseling.

Thanks.

Paul talks about this issue in the bible, married wife with unbeliving husband. Read it, it might help.
Not the book of acts, that will narrow it down for you.



Offline chosenone

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #10 on: December 04, 2011, 03:40:34 PM »
I was not sure where to post this thread- but it pertains to my marriage, so I decided to post it here.
I know not everyone has the same way of interpreting the bible, but I believe the Bible is clear that the man is the spiritual head of the household.
After getting married, my husband and I had many issues in our marriage. He moved out for a year, started, but quit multiple counselors, said he was only a Christian so that he could marry me, but then after meeting with my pastor, and eventually moving back home, said that he is a Christian, and he does believe in god. And went to church almost the whole time he was moved out and still goes.
With all that being said, he does meet with our pastor once a week in a mentor capacity. I know the pastor tell him things like not to curse me out, to apologize for wrong things he does, and to lead us in devotions. These things do not always work out, but one of the things it seems that he does not even try at is the prayer or bible reading.
I have asked my pastor about this, and he took the responsibility off of me (I used to try to get him to have devotions with me) saying that it is my husbands job and I don't need to nag him, or continually ask him, just to continue to pray for him and have my own personal devotions. Sometimes if I am really stressed, I will ask him to pray for me and he will pray with me right there on the spot, but that is once in a while. He has told me he does not pray and listed a few reasons.

My question is, is it wrong for me, if I want to try, to lead us in devotions/prayer/reading? I have a passion for the Lord and I just wish that he/we could connect on that level. We still have major marriage problems and he will not go to counseling.

Thanks.

Paul talks about this issue in the bible, married wife with unbeliving husband. Read it, it might help.
Not the book of acts, that will narrow it down for you.



 

Maybe I am wrong but the husband is a believer as far as I can see. He may be a new believer, but a believer non the less.

Offline MeMyself

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #11 on: December 05, 2011, 06:54:00 AM »
I was not sure where to post this thread- but it pertains to my marriage, so I decided to post it here.
I know not everyone has the same way of interpreting the bible, but I believe the Bible is clear that the man is the spiritual head of the household.
After getting married, my husband and I had many issues in our marriage. He moved out for a year, started, but quit multiple counselors, said he was only a Christian so that he could marry me, but then after meeting with my pastor, and eventually moving back home, said that he is a Christian, and he does believe in god. And went to church almost the whole time he was moved out and still goes.
With all that being said, he does meet with our pastor once a week in a mentor capacity. I know the pastor tell him things like not to curse me out, to apologize for wrong things he does, and to lead us in devotions. These things do not always work out, but one of the things it seems that he does not even try at is the prayer or bible reading.
I have asked my pastor about this, and he took the responsibility off of me (I used to try to get him to have devotions with me) saying that it is my husbands job and I don't need to nag him, or continually ask him, just to continue to pray for him and have my own personal devotions. Sometimes if I am really stressed, I will ask him to pray for me and he will pray with me right there on the spot, but that is once in a while. He has told me he does not pray and listed a few reasons.

My question is, is it wrong for me, if I want to try, to lead us in devotions/prayer/reading? I have a passion for the Lord and I just wish that he/we could connect on that level. We still have major marriage problems and he will not go to counseling.

Thanks.

I agree with the advice of your Pastor..and I agree that you went to him with your concerns. He can now speak to your dh about what you most long for, and perhaps your dh will respond and be open to it because it is coming from another source besides you. Sometimes dh's tend to brush off our needs because they are not THEIR needs (wives can do this too with other needs our dh's have), but when those needs are confirmed by another party, for some reason it makes it easier for them to validate.  ::shrug::

I wish my dh lead more consistently and deeply in prayer and bible study together and with our family, but it is what it is.  I am so thankful when he *does* lead...and tell him so, but say nothing when he just lets it slide.  After a while, I will say how much I miss our bible and prayer time as a family, but I do not nag him about it.
  
I am still responsible for my walk, so I do like your pastor suggests. My own study, my own prayer, talk about the word and God with my kids as often as I can...so, I don't think it is wrong for you to lead if he wont...I just wouldn't call a family devotion time and expect him to show up like the kids would. I would do it when he wasn't around.  Keep praying about your desire in this...I am confident God will work on his heart through your prayers.  ::smile::

I also take opportunity to "let" my dh lead in other ways as well.  When we go places, he lets me walk ahead and lollygags behind. ::frown:: I have started to stop at the door, or just inside, wait for him to catch up (he tends to be passive aggressive) ::doh::, smile and say "We'll follow *you*!" ::smile::  Seems like a silly little thing, but it seems to be helping.  The other day, I was about to have a difficult phone conversation, and he said when he discovered I had put the call through said "Oh, I wish I would have prayed with you before you called!"  I about cried!  I said with a HUGE smile. "Start prayin' NOW and don't stop until I am OFF!"  ::smile::

Offline Bitter Sweet

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #12 on: December 05, 2011, 09:53:03 AM »
I also take opportunity to "let" my dh lead in other ways as well.  When we go places, he lets me walk ahead and lollygags behind. ::frown:: I have started to stop at the door, or just inside, wait for him to catch up (he tends to be passive aggressive) ::doh::, smile and say "We'll follow *you*!" ::smile::  Seems like a silly little thing, but it seems to be helping.  The other day, I was about to have a difficult phone conversation, and he said when he discovered I had put the call through said "Oh, I wish I would have prayed with you before you called!"  I about cried!  I said with a HUGE smile. "Start prayin' NOW and don't stop until I am OFF!"  ::smile::


I think that's a really good place to start, getting him used to being a physical leader first. I can never walk in front of the pack, I'll keep looking behind to see if anyone is lost but my husband leads without looking behind. I get worried about the children so I stand behind them and keep watch of them.

The other night he wanted me to lead the way, I was heading someplace he didn't want to go and all of a sudden we lost control of the children and he lead us back to the car.   rofl

Offline Brioli

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Re: spiritual head of the household
« Reply #13 on: December 13, 2011, 02:47:08 PM »
Think about what a women deeply needs in a man. Think about what is important to us women when it comes down to the wire. .....

Then read those passages again involving men being the head of the household.  Then read the teachings on what is a good and God fearing husband...

If the man is faithful and striving to be like Jesus, he will lead his wife beautifully and she will not feel inferior...this makes for perfect security in the life of the wife...which all of us need.